A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed as always I appreciate it sooo much ; ) I changed the title to this chapter and the one before it because I thought it fit better hope you enjoy!

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…FOR A BROKEN MAN GIVEN UP ON IT

-SAM POV-

So I've been thinking.

Yeah. Nothing knew right?

Well as I was saying I've been thinking, thinking about something everyone thinks about once. Every one thinks about this once, Sam. You're not crazy.

And I think this topic is relevant now that I've royally screwed myself over. It's funny. Most people wait for others to screw them over. I just keep doing it to myself over and over. And I know it.

I've basically come to the conclusion that Dean isn't going to be able to save me. I've decided my fate. Because he can't save me now. Not after I told him everything. He lied and told me we'd find a way. But I know he has no idea how to. He probably thinks we have some time. Ha, time. I only have 1 and half days left.

There's no time to fix this.

So I think at this point I have every right. Every right to wonder this. This one simple question.

What's going to happen to me?

They say that in the case of a terminal illness or when you know you only have so much time left your faith skyrockets. The anarchists suddenly rushing into churches. Fixing their wrongs before they kick the goddamn bucket.

What's going to happen to me?

But me? I feel my faith falling away from me with every second I waste not living my life. With every thought or idea that enters my head it pushes out a piece of my faith, my hope. One of the only things I need right now.

And once I start thinking about where I'm gonna go, the ideas don't stop; they flood my head and drown my senses.

Is there a heaven? Who's there? What's it like. Would I even be good enough to go there? I'm I just a one-way ticket to hell?

I'm scared to go to 'heaven'. It's supposed to be this place of peace and happiness, but what do we do there? Could I ever understand it? Do we spend the rest of our lives there never growing old and doing the same things over and over?

Am I going to be reincarnated? Come back as someone else? That scares me even more. It scares me that I may forget everything I've done; forget all the lessons I've learnt. Just continue 'moving' forward repeating history. I'll loose everything I've gained. Forget all the people I loved. But most of all forget Dean. I'll be somewhere else in the world far away from him and I'll never remember it. I'll have betrayed him. He'll never forget about me, but I'll just have moved on.

I glance over at Dean who's doing research. Research! Research in a time like this!

What's going to happen to me?

I don't understand.

Am I just going to disappear? Is this the only shot I had? I bet it is. This was my only life and I'm going out a monster. I'm gonna go out by destroying myself. My life. My only shot. Could all just really end like that?

Did you notice all I do is ask questions? Yeah, me too.

I need to stop thinking; this makes me sick.

"Sam, I could really use your help."

Dean, the last thing you need from me is help.

I lied to my brother too. I told him we needed to find a way out of this. I said it like there even was a way.

And if you haven't noticed I'm trying to get my mind off of my thoughts.

I don't really want to leave this earth in distress, even though I don't see any other way…

"Sam!"

Dean, what's going to happen to me?

You don't know? Ok. Didn't think so.

"Sam a while ago you seemed worried about this. I'm doing everything I can, don't shut out on me again."

Thanks Dean. Thanks for using that against me.

"I'm going to take a nap." I say.

I start to lie down when I hear a slam. Dean's thrown a book across the crappy motel room. Yeah, he's pretty much pissed.

"Goddammit Sam! I don't understand you! We don't know how fucking long we have left!"

Actually Dean, we have about one day, 11 hours and 32 minutes. Bet you didn't know that!

"Sorry, Dean. I just don't really see much point…"

All I hear is a soft ruffling of papers and then my eyesight goes black. Who just threw a book at my head?

Oh don't worry, Sam. Its just Dean.

"Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare give up. You understand me?"

Now he's next to me on the bed, and with the dizziness taking over my body I barely even notice he's graved the front of my shirt and pulled me inches from his face. His voice is filled with anger and desperation.

Dean I thought this would be a good time to ask. What's going to happen to me?

He let's go of my shirt and I fall back down to the bed. He's breathing deep breaths to control his temper. He's pacing the room. He's angry. So, so angry.

Scratch that. It's not a good time.

"I'm sorry."

I know you are Dean.

"I shouldn't have thrown that at you."

I shouldn't have let the witch put the curse on me. I shouldn't have tried to kill myself. I shouldn't have failed at doing so. I shouldn't have given up.

I should be saying this all out loud

"You have to work with me, don't make me do this on my own…"

Yeah well, I didn't want to do it on my own either. That's why I dumped it on you.

How much do I suck?

"Sorry, Dean. I'll help."

I hear him mutter a thank you and a good and possibly an ok. He goes and sits at the laptop and I gather two weapons- or books and sit back down on the bed.

I don't think he really expects me to find a solution, I think he just wants to see me trying. He needs me to try to find a way out of this. So who are we saving now? Him or me?

We've been sitting in silence for close to an hour and I've read about three words. What fucking help I am.

Dean's been working extremely hard. He's typing things in so quickly flipping threw the pages of the close to 5 books on his lap. He jots down notes when he finds something. He's been mumbling to him self and hasn't even noticed I've been staring at him.

What a sad sorry fuck.

"All right Sam I got something!" he screams while slapping down his crumbled notepad.

I turn around and gesture for him to start.

Big mistake.

He's telling me some theory about how he might be able to summon the witch back here. He says that while she's cursing someone she goes into some hind of trance and if he can shoot her then it should work. Then he says it should break the curse and blah blah blah.

Great Dean. Let's get started.

"How do we summon her?" I ask purely out of curiosity. There's no way this'll actually work.

"Well I found some kind of séance thing- or whatever you call a séance for witches… I don't know, it's worth a shot."

Huh.

"Ok what do we need?"

Dean nods and says, "Some stuff we can get at the supermarket I guess… We'll go first thing in the morning, it's too late they're probably all closed by now."

Dean closes his notepad and goes back over to the laptop. He so damn sure about this plan.

"Whatever you say, Dean."

Dean groans, "Don't start with that, Sam. This isn't the end, we still have time."

And what if we don't? What if this plan doesn't work? What if I kill you? What if I kill someone else? What if I destroy myself? God what if I die?

What then?

What's going to happen to me?

I just need to see this plan through. I need to see what happens, see if it works. And if it does then maybe, just maybe we can move on. I can stay with this wonder and this lack of faith for a little while longer. But I swear. I swear if it doesn't work I'm done. I'm ending this.

I won't let you die, Dean.

You come first.

So what's going to happen to me?

Nothing.

Nothing I could tell you.

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A/N: Pleasseeee review they always make my day even if their only one word : ))