Title: Leave Everything Up to Fate

Author: M (I guess for cursing…) maybe T

Summary: Sam has five days before something terrible takes over him and makes him hurt the only person that really matters. Will he be able to stop himself before time runs out? Lots of Sam angst and hurt brothers. Written in Sam and Dean's POV

Disclaimer: Would you believe me if I said I did own Supernatural?

A/N: Ok I'm finally done with this update after writing it for what seems like forever. I'm expecting to update all my other fics and then this one relatively soon. I fell down my stairs two days ago and now I'm in a lot of pain for a few minor yet extremely annoying injuries. So basically I'm trapped in bed with my laptop for the next three days at least with way too much time to spare. Hopefully I won't procrastinate and I'll be able to get out a few updates and maybe a one shot. I really hope you like this update I'm not really sure what my opinion of it is yet… Please let me know what you think!

Chapter named after a line in the song 'Sunrise, Sunset' By Bright eyes.

P.S. – Was it just me or was the new episode last night the best episode ever or what. I seriously can't get over that damn episode!

- - - - - - - YOU'RE EITHER COMING OR YOU JUST LEFT…

-DEAN'S POV-

I shouldn't have played with fire. I shouldn't have come here in the first place.

Because now my friends, look where we are:

Welcome to the main event, the punch line. This is the action you've all been waiting for. This is the turning point of the story. An English teacher may call it the climax.

I just call it my worst nightmare.

Actually, it's our worst nightmare according to that…

Lookie there, she managed to kill two birds with one stone. She managed to accomplish the meaning of dozens of metaphors.

She managed to break us both by simply crippling the other.

And even though this is obviously the witch's fault, I know it's mine as well.

I picked this hunt. I left my brother alone that time. I ignored my brother. I tied him up. I let him get hurt more. I drove him to the edge of suicide. I told him to commit suicide. I tried to save him and I failed. I failed. I let it get to this point.

I fucked with fire. I tried to put out the goddamn flame.

God I should quit doing that. I need to quit fucking with fire.

I stayed awake all of last night. I tortured myself because of what I said. The eerie words still ring in the background.

"You shouldn't trust me then, Sam. Because I'm not gonna do it. If you want it so bad, do it yourself."

All I could think about was how I would make him understand. All I could tell myself was take it back, Dean. Take it the fuck back.

I was going to tell him that I didn't think he should kill himself that we had time. That if it came down to it I would do the right thing, but it would never get to that point.

And here we are now. Everything has changed.

Now none of those words mean a thing. Now we're here and all the drama means nothing. Sam can't kill himself now, and from what I can tell Sam isn't even Sam right now.

I can't make him listen to my apology. I can't do anything but see it.

In the seconds after I hear I silent alarm clock ring I see the color of my brother's eyes change. In the second I feel him change beneath my fingers, I quickly searched my mental catalog. I quickly searched for the answer from my father.

It took seconds to realize what dad's journal doesn't say is what to do when your brother tries to kill you.

Don't you think that should be covered on the first page?

Especially with this goddamn family.

Especially with my freak brother.

It was those seconds that I was deep in thought that I almost let my brother get the upper hand on me.

Actually he does.

When I sway his hand twisted around mine sharply and he manages to somehow have me pinned up against the wall seconds later. I struggled. I writhed in his grasp like a worm dangling between a child's fingers.

"Sam, Sam what the hell are you-"

My panted breaths were cut short by my brother suddenly reaching up a hand to cover my mouth effectively shushing me. Now making me the child. His head cocks to the side and he stares at me quizzically as if he's examining me.

As he looks me up and down I suddenly see his lips part and brace my self for what ever strange words my brother has to say.

"You're so interesting, Dean. I had my doubts, you know… But now I see. You'll work just fine."

I want to gag. I want to die. In this instant I see both our worst nightmares coming true. I whisper 'Christo' and that thing my brother has become laughs and mocks me. I say "You're not Sammy." And it says, "Then who else is?"

My brother wants to kill me. My brother wants to use me. My brother says, "You'll work just fine."

My brother.

Now he's using his entire body to hold me against this wall. His feet are firmly planted in the ground and we're at eye level. My toes touch the tip of the floor and his hands inch close to my neck, effectively momentarily cutting off my air supply.

I shouldn't have fucked with fire. My brother being the flame.

I scramble to get away. I dive in to my memory for an instance my dad was in this situation and of course find none. I struggle. I search. I struggle more. I quit searching.

I see everything going white and I know that it's about to all end with a chocking last gasp and an unconscious state when I feel my body dropped to the floor. There I am, chocking gasping for air and composure because I know I only have seconds to work a miracle. Seconds to stop my brother before he takes me out and I have absolutely no way to help him.

"You know, brother. I would be a little more careful around you. But then again, what are you going to do to me? Can't hurt little brother, Sammy. You couldn't bare to-"

Sam had had his back turned and in the second I had seen the opportunity I lunged at him taking his down in one swift motion before punching him as hard as I could in the side of the temple. I knew I had to punch him just right to make sure I knocked him out without seriously hurting him but everything was happening too fast. I mean Sam had only changed, what? Five minutes ago?

Sam goes out cold and I take a deep breath.

"Don't be so sure about that…." I stood up and looked down at my brother's limp body and shouted at it, "And now I know you're not Sammy… He would never be that stupid."

- - - - - - -

It took a few tries to be able to lift his body and get it up to a bed, but I finally managed it. I finally managed to do something.

And I take back that 'I should quit fucking with fire' thing. Fucking with fire seems to have saved my ass.

Ours asses.

I reach under the bed, knowing I have to work quickly and pull out a pile of rope I had hidden. For some reason I had a feeling something like this was going to happen, thank god this time I chose to go with my gut.

I use my knife to cut it up in to four shorter pieces and tie Sam's arms to the headboard and Sam's enormous and almost never ending legs to the legs of the bed. I check all of them so many times I loose count. I can't afford for one of them to be loose.

I take a few steps closer to my immobilized brother and end up sitting next to him on the bed.

"I'm sorry about what I said." I'm whispering. He isn't hearing me.

"I know I've said it so many times in the past hours but I didn't mean it, ok? I didn't."

He can't hear you, Dean.

"I just… What you were asking of me, it was too much. I mean god… Remember when I told you that it scared me… The things I was willing to do for you and dad?"

He can't hear you, Dean.

"I would do anything, anything for you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you except for one thing. I will not allow you to kill yourself and I will not kill you. Dude I'll kiss an old lady before I do that."

I chuckle but he can't hear me.

"I'll kill myself before I'd do that, Sammy."

He can't hear me get serious either.

"I know it's hard for you to understand… I get you, Sam. More than anyone else in the world and I know that all you want to do is save as many people as you can… What you don't know is that sometimes the person you've gotta save is yourself."

Sam can't hear my wise man moment. Doesn't even acknowledge my so-called words of wisdom.

"You save men and women and children every single day. You save me too… Just by being here, man. I'd be long gone if you weren't here everyday, just being…"

I wonder if Sam would want to hear my chick flick moment but regardless he can't hear it.

"You deserve more than anyone to be saved, Sammy. And I know that I've always been the one to save you but it's getting harder every day. The way danger follows us around, the way we follow it around, sometimes I think it's just plain stupid…" I pause to make sure he still can't hear me, "I'm always telling you I'm gonna save you… I don't know if I can this time… I've never seen you like… that. The goddamn witch won't come, you know that… This is so fucked…"

He still can't here you, Dean.

"And I know you want me to kill you if it comes down to it. I know you feel as though you have some sort of obligation to kill yourself after you've sacrificed almost everything you had for this world. God, Sammy, I know you want to save this world, I know you want to save me… But the only way you're going to do that is if you save yourself…"

I didn't realize until this moment that in the last few seconds of my speech I'd looked away. I'd been gazing blankly out that open window facing that godforsaken alleyway, facing that godforsaken world. I look back down

There he is my godforsaken brother, smiling up a storm. Talking too.

"How sweet, Dean. Talking to me while I'm asleep. How about now that I'm awake you tell me how you really feel?"

I back away, his un-Sam-like smile too horrifying to be close to. I say, "You fucking bastard don't you dare talk. Not while you're in him."

"In who? This is me, Dean. This is your brother. I'm him, just finally being myself."

I shake my head.

"This is who I've wanted to be all the long, now that I've ditched that pathetic emotional version of myself I can finally be me. I can finally be who I was meant to be, especially after all I've done."

I punch the wall, "Shut up. Just shut up. Sam's not meant to be anything. Sam's-"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here. I'm Sam. I bet you're so proud of the brother you fucking raised. Don't ever try to have a real kid. You've already destroyed one.'

I say shut up like it fucking matters.

"But I should be saying thanks, if it wasn't for your amazing stand-in parenting skills I wouldn't have become what I needed to become."

I say shut up like that thing inside my brother actually will.

"Funny how you deny it. 'You've got to face up to who you are.', 'Psychic freak.', the list goes on and on you know. All those times when we were kids. You have no fucking idea what happened when dad asked you to get something from the store and you just left me."

I throw a chair across the room and boom, "I said SHUTUP. Stop downloading his fucking thoughts or whatever. Stop pretending to be SAM because you're NOT. And don't you dare mention my dad. Don't you fucking dare,"

Sam smiles and continues, "Of course. I guess you don't want to hear the real reason whenever you came back I was crying. Why I was so happy when dad was gone for long periods of time. Why I had bruises from 'fighting in school'. You didn't care then, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CARE NOW?"

Now Sam was crying. He was screaming hoarse and loud. But he was acting, right? He had to be fucking acting.

"What are you talking about? What are you saying?"

"It only lasted a couple of years," Sam sobbed, "Something ticked in him. Something changed. 'Be more like your brother.' 'You killed Mary you little shit!' 'Ungrateful, so fucking ungrateful. After all I've sacrificed for you!' Then a boot to my ribs. Four or five more kicks before he realized what he'd done and he'd just say 'I'm sorry.' Over and fucking over again. That's why I'm like this!"

That's all I could take I fucking smashed whatever was innocently lying on the table and stalked over to my 'brother' taking his shoulders into my hands, hoping I could shake the crazy out of him, "You're a liar. You're a fucking liar. I know my dad never touched Sam. He was a good father, he did the fucking best he could and you don't deserve to tarnish his memory with your worthless lies."

"You've always wanted to be him. Why don't you finish it and really become John Winchester and take a swing just like he did hundreds of times."

I couldn't take it anymore. I told him to shut up. I tried to get that witch to come. I tried and I failed over and over and I that fucking thing in my brother smiling that malicious smile and I need to just punch him. So I do. He takes the hit and says something like, 'Knew you had it in ya.' And I hit him again. I think I hit him two or three more times before I realize this is my brother and I back away. Horrified, my hands are covered in his blood. Jesus I made my brother bleed.

"You're the same fucking person. That's why, Dean. That's why I've been working with demons. That's why I set my apartment in Palo Alto on fire."

I blink hard and say shut up. I say stop lying over and over and that fucking thing won't shut up. He won't stop telling me lies.

"Now I'm a liar, brother? I thought I was your reason for living? What would you do with out Sammy? So you've been living for a liar? For a lie?"

Shut up, Sam. Shut the fuck up.

"They told me to, Dean. The demons told me to. And I couldn't say no. They told me the truth and you and dad. About how you both hated me so much so I left for Stanford and they promised when the time was right they'd give me more instructions. Then they called me you see. In the stairwell going up to me and Jess's apartment and they said to set the apartment on fire. They told me they'd already killed Jess and pinned her to the ceiling and I just said ok. Because that's what needed to be done.

"Then they started giving me more instructions. To go to Lawrence, Kansas. To kill innocent people. I actually came up with the whole 'Vision' thing. And you actually fell for it. You actually thought I was having visions when the only thing I was having was a call from a demon telling me where to go a few hours before I put on my little show."

This doesn't make any sense. None of the things this Sam-thing is saying goes along with anything that had happened since Sam slammed the trunk shut and said 'We've got work to do.' This Sam-thing was lying, he has to be. But no matter what I think of. No matter what crazy ideas come into my mind about how to get Sam back to normal I know none of them will work. Nothing ever works anymore.

Sam's screaming now. Talking about our dad again and I say, "Please, Sam fight it. I can't listen to this anymore."

Sam screams about our mom, "Please fight it."

Sam screams about the demon, "Please fight it."

Sam says how he's gonna kill me, "Please, fight it."

"Fight it. Fight it. Fight it."

Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.

Sam hands twist in his bonds and he screams hoarse and loud.

I take my hands and place them on his shoulders again trying to coax Sam into fighting it and I hear, 'Lying, Dean. I'm lying. Don't listen, please don't listen…"

I move back in shock and my brother's twisting and yelling. The voice has stopped now and without even thinking and touch his leg and hear, 'Kill me, Dean. Can't fight it… Can't…'

'Help me, Dean… Please save me.'

My eyes slip closed and even through all the screaming, all the dying noises in the room I hear nothing but my real brother's voice, soft yet terrified. A tear manages to escape from my eye and I furiously wipe it away, momentarily loosing our connection. When I place my hand back on his leg I find myself rubbing it soothingly even though he's twisting desperately beneath me.

'Please… 'm begging you… begging you, please… S-save me one last time… please…'

"Shh, it's gone be ok… It's gonna be ok I'm gonna save you but not in the way you want, ok? I'm gonna hunt that bitch down, ok?"

Sam screams more when I take my hand away from his leg but instead of responding punch him again now effectively knocking him out. I find a bandana in one of our duffle bags and tie it securely around his mouth so no one will hear him if he wakes up.

And there I go again, trying. Trying not to be a failure. Because sure I failed before. I'll fail again. But I can't fail this time. I can't let that thing eat him up inside because how long can a man be trapped inside himself like that before going crazy. It's like being possessed. Sam can't go through that trauma again.

I won't let him.

I should have fucked with fire, I shouldn't have. Take the risk or don't. Sit down and shut up and do as your told and maybe, just maybe you'll live you see tomorrow. Whether I should have forced this hunt onto my brother or not. Whether I should have made him throw up those pills or not. I should have listened to him? Maybe not.

No matter what I should have done or could have done I'm here right now. I'm standing up and walking out of the door. I'm not sitting down. I'm not shutting up. I'm not doing as I'm told.

I'm doing what my gut says to do and my gut says you're going to fucking try and if you fail then you're a failure.

But let's not think about that right now.

So fight it, Sam. Goddamnitt fight it just a little while longer. I just need to figure shit out.

I hear faintly, 'Don't leave me, Dean. Please don't fucking leave me alone.'

And to the unconscious body tied to the bed. To the angel inside a devil. To the witch's curse, to my reason for living I whisper.

"I'm coming back, Sam. As a matter of fact, I'm already on my way."

- - - - - - -

TBC…

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it and please take a second and click that button : )