Oneshot Mania Chapter 3 Big Girls Don't Cry, a twilight fanfic

A/N- there are a ton of songs out there and if you can think of one you'd like me to do let me know! I just might do it.

Disclaimer- I don't own Eclipse or BGDC- they belong to Stephenie Meyer and Fergie.

Big Girls Don't Cry

Bella's POV (driving to Jacob's house in Eclipse pg. 590)

How am I supposed to do this? I had asked myself this question so many times in the past minutes. I tried to drown my thoughts in the roar of my engine to no avail. I didn't want to break things off with him, but that's just it; I felt like I was leading him. Yet again the thought crossed me. How am I supposed to do this? I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want to hurt me. I loved him and I had seen it all, the life we were supposed to have. That knowledge was making it all the worse, but I'd made my decision. I loved Jacob, but I loved Edward more. It had to be done, I thought agonizingly as the tears I'd been holding back threatened to overcome me. No! Don't cry. It'll make it even worse if that was possible.

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself instead of calamity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

I sat in front of his house for a moment, trying to pull myself together. If I cried or looked like I had just cried, it would make it worse for both of us. I didn't want to make this hard for him, and I had to let him know that I would never forget him and I had made this decision myself. Edward had not completely influenced it. I hopped out of my truck, and headed for the house, not looking forward to relaying my decision to him, not looking forward to seeing him with his injuries, possibly in pain, and not looking forward to the anguish to come.

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

As I left the house I reflected on the pain I'd just inflicted on both of us. I deserved it. He didn't. I was a monster and every bit of hurt that filled me now was justified. He'd actually been concerned about me at one point! I shook my head. I didn't deserve his concern. The entire time we'd talked I had been battling the urge to let the tears fall and when I got him to tell me what I wanted to hear, I had given in. The words he'd spoken so mockingly were true in every way. The tears kept coming and I knew I was at the point of no return. I deserved this.

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself instead of calamity
Peace, Serenity