Through My Eyes
Chapter 4
How I Feel
Hi everyone it 2sidez-Samecoin here. This is the long anticipated chapter four of my story. I hope you enjoy it. I do not own Final Fantasy Tactics. As always I really take pleasure in getting reviews, so thanks everyone!
'Words like this'--Dorone's thoughts
(Words)--whispering
" Words "—spell (in reading or spoken)
While I was unconscious I had a disturbing dream. I was alone in the middle of a snow storm and no matter which way I looked, snow filled my sight. I tried calling out for everyone but there was no reply. I tried again but there was still no reply. I looked straight up and saw the sky obscured with darkness and the white specks frozen water falling from it. I then averted my gaze back to the vast reaches in front of me and started to walk. As soon as I took my first step the simple snow storm turned into a blizzard. The strong gusts of wind paralyzed me to my spot. I began to feel numb all over but I could do nothing about it. I remembered thinking that that must be what it feels like to be attacked by Shiva. I started to feel alone and depressed before my brother's presence pulled me from the dream. I had been having this dream for about a month, but I couldn't figure out what significance it could've had.
"Hey sis, how do you feel?"
"Well…I ache all over and my head hurts, but other than that I'm fine." My brother chuckled. "So how long have I been out?"
"About six hours."
"Really?" 'So much time lost…'
"Yeah…and I've been by your side all this time except for one hour."
"What did you do during that time?"
"Getting supplies."
"And you left me alone right?" I pretended to look hurt. "Oh, how could you brother?"
"Here…" He tossed me a rod.
"Alright! You're forgiven."
"Anyway sis, you know me better than that. Delita volunteered to watch you while I was gone."
"Of course I know you, you're my brother, but you should know by now when I'm messing with you. I need something to distract me from the pain. Anyway, did you by yourself a staff?"
"Yep. I want to learn white magic first."
"I figured as much. We really do know each other well, don't we?"
"That's how brothers and sisters are."
"So…anything happen while I was out?"
"Not much. We carried you here and I've been taking care of you. Ramza has been checking on you every hour, and Delita, Cinderella, and Dietrich visited you a couple of times. Oh, and get this, even Vladimir stopped by."
"He was probably forced to come see me. Did you give him ointment for his hands?"
"Yes…but I almost didn't."
"I figured as much." I sat up some more and started to stare at the door. My mind began to fill with thoughts about the day's events. I guess I became too quite for my brother's liking.
"Dorone, what's the matter?"
"Nothing…"
"That's a lie. When you get this quite you're thinking about something."
"I've got an idea. Since we know each other so well, why don't you try to guess what I'm thinking about?"
"Your fight with Vladimir?"
"Well, that's part of it. I was thinking about today in general. It didn't start out too well."
"Everybody has an off-day, so don't feel bad about it."
"Ha. That's easy for you to say."
"Sis…"
"Daniel, you only see part of it. How I feel is another."
"I can sense how you feel…sis."
"Yes, but can you sense the thoughts that lead to those feelings?"
"No…"
"Vladimir showed me how weak I really am."
"No, you're not…"
"Yes I am. I realized that the only reason that we didn't go at it before is because there was always someone else with us. As long as there was at least one other person with us I could keep my cool."
"Dorone don't talk like that."
"Just hear me out brother." I lay back down and stared at the ceiling. "I also feel horrible because I disobeyed a direct order. What if you guys needed us? I would have been useless. Also, if I couldn't defend myself against an ally, how in the world am I supposed to survive against an enemy? All this proves is that I've wasted Ramza's and Delita's time. I've failed and there's no excuse for it."
"If you keep thinking like that then you will fail. Listen…don't let one mishap get you so down. You're still a strong person, and if you feel that you aren't then start over and make yourself stronger. Learn form it, don't let it defeat you. Remember this?" He retrieved my book from my satchel and tossed it on the bed. I sat up once more and looked at it. "Dorone…do you remember how we talked when we were younger? You used to say, and I quote, 'Soon everyone will know my name. They will see me and say there's Dorone Marcella McNorton, the greatest magician since Edibis.'"
"Yeah, and then you'd say: 'And I'm Daniel Shamus McNorton, the greatest healer in all of Ivalice and brother of the great magician.'" 'Were we fools?'
"Don't you see? Your magic can be your strength. After all, you're the one starting with black magic."
"I guess your right, but still how can I face Ramza without feeling guilty?"
"Don't think about what happened. Just think about what you will do with your magic and how helpful it will be."
"Okay."
"Good. Now, I'm going to find the others and let them know you're up."
"Which inn are we in?"
"The Fireside Inn." I felt a wide grin play across my face. "What's that look about?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yeah, sure…" My brother then left the room. I got up and changed out of my night clothes into my chemists' attire, but I didn't put on the hat. I was still in pain, but some had subsided by now. There were times when I was 13 and 14 where I would just disappear from the house for awhile. I never told my brother or my parents where I went, I would just sneak out. Daniel, being the sweetheart that he is, always covered for me although he didn't have to. The second time I had 'disappeared' I found the Fireside Inn and kept coming back until I started at the Academy. Although it probably wasn't the smartest idea given the situation, I was going to disappear again. At least I was still going to be in the building right?
I went to the door to listen for footsteps. When I heard none I gradually opened the door and looked around. There was no one around so I closed the door as quietly as possible and looked around once more to see where I was exactly. From the way I perceived it, I was on the second floor. I found the stairs and went down. I didn't see anyone from the group so I took a good look around. I didn't find who I was looking for in the common room, but the smell of food starting to fill the air told me what I needed to know. I went to the kitchen and that's where he was: good old Ironside.
"Hey Ironside, remember me?"
"Well, well if it isn't little Dorone. How long has it been now?"
"About four years, old man."
"Too long. Look at you; you've grown into a fine young lady. So why haven't you been by to visit?"
"These pass four years I've been over at the Academy, and I guess I didn't want to take chances."
"Chances?"
"Yeah, I didn't want to get caught sneaking out. I probably could've been expelled." After I said that someone put their hands over my eyes.
"I guess that's understandable, but four years is a long time."
"Hey Nathan…long time no see." He removed his hands from my eyes and I turned to face him. "How have you been?"
"I'm fine, we were worried about you."
"Yes. We saw them carry you in. We were concerned. " Ironside added.
"Oh yeah, sorry that the only available rooms were on the second floor. I guess you haven't told your brother about us yet."
"Nope, he doesn't know that this is where I came. I may tell him tonight though." Ironside went back to cooking. "Hey old man, what's cooking?"
"Stew, and I wish that you would grow out of calling me 'old man' already. What happen to respect your elders huh?"
"Fine then, I'll alternate. Would that be to your liking Ironside?" He sighed and went back to his stew.
"Dorone, wait here a sec. Okay?"
"Sure." Nathan left the kitchen for a few minutes and came back with a lute in hand.
"Here. Play something for us like you used to." He handed me the instrument and I played a scale.
"I must say I missed playing the lute. I don't know what to play."
"Any thing is fine Dorone."
"Okay." I closed my eyes and let my heart lead my hands. What resulted was a sad melody that sounded like a lullaby.
"Come on Dorone…" Nathan called to me. I opened my eyes, nodded, and followed him, while still playing. He was leading me to the mini stage in the common room. It never fails, whenever I started playing the lute, he would always lead me here. Nathan never knew this but I was always nervous about letting people see me play, but that's why I always closed my eyes.
Once I was on stage I closed my eyes again. I must have played for five minutes before I stopped. I opened my eyes and noticed that quite a few people had been listening and some had even fallen asleep. I curtsied and left the stage. As I was leaving the stage they applauded. Then Nathan spoke to me. "Dorone…"
"Hmm…?"
"You've still got it." I couldn't help but smile.
"There you are sis."
"Hey Daniel."
"We got worried about you. Odd time to start and old habit."
"We?" That's when I noticed Ramza. "Oh…hi…Ramza. I'm sorry about that. I wanted to see Nathan and Ironside again."
"That is okay, but tell somebody next time. Wait…who are Ironside and Nathan?" Ramza replied.
"This boy next to me is Nathan, and Ironside is his uncle and owner of the inn. Nathan this is my brother Daniel and this is my leader, and one of my best friends, Ramza."
"Nice to meet you Ramza. So…I finally get to meet you Daniel. Dorone always had something to say about you."
"It's nice to meet you too Nathan. So the guy that was with you when we came in was Ironside?" Ramza responded.
"Yep."
"Sis…is this where you would go when you left with out saying anything?"
"Yeah, Nathan and I were quite the duo back then. We always had fun."
"Just about every other time she came I would have her play the lute for us." Nathan added.
"You know sis, I always covered for you."
"You didn't have to; I was willing to take any punishment our parents could have given me."
"This is why I like her." Nathan commented.
"She does have a lively attitude doesn't she?" Ramza added. We all started to chuckle.
"(How are you feeling sis?)"
"(My side still hurts but it won't keep me down.)"
"You know Dorone, you shouldn't be moving around so much." Ramza said.
"I know Ramza, I'm sorry."
"That's okay. I never realized how much you and Vladimir disliked each other." 'You weren't supposed to know.'
"I know, but that's mostly because I can usually keep myself occupied with something or someone else."
"Let me guess…this Vlad character is the one who hurt you right?" Nathan asked.
"You're correct, anyway Nathan, can you ask Ironside how long till the stew is ready?"
"Sure thing." He left towards the kitchen while Ramza, Daniel and I went towards an empty table. When we sat down I placed the lute on the table, and to be honest I had forgotten that I was still holding it.
"I didn't know that you could play the lute." Ramza said.
"I learned from my father."
"That was a pretty tune you played sis." Ramza nodded in agreement.
"Thanks." 'But couldn't you sense the sadness?'
"Is that your lute?" Ramza inquired.
"No it belongs to Nathan."
"Did somebody say my name? Hey guys, Ironside says that it'll be another 30 minutes."
"Here's your lute Nathan." I started to hand him the lute but he shook his head.
"No I want you to have it. Who knows, it might be another four years before I see you again."
"Are you sure Nathan?"
"Yep. It's yours."
"Thank you Nathan. I would hug you but my side still hurts." He chuckled and gave me a ruffled my hair instead.
"Well I've got to help Ironside in the kitchen. I'll see you guys in about 30 minutes." When he left Daniel and Ramza started laughing.
"What's so funny?"
"My sis has a boyfriend…who knew?"
"Hey Daniel are you sure she isn't a siren in disguise?"
"What are you two talking about?"
"Can't you see it Dorone? He positively glows when he is around you." Daniel answered.
"Your lute playing has him enchanted. No wonder he had you play it so often." Ramza added.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you two. Nathan and I are best friends okay."
"You'll break his heart if he hears you say that sis." I sighed and remained silent.
"I'll go and get the others." Ramza stated.
"OK." Daniel replied. Ramza got up from the table and left.
"Why sis?"
"Why what?"
"Why didn't you tell me before now where you went?"
"Think about it. Compare our life back in Goug to about a year after we moved here." My brother closed his eyes in thought. I watched him as he tried to recall those two periods of time. After about a minute he asked:
"What…wasn't my company good enough for you?"
"Yes…and no. I felt like there were more restrictions placed on us here. So I needed to release some of the pressure of being a noble."
"You still haven't answered my original question though."
"At first I thought I would be going to different places, and wouldn't plan out where I went. After I found this place though, that changed. Besides, I wanted to have at least one secret to myself."
"What am I going to do with you sis?"
"Help me get better, that's what."
"Will you play something on your lute again?" I nodded and picked up the lute and played a lighter, upbeat tune. After a few minutes I stopped because I saw the others coming back with Ramza.
"How are you doing Dorone?"
"I'm fine Cindy. My brother did a great job."
"That's good to hear. We all were worried about you." Cindy replied. Vladimir huffed.
"Pathetic…I would have been up sooner if it was me." I rolled my eyes.
"Anyway it's almost time to eat. So why don't you sit down and join us?" I said to them. Ramza and Delita sat down with Daniel and me while the others sat at the table next to us. After awhile Nathan came and told us the stew is ready.
"So what's in the stew?" Dietrich asked.
"No…don't say anything." I protested.
"Why?" Dietrich and Nathan inquired simultaneously.
"Because if you tell us I might not be able to enjoy the meal. I've learned from past experiences that a great meal can be ruined by knowing what the ingredients are."
"Must we go through this every time, sis?"
"Yes, but does anyone have food allergies?" Cinderella nodded. "Fine, go ahead and tell them." I covered my ears and started chanting 'I'm not listening' while Nathan told the ingredients in the stew. Once he was finished and I started to eat I noticed that a few of them questioned it. After we were finished we all got up to leave for our rooms except for Ramza.
"Vladimir, Dorone, stay a minute. I wish to speak with the both of you." We stayed and bid the others good-night.
"What do you want Ramza?" Vlad asked impatiently.
"It is about your actions today. I expected better from the both of you. Now, what were your instructions?"
"To stay back and be prepared to give assistance if necessary." I replied.
"Yeah, what she said." Vlad answered. 'Show some respect for once. Oh I wish I could hit you right now.'
"And were you?" Ramza asked.
"No." We said together, although I said it more softly than Vlad. I was beginning to feel my insides churn with guilt.
"Listen you two, if we are to succeed, we cannot have in-fighting. You hear me."
"Yes."
"Good. Now should this happen again you will leave me not choice but to dismiss the both of you. Dorone, Vladimir do you understand?" I felt my throat try to close on me but I managed to fight it.
"Yes, Ramza…I…understand." I replied.
"Yeah, sure, I understand Ramza." Vlad replied.
"Now get some rest. He head out in the morning." With that Ramza and Vladimir headed to their rooms. I however remained rooted to my spot close to tears. I stood there trying to regain my composure and remember my brother's words from earlier. It was hard to prevent this from depressing me and I had the strong urge to walk out of the inn and give up. I realized that Vladimir had been trying so hard to bring me down the past four years, and today he had almost succeeded.
"Dorone…?" Nathan called softly. I turned to see him looking out from behind the kitchen door. "Are you O.K?"
"Not really. Guilt and disappointment reside in my heart right now."
"That doesn't suit you, you know."
"I know, I've already heard it from my brother earlier."
"Come here." I walked over to the door and he came out from behind it. He then pulled me into a hug, being mindful of my injury. "It's alright Dorone. I'll always be here for you. I…I…love you Dorone." I couldn't help but laugh a little. "What's funny about that?"
"Ramza and my brother were right. They said you had feelings form me."
"Really? And how do you feel?" I placed my head on his shoulder.
"You fool…of course I love you. I always had feeling for you but I could never express them except through music."
"Were you afraid that I would reject you if you had told me outright?"
"Yes."
"Now you're the fool."
"Will you wait for me?" 'I have this feeling that the others and I are being pulled into something big.'
"Yes Dorone I will."
"Thank you Nathan. We have to leave in the morning so I must get some sleep. Good-night Nathan." We broke the hug.
"Nite Dorone." I watched him leave for the kitchen before I headed upstairs. When I opened the door to my room I saw Daniel get up from the bed.
"Will you need my help sis?"
"No Daniel, I can handle it. Good-night."
"Night sis." He left and headed for his room. I closed the door behind him and went to my satchel at the end of the bed to get fresh bandages. I got out of my chemist attire and removed the old bandages. I looked at the injury and noticed that it didn't seem as serious as it had felt when it was inflicted. Pushing that observation aside I redressed my injury and put on my night attire. I then sat on the bed and picked up my book of spells. I turned to the section on black mage fire spells and read:
'The simplest of the four fire spells is Fire1 or more commonly Fire. To perform this spell you must be able to see or sense your target. (For beginners in the practice of magic it is recommended that you are always able to see your target.) Next you must focus a small amount of your energy around the target. Then once you are sure that you have focused you energy around the target you say the incantation: "Destruction in nature, gather in flame! Fire!"
Note: Sometimes it is not always necessary to say the whole incantation.'
I looked over the first fire spell a couple of times before my eyes grew tired. I put the book back in my satchel and went to sleep.
The next morning my brother came into the room and woke me for breakfast.
"Come on Dorone, it is time to get up." I turned away from the sound of his voice.
"Yeah, yeah…just give me two more minutes."
"Fine. You got two minutes. If you take any long I'll drag you down to breakfast myself." With that he left. When he closed the door I proceeded to redress my room and change into full chemist attire. I then looked around the small room I was in and made sure nothing was left out. When I was sure I had everything I grabbed my satchel and headed for downstairs. Nathan was at the bottom of the stairs ready to greet me.
"Hey Dorone."
"Hi Nathan."
"You forgot to take the lute with you last night. Here." He handed me the instrument. I had to move some stuff but it fit into my satchel.
"Thank you Nathan."
"You're welcome. Here let me take you to the others." I followed Nathan to the others. I sat down with Daniel, Ramza, and Delita at a table while Nathan headed to the kitchen.
"How are you feeling Dorone?"
"I'm fine Delita, thanks for asking."
"Once we leave Gariland we head through Mandalia Plains to Igros." Ramza stated.
"Could we reach Igros by nightfall?" Dietrich asked.
"No, not quite. We will have to camp out tonight. If all goes well we should be in Igros by 11 tomorrow morning." Ramza answered.
"Let's eat now. The sooner we leave, the closer we can be to Igros by nightfall." Delita added. We ate and the others talked quietly. Once everyone was finished we checked over our inventory, said goodbye to Nathan and Ironside, and headed for Mandalia Plains. While we were traveling Cindy started up a small conversation with me.
"It's time for girl talk Dorone. 'Yea...' Daniel, can you walk with Dietrich for awhile?"
"Sure."
"We hardly got to talk at all yesterday Dorone."
"Yeah, I know."
"So where did you disappear to yesterday? It's not nice to make people worry."
"I went to the kitchen to see Nathan. We were best friends."
"Were?"
"Yeah, now don't squeal Cindy, but Nathan and I are a couple now." I watched as Cindy tried hard not to squeal with all her heart.
"That's great!" I didn't say anything more, but I stayed beside Cindy. An hour had passed before we reached Mandalia Plains.
"We're making good time." Ramza commented.
I hadn't seen Mandalia Plains before so while we walked I looked around. There wasn't much to see, but it was calming. I didn't realize how quite it was until we heard voices up ahead.
"Be on guard." Ramza advised. We were able to get closer to the source of the voices before they spotted us.
"Wha? Damn! The Hokuten Knights!"
"Death Corps? Are they attacking someone?" Delita inquired. We all got ready for battle and waited to hear what Ramza had to say. It didn't take long for Ramza to say:
"Don't disgrace the knights! Saving him comes first!" The person must have heard Ramza because I heard him say:
"Reinforcements? Thank God!" So the battle began. Daniel and I hung back at first while the others went on the offense. Ramza and Dietrich went after the red panther that was close to our group. There seemed to be at least five thieves in the group that had been messing with the person, who look to be a teen about our age. They had turned their backs to the teen to focus their attention on us. The teen used the opportunity to try and attack one of them. His weapon had pierced the thief's left shoulder, which wasn't fatal, and the thief turned on him. The teen had started to retreat backwards when one of the thief's comrades joined him. The other three members of the thief's group had rushed to meet Vlad, Nikita, and Cindy in battle in the 'center'. Delita had changed his direction to help out the teen, and my brother had left my side to aid Ramza and Dietrich.
I decided to follow Delita and try to keep an eye out for the trio in the middle as well. We caught up to the thieves and the teen quickly. The thieves had their backs to us and Delita and I attacked. Delita ran one through while I slit the other's throat. I let the body fall to the ground and looked at my dagger. It almost made me puke at the sight of the blood, and it was the first time I had killed somebody. My heart felt heavy and my head felt dizzy.
"Dorone, snap out of it! He needs a potion!" Delita called to me.
"Right. Sorry about that." I rushed over to the teen and fished out a potion to give to him. Once I found one I gave it to him and he promptly drank it.
"Dorone, stay here and watch over him. I'm going to help Cinderella fight off the thief." Delita said.
"Right." Delita rushed off towards Cindy's direction. "What's your name?"
"Algus."
"Hello Algus, my name is Dorone. How are you feeling?"
"Winded."
"Alright try to catch your breath for now. Then we can talk." I took this opportunity to wipe as blood of my dagger as possible in the grass. I couldn't wait to start using magic at that point. I really didn't want to have to look at a blood covered weapon again. I could hear Algus breathing deeply next to me. I hoped that afterwards when everyone was better he could tell us what had happened. Suddenly he tapped my shoulder and pointed to the others. I looked in their direction and noticed that they were motioning for us to join them. The battle was over and we had won.
That's chapter four for you guys, and gals. Next time it is the aftermath of this battle and Igros Castle. I hoped you liked it and feel free to tell me if I need to improve anything. Also start checking in on my profile more often, I'm going to be starting my own forum soon. Till next time much love,
2sidez-Samecoin