AN: Yay! I thought I wouldn't get this chapter ready for ages yet, but here it is. Hope you like it. Thankyou for all the wonderful reviews! And there were so many clever people who guessed why I asked that question last time, that I've decided not to use it in this chapter. I'm thinking of using it later, when I can expand on it more.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...if I did, this would not be just a fanfic! XD

Side Effects Part 2

"And kiss the hottest, sexiest, most droolworthy guy in the place."

The speaker of these words, a tall blonde girl, approached to stand on Mizuki's right, followed by a voluptuous brunette, who walked up to flank her on the left.

"Looks like you picked a good one too." The blonde eyed Shikamaru up and down suggestively. "I love the look, it just screams cool and efficient, yet raging animal beneath the surface, don't you think?"

"Mizuki-chan, we saw what these girls did. Are you going to just let that slide?" asked the curvy brunette, scowling at Ino.

"Well, it would have been a bit rough, one against three, but now that you guys are here, we can take 'em," Mizuki smirked.

"You can 'take us?'" That angry question came, surprisingly, from Kurenai. Her red eyes flashed challengingly as she stepped forward. "Do you know who you're talking to?"

"Some old hag who'll never see this side of thirty again," sneered the blonde, unwisely.

Kurenai's mouth fell open. Ino and Temari shifted into fighting stances.

"Ok, FIRST you come in and lip-rape my friend, THEN you bring in your little friends to insult my sensei's girlfriend, I'd shut my mouth before you put any more feet in it if I were you," growled the flower of the Yamanaka clan.

"Feet? No thanks, I think I'd prefer another taste of hotty over there," said Mizuki, glancing at Shikamaru.

"That's IT!" screeched Temari, lunging forward. Shikamaru was about to make use of his Shadow Bind to stop her, then decided against it when he saw Mizuki's blonde friend easily block the Sand kunoichi's attack, retaliating with a vicious yank on one of her spiky ponytails.

As Ino, Kurenai, the other blonde and the curvy brunette joined the fray, and Ichiraku Ramen was rapidly emptied of its remaining customers, the lazy jounin decided it was really not worth getting involved and possibly killed in this mother-of-all catfights.

He languidly rolled off the bench and under the table as a chair came hurtling through the air and splintered into pieces against the wall. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; women…are…troublesome…

Ino hacked off Mizuki's long braid with a kunai, only to have her disappear in a puff of smoke and re-appear to dump a cold bowl of ramen down the blonde's shirt, while Temari was cursing a blue streak as she battled it out with the curvy brunette. Near the window, Kurenai was struggling underneath the blonde, who had her pinned to a table, a chocolate syrupy thickshake poised over her face.

Shikamaru was not certain, but he could have sworn he heard the click of a camera shutter and the perverted chuckling of a certain Legendary Sannin, followed by the words, "Chocolate syrup and wrestling kunoichis, this is GOLD!"

On the other side of the restaurant, Sakura was huddled under her table, arms wrapped protectively around Hinata, who was still shaken by the sight of her gentle, motherly genin sensei bitch-slapping a girl ten years younger, before throwing lukewarm coffee in her face.

Shizune was surveying the situation.

"It's always healthy to let these emotions out, girls, repression can be so dangerous, but this-," she winced at a particularly blistering curse from Temari, followed by a crash of glass, "-is going too far. I'll sneak out to the Hokage, maybe she can send some ANBU along to restrain them. Sakura, our medical skills might be needed later."

Sakura stared at her. "Shizune-sempai, you'd abandon us?"

"Don't worry Sakura-san, I'll protect you until I die!"

The pink-haired kunoichi jumped violently, bashing her head on the underneath of the table as Lee popped up beside her with Naruto close behind.

"Hey!" shouted the noisy Kyuubi container, "I'm the one who protects Sakura-chan! She was my team-mate after all!"

"Naruto, Lee, don't be silly, Ino and Temari are my friends, I don't need protecting-Naruto! What are you holding?"

The blonde looked at her guiltily.

"Just some ramen I found left on a table on the way over here. It's not even been touched, really! It would have been a waste to just leave it," he quailed at the look on the pink-haired kunoichi's face, "And…I wasn't going to eat it anyway, it's…it's…it's for Hinata!"

The dark-haired girl's head shot up and she twisted around to face Naruto.

"Really, Naruto-kun? You got that ramen – for me?" Her huge pearly eyes glistened like pale moons reflected on dark waters. Her smooth ivory cheeks flushed the most delicate shade of pink. Adoration shone from her face like sunbeams.

Naruto blushed suddenly, blue eyes widening with a new thought, unable to take his eyes off the shy girl, as if seeing her for the first time.

"Er, yeah, yeah I did. It's for you, Hinata-chan." He offered the bowl to her and as she took it from him, their fingers met and held, each unable to let go.

Lee, Sakura and Shizune all exchanged knowing grins.

For a long, magical moment, the sounds of feminine screeching and breaking furniture died into the background as this most perfect, most meant to be, most 'we've been waiting so damn long it's ABOUT TIME', couple finally saw into each other's hearts, and found the love for which they each had been searching so long.

Tears abruptly streamed down Lee's cheeks as he enveloped Naruto into a crushing embrace which would have sent any self-respecting yaoi fanfic authoress running for her laptop.

"My beloved rival – I mean – my dear friend! At long last, you have recognized the love which we have all been waiting for you to acknowledge! The love which will brighten your days of youth and stoke the flames of your manhood. Hinata-san has been waiting so long for you, but now your love will be all the sweeter to enjoy in the springtime of your life! It gladdens my heart to see you now, so full of –"

"Lee?"

"Yes, Shizune-sempai?"

"Shut up," said the dark-haired woman firmly. He complied obediently, but Naruto was still struggling for breath. The Hokage's assistant then turned to her junior.

"Sakura?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to get the ANBU. You kids just stay under the table and you should be fine." She paused. "By the way, where's Shikamaru?"

Lee and Naruto looked at each other for a moment, mirroring each other's puzzled frowns. Sakura felt like giving them each a Fiercesome Forehead Flick ™, but restrained herself, with difficulty. After all, Ino, Temari and Kurenai were causing enough damage to Ichiraku; she didn't want to level the place.

"Dunno, but you know how lazy he is," the blonde jounin shrugged, "He's probably where we left him, under our table."

The purple clad woman sighed. "Alright then. As long as he stays where he is, he should be fine too. I'll be back soon." With a blur, she was gone.

Sakura took a deep breath then exhaled slowly, shutting out the chaotic sounds around her, which included Naruto and Lee excitedly re-capping their mission for the tenth time, with Hinata as their replacement captive audience.

Who knew that Shikamaru's new look could cause such chaos? I'll never look at Kurenai-sensei the same again after this. And it was a mistake to let Ino and Temari get a look at him. When you get people as wild as them, anything can happen. But at least I wasn't the one crazy enough to bring Anko –

Her green eyes flew open; wide and staring.

"Anko!"

At the sound of her exclamation, Lee and Naruto broke off from their story-telling and looked at her.

"What is it, Sakura-san?"

"What did you say Sakura-chan?"

Hinata reached out and touched her pink-haired friend's arm gently.

"Wha-what about Anko-sempai, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura felt a sense of foreboding.

"Where is she?"

There was silence, apart from a battle cry in Ino's voice and an ominous splash from the direction of the kitchen.

"She might still be in here, I'll see," Hinata said reassuringly, her hands already a blur of seal-forming. "Byakugan!" she whispered.

The three looked on in silence, waiting as the Hyuuga's pale eyes roved around the room.

"Nothing yet," she whispered, "She might not be in here after all, unless –" her eyes moved to the side of the room where Lee, Naruto and Shikamaru had originally been sitting. Her pale eyes widened and her sentence remained unfinished.

"Hinata-chan? What is it? Did you see her? Where is she?" Excited voices bombarded her with questions, but the shy girl remained silent, mouth agape, eyes wide and traumatized, her cheeks turning a deep red.

"She's –" Hinata's voice came out as a croak. She tried again. "She's with Shikamaru, under the table."

"How wonderful!" Lee exclaimed, "Anko-sensei is resuming her duties of protecting the weak and helpless! Doubtless she has gone to Shikamaru's aid and even now could be reviving our brilliant friend from his terrible experience –"

Naruto and Sakura were still looking at Hinata, who seemed to be trying to rub her eyeballs out of their sockets.

"Hinata-chan, are you ok?" The blonde's brow was creased with concern.

"What did you see?" asked Sakura, the terrible sense of foreboding increasing with each passing moment.

"I, I –" Hinata was almost choking, face beet red.

She never got beyond that however, as a strangled yelp came from the area where Shikamaru and the AWOL special jounin had been sighted.

At the sound of running footsteps, all four poked their heads out from under the table, just in time to see Konoha's laziest shinobi sprint past them, dive out the front window, trip, roll, then, in the face of the interested onlookers gathering, disappear in a puff of smoke.

Everything became abruptly quiet. Even the six battling kunoichi froze, still poised in their various positions.

It was Naruto who broke the silence, eyes narrowed and face scrunched in deep thinking mode.

"Hey, hey! Why was Shikamaru wearing a tablecloth, Sakura-chan? And what happened to his shirt? It was all ripped up!"

A lazy chuckle came from the other side of the room and all eyes turned to see Anko, sprawled under the table from where Shikamaru had just escaped.

The spiky-haired kunoichi was propped on one elbow, while her other hand was waving a pair of suspiciously familiar trousers, the loss of which Shikamaru was obviously mourning at this moment.

She chuckled again.

"He'll be back for these."

Ino, Temari and Kurenai simultaneously released Mizuki and her two cronies, eyes narrowing as they took in their new target.

It was perhaps fortunate for everyone concerned that Shizune chose that moment to appear, in an impressive cloud of smoke, with a squadron of ANBU at her back.

AN: Poor Shikamaru…XD what DID happen under that table?