AN: And this is the chapter that has waited SO long to see the light of day. thankyou for all the great reviews, i feel loved.

Consulting the Specialist

On a warm mid-morning in Konoha, the sun shone down on the great carved faces of the mountain, reflected off the rooftops of the village, sparkled on the stream flowing under the bridge and gleamed down on the sweaty faces of two young shinobi in the training field; two young shinobi who were presently engaged in trying to beat each other into the ground.

It was now 11am, and Sasuke and Naruto had been at it since at least 7. Other shinobi had come and gone after a two or three hour stretch, but these two were hardcore, and stubborn as mules. Neither would back down to the other, not until they were lying in a gasping heap on the ground, with kunai poised shakily at each other's throats, eyes stinging with sweat and jaws clenched menacingly.

Which was pretty much the position they were in right now.

Sasuke's pitch black eyes, having tired of using the Sharingan about an hour ago, glared into those of his rival, who was about an inch away from him.

"Yield?"

The crystalline blue eyes narrowed.

"Never!" The blond gritted out, ignoring the quivering point of the kunai barely brushing his tanned, muscular neck.

Sasuke's perfect lips twitched into a smirk, the one that Naruto always said he'd like to punch off the pretty boy's face, but which actually never failed in bringing a grin to his own.

"Good," said the Uchiha softly, before rolling off the blond to lie on the grass beside him, chest heaving.

Naruto chuckled breathlessly. Sasuke was such a weirdo sometimes, but the best rival any aspiring Hokage could have. He was glad that he'd dragged him back to the village and stopped the snake bastard from taking his body.

The two teens lay in silence for a few minutes, basking in the lactic acid which had replaced the adrenaline pumping through their bodies. Sasuke closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on his face.

Inwardly he smiled as he listened to the sound of Naruto's soft, snorting breaths close by. Any minute now, the blond, miraculously rejuvenated, would leap to his feet and begin pestering the Uchiha to buy him ramen, a habit he had still not grown out of in the past six years. And Sasuke would roll his eyes and comply with no more than a show of resistance, and so would go another peaceful day in the life of this perfect rivalry.

The dark haired shinobi smirked, eyes still closed, as he heard Naruto make an exclamation beside him and jump to his feet.

Wait for it…

"Ne, ne Sasuke!"

"What is it, dobe?"

So predictable…

"Bastard, I just remembered! You don't have to worry about buying me ramen today!"

…what?

"I'm gonna go have lunch with Hinata-chan, and then she said she can give me some practice in fighting against the Byakugan! She's gonna show me some cool new techniques!"

…WHAT?

"So yeah, guess I'll see you tomorrow then! Bye!"

Sasuke found himself sitting bolt upright, eyes wide open, staring at the orange clad figure already running off in the direction of the village.

"Bye…" the word came out as a whisper, forced through stiff lips and a throat gone suddenly dry.

Slowly, woodenly, the dark-haired jounin rose to his feet, and for lack of anything else to do, began to walk in the general direction of his house.

So…

So this is what it's like when Naruto has a girlfriend…so much for best rivals huh? A girl comes along and suddenly she's the one who's buying him ramen and…hey! Isn't that a good thing? I won't be wasting money buying that idiot ramen all the time!

His furrowed brow smoothed slightly. Yeah, and now that he can hang out with Hinata, he won't be jumping all over me all the time, filling the air with his idiotic ravings, talking to me non-stop, forcing me to spar with him, telling me about the stupid dreams he had about giant monster ramen…

He was surprised at the sudden tightness in his chest.

No more Naruto hanging around.

No more Naruto, period.

He'll probably go train with her all the time now, because she can teach him how to fight the stupid Byakugan.

"Byakugan, che, I could teach him how to fight the Sharingan," he muttered aloud, completely forgetting the foolishness of becoming proficient in techniques to battle against a bloodline ability now possessed by only two people, both of whom were allies of the Kyuubi container. Sasuke was not in the mood to think logically as he viciously kicked at a rock in the path in front of him. It flew through the air and into a clump of bushes that responded with a very grumpy, "Ouch!"

The Uchiha stopped and stared at the bespectacled figure that slowly emerged from the shrubs, rubbing its forehead and looking very annoyed, in a lazy sort of way.

"What the hell are you doing, Sasuke? You nearly brained me," grumbled Shikamaru, stepping out onto the path beside the brooding brunette.

Sasuke merely did one of his trademark eyebrow lifts, followed by his trademark icy stare.

"Did you get glasses recently?"

Shikamaru blinked. "Yeah."

"Don't you usually sleep on a hill or a rooftop somewhere?"

Sasuke stood silently, expectantly. He was about to comment on the unusually tense stance and slightly wild-eyed look on the normally relaxed Nara's face, but decided against it.

Shikamaru scowled.

"Ok, first, I don't sleep, I watch clouds, and second, after what happened at Ichiraku the other week, lying out in the open has become…extremely troublesome."

"Oh? Maybe if you wore pants instead of a tablecloth; those things can get breezy…"

Shikamaru stared at the Uchiha in disbelief. Is Sasuke making a joke? Couldn't be…

"So I guess Naruto told you what happened at Ichiraku…"

The smirk on the pale face was answer enough. The pony-tailed jounin grimaced.

"And since then, there have been…incidents…like, these girls have been ambushing me and stuff, so, I thought it'd be better if I tried cloud-watching from a less exposed place."

"I see." More silence. Shikamaru suddenly noticed something.

"Oi Sasuke, where's Naruto today? Don't you guys usually go for lunch around now?"

He almost flinched at the dark look that appeared on the sharingan user's face, before Sasuke turned and stalked off.

Was it something I said?

Shikamaru was about to let the pale boy walk away. After all, even though he didn't hold grudges, Sasuke was not exactly one of his favourite people. Then he remembered the girl attacks and hurried after the stiff-backed Uchiha.

There was a big advantage to sticking with him; namely, if any girls did pop out of the bushes, what fangirl in her not-so-right-mind would ever dream of glomping Nara Shikamaru when Uchiha Sasuke, sex god of Konoha, was standing right there in front of her?

Said sex god glanced over his shoulder coldly as Shikamaru came up beside him.

"Sasuke, you've had a lot of experience with, uh, with girls attacking you right?"

Coal black eyes narrowed. "And?"

The pony-tailed jounin sighed inwardly. Getting information from Sasuke was like extracting teeth from an Akatsuki member with old pliers and no anaesthetic in the middle of a fight on the edge of a cliff. Shikamaru blinked at his own long and involved analogy, then turned his mind back to the problem at hand. And I thought being around Naruto all the time might have softened him up a bit…

"How did you deal with it? Is there anything you can tell me, anyway I could stop it, short of beating them up?" a desperate tone seeped into his voice. "Please?"

I can't believe I'm asking Uchiha Sasuke for advice on girl trouble…next Sakura'll be asking Lee for hair-care tips…

Sasuke shrugged. "Well, you could always run away to join an evil overlord and betray the village, nearly killing your best friend in the process. That tends to put them off."

Shikamaru's mouth dropped open.

Sasuke continued, unperturbed.

"Then you could always take on the heartless bastard persona, forcibly pushing away any girl who tries to get close to you, and crushing hearts left and right. And there's the whole gay routine, but some fan girls actually like that kind of thing, so that's a drawback. If you don't mind pain, a bit of hideous self-mutilation would scare them, or wearing bright, badly matching colours is a turn-off for most girls," he eyed the look of utter shock on the lazy jounin's face, "Believe me, I've thought of everything."

Hideous self-mutilation eh? I guess this explains his whole 'Lee look-alike' phase last year…damn that was scary…

The Uchiha's stance stiffened suddenly and a peculiar look appeared on the flawless face. "…but usually, when girls attack, you just do what your instincts tell you to."

Shikamaru's head shot up. He had heard it too. A faint, far off rumbling, growing rapidly louder, mingled with what sounded like the screech of enraged chimpanzees.

He looked at Sasuke. "And what's that?"

The trademark smirk twisted the pale boy's lips.

"Run."

The rumbling and vague screeching noises had sharpened and morphed into the sounds of feet pounding the earth, and feminine voices shrieking.

"I think he went this way!"

"Come on girls! I can feel his chakra signature! It's getting stronger!"

"Where are you, Shikamaru-sama!"

The jounin's face paled beneath his tan.

"Oh crap."

He turned and began moving at a pace almost equal to that of Hatake Kakashi running to get the latest instalment of Icha Icha Paradise. Sasuke silently leapt up into the branches of the nearest tree, cloaking his chakra as a few seconds later, a crowd of panting, shrieking females thundered past, hot on the shadow user's trail.

"Quick! He can't be far ahead!"

"I get the first glomp when we catch him!"

"Shikamaru-sama!"

The last Uchiha waited until he could no longer sense their chakra, then leaped gracefully down and continued on his way home.

Naruto would be laughing so hard if he were here…he scowled at the thought, feeling suddenly very alone without the blond's noisy presence by his side.

Maybe if I found a girlfriend too, then it wouldn't be so bad…He paused, mentally running through a list of the girls in Konoha whom he knew by name. After less than two seconds, he thought again, remembering the girls in his fanclub and the screeching horde that had just run past him.

Get a girlfriend? Inner Sasuke began laughing hysterically.

He calmed down after a minute. Or, I could just learn to share and hang out with Naruto and Hinata. A wicked gleam appeared in his dark eyes. I'll teach her about fighting the Byakugan...

Smirking to himself, the Uchiha changed direction, heading for the village and Ichiraku Ramen.

A few minutes later, a pony-tailed figure materialized from the shadows, sighing with relief at his narrow escape. I always knew Kage Bunshin no jutsu would come in handy one of these days. Those girls can keep on chasing that clone as long as he holds out.

Shikamaru yawned and stretched.

I don't know why the hell every girl in Konoha is after me all of a sudden, but I don't want to hang around and find out. Man, talk about troublesome, now I have to find another place to sleep…er…watch clouds.

"Did you really think a clone would fool us, Shikamaru-kun?" A silky voice close behind him sent a shock through his entire body.

The lazy jounin turned slowly to come face to face with at least ten of the girls from the shrieking horde, led by a tall blonde whom he had last seen wrestling Kurenai-senpai in Ichiraku Ramen.

"Maybe he wasn't trying to fool us. Maybe he was just weeding out the unworthy," said the voluptuous brunette who had been dodging furniture hurled at her by Temari a week ago.

"Yeah, I bet he wants to get with a real kunoichi!" another girl squealed pervertedly.

Apparently satisfied with this reasoning, the girls pounced squarely onto the bespectacled young shinobi, only to be met with a puff of smoke, as they found themselves glomping a large tree log.

With a hundred metres' head start, Shikamaru was sure that he could make it to safety with the help of a few more clones and maybe a Henge no Jutsu or two.

Resisting the urge to scream, "Why me?" he directed more chakra to his feet and took to the treetops.

Crap. Guess I won't be watching clouds for a while yet…how troublesome.

AN: Next chapter is still in the works, and I have a 12 page book review due in two weeks, haven't read the book yet. ARGH. Hope you liked this one, sorry it got predictable in a few places, and i can already see the flames i'll get for sasuke and naruto's characterizations...ah well.