A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. Anyway, I won't be able to update for about a week. I'm going to band camp, so I won't have time. But when I get back, there will be more insanity! Anyway, hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any form of Itachi twins. (Unfortunately.)
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"Hey, Sasuke!" Itachi called from the kitchen. He was eating a snack of Wafflecrisp and was annoyed to be interrupted.
"What?" Sasuke yelled from the confines of his room.
"You just got a call from Neji. He wants to know if you're coming." Itachi held the phone in his hand, his fingers over the receiver.
"Whoops." Itachi heard something crack from Sasuke's room. "Tell him I'm coming, and that I'll bring the handcuffs if he wanted."
"Okay, I'll-WHAT?" Itachi slammed the phone down and stormed towards Sasuke's room.
"Nothing! Nothing!" Sasuke stepped out of his room quickly, closing the door behind him. "Let's get going, eh?"
Itachi eyed his brother suspiciously. "Are you done cleaning?" Sasuke nodded. "Good." Itachi patted him on the head. "We can go to Neji's then."
Sasuke squeaked and smiled. "Then let's GOOO!" He grabbed Itachi's hand and started to run towards the door.
Itachi stayed where he was. "I'm sorry, Sasuke, but I can't go."
Sasuke turned around, his eyes huge and sad. "Why, oniisan?"
"I have a mission." Itachi looked down, away from Sasuke's eyes. "I just got a notice not too long ago." He tried to cheer Sasuke up. "But the rest of the Akatsuki will be there! And I'll be back tomorrow. And I promise I'll go to Neji's next party."
Sasuke looked down. "Fine."
"Listen, otoutosan." Itachi looked at Sasuke. "Be careful around Zetsu. Make sure he doesn't get too hungry. He'll eat you and everyone else."
Sasuke looked up then, smiling. "So I shouldn't stick bologne on me, put Cheetos in my ears and run around yelling, 'I'm hot, fresh, and edible?'"
Itachi smirked. "No. Don't do that." He turned to leave. "And don't drink any coffee or alchohol."
"Well then you'd better eat a balanced breakfast!" Sasuke shot back.
"I am. I'm packing Wafflecrisps in my bag." Itachi shook his head. Turning to Sasuke, he hugged him. "Have fun. But not too much fun." He opened the door. "And one more thing. No kissing boys!" He closed the door.
"Takes all the fun out of it…." Sasuke grumbled to himself, and started getting ready for Neji's.
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"Sasuke! I'm home!" Itachi burst through the door, looking around the apartment. Suddenly, Sasuke's head popped out from the kitchen.
"Wait. What?" Sasuke looked thoroughly puzzled. "Oh my gosh! What happened to you?"
Itachi looked down at his bleeding side. "Oh. Got ambushed. Didn't go too well. I'm not that bad, though."
Sasuke shook his head and walked up to his brother. "You're bleeding on my rug." He glanced at Itachi's eyes. "You mangekyoued them like 101736 times, didn't you?"
Itachi looked down at his feet. Deciding to change the subject, he started on a different area. "So how was Neji's party?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Neji's party. Wow. Where to begin?" Suddenly, a crash came from the kitchen.
"What was that?" Itachi asked, trying to look around Sasuke.
Sasuke smirked. "Itachi's here."
Itachi furrowed his brow. "Yeah, I'm here."
Sasuke shook his head. "No. Itachi ani-san is here. You're oniisan. He doesn't eat a balanced breakfast. I hate him."
Itachi was thoroughly confused. Sasuke continued to explain. "You're gay for Kisame, he's not."
Itachi turned red. "I'M NOT GAY WITH KISAME!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"DON'T ARGUE WITH YOUR OLDER BROTHER!"
"ONIISAN NO BAKA!"
"I'LL MANGEKYOU YOUR ASS!" Itachi fumed, staring Sasuke down.
"That's not nice," Sasuke complained.
"That's right. I was up all night. I have the right to be not nice," Itachi snarled. "And how was the party? Don't change the subject. What did you or didn't you do? Did you drink? Did you kiss a guy? Did you tell everyone that I say hi? Did you take pictures?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Neji's thong was red last night. I guessed it, of course. Let's see," he thought back. "I could relay the details of Seven Minutes in Heaven to you. As I've said before, Neji REALLY looks like a girl..." he trailed off.
Itachi was about to respond when the other Itachi made a loud crunching noise. "Wait a minute," Itachi said. "He's eating my Wafflecrisp!" He shoved past Sasuke into the kitchen. Sure enough, there sat another Itachi, a vacant and slightly evil look on his face and the box of Wafflecrisp in his hand.
"Um…." Sasuke stalled. "Talk to Itachi." He sat down on the couch. "As one of you is a clone."
"I'm the real Itachi," Itachi said. "You know that. Don't you know your own brother?"
"No!" the second Itachi responded. "I own you because I kill people!"
"As do I," replied the first Itachi.
"MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!" The second Itachi used his mangekyou. "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN! MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!"
"MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!" The first Itachi countered with his own. "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN! MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!"
Sasuke, who had been sitting comfortably on the couch up until now had his legs drawn up to his chest. "SO MUCH DESTRUCTION!" Two of the mangekyous were accidentally shot at him. "Oh crap."
"That's 144 hours," the second Itachi said.
"Yes, I'm glad you know your math," responded the first.
"So how do we torture him?" asked the second.
"So many ways," replied the first.
"NOT THE THONG! ANYTHING BUT THE THONG!" Sasuke yelled, flailing madly.
"Sasuke! I thought you were straight!" yelled the first one.
"I AM! THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT IT!" Sasuke shouted.
The first Itachi rolled his eyes. "Alright. I'm rescuing you an putting a shadow clone in your place. Silly goose."
Sasuke looked up to see a sea of people before him. All with pink hair. There were billions of Sakura, making their way towards him.
"Oh, f-"
Suddenly, Sasuke was mauled by a Naruto clone. He blinked, and was surprisingly back in his living room on his couch. His eyes fell on the second Itachi.
"Yo! My name's Sasuke I'm an Uchiha. Don't you get too close cuz you know that I'm hot. Itachi killed the clan but you know that's no problem, but if they attack you know he will stop them. Take it ITACHI!" He directed this at the second one.
"I'm Itachi, the master of your demise. Keep your eyes down, don't look in my eyes. Fighting with swords, no that's not my style. Look into my eyes and you'll be there for a while! Yo! Yo!"
"Yo!" Sasuke joined in.
"U-chi-ha-rap!" they both shouted.
"That's were you made your mistake, you imposter!" the first Itachi shouted, pointing at the second. "I don't rap!"
The second Itachi cocked his head to the side. "I'm confused. And sad. What did I do wrong?"
"Wow. Brothers fighting. What a drag." Sasuke looked out the window at the clouds.
"What?" the first Itachi asked.
Sasuke noticed what he was doing and blushed. "Sorry. I hung around Shikamaru a lot yesterday. You don't get to know the details."
Itachi stared at him for a second and started hitting his head on the wall. "I…am…so…confused!"
"I JUST WANT TO LOVE EVERYONE!" The outburst came from the second Itachi, startling the other two. "I LOVE YOU!" He rushed over to the first Itachi.
"You are soooo not me." The first Itachi looked down at the second with disgust.
Sasuke looked jealous. "But you give me piggyback rides, ani-san!"
The second Itachi looked around. "I got hit by some weird jutsu thing," he covered. "I LOVE YOU!" He ran towards Sasuke.
"It wasn't a jutsu." The first Itachi rolled his eyes. "It was a sword."
"Oh!" Sasuke smirked. "Kinky!"
"No!" The second Itachi yelled. "I got hit by some weird jutsu that makes me love everyone!" He clung to Sasuke.
"Ow! Get off, Itachi!" Sasuke yelled. Suddenly, he was smothered by affection and Itachi's butt.
"In goes the sake!" yelled the second Itachi, pouring a bottle of sake down Sasuke's throat. "Hope you like it!"
The first Itachi looked horrified.
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A/N: And you all thought we were going to Neji's party! Not yet! And I'm sorry for the awkward ending, but my sister's kicking me off the computer.
Anyway, please review!