I met an Edward, for those Twilight fans out there, his personality fits him perfectly. There are times I see Edward in him but this boy... he isn't beautiful, he is somewhat above average but his full lips make one shy away. He is my dear friend and I've slowly realized he is an Edward. His eyes are carefully guarded, he makes an effort not to be too close as if being to close would bring out something he didn't want out. He is so careful, as am I around him, like Renee would put it "When he moves, even a little bit, you adjust your position at the same time. Like magnets... or gravity. You're like a... satellite, or something." We share the same careful smiles and we observe as I put on a less caring face than his own. He puts on a human charade to the public but when he talks to me we are so formal I wonder if we've been sent back in time just for our conversation. My replies are often cruel in the most subtle manner and his words to me are often worded so lyrically but the way they are worded, they cry out to offend me. He is not my Edward... but he will be someone's...
Lullabies
Chapter 3:
Natsuhiboshi
"Natsuhiboshi naze Akai," I whispered the tune in an attempt of comfort. Jeb had told me it was a Japanese lullaby, it was comforting and sad. I trembled in the cold room, this was no place to be talking, sharp instruments all around, ready to slice me open.
Gazzy was here. His feathers were all over the place and he looked so pale. His moans troubled me, did they kind of open him up and fiddle with his insides? Or what? Clipped his wings? That would be horrible!
I curled in my crate at an unfamiliar pain. I pulsed through me, fading away for only a few moments to come back with vengence. I sang my lullaby weakly, resisting to moan, and trying to remember what the lullaby meant.
Natsuhiboshi is the summer star, I remember that. I curled into a smaller ball, had the White Coats done something to hurt me?
"Summer star why are you lost?" Jeb's voice rang through my ears, a moan of pain finally escaping my lips. I flinched as someone opened my crate and sat me on top of it. "Nudge?" asked Jeb soothingly, I curled tighter. "I need you to do something for me." I gazed at him with wary eyes. "Have you ever been told about a period?" A period? I raised a brow. Yeah but they're not supposed to come till you're like thirteen not freaking eleven going on twelve. Everyone makes fun of Max when she's on hers 'cause she's overly pissed and all. I winced as another wave of pain went through me.
"Yeah, what of it?" My words came out harsher than I meant. I was biting back the urge to scream, a bubbling anger that came with this, what's the word, cramp.
"Would you like us to take the pain away? So that will never happen again." The cool serene look on Jeb's face comforted me like old times. I nodded and it was only when Jeb left did I realize what they were going to do.
What if they did trigger my period early for me? And what if, more than anything, they needed a certain part of me for their experiments? What if they wanted to make me barren? I shook my head. I shouldn't think about that, the fact that if I wanted kids later on I couldn't have them. It was frightening to think about but what are the chances of me actual me having a kid? I mean c'mon, I'm a freak with wings, who would want to have kids with that? But at the same token, what if someone did… later down in the road…
Who are you looking for? That's right… that's what it's also looking for. My mind attempted to break the cloud of stupor. I must be in surgery but I don't want to be barren. "Summer star why are you lost? You who are searching for we who've disappeared, that's why I have sad dreams…" The English version of the lullaby. Summer star?
My eyes widened, bringing me into consciousness. I vaguely became aware of the tears in my eyes, wincing against the bright light above me. White coats were all around me. from the sound of it, they were about to begin. I launched myself from the table, wrapping a cloth around me at the same time, IV's and monitoring devices yanked out and off at my sudden movement. The White Coats cried out but I was out the door.
Summer star, are you searching for me? For Gazzy, Fang, Angel, Iggy, and Max? Will you find us and help us escape? Can you guide me? Can you save me?
I hear myself breathing hard in my ears and my heartbeat pulsing a killer headache. My legs are threatening to crumple from the pain and my tears won't stop falling. I glance back, once, twice, three times, making sure I wasn't being chased but all I saw was a trail of red following me, staining the pure white halls.
Where was Gazzy? Was he still in that room? Was he dead? Were the others dead?
The world spun at the thought.
I saw amber-red eyes and in a panic I saw comfort in them. "You've come!" I could hear Erasers coming around the corner, I stumbled and my knees fell out from beneath me. "You've got to save Gazzy!" I sobbed to the eyes, the gentle eyes that reminded me of a beautiful sunset. "You've gotta save my family!" Cringing in pain I curled into myself and I wept into my knees.
Darkness, the familiar darkness that I had once welcomed in my life was uncomforting, it was loud and cold, its air was stale. There is never pain in the unwelcoming darkness, none of the physical that is, but the emotional pain… that's just too unbearable…
I ran through the darkness looking for the star, for my family, for my everything. Where was everything? Why did everything and everyone have to hide in the darkness? Why did… Why did they have to leave me alone? Why do I have to search in a place where there's nothing to see? It's so scary here, the place that only plays a sad song.
I spun around hearing Max's voice, the thought of a warm yellow filled my mind. Sunflowers… I ran towards it but stopped when I heard another sound, low and kind, Fang's. All around me I heard their songs, one by one, Gazzy's, Angel's, and Iggy's too. And at that moment I wondered, where had my song gone?
Looking around in the deafening darkness I searched, where was the summer star? Where was my Natsuhiboshi?
"Are you searching for them?" I called out over their songs. "Are you lost?" I saw a faint glow of red and I ran blindly towards it. "Have you-?" I couldn't finish, the words caught it my throat. Me, Nudge, unable to say a word, how could this happen?
Have you found them? I wanted to ask but I realized something as I stood still and waited as Natsuhiboshi came to greet me, illuminating my darkness. It came to find me, so I won't be waiting alone in the darkness. The summer star doesn't know what to look for, it only knows me, so it came to find me because I am the one trapped in the darkness. The summer star's warmth enveloped me and I felt its sadness and spark of determination. We have to get out this dark dream so we won't be sad… We have to get out to see my family and for the summer star to go home to its own.
"Welcome back." In the distance I heard a gentle voice greeting me, Natsuhiboshi and I were warmed.
Over six months? Oh! Four months to this exact day! Wow... Happy Valentine's Day or how they say it here, HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY!!!!
Chapter 4:
Golden Slumber
(Gazzy POV)
Golden slumber kiss your eyes,
Smiles await you when you rise.
Sleep,
pretty baby,
Do not cry,
And I'll sing you a lullaby.
Care you know not,
Therefore sleep,
While I o'er you watch do keep.
Sleep,
pretty darling,
Do not cry,
And I will sing a lullaby.
I've never felt so useless... I wanted... I wanted to keep her safe and look what happened... I was the one needing rescuing. This song is painful, like a stab through the heart... and at the same time... what would happen if I went to sleep and never woke up?
AdieuNightwing