Chapter Two: Name Game

Sai was having an normal day. Ino had been spending the better part of the last week teaching him what was normal; and so, he learned at a normal level, and at a normal speed, and used them normally. He had gotten up at an normal rate, drew an normal amount of pictures, strolled trough Konoha (normally), and found his old boss, Tenzo, and normally told him to shove his head up his ass; Normally.

Ino would be so proud.

But today was not a normal day. Today was a special day. Today was the day he and The Dickless Wonder where to begin guiding Sasuke on his quest for the Princess. Yet unlike Dickless and the others, he had to do this by Hokage order. And it had been such a normal Sunday…

Sai knew the truth. While Tsunade was drunk again, Sai and Sakura went through the mission lists. She grabbed one requested by some girl named Sakura Hearts Kyuubi. It was an odd request written in a foreign language that requested all her graduating class to go to a hot spring resort for a week; and that Dickless and Sakura were to share a room. While Sai said she had nothing to fear from Naruto, since he was The Dickless Wonder, she was still mad. She changed it, ordering that Sai escort Sasuke on his quest to be the Super Special Awesome Knight. While on paper it made no sense, Tsunade was too drunk to care and ordered Sai to follow Sasuke around.

Sai sighed and looked at his team mates at the ramen bar. His brain working like a machine:

Target: Sasuke Uchiha

Gender: Male

Pros: Sharingan

Cons: Might be gay, emo.

Nicknames:

Slits

Queer of Hearts

Target: Naruto Uzumaki

Gender: ???

Pros: Nine-Tailed Fox demon inside

Cons: Idiot, Lacks anti-man button to kick

Nicknames:

Dickless Wonder

Crotch Rot

His analysis's done, Sai moved towards them, and sat next to Sasuke. Sasuke looked to his left and his right.

He was trapped.

"So Slits… how about we get this Princess thing on the road?" Sai asked, an obviously fake smile on his face.

"Please don't call me that"

"I'll stop when you stop." Sai pointed to Sasuke's wrists, which he quickly hid under the bar.

"Look, this is important, I need to get to Sakura, marry her, and get babies, got it?

"Whatever, Slits."

"My name is Sasuke!" Sasuke yelled, "S-A-S-U-K-E! Get it!?" His face was red and he was beginning to hyperventilate.

Sai nodded and promptly responded: No.

Sasuke threw up his hands in defeat and turned back to his food, only to be interrupted again.

"Hey Sasuke," said Naruto, "I just realized, you have Uke in your name!" Naruto laughed.

"Naruto…you have known me for years, and you just noticed?"

Naruto nodded, pleased with himself.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T KNOW MY NAME HAD UKE IN IT!" Sasuke yelled "I MEAN, YOU CAN'T SPELL SASUKE WITHOUT UKE! UKE IS PART OF ME! PART OF WHO I AM!"

Naruto's eyes bugged out. People were starting to stare in awe.

"Sasuke…maybe you shouldn't yell that out…"

"Why!? It's just my name! Watch!" Sasuke jumped out of his seat and stormed into the street, huffing the entire way.

"ATTENTION: EVERYONE! I AM SICK OF YOU LOOKING AT ME WEIRD WHEN I TALK ABOUT THE UKE PART OF ME! IT'S BEEN THERE ALL ALONG! HOW HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED!? THE UKE HAS ALWAYS BEEN PART OF WHO I AM! CAN'T YOU SEE PAST THAT!? I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING ANYMORE! WHY DOES NOBODY LIKE ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT THE UKE HALF OF ME! I LOVE BEING UKE! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!?" Sasuke shrieked at the top of his lungs, as he pulled out a kunai and slit his writs in a dramatic finish of his show. Blood sprayed out like a fountian as he collapsed to the ground crying, before losing conciousness.

Naruto stared.

Sai blinked.

Konoha stopped.

And somewhere, Sakura twitched.

Naruto ran out to the street.

"Uh…Thanks for watching everyone! That's our show! Good night!" he called back to the crowd as he carried Sasuke back to his apartment.

Sasuke woke several hours later. Recognizing the smell of ramen, he looked around to see that he was lying on Naruto's bed.

"Sasuke…" Sasuke turned to see Naruto sitting by the bed, "Do you know what an uke is?"

"Half my name" Sasuke replied happily, crossing his arms.

Naruto Sighed.

This was going to take a lot of work.

Thanks for Reading.