Chapter Three: Class is in Session

Sasuke was sulking. But for a new twist, it had nothing to do with Itachi. Naruto had tied him to his bed and had found a chalkboard, which Naruto was writing on. Sai had just shown up to laugh at Sasuke.

"Okay Sasuke…since you had no idea what you actually said last night, I would like to welcome you to," Naruto flipped the board over, "Naruto's Ultimate Awesome Sex Ed Class!"

…

"What!?" Sasuke shrieked, furiously trying to escape his bonds.

"Let's start at the beginning. Sasuke, what is sex?" Naruto asked.

"Another word for gender?" Sasuke replied as he gave up struggling.

…

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

Neither Sai nor Naruto could believe it. Sasuke had devoted half of his life to something, and he did not even know what that something was.

"Weren't you told about this by your family before the incident?" Naruto asked.

"Well…my dad was going to before he died." Sasuke said as he looked towards the ceiling…

Itachi was strolling through the Uchiha compound many years ago on a rather lovely day. He was enjoying the walk, the day, the world, and life itself. He loved everything around him; Especially Sasuke. He would never let Sasuke be hurt.

As he walked he heard his father talking in the next room. He was about to enter to smile to his father and talk with him, when he heard the conversation between his father and mother.

"Fugaku…Sasuke's getting old enough, don't you think?" Itachi's mother Mikoto asked.

"Yes…He is nearing his eight year. It is time he learned about his heritage, and how to further the line." Itachi's father replied. "Its time we had…"

Itachi's lip quivered in fear…theres no way..

"THE…TALK."

Itachi gasped. No…they couldn't do that! No one can hurt his little brother, especially not through the emotionally scaring talk. There must be away to stop Sasuke from learning about sex.

"I'll do it later this week." Fugaku said.

Itachi closed his eyes. He had thought of it; The only and best way to save Sasuke from the horrors of the talk. Sasuke would never hear it, and would be too busy to learn or do it after next week. He opened his eyes to reveal blazing sharingans.

There was much to prepare.

"Whatever" Sasuke said as he shrugged the question off.

"But Sasuke," Naruto asked, "…Don't you know how babies are made?"

Sasuke sighed as if Naruto had asked what two plus two was, "Get married, baby comes once every nine months unless you say no. It all depends on if a woman wants to contract pregnancy."

"What!? Contract pregnancy!?"

"Don't you know anything, idiot? Pregnancy is an ancient disease that they keep in bottles. It causes children in women. When a couple wants a baby, they go to the Hokage, and she infects the woman, and in nine months, the woman's body kills the infection, causing the baby to be expelled along with the virus. Got it loser?" Sasuke asked, while he smirked at Naruto, obviously pleased with himself.

Naruto almost fainted.

Sai blinked

"Wow…"

"Sasuke…haven't you ever listed to your little Uchiha?"

"Huh"

"Your…wang-doodle…"

"Uh…no…It doesn't have a mouth to talk with, stupid."

"He means your sex drive." Sai added.

"My gender drive?"

Sai gave up. He was being paid to protect Sasuke, but this was ridiculous. Sai got up, walked behind Naruto, and knocked the boy out with the chalkboard and began to give a lecture.

"Alright Slits, it all begins with…"

When Naruto awoke, he noticed that thirty minutes had passed. He sat up to see Sai drawing, and Sasuke shivering. He looked as if he had seen a ghost.

"…and then the baby comes out; any questions?" Sai asked.

Sasuke sat motionless, his mouth opening and closing, trying to make words that were not there come out.

"I have to do that…with Sakura!? No! Make someone else do it!" Sasuke cried.

"You killed the only other one stupid!" Naruto yelled, as a knock at the door interrupted the conversation. Naruto answered it, only to find a man if medieval clothing at the door.

"Verily, young knave, I have in my possession, a message to thine master Sir Sasuke Uchiha, from the fair Princess Sakura Haruno." The man said, with a bow and a large smile.

Naruto looked back at Sasuke and Sai, who shrugged, before turning back to the man.

"'Kay…"

The man pulled out a small guitar, and began playing an accompaniment to the message, which he sang in a loud, yet off key voice:

Oh! Great Knight Sasuke come unto me!

and yes thou shouldst take that literally

Please make haste to me

For the function of a baby.

The man took in a large breath, and spewed out the second verse quickly.

PS- Hurry thine Oedipal hindquarters to mine tower or verily I willst bludgeon thine oedipal head upon thy wall for all oedipal days from here to oedipal death. Doust thou comprehend, Oedipus?" The man asked, smiling towards Sasuke.

Sasuke internally decided to be the man he had to be for the second half of his life, by crying uncontrollably.

The wind was blowing again.

And life still blew along with it.

Thanks for Reading. If you don't know who Oedipus is, look it up. Makes it all better.