Disclaimer: It's not mine. Not mine at all.
A/N: So, I'm at work as I type and I feel terrible. I hate being here and I wish I were at home. Yes, yes, I know-QUIT! I'm planning on it as soon as possible.
Hope I don't make anybody cry.
Becoming Moony: A Grim Interval
Remus opened his eyes blearily as his body was moved closer to the edge of the bed. Honestly, if Sirius didn't stop trying to shuffle him out of bed at night he was going to remove himself. The shuffling stopped. Remus grinned, thinking that maybe Sirius had heard his mental threat. He closed his eyes, briefly, and snapped them open as he fell off the bed and onto the floor.
"Ooof!"
" You 'kay, Remmie?" murmured Sirius, leaning over the edge. Remus rolled over and glared up at the man who claimed to love him.
"Fine." Sirius nodded and pulled his head back. Remus clambered back onto the mattress, his knees creaking painfully. Remus lay down next to Sirius, content to sleep for another three or twelve hours.
Remus smiled as Sirius's arms wound around him, snuggled down into the warm body, and was abruptly jammed back into wakefulness as Molly Weasley's voice screeched up the stairwell, announcing breakfast.
"I hate that woman. She's more annoying than Lily was when she was pregnant!" Sirius growled. Remus groaned and threw a pillow over his head, not wanting to remove himself from the warm sheets.
"Remus! Dear, time for breakfast! Sirius! Get UP!" came Molly's voice, her knocking piercing into their tired brains.
"I so love it the way she is so bloody nice to you, but seems to hate my very existence."
Remus sighed, "She's jealous."
Sirius scoffed, "Jealous? Of what? Spending twelve years behind bars and two on the run. Great thing to be jealous of."
"No, you great berk! She's jealous of the fact that she isn't the only "adult" in Harry's life anymore."
Sirius paused from where he was dragging a pair of trousers on. An un-elegant "huh" expression covered his face. Remus rolled his eyes and prayed. The man was so dense sometimes.
"She's jealous because of Harry?"
"No. She's jealous that Harry now has you to go to, instead of just running to her every time he needs a parental view. She's jealous that she won't be the only parental person in Harry's heart. She's jealous that you seem to be stealing the little boy she adopted right out from under her nose. She doesn't like you because you represent a wall between her and her newest little "duckling"."
"Wow," started Sirius, "That was terribly long-winded of you. Where did you get that monologue from?"
"I do try," said Remus, laughing and walking out the door, pulling on his favorite argyle jumper.
Sirius came bounding after him, snagging him around the waist. He twirled Remus around twice and then set off down the staircase. Remus paused to get his bearings back and walked after the wayward Black, intending to do some bodily damage.
/page break/
Remus glanced around at the group around him: a smug Moody, an infuriated Molly, a sulking Sirius, four irritated Weasley teenagers, a twinkling Dumbledore, and one sneering Snape. A very strange and motley crew. He was glad that he seemed to be mostly sane.
"So it's settled then. Alastor, Remus, Kingsley, Nymphadora, and a few others will make-up the Advance Guard. You will be leaving as soon as its dusk. The rear and side guards will follow. Alastor, you are in charge."
Dumbledore stood to leave. Sirius moved to intercept him, hoping to plead with the man once more.
"Why can't I go? It'll be dark! No one will see me!"
"For goodness sakes', Sirius! Stop behaving little a badly raised five year old. One would think your mother hadn't taught you any manners at all." Everyone within earshot of Molly winced. Sirius did NOT take lightly to comments and jokes made about his childhood.
"Well, we can't all be raised like you Molly. Not everyone has loving, doting parents and two older brothers who would die for you, now do they?" The room winced again. Molly still hadn't forgiven herself for the deaths of Fabian and Gideon Prewitt. They had died protecting her, Bill, Charlie, and Percy. It was a sore point and it looked as though Sirius and Molly were both going for the jugular.
Dumbledore intervened before things got too ugly, "Sirius, my word is final, you will not be going tonight. Molly, do stop acting like a wronged child. It doesn't behoove either of you to act like this. This kind of behavior is what Voldemort wants. And this isn't what Harry needs to return to."
Dumbledore plays nasty as well, thought Remus, smirking at the two cowed adults. The only difference is that Dumbledore wins.
Remus glared at the offending piece of wood and straw that lay in front of him. He had thought they would be doing side –along Apparition. Not flying. Eugh, what a horrible thought, he had to get on a broom and go up in the air, fly to a height at which a fall would kill you…!
"Don't think about it, Moony. Just pretend it's like the bike. You aren't going to fall, it'll be okay."
Remus nodded at Sirius, still feeling green. Remus didn't look good in green; especially not puke green. It didn't go well with his complexion. Broomsticks also didn't look good with Remus's complexion; books and chocolate were better.
/page break/
Remus looked down at Harry, smiling gently as the boy laughed wildly. He was obviously enjoying the flight. He was glad that somebody was; he sure as hell wasn't. He didn't like flying, it was colder than Antarctica, and Nymphadora was flirting with him…again. He really wished she wouldn't do that. It was hard enough knowing that he was screwing her mother's cousin; it was something entirely different knowing that he had babysat her and had, at one point, changed her dirty nappies!
Remus was deliriously happy when his feet finally touched land. He briefly thought about kneeling and kissing the hard cement beneath him, but figured that might derail any respect others still had for him. On the other hand, it may make Nymphadora think again about his "irresistible and utter hotiness".
He loved the look on Harry's face as 12 Grimmauld came into existence. He had seen it on many a first years face and with Harry, it never got old. It reminded him that magic was still magic to some and not just a way of life. It wasn't something to be used with nonchalance; it was a figurative deity. Magic was a deity in that someone somewhere prayed for this sort of being and lived for it. It was a child's wet dream; that they could have the power to banish their fears and their bullies with no consequence or ill fate.
Poor Harry had never had a proper childhood and Remus doubted that Harry ever would. With the threat of Voldemort hanging over his head, the death of a classmate, and worry for everyone around him dragged Harry down to the deepest pits of hell. It was a strong will that kept him from drowning in the purple sea of agony.
/page break/
Remus glared at Sirius and dared him to do anything but sleep. That stunt he had pulled at dinner was bloody ridiculous and childish. Molly hadn't been any better, but still! Sirius should know better. Remus knew that Harry needed to be kept in the loop, but to give him information that could get him killed was suicidal! What had Sirius been thinking? Oh wait, Sirius didn't think. Not when it came to important things like love, friendship, and his godson's life!
"I'm sorry, Remmie. She just made me so mad." Sirius rubbed a warm palm up and down Remus's back. Remus gave a loud huff and shrugged him away.
"Sorry doesn't cover it Sirius. You could endanger Harry's life by giving him too much information; you know that! So why would you do something like this?"
"I," sighed Sirius, "I just want Harry to like me."
Remus froze. Sirius wanted Harry to what?! "Sirius, Harry adores you. Why would you think otherwise?"
"I don't know. It just seems like he's so far away and I can't reach him. It's like being in a mental Azkaban sometimes."
"Oh, Paddy. How can you not see the adoration in Harry's eyes every single time he looks at you? How can you not see that?" asked Remus, trying not to cry as he turned to face his distraught lover.
Sirius shuffled around and finally sat up shrugging, "I don't know. He just doesn't seem very…I don't know."
"He was raised by Lily's horrid sister and her husband, Sirius. They obviously didn't show him any sort of attention. Certainly not love. I heard him telling Ron and Hermione that his uncle tried to throw him out. Harry just isn't used to people putting an interest in what he wants."
"Oh, I thought that maybe he just didn't want to, you know, be around me." Sirius sighed and rested his head on his knees. Remus put his arms around the man, praying for patience to deal with these newly found insecurities.
"It's all right, Paddy. Give him all the attention you feel he needs, but don't endanger his life in the process. Harry isn't nearly as stupid as James was when it comes to breaking rules."
"Naw, he breaks rules like Lily did. Bent them to fit her needs, didn't she?"
Remus laughed, "That does sound like Lily. Mind you, she would not approve of Harry's disturbing habit of saving people."
"He's got a hero complex as long as Snape's nose!" snorted Sirius.
Remus groaned and shoved the man away, "You are so horrible. He really isn't that bad, I mean he does make the Wolfsbane for me."
"Yeah, that's the only good thing about him," said Sirius, wrapping his arms around Remus's waist and dragging him down to the pillows.
Remus rolled his eyes and settled in to sleep; those two would never get along, would they?
/page break/
Remus slumped onto the wall leading into the ever-bleaker house. His arms were bleeding profusely onto the floor and his robes were falling of his body. He winced as coughs wracked his body. Goddess, he bloody hated werewolf clans. They were nice and lovely to be around until you mentioned a war and then they jumped your bones! They didn't let you speak, didn't let you eat; they just tortured you until your brain was numb and let you go. Damn animals.
"Remmie? Is that you? How was the…holy shit!" came Sirius's voice. Remus felt the warm hands surround his arms and he tried to grin at the worried man.
"S'nothing. Jus' a little scratch. Nothin' to worry 'bout." Remus frowned, well damn; he was slurring worse than he thought. It was odd, he was bleeding everywhere, he was slurring and his vision was fuzzy, but he wasn't in any pain. How peculiar. This couldn't possibly be right. Wait, where the hell were they going? He didn't want to move, the wall was quite lovely really. Black was such a wonderfully dull color, wasn't it? Much better than red; red was far too vivid, it hurt one's eyes.
Remus blinked slowly, trying and failing to open the left one. Well, thought Remus, this certainly puts a damper on things doesn't it?
A warm washcloth was pulled across his forehead, sticking on a cut. Remus groaned and tried to push it away. Another hand caught Remus's and pulled it to a set of warm and dry lips.
"Don't try to move just yet, your body took a lot of damage. Pomfrey had to stitch you up quite a bit. Over a hundred stitches! Are you quite happy with yourself?"
"Rather." mumbled Remus, his mouth felt like it had cotton balls stuffed in it. It was an all-together uncomfortable feeling and he wanted his toothbrush.
"I'm glad you're feeling so dandy. I'll have you know I nearly worried my hair out when you came stumbling into the house. Had me in a fine situation, didn't you? "
Remus looked at the blob that he thought was Sirius's head "You lie."
"I would never!"
"You, sir, are a compulsive liar. I don't believe a word you're saying. Worrying your hair out indeed." huffed Remus, smiling to belie his sarcastic tone.
"Yeah, well, you're a loony. Loony, loony Lupin!"
"I would hit you if I felt better."
"Then I'd better be glad you feel like shit, now hadn't I?" said Sirius, putting his arms around the beaten man. Remus smiled and went back to sleep. He wondered how long he had been out. But did it really matter? With Sirius's warm weight pressing against him, snow on the windowsill, and the low tunes of the Wizarding Wireless pulsing against his eardrums, he decided it really didn't matter. Even if he had missed Harry and Christmas, it truly didn't matter for once.
/page break/
Remus held tightly to the struggling body in his arms, trying to fight his own tears. Harry twisted left, then right, and back again, trying to get to the veil that dominated the rocky chamber. Remus hugged the poor boy to him, burying his head in the unruly hair before him. All time seemed to stop, there was no sound, there was no fighting, and all there was was grief, tangible and unrelenting. The agony was so thick that it was impossible to see for all the tears. There was a battle going on around them, wasn't he supposed to be fighting? Who cared? Who cared now that Sirius was gone? Sirius would never hold him, smile at him, make love to him, or be delightfully stupid ever again. He had passed through that fucking veil, never to return.
He felt Harry break free of his arms and fly towards the laughing Bellatrix. Remus didn't have the heart to stop the child. Because that's what Harry was; a child. A child who had lost the one person who showed him love. A child who was destined to fight a war so much bigger than he was. A child who only wanted to be loved by somebody. A child that was so much like Remus it was terrifying.
Remus sensed sound rushing back to him as a yellow spell flew past his shoulder. All he seemed to be able to do was stare at the veil that had ripped the love of his life away from him once more. Kingsley rushed past him, pushing Remus to the rocky floor. He winced as he felt the skin on his palms rip apart. As the blood rushed to the fleshy wound, Remus felt a warm body hit his back.
"Remus! Are you okay? You weren't hit were you?" One of these days Remus was going to rip Nymphadora's head off her shoulders.
/page break/
"Poor man's in shock I think. Hasn't spoken a word since the Ministry." Remus really wished people would stop talking about him behind his back. It got very annoying. He really wished Nymphadora would stop hanging off him as well; it was only slightly degrading.
"Well, how would you feel if you lost your last friend to a bloody possessed curtain?" Oh, very nice. Remus felt great about himself now. He had other friends. He had plenty of them, he just spent most of his time with…oh, who was he kidding? Sirius was the only one who spoke to him on a regular basis.
"I would feel terrible. But that doesn't mean he needs to mope about for three weeks."
Remus sighed and stood, the two nosy people quieted. "Maybe you should talk about people where they can't hear you."
Hephzibah Coils and Frederick Bangleforsch had the good grace to look ashamed of themselves. Remus couldn't have cared less.
He climbed the stairs to his bedroom. Once again it was his bedroom, not 'ours'. Because Sirius was gone, wasn't he? Remus clambered onto the bed and tried to not cry. It was so hard though, trying to pretend you weren't hurt more than you actually were. Because not many people knew what Sirius and Remus had been to each other.
What made it worse was the fact that the bedding seemed to permanently smell of Sirius and Remus wouldn't let Molly change it. The poor woman had tried to get the sheets off the bed for so long, he wondered why she wouldn't give it up. The sheets were never coming off.
"Remus?"
"Yes, Nymphadora?"
"We're ready to go get Harry and the others from the station. Are you coming with us?"
Remus sighed, "Yes, let me get my coat."
"Okay!" The girl fairly bounced out of the room. And Remus bade her well with that optimism. It wouldn't be long before the whole thing came crashing down on her.
/page break/
Poor Harry was trying to be so brave about everything. If one looked hard enough they could see the strain that he was under and, of course, Dumbledore was packing him off to the Dursley's house! He watched Molly coo all over Harry and Remus felt a flash of hot and irrational anger. Harry didn't want or need coddling! He needed someone to understand where he was coming from, he needed someone who wouldn't blow his questions off with kind words and food, Harry needed a friend. A friend who wouldn't look at him like he was a science project or a friend who got jealous at the drop of the hat.
Remus didn't doubt that Ron and Hermione were good friends but they tended to fall back on their personalities when things got rough. His newest friends simply weren't around enough to be of much help; although Neville was more understanding, simply because he'd been there.
The small group watched Harry walk out of King's Cross, his uncle staring at him the entire way. The Weasley's followed soon after leaving Moody, Nymphadora, and Remus standing there. Joyous of all joys, thought Remus.
"Hey Remus, do you want to go to lunch with me?"
"Not really, Nymphadora. I'm sorry," said Remus, walking away so as not to see the poor girl's devastated face. He heard Moody mumbling condolences and words of comfort. It was laughable really and Remus nearly turned to say so. He decided at the last minute that that was too callous and didn't.
Remus walked out of King's Cross station, miserable and exhausted, wishing to be somewhere else right then.
A/N: Here you go! Hope I didn't make anyone too sad. Keep in mind people that it will get sadder from here on out.