Hey everyone! Just wanted to wish you guys a merry Christmas and a happy new year! I also wanted to tell everyone that I probably won't be updating until January or February. It all depends on my schedule. Im leaving for vacation Monday night. Im heading over to Colorado to visit my dad's family. So I may not be able to update for a while. So yeah, just bare with me. :) And now that im done with that, on with the chapter! Here is my shout out to a fellow reader and reviewer. :) Sorry it took so long. southaholic-KairiSD.

Oh! I am skipping a few weeks because nothing interesting happened. So yeah, this chapter is more of a transition I guess I don't know. Whatever. Haha. We'll just see where I end it.

It's been weeks. Maybe even a couple of months since Ashley and I really talked. Just you know, an occasional 'Hey' then and there now. At practice we hardly speak to each other too. I don't really know what happened between the two of us. I guess we just kind of drifted apart after that weekend.

I kind of wished that I never told her to call Aiden back. Actually, I really wish that I never kissed her that one night. It just made more drama in my life. And who likes drama? No one that I know of anyways.

Rachel has been acting different towards me too. We hardly speak to each other still. She's always hanging out with Ashley, Madison, and Chelsea. It's kind of weird between us now. So it's just me and Abby now. We got closer. Abby and I. im pretty happy of that. I just wished that I knew what was going on with everyone. I feel so out of the loop.

Yes I am still going out with that stupid ass I use to call a boyfriend. Now he's just there and he still calls me his girlfriend. I really wish he would just let me go. Maybe I can hook him up with the school slut. But who am I kidding? He'd have sex with her and then come back to me. He's like a boomerang.

This is the longest I've been with a guy. Nothing is even happening in this so called relationship. There is absolutely no spark. And im happy of that too. Because, I really hate him. I kept telling him that we're over, but it always ends up the same way it did that one day back when he slapped me in the hallway.

Soccer is just another blur in my life. I've put a lot more time into it. I've been blocking a lot of other things out and it's made me a much quieter person than before. I still talk, don't get me wrong, but it's just less. A lot less. And no im not a mute. Trust me; I talk a lot more than them.

Im still faking that smile and faking that laugh a lot too. I wish I didn't, but I just don't want the pity from anyone. And I mean anyone. And no one besides Abby knows about that night with Ashley and me. No one is acting different towards us at school and im glad of that.

So I sit with Abby and her boyfriend Michael and his best friend Todd at lunch today. It looks like it might rain again, and I really hope not. Usually Luke sits with us, but he's sick. I hope it gets a lot worse and he dies. But yeah, Michael is really great for Abby. He's a junior and he's just a really cool laid back guy. He plays baseball in the spring along with Todd.

Now Todd is a different story. He's that one guy at high school that everyone knows but he only hangs out with the same people everyday. Us. He's really cute and really nice. I would date him in a heartbeat actually. But yeah, you know what would happen with Luke and him? With Luke and me!? I can't. Abby told me that he likes me and I should date him, but she doesn't know the whole story with Luke.

I take a drink out of my Gatorade that I bought and I pull out my cell phone. I sigh as I hit call. I have to call Luke. Maybe if I tell him over the phone, he won't come and like, beat the shit out of me. He answers and he says hey and then I hear a girl moan in the background. "Ok yeah, Luke, we're over. Ok? And I mean it this time." I hang up on him and maybe, just maybe he won't come back to me.

I sit back down at the table and Abby gives me a questioning look. I just shake my head and I start to talk to Todd.

In the middle of our conversation, Rachel sits down next to me. The table goes quite, "Hey Spence." She takes a drink out of my drink

"Hi." I reply quietly. I don't look at her though; I keep looking at the table and at Todd.

"So did you hear?" She asks me

I look over at her now, "About?"

"Ashley and Aiden of course." I roll my eyes and I look over at Abby

"No I haven't. What's up with them?" I say. My tone, you can tell that I don't care. But deep down inside, only I know is that I hope they broke up and Aiden died. But I know that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

"They're going away this weekend." I look over at Rachel and she continues, "Yup. To some cabin or something."

Im screaming inside, "Cool." Is all I say. I grab my Gatorade and I get up and leave.

I can't handle this anymore. I just need to leave. But I can't, because I don't have a car. Let alone my permit. So really, I don't know where im going. I wish I knew. The bell doesn't ring for another half hour. Then I hear a voice behind me, "Hey wait up!" I turn around and Todd runs up to me. He stares at me, "You ok?" He asks and I can tell from his voice that he really wants to know

I nod and we walk together. We're walking around aimlessly though because there is no where we can go. We've been silent for a while. I open my mouth to say something since we've stopped, but he beats me, "Spencer, I know that this is probably the worst time ever to tell you this. But um… I um… like… you." I look at him and a small smile crept up onto my face

"I like you too." But not as much as I 'like' Ashley Davies. I can never like you like I love her. And no one will ever know how much I love her. And no one will ever know about that night between us. No one.

He smiled big at me and grabbed my hand and we began walking again. We walked over to this vacant bench on campus and we sat down. We sat silent once again. I took the opportunity to look around the quad to see where everyone actually sat at lunch. I wished I hadn't though, because I came upon Ashley and her crew. I stared at them for a few more seconds and then Madison made eye contact with me. I looked away quickly though.

"So, I hear that you're the star on the girl's soccer team." I look over at Todd with a smile

"No. Im just one of them." He laughs a little and puts his arm around me

He smells really good too. I really liked sitting her with him until a girl from junior high walked up to us, "Hey aren't you going out with Luke?" She asks me

And I have to answer quickly, "No im not. You can have him." She smiles big and walks away

Then Todd removes his arm and looks at me, "Wait, are you really going out with that ass?" He said like he couldn't believe it

"I did." I say quietly, "But im not anymore." I add

He stands up and pulls me up with him. "Good. Because you so deserve better." He smiles at me and I smile back. "Can I… um… kiss you?" He asks quietly

Wow, this isn't moving fast at all. But I let him because I want him to be happy and I can't keep living in that world. I can't keep telling myself that Ashley and I are going to work out. I know it's not, so I just have to get over the fact that she never liked me like that. But a part of me, doesn't want to kiss him, because Ashley's table is right there and we're right here. What if she sees us? But then again, a part of me wants her to see it.

We pull apart and I feel like I made a mistake. Like, I have that feeling that what I just did is going to hurt someone and it's going to hurt me even worst. I have that feeling that everyone watched us kiss for the first time. But I know everyone didn't. Just a particular table did.

I smile up at Todd and I wrap my arms around his stomach and I hug him tightly. I don't know why I am though, maybe just because I needed a hug. And he hugs me back and im glad because of that. "Since tomorrow is Friday and all," I look up at him, "You want to go to a movie with me?" He asks

I nod and I smile at him, "I'd like that." Really, I would. Well, a part of me doesn't, but I can't hurt him.

He smiles down at me and he takes my hand and we start to walk towards Ashley's table. Oh god, please don't tell me he knows someone there! "What are we doing?" I ask quickly and quietly

"We're just walking around. Why?" He looks over at me confused

I shake my head as we walk past her table. She stops talking to Aiden and she watches me. I make eye contact with her and I look away quickly. I can't fall again. I won't.

Once we're pasted her table, I glance back to see if she's still watching. And she is. And I smile big deep down inside. And we walk back to our table and we sit down next to each other. Abby and Michael stares at us and we both smile at them. They return it.

So it did start raining after lunch. Once we got to 5th period. So practice got cancelled once again.

After school, I went to the locker room and grabbed my soccer bag. On the way out, I ran into Ashley and Trisha. I smiled a hello to them and kept walking. I was still in earshot and I heard Trisha ask Ashley something, "What's up with you two?" I kept walking though. I didn't want to hear anything else.

I saw Todd's car and walked over to it. I've ridden in it plenty of times before so I knew what it looked like. He really is a great guy, but I kind of wish that I was dating Ashley and not him. But my wishes never come true. Even if I wish upon a shooting star. It never comes true.

He gets out of his car and meets me half way. Such a gentlemen, "Hey Spence." He kisses me and I kiss him back

We pull apart and we head for his car. As I was opening the door, I get a text message. I read it once I shut the door though. So I see that you and Todd are going out. It's from Ashley. Why does she always have to ruin my good moments?

I look up through the windshield and I see her mom's car driving off. I sigh quietly and I close my phone. Im not texting her back. "So to your house?" He asks me as he waits his turn to pull out of the parking lot. He's in front of Ashley's car.

"Um I'd rather not." I look over at him and he smiles

"Then mine it is." I smile back at him and he turns left instead of right.

Ok there is the update! Hopefully I'll get to update over the break, but I may not be able to. So yeah. Have an awesome Christmas and an awesome new year! Don't get too drunk ya hear? Lol.