We hung out all day. Just the four of us. It was really fun. Just all laughs and smiles. All day. I didn't once worry about my problems or nothing. And I haven't done that for a long time so im glad that today came. I was actually really worried about it. I don't know why though. Maybe im just going crazy.

The whole day went perfectly. That is until I blew up on Todd because he brought up my room smelling like cigarette smoke again. I yelled at him and I had no clue why I was doing it. And after I yelled at him, I just walked away. I walked along the beach. I now loved feeling the sand between my toes and the smell of the salty ocean. It was really comforting to me. It used to bug me, but that was because I hardly ever went to ocean.

A seagull flew above me and made their seagull noise. I rolled my eyes because they are really annoying. All they do is squawk a lot and eat your food and poop on you. It's really disgusting actually. Especially in the morning when you have to go through out the whole day with bird poop on you. Ew. It sucks.

After I walked down the beach a while ways, far enough from them, I sat down on the sand. It was getting really cold and I wished that I hadn't walked along the beach. I also wished that I had a jacket that I could put on.

The sun was just now setting and the sky look beautiful. The wind blew then and I shivered. I look back to see how far I am from my house and it's not all that far. I search for my friends then and I don't see Abby nor Todd. Ashley is making her way over here. Im kind of thinking like they set all this up. Maybe im really being recorded and someone someplace read my journal and Ashley is just acting like this because they know what I like in a person. Girl. Guy. I don't know.

I sigh then because im really thinking about that now. What if she is just all an act and is really teasing me and stuff. I really don't know what im going to do if that is really all true. Wow. I think I just might die. Because, Ashley is like, everything I love. Her smile, laugh, and her personality. I love this girl and right now, I really wish I never played soccer. And that's really saying something because I love playing soccer.

She seats down next to me and im just waiting for her to tell me how im screwing my life up or how im going mental or crazy. But, she doesn't say anything. She just seats there and watches the sun go down with me. We both listen to the waves crashing against the shore and the seagulls up above.

I glance over at her a few times and she looks like she is really enjoying just sitting there watching the ocean. She looks peaceful. I sigh then as the sun is almost all the way down, and that's when she talks, "This is really cool." She says almost in a whisper

I nod, "Yeah it is." I say really quite as another wind blows against our bare skins. I shiver and rub my arms for warmth

Ashley is leaning back on her elbows on the cold, wet, sand. "So um, can I ask you something?" I look back at her and I nod, "Why did you blow up on Todd? I mean, he was just asking you a question…" She trails on and I stare back at the now black ocean. I swallow hard and blink a lot. For some reason, I feel like I really want to cry right now. "Spence?" I look back at her again

"Um," I say really quite, "I really don't know." I add and I look back into the ocean.

Ashley leans back up and her arm brushes up against mine. I get goosebumps, "Really? There has to be a reason though." Her voice is soft, like she's scared that if it's any harder, I'll break or something.

I shrug then, without looking at her, "We should get back. My mom should be home any time now." She should have been home 2 hours ago but she wasn't.

Ashley agrees as we both stand. We walk back in silence. We get to my back door and the lights turn on. She opens the door and looks back at me and smiles. You know the one that I fell in love with at first. She walks inside and that thought comes back into my head. This so has to be a movie, because no one can really have all of this drama in their life. Really, who has all of this drama in their life and still lives? I don't know anyone. I've seen movies like this though.

I walk inside and change quickly back into my jeans and tank top. I slip into my grey hoodie that says UCSB on it. I walk upstairs where everyone is. I walk into the living room where they're watching TV. "Spencer!" My mom is calling me so she must be home. They all look at me and I smile at them before I leave the room to go to my mothers.

I walk into her room and sit down on her bed. Alan shuts the door and they both stand in front of me. Alan crosses his arms and my mom looks at me hard, "We smelled the smoke in your room." Oh, I thought this was going to be about Ashley being over. Maybe they forgot about that whole walking in on us thing. I hope so. That night was pretty bad.

"And we found this in your room." My mom holds up the razor that I use to cut with.

I stand up and I raise my voice, "Why the hell were you in my room in the first place?" and I should have seen it coming. My mom slaps me.

I sit back down and hold my cheek, "Do you think that you're old enough to use that type of language in front of me?" I take my hand off of my cheek. I fight back the tears. She must be working out because that slap was a lot harder than any others.

"And do you think that you're not good enough for anyone that you actually went to cutting yourself?" He says it in such a disgusted tone

I swallow hard and look at my mom, "What? You don't have anything else to say to me?" She looks kind of shocked by what I said. She shouldn't be shocked. "About how im somehow screwing my life up?" My voice is raised again. Im standing again, but by the door now. My hand is on the doorknob.

"Excuse me? We're not the ones going around thinking 'fuck the world' now are we?" They slowly start walking towards me

I open the door, "Oh yeah, because I go around with that attitude. Wow, if you actually believe that is how I am, then wow, you've done a great job parenting mom." I walk out of their room and all three of my friends are standing at the end of the hallway; eyebrows raised. One tear escapes and I quickly wipe it away as I pass them.

I run downstairs and im breathing heavy because im mad. This is when I would usually punch something, or call Ashley to vent. But I don't, because they're all downstairs, walking over to me. Asking me what happened. But I keep shaking my head, and my eyes never leave Ashley because she is the only one who isn't asking me that stuff. Her eyes are trained on me as I sit down on my bed. I just wished that they could take me home with them. Wait, that's a good idea!

"Hey, um, what are you guys doing tonight?" They all exchange looks, "Because, I so don't want to stay here tonight. They might murder me in my sleep." They all let out a light laugh

"We were going to go and hit up this party down the street." Todd tells me and a smile creeps up onto my face. "You in?"

I nod, "I am so in." We head out my back door and make it up to his car.

Abby sat in front as me and Ashley sat in back. We all sit in silent for about 15 minutes before we pull up to the house that already has a lot of people in it. "How did you find out about this party, Todd?" Abby asks as she opens her door

"Some dude on the beach." I follow Ashley out of her door

We walk into the house and I go straight into the kitchen. I hear Todd's name being called from some guy. Must be the one that they met on the beach earlier today. I pull myself a half cup of straight vodka and then added some coke to it. I took a big drank from the cup and it was really strong. I add some more coke and take another drank from it and it was a lot better.

There's a hand, snaking around my waist. A hand that belongs to a guy that I don't know, "Want to dance?" I shake my head

"Maybe later." I send him a smile and he retracts his hand

"Im counting you to that." He smiles and walks away

I take another big drank and I smile. It's satisfying. And then I feel hot breath on my ear. It whispers into my ear, "What the hell are you doing?" I turn to be really close with Abby

I smile at her, "I need it." She doesn't return my smile. She grabs my cup and takes a sniff and she cringes at the smell. She hands it back to me and rolls her eyes. She isn't a risk taker. She's probably going to be the designated driver. Even though she's my age.

Abby walks away. She's probably going to tell Ashley that im drinking. I hurry up and finish that cup and pour myself another one that I'll slowly work on instead of just guzzling it down. I walk into the room where there are a lot of people dancing. A lot of people are already drunk too. That's pretty sad. But I don't know why im saying that because I already feel a lot happier. That means that the really strong alcohol is working.

Im half way through my second cup of my drink before I find the guy that wanted to dance with me. I've been avoiding my friends since we've gotten here. I saw them looking around, probably looking for me. I think they gave up because I don't see them anymore, "Im ready for that dance!" I have to scream it because he's standing next to a speaker, drinking his own strong drink. I can smell it on him.

"Perfect!" He takes one more drank before he crushes the cup and throws it on the ground before he takes my hand and leads the way onto the dance floor. When we get onto the floor, all I can smell is alcohol, sweat, and BO on people. He pulls me close to him and whispers into my ear, "You should finish that drink so you don't have to hold to while you dance." He pulls back and smiles at me. He slurred some of his words.

I smiled at him and hurried up and finished it. We danced for about 10 minutes before we stumbled out of the living room laughing. He was really close to being drunk and I was just buzzed. He grabbed my hand and we started walking into the hallway. I was still laughing as he pulls me up the stairs. Half way up the stairs, we stopped, "Hold on, im thirsty." We went into the kitchen, hand in hand.

We poured ourselves our own too strong of drinks. As I was pouring mine, he leaned in and kissed my neck. I smiled as I finished pouring my drink. "Come on." He said leading me back out of the kitchen and up the stairs again.

We stumble into a vacant bedroom. We set our drinks down and he kissed me again, but on the lips. It went from a simple kiss to a kiss with tongue. We sat down on the bed and his hand started from my knee and up under my tank top. He took off my jacket and his shirt before he pushed me onto my back. His breath smelled like vodka and the only thing I pictured while kissing him, was fucking Ashley. Damn, she always ruins everything that I want to do but its wrong. Always.

My tank top was slowly coming up and off of my body. That's when I realized that I shouldn't be doing this. He started kissed my neck again and he hit my weak spot. I let out a tiny moan and I could feel him grin. He kissed on down my neck and back up to my lips. My heart was pounding by now and I stopped kissing him. He noticed, "Why the hell did you stop?" He's straddling me now and I want to push him off of me. I attempt but in return, I get slapped. "Shut up, you fucking tease." He is slurring all of his words now and he kisses me again. He kisses me hard as he unbuttons my jeans

"Stop." I say it into his mouth but he doesn't listen. I try to push him off again but he forces his tongue inside my mouth.

The door flies open and he doesn't even move. He keeps kissing me. He's too heavy and strong for me to get out from under him, "Get off of her!" Thank God! It's Todd!

He pulls him off of me and the guy punches him in his face. "Oh my God." Abby walks into the room now and looks at me. I stand up and I go to grab my shirt when Ashley walks in

"What the hell?" And I freeze for a moment

But then I grab my shirt, jacket, and shoes. I button and zip my pants before I push past them. I hear the guy yell 'bitch' when im half way down the stairs. I put on my tank top before the end of the stairs. The music is no longer playing and there is no one in the house anymore besides 3 men with uniforms on. And the first instinct I have is to run. So I turn around and run into the kitchen and out of the back door.

"Get her! Don't just stand there!" I hear one of the officers yell

"I'll get the brunette!" I turn around and I see through the window that Ashley just walked down the stairs and she looks shocked. She attempts to run but they catch her.

I run faster and then when the cop threatens to shot if I don't stop, I stop. I drop my jackets and shoes and I put my hands up. He starts to walk over towards me and I bend over to put my shoes on, "Stand up!" He yells and I don't listen. I really want my shoes on. Good thing they're just my Etnies and they're easy to slip into.

He pushes me down into the sand and he handcuffs me. I put up a fight because this shouldn't be an easy job. I hope that Todd and Abby got out safe…