"Alright cons, get to work!" Bellick said as he flounced out of the under-construction guard room.

"Right-o, Boss-man!" T-bag saluted.

"Yeah! Now start movin', slackers!" Bellick roared, leaping back into the room.

"Sure thing!" T-bag exclaimed.

"Bagwell! I get the last word, dammit!" Bellick sulked.

"No!"

"Don't play your little mind games with me, mister! I know about the other women, men, and fictional characters! That's right, I read your emails! I trusted you! I thought we had something special! Well, I am done!" Bellick wailed.

"Baby," T-bag pleaded, "Don't go! I thought Jerry Springer got us all worked out!"

"My Momma has been telling me to leave you from the day you chose your porn star name! And I should've listened!" Bellick blubbered.

"Now you listen here boi," T-bag said with a murderous expression, "There is nothing, and I mean nothing wrong with the name Dr. Feelgood!"

"I hate you! I hate you! IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou! I'm leaving!" Bellick bawled.

"You walk out that door and it is over, you hear me?" T-bag warned.

And with that, Bellick ran out of the room howling like a little girl; probably off to lock himself in a bathroom to write emo poetry in his diary, Jim trying in vain to keep up with him. Meanwhile, Michael, Lincoln, Sucre, C-Note, and John were watching that exchange with their jaws on the floor.

"Hmm… T-bag is a porn star. Who would've thought it?" John mused.

"Me." Michael, Lincoln, Sucre, and C-Note said in unison.

"Hey Pretty. Guess what?" T-bag said.

"What?" Michael asked nervously. The last guessing game he had played with T-bag had ended with a four hour pitch on a new television show. It was about a young ninja named B-Tag who destroyed his enemies through the power of song. And T-bag had some of the songs already written, which he gladly demonstrated. Lucky Michael.

"I'm lookin' for a rebound" T-bag said, his mouth playing in a devilish grin.

"Oh really? Me too! How 'bout some coffee on Saturday?" Lincoln squealed, making the others look at him like he was a brain-eating pink and black striped flying zebra.

"Oh yeah. I will definitely check my planner on that one. It's a definite maybe… assuming I don't have anything better to do." T-bag said unconvincingly.

A couple moments passed, and then finally someone broke the silence.

"We should probably get back to work." John said halfheartedly.

"Dr Evil-I mean Madame Vice President! What should we do about the Fox River Situation? Inmates are shouting really weird stuff, the food is more acidic than nuclear waste, and one guard has gone completely emo! But it could just be his time of month." Agent Kellerman said urgently to The Master of Doom a.k.a Madame Vice President Caroline Reynolds while Agent Hale listened intently.

"Well we will take care of the situation obviously," Madame Vice President said, "You too will go to the prison in the morning and give the antidote to all the inmates. Then, and only then, will I be closer to world domination!"

"How do you figure that?" Kellerman asked.

"I dunno, it says in the how-to-kit to say 'world domination' at least once in every conversation." Madame Vice President explained with a shrug.

"Kit? Oh, the 'So you want to be the next leader of the free world' thing. I guess that's where the lightning and trademark royal cat of doom/mafia dealings came from." Hale said.

"Behind every evil leader, there is a royal cat of doom." Madame Vice President recited while summoning the cat.

"So how exactly do we give the inmates the antidote?" Kellerman asked.

"Just a shot in the arm." Madame Vice President said, "You are supposed to be two doctors from a local hospital who will administer the shots. They should let you in with no problem."

"Ok. At least we don't have to do anything degrading." Kellerman said in relief.

"Your names are Rhonda Farnsworth and Victoria Reilly." Madame Vice President said while evil lightning flashed outside.