Heavenly Habits

"All right, so we actually have the house to ourselves," Ryan says once we're inside. He's turned towards me a fake shocked look on his face.

I laugh and follow him into the kitchen where we drop our bags by the large antique wooden table. "OK, so what do you feel like Gabby?" Ryan asks me. "We can get something to eat and then start on our compromise." He grins at me. Why must his smile make my heart drop in my chest? It's like I'm having a heart attack every five seconds. He smiles too much. And worst of all, most of them are for me. This wouldn't be so tragic if we weren't platonic.

I compose myself and jerk my head towards my forest green backpack and his black messenger bag that lay in a heap on the floor.

Ryan rolls his eyes teasingly and says, "Homework! Righhhht. I almost forgot."

I smile. "Good thing I reminded you then. We have algebra and physics remember?"

"Yes, sadly, I remember now," he jokes. "OK, fine we can work and eat at the same time. We've got animal crackers," he bribes me.

OK that is completely unfair. He knows how much I love animal crackers. He so did this on purpose. "Fine!" I say.

He chuckles and pours the crackers into a large bowl and sets it in the middle of the table. He then puts two cans of cream soda down. I swear he knows me to well. So why can't I be the person who makes his heart beat fast? We're perfect for each other. We could be exactly the same as always. We'd just kiss. Would that be so bad?

I pop open my soda and grab an animal cracker. He laughs and in return picks his bag up, making a show of getting his homework out.

We sit in silence for a while each of us working. I'm diligently completing my math worksheet when I realize I no longer hear another pencil scratching along with mine.

I look up and see Ryan chewing on his pencil, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "Ryan?" I question an amused expression on my face.

He meets my eyes and laughs dropping the pencil. "I was just trying to understand how you could chew on pencils. I don't get it. They aren't very appetizing."

I blush and my eyes drop back to my paper. "How far are you?" I ask quietly.

"Not very far," he admits sheepishly. He edges his chair over and leans over to look at my paper. Did I mention the odor of his skin is also incredibly delicious? A mix of some expensive soap and mouthwatering cologne.

"Wow, you're almost done. Then you can help me!" he exclaims, smiling jovially.

"Sure," I say and finish the assignment possibly a little too quickly. "Done!" I inform him.

"Awesome! Now help me!" he cries dramatically, his eyes pleading.

I laugh and take a look at his sheet. "You've done the first few correctly…what's the trouble?"

"The trouble is… I always do better with you helping me. I'm bound to mess up without you," he says.

I flush with pride. He needs me! Yet, he has no idea how much I need him. "You can do it by yourself Ryan," I say as calmly as possible. "I know you can."

"You sure 'bout that? Cause me… not so sure," Ryan says chuckling.

"Yes I am. You are smart, Ryan… but I'll help you." I give in. I mean how can I deny him?

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Ryan says and kisses my cheek. He then proceeds to stick my pencil in my mouth. "I permit you to chew," he jokes in a deep, grumbling voice.

Still reeling with the touch of his lips on my cheek, I freeze for a moment then remove the pencil from between my lips and say weakly, "No problem."

It takes exactly thirty-six minutes to complete Ryan's worksheet. Is it sad that I counted? Probably, but it was entirely too enjoyable. His hand grazed mine three times and we knocked knees twice. Yet, even with those subtle distractions I am fairly confident in that I taught him well.

We pack our things up and Ryan pats my shoulder. "You're the best Gabs! I don't know what I'd do without you."

I merely smile and shrug it off modestly. He doesn't realize what those comments do to me though. I take them to heart. And I take them in the wrong way. I allow myself to believe these are hints he is dropping. Hints that he loves me as more than a friend. That he thinks of me as Gabriella the beautiful young woman who has captured my heart and soul not Gabby the faithful best friend who helps me with my homework. I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak. Yet, do I really want him to refrain from these statements?

I kneel down on the floor to zip up my backpack and once I am done a pair of milky white hands reach out for me. I take them gladly and Ryan pulls me to my feet. Once I'm steady he drops my hands and they swing back down to my side. We've had too much contact today. I'm sure to explode with frustration at any given moment.

"All right two assignments down, one to go," Ryan announces.

"Wait, what do you mean? We only had science and math," I reply baffled.

"Well I consider chess homework. It's dull enough," Ryan says, just waiting for some outraged reaction from me, like a punch or a protestation.

I think about hitting him, I do. But I stop myself. Like I said, too much contact today. I'm afraid of what I could do. I've never lusted after someone as I do Ryan. I don't know that side of myself yet. I can't risk our friendship. It means too much to me. What if I were to freak him out? What if we couldn't be friends any longer after something happened between us? I would surely die. A life without Ryan is unthinkable, unimaginable.

"Gabby?"

I shake my head and look up at Ryan. He looks so concerned. Oh god, was I frowning?

"Are you ok?" he asks softly.

I nod slowly. I'm trying to smile, but a wave of sadness has washed over me. Great, I just sunk myself into a depression. He's never going to love me as more than a friend, he's never going to see me that way. This runs through my head over and over.

"What were you thinking about?" he asks me and his arm is around my shoulder and he's leading me up the stairs to the game room.

"Nothing, nothing," I mutter as we reach the room and he sits me down at the chess table.

I force myself to smile and he relaxes. "Ok fine, you're off the hook just don't scare me like that again," he says seriously.

"Sorry," I mumble. "We don't have to play chess." I feel terrible. Stupid me.

"Yes we do. I promised," Ryan replies stubbornly. "Its still a stupid game though," he adds half-smiling.

I smirk back.

"Ladies first," he says gesturing with his hand for me to start. And I do.

Note: So looks like Gabby's in pretty deep. Just the thought of Ryan never loving her as more than a friend makes her frown. But wasn't he so cute about it! Lol. Next chapter will be more upbeat. I promise lol. Thanks reviewers! Your comments make me smile!