Thanks to all my reviewers once again!! I am terribly sorry for the long wait, hope this chapter is good. Okay, this chapter is where it gets kind of......disturbing and when you see the warning, please don't run away screaming because EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!! Also! This chapter is unbetaed so there may be alot of spelling and grammer mistakes.
Okay, enough with my blabbing!
Warning: Suicidal themes!!!
Chapter thirteen- Even the best people can make the worst decisions....
Severus groaned as he blurrily opened his eyes. Everything was blurry at first but after a couple experimental blinks, everything came into focus once again. His black eyes darted around the dark Hospital Wing as if searching for any movement.
"Severus, its good to see that you are awake," Dumbledore was beside his bed in a cushioned chair. Severus jumped slightly at the sight of the man before scowling heavily.
"What happened?" his voice was calm and cool though it was weaker then usual. Severus paused to remember the last couple of moments he could think of.
Him and Black going down to the Whomping Willow. Him and Dumbledore hurrying Lupin and Darian up to the Hospital Wing. Granger and Weasley demanding to go inside. Darian panicking. His own stupefy curse being fired at himself......
Severus groaned again as he remembered. He looked around the Hospital Wing, careful to not miss any detail. All the beds were empty besides his and the bed next to him, which he assumed Darian was residing in.
Severus glanced at the headmaster, who was still smiling at him cheerfully. He rolled his eyes before glancing almost cautiously back at his son's pale form.
"What did he do to me?" he asked quietly as if afraid that the boy would hear them talking. Dumbledore continued to smile broadly and Severus suddenly wanted to slap the serene smile off the old man's face.
Albus cleared his throat. "I'm sure you have heard of the prophecy involving Darian and Voldemort?"
Severus winced at the Dark Lord's name but nodded.
"Well," Albus continued. "It seems as if we've found out what 'the power the Dark Lord knows not' is."
Severus arched an eyebrow.
"It appears that he has the ability to control magic," Albus said hurriedly as he saw Severus began to get impatient.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that he has the ability to control energy......magical energy, the energy that spells are made up of, the energy that we use to fire those spells, the energy-"
"I get the point, Albus!" Severus snapped irritably as he reached a hand up to rub his eyes.
"So, as you have probably already guessed, Harry-"
"Darian," Severus corrected unconsciously. He grit his teeth as Albus's smile grew.
"Yes, Darian. Sorry Severus, my mistake..."
"Just get on with it already!"
"What is going on in here?" came Madame Pomfrey's angry voice. She was standing in the doorway to the Hospital Wing dressed in her tartan night-robes with her arms folded as she glared at the two.
"Severus, you should be resting and you need to leave Albus! I won't have you disturbing my patients again!" she snapped at Albus, who was looking quite unabashed.
"My apologies, Poppy," Albus said sincerely. "I was just speaking to Severus here about Darian...."
"You can speak to him tomorrow, he needs his rest!"
Severus snorted at the slightly taken aback look on Albus's face before the old man broke into a smile once again. Severus scowled; how could someone always stay so cheerful? It was as annoying as hell in Severus's eyes.
"Well then, I shall see you tomorrow, Severus. Good night to both of you," and with a swish of a robe, he left.
A short silence followed Albus's leave and Poppy turned to Severus, about to yell at him to get to bed when a soft moan broke the silence.
Darian opened his emerald eyes groggily and sat up slowly. He simply sat there for a moment, trying to get his bearings before glancing at Poppy and Severus almost cautiously.
"What happened?" he asked weakly, echoing his father's earlier words. Severus sneered at the boy and folded his arms, prepared to say something rather nasty.
"Just another spot of Accidental Magic, Darian," Poppy cut Severus off. "Nothing to serious."
Darian looked at her for a moment before glancing down at himself, staring at the bandages with an odd expression on his face. "When is the next full moon?" he whispered almost fearfully.
"Not until another twenty-six days, dear," Poppy said soothingly as she drew the covers up over him again. "You need your rest, Darian."
The boy looked as if he had been expecting to be told that he was transforming into the horrible monster again the next day. His relief was obvious and Severus felt a nudge in his heart as he eyed the bandages that covered Darian's torso.
Darian made to lie back down when a sharp pain flared through his back. He hissed loudly in pain, causing the two adults to look at him curiously. "My back...." He moaned to Poppy. "It hurts..."
"I'm afraid you may have damaged your spinal cord a little," Poppy said gently as she made her way over to Darian to help him lie down. Darian winced and reached to clamp a hand over the small of his back.
"Is it serious?" he asked dreadfully. Poppy felt her heart crumble as the pleading emerald eyes were suddenly focused upon her. "It could be," she found herself saying quietly. "You just need to take it easy for a couple of weeks. You may need to walk with a cane for a while."
Darian groaned. "Great, just what I need..."
Poppy patted his hand soothingly. "It will be alright."
"Everything always happens to me. Do you notice that?" Darian mumbled as he brought his hands to his face.
"Quite with the dramatics," Severus snapped in an annoyed tone though it lacked the usual venom it possessed; Darian didn't seem to notice. He scowled at his father heavily before saying bluntly, "Why do you hate me so much?"
"He doesn't hate you, dear, what ever made you think that he did?" Poppy asked gently though it was obvious that she wasn't just trying to convince Darian of that.
"Yes he does," Darian replied immediately as he glared at Severus, who was by that point looking quite irritated. How dare the boy presume that he, Severus, hated him just because he wasn't by the boy's side, telling him everything would be alright in that annoying paternal voice that he so hated whenever concerned parents would dote on their children over the stupidest things. The day he did that was the day that he proclaimed James Potter as his best friend. Well, maybe he did care about the boy a tiny bit more then he used to but Severus knew that it was only out of pity for the boy that he had just recently found out had been abused all his life. Severus knew that the boy hated pity as much as he did so it wouldn't due to act as if he cared when it was only out of pity. But he wasn't about to go and tell the boy that he felt pity for him, he was still the insufferable brat that had made his teaching days over the last five years ten times worse. So, Severus acted the only other way he could: like a bastard.
"Because, Mr. Snape, you are an insufferable little, snot-nosed child who expects to be waited on hand and foot just because he happens to be the supposed savor of the wizarding world," he responded airily. "But you are NOTHING special, Mr. Snape. You are supposed to be the savor of the wizarding world and yet you can't even stand up to a mere muggle."
Shocked silence followed his rant.
Severus turned away from the boy feeling a rather satisfied for making James Potter's adopted son feel like shit but also feeling a slight nudge in his heart at seeing the boy's face twist in pain. He angrily drowned out the small feeling of guilt in his satisfaction. After all, he was the boy's father wasn't he? And he needed to make sure the boy knew that the world was not going to obey to his every whim.
"Severus!" Poppy scolded, looking alarmed at what the professor had said. Sure he was snippy and bitter but she never would have thought that he would say something like that after he had realized that Darian hadn't had the charmed life he had thought and the small fact that Darian happened to be his son.
Darian felt a now familiar burning pain in his heart. He turned away from his father and closed his eyes. Well what did you expect? Darian thought to himself. That he'd welcome you with open arms? He hates you and that will NEVER change! How could you delude yourself enough to actually be stupid enough to think otherwise? He agreed whole-heartedly with the voice. How could he have thought that Snape would treat him otherwise? He really was an idiot. Vernon really was right. Darian swallowed the rising lump in his throat. He didn't deserve to live. He was nothing but a stupid, worthless, waste of space, an unwanted freak of natu- "Can I please go to the bathroom?" he heard himself whisper in a strained voice. Poppy looked quite surprised though still a little dazed from Snape's words.
"Darian, I don't think you're well enough..." Poppy trailed off as she stared at his pleading expression. "You cannot put any strain on your back, do you hear me?" she told him sternly. Darian nodded wordlessly. He slowly got up and, with the help of Poppy, made his way to the bathroom. He didn't even glance his father's way.
Once Darian was in the privacy of the bathroom he simply stood there, leaning up against the sink as he tried to regain control of his breathing, which was faster then normal, courtesy of his father. He could hear Poppy screaming at his father clearly due to his enhanced hearing. Trying desperately to ignore it, Darian slowly made his way to the toilet. He sat down on the seat of it, simply trying to enjoy this rare moment of solitude.
Closing his eyes once again, he reached up to rub his tired and in some ways wizened eyes, worn out from all the things they had been forced to see. The only bright thing in his life seemed to be his friends, which wasn't much anymore since he couldn't see them as much as usual and the small fact that he felt isolated from them, after all, they weren't of the same race anymore. Remus was the only one who understood him, understood what he was going through. But what was the point? If all he and Remus ever did was fight during the full moon then that was even worse then not having anyone at all. He hated his life so much. He had hated it ever since the end of his fourth year. The constant, plaguing question of 'Why me?' always seemed to run through his head followed by the mental scolding of feeling sorry for himself. He didn't even want to be pitied by himself; it was pathetic. He wanted so much to come to a conclusion for his pain and suffering and it all seemed to come down to one thing, the one thing that he probably would have done already had it not been for Sirius's return.
He didn't want to live anymore.
Hands shaking, Darian stood and leaned against the sink again as he desperately searched the cabinet for something, anything to end his pain. Finding no razor, Darian instead focused his attention on a large vial that he had found under the sink.
It was filled with light purple liquid about halfway and there was a label on it that read, 'Poppy Pomfrey. Take one teaspoon before dinner each night.' Darian frowned in curiosity as he rolled the vial in his hands, looking for another label that might tell him what the medicine was for. Finding none, he decided on figuring that it must be for something serious since it was prescribed. He shrugged; he really didn't care what it was. Smiling to himself he took out the stopper, his suffering would finally be over, he would get to his mother and his FATHER, not James Potter, his mother's husband, James Potter, his father, the father that had actually loved him. Without hesitation, the beaten and in some ways broken boy downed the entire unknown potion in twelve large gulps.
Darian cringed as he swallowed the last of the potion, feeling a mild satisfaction that he had finally been brave enough to do this. For a couple minutes, nothing happened and Darian got slightly worried that the potion wouldn't do anything to him. Then all of the sudden, he felt light-headed. The world started to spin and Darian found himself swaying. His vision blurred and his head exploded in pain. He dimly heard the empty vial shatter against the floor as it fell from suddenly numb fingers. Tears of torment fell from Darian's eyes but he kept repeating to himself, 'It will all be over soon.' His knees gave way and the pain in his head was reduced to a dull ache. Darian hit the wall roughly and he suppressed a cry of pain as his back screamed out in agony. He was sliding down to sitting position in front of the wall that was farthest away from the door.
A slow smile crept its way onto the boy's face as his head lolled lifelessly against his shoulder. Then, the emerald green eyes that had once held so much life and innocence before they had been scarred for life glazed, making them look empty.
The last thing Darian saw was a blurry figure hurrying over to him before his beautiful green eyes dulled and the sparkle of life that had once resided there flickered and faded away completely.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Severus sat stiffly as he listened to Poppy yell at him for what he had said to Darian. He really wasn't even listening to her, merely nodding every once and a while and having the grace to look ashamed and apologetic. He really hadn't meant to say that to the boy though. But what was done was done and he wasn't about to take them back. His words had been harsh and very immoral he knew that. And he hadn't missed the look of absolute devastation on the boy's face either no matter how much the boy had tried to avoid looking him in the eyes. He had never known that his opinion of the boy would have affected the boy so much. He thought that the boy hated him. The look on the boy's face would suggest otherwise though.
Severus was torn out of his thoughts when Poppy screamed, "You have been through the same treatment as he! How could you mock him about it when you know exactly how it feels to be mistreated like that!" Severus's face darkened at the woman's words as he was forced to remember his own childhood.
He opened his mouth to yell at her for the first time during this entire yelling match when something in the back of his mind flickered persistently. He scowled, fully intending on ignoring it only to have the feeling grow alarmingly until it was almost like an itch he couldn't reach. Something was wrong, very wrong but what? His black eyes darted around the wing taking in every detail; they came to rest on the bathroom door where Darian had yet to come out.
"Severus?" came Poppy's concerned voice. "What is wrong?"
Snape shook his head as he stared at the door. Why would he be thinking of the boy at a time like this? The sound of shattering glass, dimmed by the door met his ears and the man was up in an instant, banging on the door.
There was no answer and, without hesitation, Severus opened the door.
What he saw would probably be branded into his mind for forever. As soon as he opened the door, he backed out immediately, feeling ready to retch. He backed out with his hand over his mouth and suddenly felt very sick. Poppy gave a scream and dashed into the bathroom, trying to rouse Darian but Severus knew that there really was no use.
After regaining his bearings, he slowly walked back into the bathroom and stared at the pale form that was his once headstrong son.
At first glance, one would immediately say that the boy was dead due to his unhealthy pale state. His skin was almost as white as Voldemort's, it looked and was tinged with a slight grayish color. Darian's eyes were half-open and his emerald eyes looked blank and lifeless as they stared up at Severus accusingly. The boy's legs were splayed out carelessly and his arms were folded in his lap neatly and it suddenly became clear to Severus that Darian had meant to do this.
He felt bile rise up in his throat once again but didn't back down. The annoying voice in the back of his head kept taunting him, constantly yelling out, "This is all your fault!" And no matter how much Severus tried, the voice wouldn't be silenced, probably because what it said was true.
Severus suddenly felt guilt weigh heavily over him like never before. He wanted to yell and scream and hit something really bad, anything to get the annoying feeling of guilt out of him. Everything that he had said to hurt Darian seemed to pile up and the guilt hit him all at once like a tidal wave.
How could he have done this? Sure he disliked the boy but honestly! To drive a sixteen-year-old boy to the brink where he thought there was no way out? How many other students felt like this because of what he had said to them? Had some honestly thought of suicide triggered by what he had said to them? That thought made Severus's head hurt as he remembered when he himself had attempted suicide and had it not been for Dumbledore and Lily, he probably would have succeeded. But this boy, his son, he had friends! He wasn't some large-nosed, pale boy with greasy hair who was always made fun of and hated by more then half the student population, no. So many people loved him; he had so many friends who really loved him for him. Like Granger and Weasley, why they hadn't even thought of abandoning Darian when they found out about his true parentage. They had stuck by his side, just like Severus thought they would. Why would Darian even think of doing something like this when he had friends like those?
"It's because of you," the voice hissed to him again. "You are to blame. You and your stupid grudge for James Potter." Severus closed his eyes briefly and agreed with the voice. It was his fault. The boy had seemed just fine until he had said those things to him. How could he have said something that cold hearted? He knew what it was like to be abused. He knew what it was like to feel helpless and weak. And Severus knew that even James Potter and his little friends wouldn't have mocked him had they found out that he was abused. He looked down at the pale boy once again, forcing himself to see what he had done to the boy. They were so much alike, the boy and he. Severus had always been focussed on how different they were and it seemed to him that Darian had always had the positive differences. But now, he realized that they did have similarities. What scared Severus the most was that it had almost cost him his son's life to see this.
"Severus!" Poppy screamed desperately from where she was cradling Darian's lifeless form. "Help me get him to a bed! We need to get the headmaster!"
Severus stared at her and backed away, shaking his head. How could she expect him to even touch the boy after all that he had done to him? Severus felt like if he touched Darian, then the boy would whither up and die altogether.
"Severus, stop being so stubborn!" Poppy now looked furious. "If we don't get him treated then he will die! Do you realize that? He will die!"
Severus eyed the boy's limp form and slowly took a step forward, stooping down so he was level with Poppy and Darian.
"Help me lift him, come on," Poppy commanded as she wrapped her arms around Darian's chest.
"Why can't you just use magic?" His voice sounded weak and desperate to his own ears.
"Honestly, Severus! What has gotten into you!" Poppy snapped as they lifted Darian. "You know that magic could just make it worse! We don't even know what he did to himself!"
They carefully and gently laid the boy on his bed and Poppy hurried into her office to get a needle to draw blood with so she could tests while Severus stayed where he was, lost in a daze again.
"Severus!" Poppy's voice snapped him out of his thoughts once again and he looked up from staring at Darian. "What are you waiting for? Go get the headmaster!"
Severus nodded and all but fled from the room. He felt his guilt melt into horror. When Dumbledore found out the reason why Darian had tried to kill himself he would hate him. Well, maybe not hate him, but he wouldn't trust him anymore, not to mention that he would be more then disappointed in him. Severus stopped for a moment. Dumbledore had been the only one there for him after Lily had died. The man was like a father to him and the thought of Dumbledore being disappointed in him seemed to be one of the worst punishments in the world. After all, Dumbledore was about the only person who trusted him and Severus didn't want to squander that.
"It's to late," the voice snarled again. "What's done is done and you have to face the consequences of your actions."
As he rounded the corner, Dumbledore nearly knocked him over as he strode around the corner.
"Headmaster...." Severus began as he quickly stood up. "he-"
"It's Darian isn't it?" Dumbledore interrupted, sounding slightly panicked. "He's actually done it hasn't he?"
Severus nodded wordlessly; not needing to know what Dumbledore was talking about to understand. Dumbledore swept past him without a word and Severus stood there for a moment before turning around and hurrying after his mentor.
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