Thanks for all the great review!
Radar walked into the office after Sydney left.
"Uh sir, I found something I forgot to show you."
Potter looked up from rearranging his desk.
"Yes?"
"It's a letter from Colonel Flagg."
Potter frowned in response.
"With all the stuff that has been happening here I clean forgot he was even here!"
"So did I until I read this letter."
"Well go ahead son, read it to me." Sighed Potter and rubbed his forehead in an anticipated headache. Radar cleared his throat.
"Colonel Potter,
Urgent matters press me elsewhere though I myself feel strongly that this camp is in dire need of observation and strict discipline. Though I am gone in body my eyes still linger. I warn you Colonel. You don't know where I hid video cameras. Some are as tiny as your fingernails..."
Radar stopped and his eyes widened.
"Wow.." He breathed. "Is that true?"
"I don't know Radar, keep on reading." Potter couldn't help but chuckle. "I kind of want to hear what Flagg has to say."
Radar nodded.
"Yes sir." and resumed reading.
"Even I don't know where I hid them. I had to wipe my memory for my own protection."
Potter rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Now I must fly for the enemey is nearly upon us and it is my job to capture those commies and make sure they never see the light of day again. Until next time,
Colonel Flagg a.k.a Shirley Temple.
PS: After you've read this letter tear it up, burn it and swallow the ashes. No one can know what I am up to. Not even me."
Radar looked up looking a little green.
"I don't have to uh...do the last part do I sir?"
A deep throated chuckle escaped Potter.
"No son, you don't have to." He shook his head. "Count on Flagg to give us a laugh even when he's not trying to. Thank you for reading that letter Radar, it made my day."
Radar smiled slowly.
"Yes sir, no problem." He quickly left and Potter sighed in releif that Flagg was gone and out of their way. Now all he had to deal with was Hawkeye. He groaned a bit as he sat down. Suddenly he was almost preffering Flagg then having to see Hawkeye in one of his drunken rages again. He sure hoped Sidney would be able to help Pierce because since Captain Hunnicut's death no one has been able to help the good surgean.
It didn't surprise him to see Hawkeye standing over the still while pouring himself another drink.
"Sidney, why this is a surprise!" Hawkeye slurred as he turned around, barely able to stand up straight.
"Yes, and as I've said before I wish it was under better circumstances." Sidney removed his coat and sat on a BJ's old bed feeling a bit odd while doing so.
"Is it all right if I sit here?" He felt the need to ask.
Hawkeye shrugged as he sat down on his own bunk.
"Why should I care where you sit?"
Sydney decided not to say anything.
"I've heard that your going through a lot right now." He instead replied.
"Really, are you sure that's what you heard? Or was it that I was a lot to handle?" Hawkeye smiled smugly and Dr. Freedman smiled back, deciding to play that game.
"I heard a little bit of both." He admitted.
"I get it, so the dear old Colonel is so sick of me he's shipping me off to the nut house right?" Hawkeye took a sip of his drink. "Well I'm ready to go Doc. Any place is better then this hell hole."
"Nobody's sending you away Hawkeye. I'm just here to talk."
"To talk about what?" Hawkeye shrugged his shoulders. "There's nothing to talk about."
"Really? You don't want to talk about why you thought Winchester was killing that little girl when he was really just giving her anesithia?"
"That was a missunderstanding that's all. It looked like he was covering her face completly. It's better to be safe isn't it?"
"Absolutly. But what about the fact that you haven't been sober at all this past week?"
"What's wrong with a little drinking?"
"Nothing's wrong with a little drinking Pierce, but just like anything if you have too much of it..."
"Look just lay off okay?" Hawkeye snapped while standing up and started to pace restlessly.
"All right, I'm sorry." Sidney said quickly, not wanting to push it. Silence greeted him. "How are you handling house arrest?"
"Piece of cake." Hawkeye shrugged. "It's not like I haven't been under house arrest before. Besides I have everything I need right here." He patted the still fondly. "The longest relationship I've ever had." He added with a grin. Sydney watched carefully as he poured anouther drink and then another.
"Who made you the boss?" He snapped and Sydney quickly raised his hands in self defense.
"No one did Hawkeye. I'm just a concerned citizen that's all."
"Well don't be." Hawkeye snarled. "It's bad enough the entire camp is breathing down my neck. I don't need you doing the same also."
Sidney sighed.
"Look, let's just get down to buisness shall we?"
"I agree." Hawkeye said while swallowing his drink. "The sooner you leave the sooner I can get back to doing what I was doing before you came."
"Which is what?" Freedman decided to ask.
"Drowning in self pity. It's a full time job you know." Hawkeye plasted on one of his fake smiles.
"Uh huh...I see. I'm sure it is." Sidney nodded. "Now I'm sure you know why I was here."
"Yeah Colonel Potter probably thinks I need someone to talk to about Beej's death."
Sidney waited but there was nothing after that.
"And do you?" He prodded and Hawkeye shook his head.
"Naw, I'm fine."
"I can see that."
"I hate to dissapoint you Doc." Hawkeye stood up and headed for the still again. "But I think you made a trip out here for nothing."
"I'll be the judge of that." Sidney looked at his pad. As he studied his notes Hawkeye poured another drink.
"I mean it's not like I haven't lost a friend before." He added to fill in the silence and Sydney chose not to say anything. "Lost a few of them..." Hawkeye's voice trailed off in memory. "So why should BJ's death be any different? He was just my roomate, that's all. Like Frank Burns was before Major Winchester. Would I be in this state if Burns were killed? No, not like this. So why should Beej's death effect me?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"It doesn't." Hawkeye shrugged his shoulders. "There are always victims in war. I knew that from the very begining. Just the facts of life."
"Just the facts of life huh?" Sidney smiled knowingly.
"Care for a drink Syd?" Hawkeye asked suddenly.
"Well sure, now that I think about it a drink well do me good." Sidney smiled and Hawkeye handed him a glass and grinned as Sidney made a face.
"It sure is stronger then the last time." He commented, his eyes watering.
"BJ and I worked out a few kinks in it." Hawkeye replied with a smile. Sidney nodded in acknoweldgement waiting for Hawkeye to continue. It was his experience that you didn't need to push the patients. They'll tell you what's wrong in their own good time. Some took longer then others though, he just had to learn to be patient. He feared if he pushed Pierce to much that Pierce would shut him out entirely as well as everyone else.
Hawkeye remained silent for a while, staring off into space.
"I really miss him." He finally admitted.
"So do I." Sydney replied gently deciding not to press the issue. Hawkeye shook his head and kicked the shoe that was at his bunk in frusteration.
"It's this whole Goddamned war. It's destroying families that's what it's doing. Bringing peace, more like bringing destruction and chaos."
Sidney took a sip of his drink. Finally they were getting somewhere. Hawkeye rubbed his hair with his hands in frusteration.
"God why can't I get it out of my head?" He snapped. Freedman looked up, surprised.
"Get what out of your head?"
"Beej's face..." Hawkeye was forcing his voice to remaine calm. "His bleeding face...I can't...it's always there...I can't get it out of my head...Syd do you think I'm going crazy?"
"No, not crazy. You're grieving and everyone grieves in their own different way."
"I see him all the time you know." Hawkeye stood up and started to pace restlessly. "He never leaves." He snapped and poured the rest of his drink down his throat. "Always taunting me. Always there, even when I'm awake. When I was in surgery I saw it. I saw it on that little girls' face. I saw it on Radar's face."
"Is that why you punched the boy?" Sidney asked. He was shocked when he heard of the incident in Rosie's bar and it was that scene that made his decision, made him realize that Hawkeye needed him more then the others.
"Geeze, I didn't mean to hurt the kid." Hawkeye wrung his hands around his neck. "His voice was so annoying though. It was making me feel guilty. I hate feeling guilty."
"We all hate feeling guilty Hawkeye." Sidney replied. "That only makes you human."
"I haven't felt like a human being for the last couple of days." Hawkeye argued. "All I see is blood. I've seen blood before but not like this. It's unstopable you know. Henry couldn't stop it. Neither could BJ. No one can. The blood just keeps on coming . It's true! There's a river of it right outside this door." He jammed his finger to the OR. "And nothing can stop that river."
Sidney remained in thoughtful silence. Hawkeye Pierce had always been one of his most interesting patients. The man's mind was truly one of the most complex ones he had studied. It was full of many layers and there was more of them that he was sure he hadn't seen yet and might never see. "Damn it." Hawkeye had his back turned to the phycatrist. "Damn it, why did you have to come here? Why?"
"To help. I cam here to help, that's all." Sidney replied as gently as he could.
"I don't need help." Hawkeye snapped. "It was BJ who needed help but I couldn't help him in time. I could have volunteered to go to the aid station you know. I wasn't doing anything that afternoon, but noooo I had to go and let BJ take that trip down there just so I can sit on my a ss and do nothing while he was saving lives!"
So that was it. Not only was it anger he was feeling but guilt. Sidney was secretly happy by the surprising fast progress he was making with Hawkeye.
Silence greeted him for a while as Hawkeye stood with his back turned. Then suddenly with an angry yell Hawkeye in rage like motioins grabbed the still, yanked it and threw it across the tent causing Sidney to jump sideways, wide eyed and more then a little startled. Hawkeye stood there for a moment, his shoulders shaking, and then collapsed and convulsed into anguished yells and sobs leaving Sidney standing in utter shock...