Hawkeye rolled over, his head splinting with a headache. He sat up groaning.
"I just had the worst nightmare." He muttered as he rubbed his head and looked around the empty tent. "I think I'm still asleep." He muttered but he still stood up. He silently cursed himself when he saw the broken still. Well at least it gave him something to do. Those guards were still out there.
"Incoming wounded! Incoming wounded!" Even with the splinting headache Hawkeye felt more awake then he had in days. He groaned as he thought how understaffed they were.
"Incoming wounded! Report, Incoming wounded!" He eyed the guards as they hurried over to an ambulance that was overloaded with wounded and needed assistance in getting them out. Finally! Carefully he dressed and gritted his teeth as the pain still radiated in his skull.
Quickly he than hurried over to the OR where Winchester was coming out of at that very moment.
"Hold on Pierce, what are you doing out of the tent? You're still under house arrest!"
"Can it Charles, these people need a doctor!" Hawkeye snarled.
"And what am I, chopped liver?" Winchester snapped. "Get back in that tent now Captain! That's an order!"
"Come on now Charles." Hawkeye grinned. "You know I never take well to orders."
"Winchester, is there a reason why you are standing here when there's wounded?" Potter called from a distance and noticed the person in front of the Major was Pierce.
"Pierce! How'd you get past those guards?" The Colonel demanded.
"I bribed them with the promise of real food and they let me out in a flash." Hawkeye grinned.
"Look son, I'm glad you're feeling better but this is no joking matter." Potter told Pierce gently.
"You don't have to tell me Colonel. Why do you think I'm here? To tell jokes to these people? No, I'm here to operated!"
"Nonsense! You're going right back to that tent or I'm going to make sure those guards force you back in there!" The Colonel snapped.
"Here, here Colonel. Well said." Winchester nodded.
"Oh shut your trap Winchester." Potter muttered causing Hawkeye to grin and Winchester to glare. "Listen Pierce, you've got to face reality. You're not fit to operate and that's that!"
"Come on Colonel, I've been drafted here to be a doctor now well you at least me do my work? I promise I won't accuse Charles of killing anyone this time."
Colonel Potter shook his head.
"I'm sorry son, but I'm not willing to risk a breakdown in middle of surgery."
Sidney who had been watching with interest came up to them.
"Why don't you have a walk with me Pierce? It's such a gorgeous day." He suggested.
"Gorgeous? Are you crazy?" Hawkeye swept his hand over the ground of bodies spread out. "Have you looked at this place lately?
"Yes, well let's take a walk anyway." Freedman smiled and Potter nodded.
"Yes, I think that's a fine idea. The fresh air would do you good Pierce."
Hawkeye looked frustrated.
"But you're understaffed and you need help!"
"Yes, well the most helpful thing you could do at the moment is to leave." Winchester retorted sharply, getting fed up with Hawkeye's antics. Hawkeye sighed and nodded.
"Fine, let's go Sid. I can tell when I'm not wanted." With that the two of them finally walked off allowing Potter and Winchester to get back to work.
"We needed surgeons yesterday." Growled Potter. "Clayton promised me one!"
"Well he better get here soon." Winchester said. "I may be good but not even I can do all this by myself."
"Uh huh." Potter nodded deciding not to go into Winchester's ego. "Well come on, let's go and get this over with." With that they hurried to the ambulance which was overloaded with wounded and more just kept on coming and coming...
"Look, Sid about last night..." Hawkeye finally spoke after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence with them walking down a dirt road.
"Forget it." Freedman replied with his hands still in his pocket. "All in a day's work."
"I know, but still . . . " Hawkeye was unsure of how to continue. He displayed levels of emotion he never brought out. Emotions he kept inside for a reason. Emotions that scared him. The intense anger was an accident, so was throwing the still. He didn't even realize he was throwing it until it was too late. It was like he lost control of his mind and body and that furious emotion took over. Almost as if he stepped into somebody else's shoes entirely. It unnerved him to have those feelings out in the open and unnerved him even more that someone had to watch, especially a psychiatrist.
"I said forget about it." Sidney said firmly and they continued to walk along in silences as birds chirped from trees around them and the sun glazed down upon the ground in front of their path.
"You know this place is pretty peaceful when bombs aren't exploding here." Hawkeye remarked to fill in the silence that was driving him crazy.
"Hmm I agree."
Hawkeye lapsed into silence as his mind shifted back to BJ. Since when didn't it? So many memories in this place. It was driving him crazy. That's why he had to leave the tent. He was there too long. Being cooped up in that place for such a long amount of time brought back too many memories with him and Beej. Happy memories yes but at this point they were heartrentching.
"Do you think I'll ever get over it?" He suddenly asked and he didn't even have to mention who he was talking about. Sidney knew all too well.
"No I don't." Sidney answered honestly. "But...but you'll get used to it. In time you'll learn to be able to live with it. Live with his memories. That's what a part of grieving is about. Learning to accept and go on living whether you want to or not."
"Right now life doesn't seem like it's worth living." Hawkeye finally remarked and Sidney nodded.
"I'll let you in on a secret Pierce."
Hawkeye looked at him curiously.
"You're not the first person to say that and won't be the last. Sometimes life just doesn't seem very exciting or worth it. You get by by just hanging on to what you have."
"And what's that?"
"Hope, faith and ambition. Three of the main driving forces of life."
"It doesn't seem like I have much of either of those these days." Hawkeye sighed and Sidney nodded.
"You well though. One day again you will."
They continued to walk in silence letting the birds take over the silence.
Trapper sighed as he stepped off the plane in the Korean airport. He took his duffle bag and went to a jeep that was waiting for him to take him back to thankfully the 4077. While he was overjoyed with the idea of seeing Hawkeye again he hated being at that place once more.
"Well I'm back." He muttered as the driver took off down the bumpy and dirt road. "I'm back." As he drove down the dirt road he wondered how many changed had happened since he left the good old 4077...
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