I own nothing.
Chapter Two: Introductions
This is the story of how a complete bastard screwed three people over. Chapter two: In Which We Learn His Name. May he die a painful and humiliating death.
Sasuke
The tacky wallpaper of the teacher's lounge was illuminated ominously by a burst of lightening. Outdated and peeling stripes of faded yellow glowed in the brief flash, the tasteless pattern shimmering eerily in the early afternoon light. A buzzing crackle preceded the death of the lights as the power went out, leaving the room silent as the hum of the cheap fluorescents died. The single window cast only dim light, leaving the corners and edges of the room in thick shadows.
"So." The pervert started, his voice flooding the hushed room like thick, evil syrup. "Why don't you come out of hiding so we can introduce ourselves?"
OOOOOOO. Evil syrup. Oh no! The syrup is molesting the waffles! Quick, someone get the whipped cream!
Soft noises came from the kitchenette cupboard and behind the couch, but neither Naruto nor Hinata left their hiding spots. Sasuke considered crawling out from under the desk, but realized that, in the interests of self-preservation, he should wait for someone else to leave hiding first.
"…Sometime today?" His obvious boredom grew, impatience giving it an edge.
Sasuke heard the squealing creak of the cabinet opening, but nothing more. It was surprisingly loud; he didn't remember it being so noisy when she went into it.
"Am I going to have to pull you out from under there?" The pervert asked. Somehow he had made it on top of the desk without Sasuke noticing. He leaned over the edge, looking directly at Sasuke.
Sasuke made a soft noise of surprise—
Try girlish squeal of terror.
--noting, absently, that the change in gravity had no perceivable effect on the thick grey hair. Three drops of rainwater dripped from the freak to splatter on the coffee-stained industrial issue carpet as Sasuke stared, wide-eyed at the fearful apparition before him. Like some foul demon, a single monstrous hand loomed from the darkness, grasping mindlessly for Sasuke's exposed legs.
"We'll come out!" Naruto squawked, apparently believing the threat was meant for him. He stumbled from his hiding spot, tipping the couch to the ground, his exit lit by a tremendous bolt of lightening.
Be nice, I saved your ass when I did that.
Saved it from a paper cut, maybe.
Precisely.
Sasuke could see the face of perversion twisting to watch the orange clad genin, its angles reduced to impressionistic whites and shadows in the blinding flare of lightening. Then the light died, leaving the teacher's lounge darker than before, even as a resounding peal of thunder shook the ground. When he could see once more, the face was gone. Warily he slid out from under the desk, shunning its inadequate protection. The source of soul-crushing darkness, the earthly embodiment of a paper loving incubus, the cause of the shivering sense of wrongness—
Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic? I mean, he was scary, but he wasn't exactly a "source of soul-crushing darkness." More like a source of the feeling you get when you smell something really nasty.
My story.
Fine, be that way.
—The pervert had left the desk top, and had settled in the centre of the room, his single eye flickering from one genin to the next, his lack of interest and disappointment evident.
Hinata was still in the cupboard, clutching the stew pot like a shield, one hand holding the edge of the deeply dented lid like a shuriken. She gazed wide-eyed at the jounin, the byakugan long faded. Naruto stood by the door, resting a hand on the doorknob, glaring suspiciously at the old man ninja, restlessly rattling the knob.
Sasuke stood, and settled against the wall beside the window. He slid his fingers under the lip of the frame, prepared to throw the window open and escape should things take a turn for the worse.
The silence stretched long, accentuating the sound each twist of the door knob. The rattling was rhythmic and slow, almost like the sound of a clock, and Sasuke caught himself counting it, one two, one two.
Who knows how long the quiet standoff would have lasted if Naruto, mortal enemy to silence, hadn't been in the room. As it was, the hush was broken after a minute and a half. "So what didja want old man?" Naruto shouted, proving once again that tact, self-preservation, and voice modulation were skills foreign to him.
"Introduce yourself." The man's voice was ever so slightly amused.
Naruto squinted at the man, mistrust writ large upon his face, asking, in a much quieter tone, "Why don't you go first?"
The one eyed man may have smiled, though it was difficult to tell through the mask. "Very well, I am Hatake Kakashi."
Sasuke waited, somehow expecting more than simply a name. Another bolt of lightening and roll of thunder shook the room, racking up the tension a few more degrees. The air itself was as tight as the pull of a trip wire.
"…and you are?" The grey-haired man asked, making a vague, half-hearted gesture toward the three genin.
He could deal with this, Sasuke decided, give out minimal information to the enemy, every word you say can, and will, be used against you. "Uchiha Sasuke," he said, sliding the window open. He'd introduced himself, task finished, now he was getting the hell out of there.
"Wait for the others," Hatake commanded, without even looking at Sasuke.
"I already know their names." Sasuke answered, trying to open the window more quietly. In what was probably a wise move on the Academy teacher's part, it didn't seem to have been oiled at any point in the previous century.
"Nevertheless," the jounin responded, as if that answered anything.
"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto told him, talking over the last syllable of nevertheless. He jerked the door knob down and pulled open the door, poised to leave as soon as Hinata introduced herself.
"Hyuuga Hinata," she whispered, sliding out of the cupboard and inching slowly towards the window, leaving her stew pot shield on the floor.
"Okay," the jounin responded, giving a half-hearted shrug.
All three genin slipped out of the room, Hinata pushing Sasuke out the third-story window in her haste.
I said I was sorry.
I don't forgive you.
He fell in something less than a controlled freefall, landing on his hands and knees in a mud puddle. Less than a second after he hit the ground a heavy weight rammed into his back, forcing his face into the mud. Hinata's knees slid off his back, grinding her bony kneecaps into his ribs before she sprang to her feet and ran away. Sasuke lay there, trying to keep from drowning in a mud puddle as he caught his breath.
He felt, rather than saw, Hatake jump from the window to land lightly beside him. The pervasive sense of evil grew stronger as he nudged Sasuke in the ribs hard enough to knock to remainder of his breath out. "You alive?" he asked, in a tone that implied complete apathy towards the answer. "Hunt down your teammates and tell them to meet tomorrow at five a.m. by training ground 7." He paused then added, "Don't eat breakfast."
Sasuke growled at the man, but ended up snarling at empty air. The old guy was already walking away, pulling a bright orange book from a pocket. Sasuke's growl turned to a squeak as the man's fingers caressed the paper binding, his index finger trailing up the spine, dipping into well worn curves. The book disappeared to in front of him, but from the angle and position of Hatake's arms and head… he was fairly certain the pervert was smelling the paper. Sasuke shivered, ill at ease to see such an obvious and public display. He knew, suddenly, why the man had ordered them to not eat breakfast.
Oh god, ick.
Water weighed down Sasuke's hair, plastering it to his skull. He stood, taking it the damage to his clothes and wondered, again, why he'd decided that white was a good color for his shorts. They were the most comfortable thing in his closet, but he had a suspicion that the comfort was more a result of frequent and repetitive bleaching and washing than an inherent quality. The tough canvas had the texture of thick flannel. Thick flannel covered in cold clay now, he reminded himself. It looked like another trip to the laundry mat this evening, if he ever wanted to get the stains out.
You realize that you and your laundering habits aren't the most intriguing of topics, right? Get on with the story already.
The rain melted the mud off Sasuke's face, sending trails of dirt down the neck of his shirt. The unpleasantness reminded him of Naruto (Naruto and a certain muddy sandal, to be precise). Where, he wondered, would a retarded wannabe ninja run away to? Better yet, where would a retarded wannabe ninja live? If he found where Naruto lived he could leave a note and not have to talk to the moron.
Naruto was an orphan, he knew that much. Naruto had bragged, once, that the Hokage signed his permission slips. Sakura had mocked him and told him the Hokage signed permission slips for all orphans. Sasuke had stayed silent. His permission slips were signed by the Hokage too. However, Naruto's status as an orphan didn't mean finding him would be any easier. Naruto didn't live at the orphanage; it was only about a block away from the Academy and was directly in front of it. Naruto always entered the Academy by the side doors, meaning he probably lived in Southside. Sasuke frowned; Southside was a fairly large place.
"Is he gone?"
Sasuke twitched. It looked like finding Naruto would be significantly less difficult than he'd anticipated. The old adage about speaking the name of the devil seemed distinctly appropriate. The last in class ninja wannabe—
Are you seriously that pissed off that I insulted your laundry?
Of course not. My laundry and I share a special bond; your pitiful insults are nothing to us.
Great, because I don't think I can apologize to your pants with a straight face.
You can and you will. I forgave you. The shorts haven't.
--was half hanging out of a window. It looked like he was trying for sneakiness, but a wet orange jumpsuit is rarely sneaky. Sort of like how an air horn is rarely quiet.
"Yeah, he's gone." Sasuke told him, "He said to meet at five at training ground seven."
"When?" Naruto shouted back.
"Five." Sasuke replied slowly, "a.m. At training ground seven." Naruto really wasn't too smart, he mused, before remembering. "Don't eat breakfast." He added.
"What? Why not?" Naruto yelled back.
"Because he said so." Sasuke turned from Naruto and walked away, intent on telling the Hyuuga so he could go home and pre-soak his stains. Clay was a bitch to get out of whites.
At least he knew where the Hyuugas lived (then again, who didn't?). The massive and ostentatious structure drained entire waterfalls from its gutters. The equally massive and ostentatious walls directed the waterfalls out the gates through overflowing ditches, sliding down the path in a layer thick enough to leak into Sasuke's sandals. He wondered if the Hyuugas had chosen this hill so they could pretend they were better than everyone else by virtue of altitude.
I imagine it was more for the truly excellent drainage. Hyuuga clan grounds have some of the finest gardens in Konoha. They maintain a portion of their fortune by growing flowers for the Yamanaka flower shop during the summer and by making poisons for Mayasuki's.
He sloshed up the hill, prepared to face the most arrogant sons of bitches in Konoha. Instead he found a thirteen year old who was attempting to look intimidating. He might have succeeded in the intimidation, if his hair hadn't been so plastered to his skull. As it was, the drowned kitten look really didn't scare Sasuke.
"I need to speak to Hyuuga Hinata," Sasuke said, before kitten boy could open his mouth.
"Can you leave a message?" the Hyuuga responded snidely, obviously giving into to his Hyuuga genes (then again, in that family, the chances of there being genetic material other than Hyuuga was something like one in a thousand).
I'd argue, if my father hadn't been planning to marry me to my cousin. As it is, I just thank the gods that my mother wasn't my aunt.
Sasuke smiled—
Seriously, you smiled?
I thought about the action of smiling. It's close enough.
-- and prepared to make him suffer. "Why yes, yes I can." He took a second to plan how to annoy the hell out of the pretentious little bastard. "Do you have any paper?"
Kitten boy levelled a glare at Sasuke (an ineffective one, without pupils to focus the gaze, glaring is a lot like squinting your eyes in someone's general direction), and said, "I am capable of remembering the message as you tell it to me."
"That's nice, but I need to be certain that she receives the message in its entirety." Sasuke responded, doing his best to show no emotion (especially not the evil glee he was feeling). "So, do you have any paper?"
"No." The Hyuuga thought that would save him, how cute.
Sasuke allowed a trace of an impatient frown and told him, "Well, go get some."
The Hyuuga snarled, "Tell me the message or leave." He was obviously trying for intimidation, but all Sasuke could do was wonder if the inbreeding was why the Hyuuga clan was this brain dead.
"I already told you, the message needs to be relayed in its entirety or not at all." Sasuke repeated. "Now go get some paper."
The Hyuuga gritted his teeth in a fine display of temper and stomped off to the side entrance of the manor. Sasuke smiled evilly and wondered if all Hyuuga left their posts so easily. He was seriously tempted to hide behind the wall or something just to see what the Hyuuga would do when he realized Sasuke was no longer there. Better yet, go into the manor proper and try to find Hinata. Unfortunately, before Sasuke could create mass amounts of trouble for the Hyuuga, the wet kitten boy was stomping his way back to the gate, a stack of paper clutched in one hand, a pen in the other.
Sasuke rocked back a little, putting himself out of reach of the Hyuuga who was trying to shove the paper and pen at him. "So are you ready now?" He asked, a note of censure hidden in his voice. He cleared his throat and began, "Dear Hinata,"
From the way the Hyuuga was holding the pen, Sasuke almost expected it to break. But the kitten boy swallowed his anger and gave a sharp nod, jotting down the note.
"The weather is awful." Sasuke stopped to watch the Hyuuga guard write. "And the guard at your front gate is very rude." The sound of grinding teeth could be heard over the pounding of the rain, but kitten boy kept writing, obviously hoping Sasuke would leave once this was done. Tough luck, Sasuke thought, feeling decidedly close to happy.
"I come with tidings from our mutual leader, Hatake Kakashi." Sasuke waited for the other man to finish writing. "He indicated to me that he wished for me to tell you that tomorrow shall be," He waited again, "the day of our first, auspicious meeting." Sasuke decided that the scratch of pen on steadily dampening paper provided a nice counterpart to the sound of Hyuuga teeth grinding. "The hour in which we must meet, is five in the morning." Sasuke paused so the guard could catch up. "The place is training ground seven." Sasuke wondered if all Hyuuga were this slow at writing.
You know, I could take offence at that.
But you won't. Will you?
No, you've repaid me by telling me exactly why cousin Neji was so angry when he gave me your note. I thought he'd been screaming or crying or something from how red his face was.
Give me time.
"Do not eat breakfast. Sincerely," Sasuke waited, watching the Hyuuga. After a few seconds the other boy appeared to figure out he was done and tried to fold up the note in preparation for delivering it. "No no no!" Sasuke scolded him. "Give it here, I have to sign it so she knows it's from me."
If Hyuuga glares were effective like Uchiha glares, rather than the weak and insipid substitutes that they were, Sasuke was certain he'd be shaking. As it was, he was tempted to laugh at the pissed off drowned kitten. He took a look at the letter and almost grinned at the opportunity it provided.
"No, this simply won't do." The aura of rage almost made up for having to touch paper so soon after encountering Hatake. Wet paper. "The penmanship is shoddy at best, and you misspelled auspicious." Actually, he had no clue whether or not auspicious was misspelled. He was banking on the Hyuuga not being able to tell either. "I refuse to put my name on this thing!" Sasuke shoved the paper back at kitten boy. "Do it again and do it properly."
The growl of rage was very nice, and Sasuke almost expected the Hyuuga to throw the paper back at him and tell him to do it himself. But the boy just sat and actually wrote out the entire thing again. It was then that Sasuke realized that his father had been right; inbreeding had caused the already inferior bloodline of the Hyuuga to be plagued by rampant stupidity.
While conveniently ignoring that the equally inbred Uchiha clan suffered from insanity, extra fingers and toes, and blindness?
That only happened once.
So you don't have any mysterious scars on your hands or feet?
No comment.
Sasuke waited for the Hyuuga to finish then impatiently grabbed the note. "No, it's still not good enough." He waved it in the Hyuuga's face, asking him, "How can you not spell auspicious correctly?"
Pale Hyuuga skin flushed bright red in fury.
"Give me the paper, I'll do it myself." Sasuke said, cutting off the Hyuuga who was undoubtedly about to suggest the same thing.
Sasuke almost pitied the Hyuuga, the way he was grinding his teeth was sure to give him an awful headache later. He tapped the pen against the paper for a second, considering, then wrote.
Hinata
Hatake says to meet at training ground 7 at 5 a.m. tomorrow. Don't eat breakfast.
Sasuke
He handed the paper to the Hyuuga, "Do keep it dry?" conveniently ignoring that the paper was already damp.
Sasuke left without another word, feeling much better about the day. From behind he heard either a scream of rage or really high pitched thunder. He liked to think it was the scream.