I really want to thank all of my reviewers for sticking with me through my painfully long waits. I am not loosing interest or giving up on this story. In fact, the next update will about a week, if not less, away as I am already done with the next chapter. I seemed to finally have gotten past my six month road block and hopefully I wont run into another one.
I do apologize for the long wait. The holidays were very stressful, I only just got everything done. My whole family came down and I had to watch my little cousins. Not only that but my Grandfather died the day after Christmas. So overall I havent had much of a vacation and school is already starting up in a few more days. Life really sucks like that sometimes.
Hopefully 2006 won't be as crappy as '05 was.
Also, if anyone wants to check my progress on the story, please see my lj listed under my homepage in my profile.
Without further ado...
Chapter twenty three- Stressful Times
Severus found it hard to concentrate on teaching the next morning. His head was pounding from the lack of sleep, his stomach cramping with hunger. He had skipped breakfast and lunch because he had felt like he would throw up anything he tried to digest.
All he could think about was the sight of Darian's lifeless body that Dumbledore had shown him in his dream. He had awoken seconds later and had immediately rolled over to the side of his bed and retched.
It had taken every ounce of self-control not to spring out of bed and burst into the Ravenclaw dorms like a lunatic. But Darian was furious with him, and Severus didn't have the right to act like a worried parent…not that he was, of course, he just needed to see Darian so he wouldn't see the boy's dead body every time he closed his eyes.
Severus braced himself as his sixth year NEWT classes came in. He waited impatiently, scanning the crowd of students for Darian. His stomach lurched when the bell rang and Darian had yet to show. He needed to see that boy, dammit!
Setting his jaw, he hastily put the ingredients on the board and instructed a gruff, "Due at end of class." He waited silently, eyeing Hermione Granger as she carefully tipped her Porcupine Quills into her cauldron. In front of her, a Gryffindor, Severus was unsure of his name, asked her something, which she answered.
"Granger!" he barked and she jumped, nearly spilling the Quills all over the dungeon floor.
"Professor?"
"Just what do you think you are doing?" he drawled, glaring at her.
"Brewing a potion, sir."
"And did I give you instructions to teach every other student in this class?"
Hermione looked confused, her brow furrowed. "No, he didn't ask a question about the potion, he-"
"Ah," Severus interrupted, scowling; the class had grown silent. "Social life more important then your school work? I never thought I'd see the day, Granger. Five points from Gryffindor now get up here so I can arrange your detention this evening…"
Hermione's jaw dropped. "But I-"
"Five more points from Gryffindor. Would you like me to make it a week?"
Hermione shut her mouth and stood up, furiously striding over to her Professor's desk.
Severus glanced at the wide-eyed class. "What are you all staring at? Get back to work!" he barked, and the room was filled with the sound of chopping and slicing again.
Hermione glared up at Snape with hate-filled eyes. "I can understand if you're horrible to your students," she breathed quietly. "But why do you have to take out your problems on Darian? He's been through so much, and you know it!"
Severus sneered and was prepared to make a rather nasty retort, but decided against it. "Why isn't he in class, Miss Granger?" he asked instead, unable to keep a faint tremor out of his voice as the boy's lifeless body flashed through his mind.
Hermione's glare weakened slightly as she heard the drastic change in her Professor's voice. "He wasn't feeling well," she said quietly and shook her head. "Professor Vector said that there was a lunar disturbance last night that has affected when the full moon's going to set. It really made Remus and Darian very ill."
Severus blinked, surprised as an odd feeling flared up within him. Ill? Was it life threatening?
"How ill?" he asked softly.
"It will be setting even earlier then expected, and the original setting was already rather early as it is so its going to be a little dangerous because Darian and Remus haven't gotten to heal nearly as much as they should from the previous one," Hermione explained. "I think its setting tonight so Remus and Darian's emotions are really frazzled from the change, and they're getting weak too soon for it to be healthy."
Severus nodded, digesting the information. "Thank you, Miss Granger," he said quietly.
She frowned. "Professor. I'm sure he'd really like it if you visited him in the Hospital Wing," Hermione said softly.
He threw a sharp look at her and she shrugged. "It was just a suggestion," she murmured. "You know, parents usually tend to get a little worried when their child is as ill as Darian is right now, even if they are sixteen." She smiled briefly before returning to her cauldron.
&&&&&&&&&&&
Darian shifted uncomfortably in the sterile bed. He stared out of the window at the many stars that dotted the sky. The full moon would rise in exactly twenty minutes. He wasn't ready for this…it was too soon.
A smoking goblet sat innocently on the table beside his bed. Its contents had long since been consumed, though it continued to smoke.
Remus was on the other side of the room, staring out into the night's sky. From what he had told Darian, he to had never experienced such an early full moon. Darian braced himself mentally, knowing the night guaranteed pain. Snuffles gave a soft whine from where the large dog was curled up in one of the chairs.
Darian winced and gave his godfather a half-heartened smile. He reached out a hand, which Snuffles walked into, and stroked the thick mane. A bit of tension left his body as he continued to run his fingers through the soft hair.
"Save your strength, Darian," Remus said quietly from across the room.
Darian froze and looked up at him. "I'm not doing anything strenuous," he reasoned.
"I know," the other werewolf acknowledged. "But I don't know how this transformation is going to affect us. You need to rest until its time." Remus avoided Darian's gaze and continued to stare out the window.
Darian felt a jolt of fear as realization struck him: Remus was scared. Remus was never scared when it came to transformations. He was always calm but now…. Darian felt nausea rise in his stomach and he clenched the sheets that covered him until his knuckles turned white before realizing how wearing it was getting and quickly stopped. He took a deep, shuddering breath, wondering how they were going to be able to survive the transformation if just clenching his fist was taxing.
"Can't we take a strengthening potion or something?" he asked quietly, pleadingly.
Remus shook his head. "It won't work. After having the Wolfsbane in your system for more then a few days, it neutralizes any other potion until after the transformation."
Darian's expression dimmed. Snuffles licked his fingers consolingly.
"Rest," Remus commanded softly, but the doors to the Hospital Wing opened and Dumbledore walked in.
"Remus, Darian," he greeted gently. "How are you two feeling?"
Darian looked away from the headmaster's stare and said nothing. Remus was silent as well. Dumbledore's eyes saddened.
"It is time to go," he said.
Remus nodded and stood up, swaying slightly as he did so. Darian took Dumbledore's proffered hand and stood up also. Instantly a wave of dizziness crashed over him and he swayed drunkenly before regaining his equilibrium.
The night air was cold and biting, washing over him like a bucket of icy water. The first snow of the season had yet to come though as Darian looked up at the clear sky, he had a feeling that it wouldn't be coming any time soon.
The stars twinkled down at them mockingly as Snuffles led them to the Whomping Willow, which promptly froze when he pawed it.
"I was hoping Severus would be willing to accompany us," Dumbledore said quietly once they'd settled into the single room. "He was…unfortunately….preoccupied with other things," the headmaster's tone grew cold and Remus looked at him wearily.
Darian winced at the words, knowing exactly what 'preoccupied' meant. He felt a sharp flare of pain in his heart as he thought about how his father would rather dream about an alternate version of himself then check on him before what promised to be a dangerous full moon. Was he really that detestable? Was he really that bad of a person that his own father would gladly trade him for another person? He bit his lip hard, staring unseeingly at the splintered bedpost, not even noticing when Dumbledore left.
He jumped when a hand settled on his shoulder and whirled around to see Remus.
"Don't worry," Remus said warmly. "It won't be that bad I'm sure."
Darian nodded, not bothering to correct the other werewolf on what he was so troubled about. He cleared his throat and thought of something to say to break the uncomfortable silence that had descended upon them.
Snuffles was curled up beside where Darian sat on the bare mattress. He nudged Darian's hand lightly with a cold nose, sniffing in an attempt to get the boy's attention.
"Hey, Snuffles," Darian whispered huskily, stroking the black mane. He blinked the dampness in his eyes as a wave of emotions washed over him. Remus sat beside him and wrapped a comforting arm around him. Darian resisted the urge to shrug it off.
"Christmas is coming up in a few weeks," Remus reminded him gently.
Darian nodded, smiling faintly without looking at him.
"Do you have any plans?"
He gave a weak laugh. "Just the usual."
Remus frowned. "You're not even going to the Weasleys'? What about your father? I'm sure he'd appreciate your company."
"I doubt it," Darian said tightly, brushing an invisible piece of lint off his baggy jeans.
Snuffles growled and Remus sighed. "Your father is a very lonely man, Darian. He hasn't opened his heart to anyone since your mother died. It may take some time for him to adjust to someone caring about him again, but I'm sure-" He broke off when Darian looked away.
"Alright," Remus began again. "What about Hermione? I'm sure she would love for you to meet her family."
Darian closed his eyes briefly, feeling a little shy at the thought of meeting Hermione's parents. He wondered what it would be like to spend the Christmas break with his female friend, without Ron's boisterousness to disturb the calm the two of them seemed to have together. He almost smiled at the thought of it, but grimaced as he remembered that it wouldn't just be Hermione and him, that her parents would be there as well. Not that he didn't want to meet them, he just knew that she would be occupied with spending time with her mother and father. She'd be with her family, something that would be beyond torment for Darian to see what a happy little family did at Christmas. A family that he was sure his would have been like had his mother survived, had he not been the 'Chosen One.'
"I don't want to interrupt their holiday," Darian said finally, gazing into nothingness.
They fell into awkward silence, each awaiting the pain they knew was to come.
Remus smiled at him. "You know," he began tentatively. "You could always stay with Sirius and I at the Grimmauld Place. You are always welcome there."
Snuffles gave a soft, 'whoof' of assurance. Darian felt his lips turn up faintly. "That'd be nice," he said finally, and they once again descended into silence, though the tension had eased somewhat.
Darian stiffened as he felt a familiar prickle of irritation spread over his body, making him almost numb until it quickly evolved into pain.
He briefly wondered if he'd ever be able to stop from screaming when he transformed.
&&&&&&&&&&&
Severus watched the full moon rise from where he stood at the stone bridge that connected the Owlry to the North Tower. The wind was violent this high up and it was so cold that he could have sworn that there was ice mixed with the wind. He wrapped his black cloak more securely around himself, watching the shadowed grounds with a feeling of apprehension.
Finally, he heard the tell-tale howl, matched by another, much higher one before three large figures shot out from under the Whomping Willow, skillfully dodging the limbs. He watched them hurry from the flailing branches with fascination, as if watching a new specimen feed on its prey.
"They are slower then usual," a quiet voice came from his left.
Severus showed none of the surprise Dumbledore had given him from sneaking up on him and planted a scowl on his face.
"I expected you would be up here," Dumbledore continued, linking his fingers and leaning against the chest-high, wall. "You had another dream didn't you? A rather…ah…unpleasant one?"
Severus nodded stiffly, watching as Snuffles entered the woods with Moony and Darian trailing behind at a much slower pace. He tore his eyes from the Forbidden Forest and met Dumbledore's blue ones.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked curtly. "Of course I had another dream; one usually get them every time one sleeps, you see…"
"Severus," Dumbledore admonished quietly. Snape raised a brow at the unspoken question.
The silence between them stretched until he sighed. "He was dead," he murmured, staring at the cobbled floor as if it were the most fascinating thing. "He had been killed by Lucius Malfoy to save Hermione Granger."
Dumbledore nodded in understanding. "I bet you wouldn't rather have that reality, now would you?"
Severus wordlessly shook his head, avoiding the headmaster's gaze.
"Nor would you have the one where Darian was a cold-blooded, murderer, who had cast the Cruciatus on you and was Voldemort's top Death Eater, would you?"
"No," he bit out harshly. "I wouldn't," he finished in a quieter tone.
"Do you understand now what I mean, Severus?" Dumbledore asked softly, gazing at him with tender eyes. "You know Darian would never turn dark, nor would he even allow Hermione Granger to be put in a fatal situation such as that. Darian is who he is for a reason. You have this boy for a reason, not them."
Severus stared out into the dotted sky, taking in a breath of crisp air. He knew what Dumbledore was trying to do, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that the old man was right, as always. Despite that, he couldn't bring himself to forgot the little, emerald eyed boy staring up at him with such innocence…such trust…
As if reading his mind, Albus said quietly, "For all you know, Severus, that little boy could have been the one to grow into Voldemort's trusted Death Eater."
Severus shook his head slowly. "It couldn't be," he whispered, staring at the full moon. "He wouldn't have-"
"Wouldn't have what Severus?" Dumbledore interrupted. "The boy in your dreams was only four. Nearly everyone is that innocent at four. I daresay even Tom Riddle was once an innocent of four."
Severus remained silent.
"Just as the teenager in your other dream could have been the same Darian who was to die after the final battle with Voldemort," Dumbledore continued in his calm voice that could easily trick Severus into thinking that everything was all right.
Severus closed his eyes briefly.
"I'm not trying to ruin it, Severus," Albus said softly. "I just care about you, my boy. And you are treading on dangerous grounds in dealing with these dreams. You are letting yourself get emotional involved, something that, as a master Occlumens, you know should not happen when it comes to what you may see in your mind."
"I know," Severus said abruptly. "I know…I just-"
"Have you talked to Darian about Christmas?" Albus interrupted, mercifully changing the subject.
Severus frowned, staring at his pale hands. "We had a bit of a fight," he murmured quietly, his hair covering his face so he wouldn't have to see the headmaster's disappointed look.
"What about?"
"He saw you lecturing me on my dreams," he admitted quietly, humiliatingly. "During an Occlumency lesson."
He heard Dumbledore sigh knowingly. They were silent again, which was interrupted by a pained howl echoing across the grounds. He felt his muscles tense and unconsciously clenched his fists until his knuckles were a pearly white.
"Well," Albus said, unflinchingly, after the howl had faded. "At least he's learning Occlumency." He gave Severus a faint smile, which the younger returned with a fierce scowl.
"It will work out, Severus," Albus went on. "Darian is a very forgiving person."
Severus nodded, knowing the truth in the words. "Yes….and it is going to get him killed one of these days," he whispered harshly, hating how a shiver ran up his spine at the words.
Albus looked at him for a moment. "He may be forgiving, but he can only take so much."
The older wizard stared into the sky for a few moments. "Darian has been through so much and every year I fear he will break under all of the emotional stress he's been put through. You must control these dreams, Severus."
The urgency in his voice terrified Severus more then he would ever have liked to admit. He felt oddly numb to the freezing wind that encircled his body like a cold cloak and was suddenly aware that he was shivering.
"I don't know," he spoke finally after simply standing there, shivering, was too much. "Sometimes…sometimes I know that you are right."
Dumbledore looked up at him, hope shining in his blue eyes.
"But other times," Severus continued, avoiding the man's gaze. "I remember that four year-old boy-"
"-that is not yours," Dumbledore interrupted forcefully, desperately. "He is not your son, Severus! You must come to realize that before you loose the wonderful child that is right in front of your nose!"
"And how do you expect me to do that?" Severus asked quietly, staring at his hands again. "Even if I wanted to stop these….dreams I have no idea how." He glanced at Dumbledore. "You told me Occlumency was useless."
Albus stared at him as if checking to see if he was being sincere or not. Finally, he nodded. "You need to stop wishing that things were different, Severus. You need to stop making the worst out of your life and realize what good you have in it."
"Are you sure this isn't just another attempt to push me closer to the boy?" Severus said with a slight sneer.
The look on the headmaster's face told the Potions Master that he was not in the least bit amused.
"Do you even care about him?" Albus asked in a quiet, but heated voice.
Severus narrowed his eyes and tore them from the blue gaze to stare out at the Forbidden Forest.
"You don't even know of your feelings for him do you?"
"I think I know what my emotions are on the boy!" Severus snapped, his eyes flashing.
"But you are out here," Dumbledore said with a smile.
"Yes, I am well aware of that."
"You are out here because you are worried about Darian."
Severus let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine!" he barked finally, turning to face the headmaster. "You win! I'm out here because I'm….worried." The last word was finished in a sheepish tone. He turned his back on the smiling old wizard.
"Now that wasn't too hard was it?"
'Yes,' Severus thought mentally, hating the older wizard with a passion at that very moment.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
'Why am I so tired?' Darian asked himself as he trotted through the forest, following after Padfoot's bushy tail. His tongue was drooping out of the side of his mouth as he ran, something that he'd never been tired enough for. Behind him Moony was lugging along, the other werewolf's loud pants matching his own.
Darian came to a stop next to a small river that ran into the lake. He lapped up the water noisily, far too thirsty to be embarrassed when Padfoot looked at him oddly. Once the water had hydrated his parched tongue enough for him to drink at a much slower, quieter pace, Moony came to a skidding stop beside him and also began lapping up the water.
He backed away from his fellow werewolf, settling instead next to Padfoot, who was lying in the grass lazily. He met his godfather's eyes, confused by the concern in them.
Padfoot gave a loud bark to Moony, as if to hurry him up. Darian didn't blame him. He and Moony had had to stop for water three times tonight, when they usually only stopped once. Moony took one last swallow of water before swinging his head up, causing water from his muzzle to shower down on Padfoot and Darian, before promptly leaping on Darian.
Padfoot snorted disgustedly and shook himself, effectively drying off as best he could. He made a mental note to take a shower after the full moon was over. He watched the two werewolves wrestle; somehow feeling certain that it was merely playful banter. Neither wolf was strong enough to cause any real damage tonight. He was concerned about the two.
They were far more subdued then what was normal and had barely fought since the transformation. Dumbledore had told him to keep a close eye on the two, making certain that they wouldn't wander off too far knowing that they might not be strong enough to get back.
He was torn out of his musings when Darian gave a particularly loud howl; Moony had clamped his long jaws shut on his tail. Padfoot sighed through his nose, and stood up; easily prying Moony's jaws open with a simple foot-to-the-face.
Moony went tumbling away and landed next to the river, not getting up. Darian settled down, giving out a small whimper as he curled into a tight ball, tail in between two paws as he licked it.
'Time to get these two back,' Padfoot thought solemnly, watching as Darian's eyes closed and the werewolf relaxed. He gave a loud bark of notice and felt his concern spike when neither wolf moved. Not even their ears perked up.
Padfoot hurried over to Moony, nipping his tail lightly, but the wolf continued to remain motionless. He gripped his leg in his teeth instead, and quickly threw him into the river, hoping he wouldn't drown.
When Moony shot awake in an instant, Padfoot drug Darian over to the river as well, and hurled him into the icy water. He felt a brief flicker of concern on whether or not the two would get hypothermia, and an angry visage of Poppy popped into his mind. Darian climbed out of the water, whimpering, and shaking visibly.
Padfoot looked at the two, wondering if they'd be able to make it back or if he should just run for help. It was a little ways back to the castle. Darian drew close to Moony for warmth and the two lay together, shivering.
'Maybe that wasn't the best idea,' Padfoot thought guiltily. He barked again, telling the two that it was time to go. Moony and Darian looked up at him miserably, but slowly got to their feet and followed the large dog.
Padfoot jogged at a slow pace, winding his way through the woods. A weak noise caused him to turn around to see that Moony and Darian were trailing behind together, obviously not up to running.
'At this pace we'll be lucky to be back by sunrise,' Padfoot thought, mentally berating himself for taking them out so far. He had no idea they'd be this weak.
With a soft 'thump' Darian fell to the ground, curling into himself and shivering though he made no noise to indicate the misery he was in. Moony paced around him, as if measuring the werewolf to see if he could carry him.
Padfoot absently wondered when Moony had gotten so protective over Darian. He glanced back through the trees, where his nose told him Hogwarts was before turning back to his companions, who were now both lying on the ground.
Padfoot ran over to them, watching the slow rise and fall of Darian's chest with a feeling of trepidation. Moony's breathing was much faster. Darian was getting hypothermia.
He needed to get help.
A/N- There! I'm satisfied thought the title sucked. Please R&R! Your comments really do make a difference.