THE EDGE OF DARKNESS

CHAPTER 14

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The next morning after Starsky was whisked away for his first therapy session of the day, Hutch took the time to reflect on his own injuries and recovery. Introspection was a bad habit. Taking on the guilt for things that happened to his friend was another personality characteristic that caused the blond to look inward and desperately try to understand.

Now as he sat propped up in bed after his own therapy session, he thought about what his injuries consisted of and tried to remember how lucky the both had been. But that nagging guilty conscience wouldn't let him rest. If he'd been more professional and aware, neither one of them would have ended up in such rough shape.

Hutch's injuries consisted of a severe concusion, torn ligaments in his shoulder and the head wound required an impressive number of stitches. Also he had several broken ribs to contend with. He required surgery to repair the damage to his torn shoulder. He was left with numbness which resulted in a temporary loss of function. But with intensive therapy, the doctors were confident that he would have full use of his arm. He worried constantly about his return to life as a cop.

He berated himself for his slow responses during their time at the hands of Stone Crawford. The blond saw himself as the cause of their present injuries. The guilt ate away his confidence but each time a doctor nodded with approval over the slow but continued progress, Hutch began to believe the words of assurance.

The edge of darkness affected each man differently but Hutch lingered at the fringe, unable to leave his guilt and self doubts. Once he was convinced that Starsky would recover, he finally opened up to his Captain, choosing to apologize for his inability to act professionally. Hutch felt that if he'd paid more attention to Stone, he could have prevented the brutal attack on his friend.

Hutch had rehearsed his words in his head but given the actual opportunity to speak, the blond realized that his fears were unjustified. His captain had listened to the painful words but didn't let the blond dwell on the needless worry.

"Hutch, I appreciate your concerns but it just isn't necessary to take on such responsibility. You don't have to shoulder the weight of Starsky's injuries. You didn't shoot him, you didn't club him with a baseball bat. It was the twisted mind of a killer who attacked both of you. Remember, you suffered because of his madness too." Dobey had leaned forward in his chair, focused his dark brown eyes on the bowed blond head and continued with his speech. He cleared his throat and waited another minute until Hutch raised his head and gave Captain Dobey his full attention.

"If I'd of thought that either one of you had acted irresponsibily or were neglegent in your duties, you can be sure I woulda kicked both your asses out of this hospital so fast that you'd be back in bein' treated for road burn!"

That part of his apology given and accepted, Hutch had been able to move on to the matter of Stone Crawford himself.

It bothered Hutch that nowhere in the man's prison records was there ever any mention of Stone's precarious mental state. Stone gave no indication of insanity and no witnesses could remember any time that he wasn't coherent and logical. The blond replayed the last hours of the terrible experience over and over in his head. He could never quite forget the weird swings of defiance mixed with indecision. He recalled Stone referring to 'the big voice in my head' and Hutch rubbed his own brow as if to wipe away the eerie feeling and memories.

He wondered about the situations that he and his partner found themselves in where often they relied on hunches, feelings and the nagging warnings they experienced. How many times had they said they had a feeling about someone or something they were investigating? How many times had they told the other about the little nagging voice prompting them to act? They both were intelligent and experienced officers and had learned over the years to trust that gut feeling if something didn't seem right. That often led them to solve a crime or even save the other from harm. Starsky himself had mentioned going with a feeling he'd once had about the blond's safety and had arrived in time to outsmart death. Hutch often acknowledged the little voice that niggled at him to go in a certain direction or follow the obscure or obvious choice.

But since the experience at The Pits, he spent many hours wondering where the line of intelligence and common sense became smeared and blended with the evil sense of duty which obviously had driven Stone. The detective thought back to the time in the bar when Stone seemed to be listening and responding to an unseen force. Particularly his painful moaning and crying at the end in response to the dog howling came back to Hutch. He wondered why no signs had surfaced before then that the man was wrestling with mental illness. Perhaps no one had paid attention. After all, he was a criminal who had murdered without remorse and had deliberately set out to hurt Starsky and Hutch.

Hutch sat in a recliner in the dark haired man's room. His friend rested against the mattress, napping after a particularly difficult night full of pain and his own demons. Starsky was finally released from the prison his leg had been bound in and this followed with therapy to strengthen not only the injured leg but included conditioning from head to toe. The therapy was not easy and resulted in pain of a different sort. But for Starsky, he could deal with that pain because he could see his progress and was confident in the end result.

The hardest part to deal with for him were the nightmares He had very little memory of his ordeal which in a way was good but that uncertainty plagued his sleep and he often woke shaking. He could never recall the nightmare but was always left with feeling insecure and frightened.

Starsky's edge of darkness invaded his dreams during the night but he pushed himself toward a more secure horizon each morning. He trusted that his body would heal and looked forward to getting home and back on duty. He knew it would take time but his headstrong attitude helped him make steady gains. He was not an easy patient, insisting on doing as much for himself as possible. He pestered the nurses and doctors to get him home. Consequently he pushed his body to the limit each day until Hutch had to warn him to settle down and rest.

Now as Hutch continued his musings, he turned his head as he heard Starsky begin to stir. The dark haired man moved against the mattress and his sapphire eyes opened to focus on the blond across from him. Starsky winced as he shifted position.

"Hey how about a little help here? I could use a push!" Starsky's sense of humor had never completely disappeared despite the challenges over the last weeks. Perhaps because of those difficulties, Starsky tried to find something to laugh about each day. Even if it was through tears of frustration and torment, Starsky refused to wobble on that edge of darkness.

Hutch put down the book he was reading and got up to raise the bed for Starsky. He reached for the crank with his bound arm until the tingling sensations forced him to switch hands. He tried to stifle a groan but when he raised his head from his task, he faced Starsky's eyebrows knitted together in concern.

"You still having so much pain Hutch? What did the doc say? Didn't you have an appointment yesterday? You never did tell me the results of the last test..."

"Whoa there partner, one question at a time but I'll answer the last one first. The results were all good. I have more strength now than a few weeks ago and the healing is progressing. So stop the nagging!" Both men laughed and continued with the friendly joking until they were interrupted by the appearance of Huggy and Captain Dobey.