Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing.

-------------------------Beyond Blue----------------------------

Later that afternoon

Mac's Office

Bud rapped softly on the door, it had been a fairly quiet day and he had completed his work. He was hoping Mac would be free and they could get away and have coffee and discuss Harm.

"Hi Colonel, working hard?" he asked jokingly, he knew she always worked hard.

"Always Bud, always. What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping you were just about finished and we could head out and get some coffee."

"Why, Bud Roberts, I don't believe you've ever invited me out for coffee. Whatever would Harriet say?" Mac laughed but seeing that Bud didn't react, she immediately changed her tone. "It's Harm, isn't it?"

Bud nodded.

"What's wrong?"

"Not here, Mac. Not here."

Bud looked and sounded so sad Mac felt her stomach sink. She immediately stood and collected her bag and cover and headed out with him.

Within fifteen minutes they were seated at the back table at a local café. Mac decided to give Bud a few moments to collect himself before she asked the hundred and one questions she wanted answers for.

"What's going on, Bud?"

Bud took a deep breath. He wanted her to know everything that had been happening and he knew that Harm wouldn't mind, he'd probably appreciate Bud doing it for him. But he didn't know where to begin or how to phrase it. He didn't want to make things seem worse than they were but he wanted her to understand the gravity of the situation.

"Bud?" He looked up and noticed Mac's tear filled eyes. "Tell me, please."

And so he did. The words coming fluently and confidently from a place he did not know. He told the woman before him of the last few months for their friend and in particular the last few weeks. He told her of his concerns for Harm's mental health and for his physical condition. Then he told her of how and why he had offered Harm a room in his home and how after being there a week Harm didn't feel up to going home.

All the while Mac listened in silence. Bud went onto explain how while Harm had begun to feel somewhat better the onset of the cold had made him feel miserable. Bud also explained that both he and Harriet were concerned over Harm's reluctance to reach out or even to respond to those who cared about him, namely Mattie and Mac herself. Then he sat in silence and awaited her response.

It came in the form of tears and this made Bud uncomfortable.

"Oh, Mac, please don't cry," he said but it had no effect.

"I…I…I didn't know. I mean, before I went away I thought he was a little blue but nothing that serious," Mac said, wiping at her eyes.

"This is beyond blue," Bud said quietly.

Mac nodded feeling badly she had not been there for her best friend when he was in need. "What happens now?" she asked quietly.

"Now, he is seeing a counsellor."

"How did you get him to do that?"

"It was Harriet. She went with him to his appointment last week, when he went for his cold and put him on the spot in front of the doctor," Bud explained.

"He wouldn't have liked that."

"I think he actually appreciated someone intervening on his behalf."

"I'm glad he has such good friends like you," Mac said, as another tear escaped.

"Like you too."

Mac shrugged sadly. "Some friend I've been. I should have known, especially when he stopped replying to my emails. I just thought he was busy and …"

"You're here now and that's all that matters."

"Do you think he'll want to see me?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Are you sure? I mean he's unwell and …"

"Listen Mac, Harm's pretty much over his cold. He has a slight cough but that's it. Any other time he'd be back at work like the rest of us. He just needs time to sort things out and it's better if he has that time in our home than being alone at his own place."

2015

Roberts Residence

Bud opened his front door and was greeted by his wife looking tired and busy. Jimmy was on one hip and a basket of laundry was on the other.

"Hi there, Sweetie," he said leaning in and kissing her before taking Jimmy from her. His son gurgled at him. "Hi Jimmy," he said kissing his son.

"I know I'm late and I should have called but I met up with a friend and we had to talk."

"That's nice for you but as you can see things have been a bit hectic here. Looks like AJ now has Harm's cold."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Harm's put him to bed and he's up there reading to him now. Anyway, who was your friend?"

"Me," said Mac stepping into the doorway.

"Oh Mac!" exclaimed Harriet dropping her basket and embracing her friend. "I'm so glad you are home. I'm so glad …" she stopped and looked at Bud. "Did you tell her?"

"Yes, sweetie, I told her everything. That's why we were so late."

"Oh, that doesn't matter now. Thank God you're back." She grabbed Mac's arm and led her to the sitting room.

Bud left them to chat and went to get some drinks.

"Can I go up and see them?" he heard Mac ask Harriet as he re-entered the room.

Harriet looked at Bud and then at Mac. "Yes, sure, go on up."

Mac quietly made her way up the stairs and quietly stood at the door of AJ's bedroom. She listened to Harm reading A. A. Milne's "When We Were Young". She watched AJ's eyes get heavier and heavier and very soon he was asleep but Harm kept on reading. When he finished the book he closed it softly and placed it on the bedside table. He looked up and saw Mac in the doorway. At first he blinked a few times, she wasn't due back for another few weeks.

"Hi Flyboy," she whispered not wanting to wake up the sleeping child.

"Hi," he replied but didn't move. She stood there a while longer before he said anything. "You're back early."

"I worked fast and wrapped things up quicker than expected."

"Oh." He still didn't move.

"Do you want to come out and talk to me?" she asked quietly looking at AJ.

To her surprise he nodded and got up and walked to her. She took him in an embrace and led him to his bedroom. She sat down on the bed while Harm stood leaning on the chest of drawers. He began to talk but he was so quiet she had to strain to catch what he was saying. "Harm," she interrupted. "Come and sit with me." He agreed and she was then able to take in everything he was saying.

Harm spoke openly and freely, something she hadn't expected, but he told her nothing Bud hadn't, although she never let him know this. As he spoke she listened quietly and at one stage put her arm around his shoulders. He was in so much pain that it was tangible. She wanted to take away all the misery she had caused him. Although he had never blamed her she knew she had hurt him more deeply than she had ever realised. Not just Paraguay and Webb but her lack of support when he had resigned his commission, not waiting for him in Sydney and then going off with Brumby. She hadn't comforted him when Sergei left or after the Singer accusations. And then while he had his hopes pinned on her being the mother of his children, when this proved unlikely she was so caught up in her own pain that she missed his. When he finished speaking he wiped away her tears, none falling from his eyes, he was past crying.

"Harm, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that I … that I…" she began to sob yet Harm made no move to comfort her. So they sat in the darkness whilst Mac sobbed quietly.

"Sorry to interrupt," said Harriet from the doorway. "But you both need to eat."

"Oh Harriet, thanks but I'm not hungry," replied Mac wiping away her tears.

"Me either," answered Harm.

"Well, I've been in the kitchen for hours cooking and I say you are both eating so get yourselves down there now and that's an order," said Harriet before waddling back downstairs.

"You actually ordered them?" said Bud is disbelief as Harriet repeated her dinner invitation story.

"Yes, I did."

"But you can't order them."

"Yes I can. It's my house and anyway it's doctor's orders. Harm needs to eat properly whether he wants to or not and I bet Mac hasn't eaten all day."

"Fair enough," said Bud, Harriet was right.