Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing.
Song's not mine either.
-------------------------Beyond Blue----------------------------
Saturday 0735
Roberts Residence
Mac had spent Thursday and Friday nights sleeping alongside Harm but due to her late arrivals and early morning departures she had not got to see either of her godsons awake. She knew that would happen today as she had nowhere else she had to or wanted to be.
She opened her eyes and tried to stretch without waking Harm. He was sleeping right behind her, his arm around her waist, her head resting under his chin. She knew she felt better being here with him and hoped he felt the same way. Mac smiled as she heard the sound of little footsteps in the hallway stop outside the door. Slowly she saw the doorknob turn and the door being eased open.
"Hi there AJ," she said quietly when she spied his little face peeking through the crack. "You can come in; you just have to be quiet. We don't want to wake Uncle Harm."
AJ crept into the bed and gave Mac a big hug.
"I've missed you Aunty Mac," he whispered loudly.
"I've missed you too, honey. What have you been up to?" AJ nestled down next to her and she pulled the covers over him.
"I've been looking after Uncle Harm for you. He hasn't been well," the boy reported.
"I know, he had a cold but it seems to be getting better. You must have done a good job," Mac said, tussling his hair.
"It wasn't just a…" AJ stopped himself.
"It wasn't just what, AJ?"
"Promise you won't tell?"
"I promise I'll do what's right."
"Okay, I was going to say it wasn't just a cold. It was…it was…" AJ stopped, unsure of what exactly it was.
"What was it, AJ?" Mac prompted gently.
"Uncle Harm wasn't very happy. He tried to be and he still played with me and stuff but he wasn't happy."
"What makes you say that?" Mac asked and then realised Harm was awake behind her. She reached down and patted his hand that was still resting on her stomach. "AJ?"
"Dad was the same way after he had his accident. He tried to be happy but his eyes were sad, always looking at something I couldn't see. Uncle Harm was the same way when he first came to stay."
"And now?"
"Uncle Harm's eyes aren't so sad. Sometimes, not all the time, he looks, well, not happy but …well, more like Uncle Harm."
Mac pulled the child closer to her and kissed his head, Harm pulled Mac closer and kissed hers.
Harm reached out and tickled AJ's stomach and the quiet of the early morning was shattered by the delightful shrieks of a child's laughter. Harriet came to the door to investigate the noise and was surprised, but delighted, to see her son and her two friends so happy.
"AJ," she called, "you shouldn't have come in here."
"He's fine, Harriet," said Harm smiling broadly then grabbing the child and burying him under a pile of blankets.
"He's fine, just what was needed I think," said Mac quietly to her friend before the big boy and little boy ganged up on her tickling her until, very un-marine-like, she begged for mercy.
Harriet left them to it and went back to bed.
After nearly an hour of roughhousing, stories, jokes and tickling, AJ lay down between his favourite aunt and uncle and closed his eyes. Harm looked at Mac and smiled as he saw her bend down to kiss AJ's forehead. Then the realisation dawned on him, this was his life. He had the woman he loved alongside him and regardless of what had been said and done beforehand she wasn't going anywhere. If he stopped dwelling on what he had lost and focused on what he had then perhaps he could start moving forward. He may never have a child with Mac but the reality was they had beautiful godsons who could fill that void.
Then things started gaining perspective. His brother may have moved back to Russia but he had gone home, he hadn't abandoned Harm and Harm had no reason to think he had. After all, Sergei emailed or phoned him at every possible chance. Things in Paraguay hadn't gone his way but then things in Sydney hadn't gone Mac's. It had been his decision to resign his commission and whilst he wished things had gone differently they hadn't and there was nothing he could do about that.
Mac looked up at him and saw the tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Harm, what's wrong?" she whispered.
"Nothing anymore," he replied softly. He knew he would have to continue his sessions with the counsellor and work through many issues but finally he felt like living again.
"What?" Mac asked not understanding.
"Do you mind if I don't ask you to sleep here with me tonight?"
"No, I won't mind. Why?" she lied, she wanted to sleep next to him every night for the rest of her life.
"I want to go home."
"Oh, that's good; it means you're feeling better."
"I know. Come with me?"
"Of course," she closed her eyes and smiled as Harm kissed her forehead. The both settled further into the bed and a comfortable silence surrounded them.
Feeling brave, Harm whispered, "I love you Sarah," so quietly he doubted she could hear him. He was wrong, her eyes stayed shut but just as quietly she replied, "I love you too, Harm."
"Whoo hoo!" AJ shouted jumping up with delight. He knew what he had just heard was what his mom had wanted for so very long. He jumped off the bed and ran shouting into the kitchen.
"They love each other, they love each other!" His calls echoed through the house.
Mac pulled Harm closer to her and gently kissed his lips. His heart began to beat again.
Later that morning.
Harm had gathered and packed his belongings, his week's stay had stretched out nearly three weeks. Three weeks he would be eternally grateful for. He had come to terms with many things in his life and had just taken the biggest gamble by declaring his love for Mac. True, he hadn't expected her to hear but he wasn't sorry she did, especially given her response.
Engrossed in his own thoughts he didn't hear Harriet come in and was startled when she spoke to him.
"Oh, I'm sorry Harm I didn't mean to surprise you. I did knock."
"That's okay Harriet; I guess I was caught up in …well, caught up."
"I heard. In fact the way AJ was shouting I'm sure the whole neighbourhood heard. I am very happy for you both."
"Thanks," he said sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Harriet, I don't know how I say thank you to you for everything you have done for me. I mean you are nearly eight months pregnant with twins and I lob on your doorstep, practically uninvited and then don't go home."
Harriet smiled and went to hug him. He put his arms around her vastly expanded waist and rested his head once again on her belly.
"Hey," called Bud from the door, "should I be getting worried about you two?"
They all laughed.
"Bud, I'm glad you're here. I was just thanking your beautiful wife for the last…well, for everything. I want to thank you too. I honestly don't know what I would have done that Monday if you hadn't asked me to stay. If I can ever …"
"Harm, before you finish that sentence, just think about all the times you have been there for Harriet and me. There have, unfortunately, been a few too many times when we were in pain and you were there, without question, without being asked. You allow us to lean on you all the time but this is probably the first time you have really allowed us to be there for you. I don't want to be all mushy but I do consider you to be my brother. I do love you like one. You have been one of the biggest influences on my career and on the man I am and I am so very thankful for the day you came into my, our lives." Bud spoke in such a confident manner because it came from the heart.
"We don't expect you to go home and for everything to be perfect for you," Harriet said. "It will take time for things to fall back into place and we want you to remember that we are always, ALWAYS, here for you. We want you to share our good and bad times and we do expect to share yours. We are your friends, we love you." She handed him an envelope and he pulled out the card with a puppy on the front. Inside were the lyrics that reflected Harriet and Bud's words.
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
"Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
"Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me
So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
"Do you understand?" Harriet asked.
"Yeah, I do." He looked up and saw Mac in the doorway with AJ by her side and baby Jimmy in her arms. A month ago he felt he had nothing, no one, he had forgotten just how many people he loved and who loved him back. He vowed never to forget it again.
The End
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As a final request, from me to you,
If you do suffer from depression, or any illness, I encourage you to seek assistance from your doctor, family & friends or from an organisation like Beyond Blue. There are avenues of assistance out there.
Love Nettie