1st of June

Fire Lord Taishi (25)

Year of the Sun

eight hours before noon

I cannot sleep.

I've watched the candle next to me for two hours now. The wax is begining to dribble down the candle and the small blue flame is starting to grow smaller, perhaps this is proof of how upset I feel.

In my childhood I was prone to nightmares. Vivid nightmares from which I would awake cold and shivering with sweat dripping down my neck. They started after my Mothers funeral...I remember I used to dream that I was on the pyre beside her and it used to terrify me but thankfully they stopped when I started to attend the Royal Fire Academy.

They've returned.

I woke up two hours ago in a cold sweat. The blankets were sticking to my body and I was panting like I'd just done an intense session of Fire bending drills.

I dreamt I was standing alone in a field. The night sky loomed above my head and before me was a town.

It was on fire. The flames were licking at the air for life. It was burning and destroying everything in it's path. People were screaming and running but the fire consumed them and I stood watching as they burned to ashes before me.

Then I saw my mother.

It's strange. I can hardly remember her face yet it stood out so clearly. Her hair is the exact same length and texture of Kairi's but her eyes are similar to mine. The smell of Tige Lillies was mixed with that of burning decaying flesh. My mother was crying and reaching out to me.

I woke up.

It's not the physical symptons so much as the mental ones. I feel so numb inside like my emotions have been turned off. I can feel fear holding me in it's icy grip yet it's dulled. My heart is racing so fast that it hurts but it doesn't matter.

Everything seems so pointless.

Life, Death...whats the point? In the end everyone returns to ash.

So whats the point?

One hour after noon.

"Maeko...is something wrong?"

"Not as such."

Kairi Azu sighed in exasperation at her sisters stubborn stance. She fingered a strand of her hair anxiously and gazed at the armchair where Maeko was curled up like a cat with a book in one hand and her dark golden eyes scanning the page word for word.

Is she even on this planet?

Her upper lip curved into a small smile. The small nosgelic image brought back memories of her little sister curling up with a bright book filled with beautiful illustrations and neat golden writing. Her face would light up and she used to look at Kairi with wide innocent eyes and locks of wild black hair that would tumble into her face, begging her big sister to read to her.

Kairi for some reason or another had always obeyed. She wanted to the best she possibly could for her little brother and sister. It was the promise she'd made her mother...to be a good daughter and sister. Kairi obeyed not wanting to upset her.

Always so dreamy...until she looks at me I could almost pretend she's seven again...

She snorted at that thought.

No Maeko had definately changed. The wild mop of hair had grown and her eye were colder. She was more aloof and distant caught up in her own world. It peaked Kairi's curiosity...she wondered what was going on in the head of that teenager. Especially right now...Maeko hadn't had any luncheon and that was unusual.

"Maeko stop playing innocent and dodging the subject!" Shouted Kairi, infuriated by the lack of emotion stimulating from her little sister. Finally Maeko lifted her eyes and regarded Kairi with mild interest. Her golden eyes were warm like a candle but there was a certain iciness about them that chilled Kairi.

No wonder her fires blue...

"I'm sorry Kairi..." Sighed Maeko snapping her book shut and yawning. Kairi felt relief wash through her and she gently propped herself on the arm of the chair and started to run her fingers through her sisters uneven hair. Maeko flinched but allowed her sister to continue while she spoke.

"I had a nightmare..."

Kairi's eyes widened slightly but her hands continued to move. Nightmares...now that definately brought back memories of her little sister. Kairi remember having to sleep with Maeko for two weeks straight just because the little child couldn't escape her nightmare.

"Of mother?" Asked Kairi gently.

Maeko shrugged.

"I suppose...it had mother in it...if you don't mind I'd rather not talk about it," Said Maeko quietly.

Kairi nodded and promptly changed the subject.

"I was thinking about kimono material...the seamstresses at the palace would be better than the ones in Azu...what colour do you want?"

Maeko sighed and stared at the front cover of her book.

"Purple...I like purple."

I don't feel scared.

I don't feel anything in particular. Just cold indifference.

On the bright side I chose my kimono colour. Purple...I like the colour purple because it's rich and regal and comes in many different colours. At least it's earned Kairi's approval...she thinks it will go nicely with my pale complexion.

We also recieved a small note from Father.

It hardly contained more than two sentences. The carriage arrives on the eigth meaning we'll be in the city by the 12th . I calculatted it out since the Capital city is two hundred miles from Azu. The Ostrich-horses will be doing an average speed of fifty miles per day so roughly four days.

It's short notice but it's easy enough to sort things out for a journey. I'm not looking forward to the journey...being cooped up in a carriage with no company but the driver (usually old and dull) is not fun in anyones eyes.

I hope Mielia's reply gets here before we leave.