And a special thanks to Yeyana Valentine, without whom this chapter would not have been posted!
Disclaimer: I don't own JTHM, Squee, or any of these songs.
This is one of my first times writing Nny, so he's probably OOC.
Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums,
Part Two:
Secret Separation
"We are matching spark and flame…"
Todd often wondered, after Nny had said this one night, which one of them was the spark and who was the flame? One hand, Todd thought himself the spark, since he was so young and new to everything (well, he was). But then he thought about it some more and noticed that the scary neighbor man could be the spark too, as he was just starting to have an awareness of his feelings (or so he gathered from what was said between them).
"Things here are getting too… Too… Close. I think I need to get away for a while, like a bit of a holiday, you know? I thought I was free, but now… Now I think there's something holding me back. I'm not sure I want to be rid of it either, it's all so confusing." Nny paused for a moment, considering his next words. "I think that thing is you." Todd looked surprised at that comment, and not in a good way. Seeing this, Nny continued, "Now don't get me wrong, you seem like such a nice little Squee. It's just that were getting so tangled up in each other; my little nightly visits aren't helping things either." Nny moved to sit on Todd's bed and sighed.
Todd thought he looked pretty sad, and that made him sad too.
"If you go, I'll be all alone!" Todd cried, leaning forward to hug Nny's arm. Almost instantly he was gently but forcefully pried away, Nny's eyes wild with something akin to fear.
"No. Not you."
"Are you afraid?"
"It's all just so…empty."
"What if it's not though, what if someone could break through?"
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"Oh…"
Todd had never had this close of a friendship with anyone before, mostly because all of his friends had died before he got to know them… But being afraid of it? Never. And he couldn't comprehend why the scary neighbor man would be. As he had just said a few moments ago, it was 'all so confusing'.
"If you hold me you will certainly cause me pain. I must leave before you burn me…" Todd assumed the scary neighbor man was referring back to the spark and flame comment. Then Todd started to panic, as Nny got up and started to leave through the same window he'd been coming in through for what seemed like years. And there was nothing he could do to stop it. Powerless and speechless. And oh so very empty. Was this what the scary neighbor man had been referring to? This pain from the lack of his presence, his strongest feelings laid bare, torn apart by a simple act.
He started to cry, then.
---
And after that day he would never hear from the 'scary neighbor man' again.
---
There was no funeral for the boy on the rocks.
---
Pencil tapping, impossibly bored, surrounded by peers who hated him entirely and for no reason. He'd had that dream again, the one with that man who came to visit his kid dream-self. This had been happening increasingly as of late, which was starting to bother him. But he felt that it was all going to be important, and soon.
The class-bell rang.
"Hey Todd, can you stay after for a moment, I'd like to talk to you about something." Todd's English teacher beckoned him back from the door. Some of his peers snickered and made lewd comments that he tried to ignore.
"What is it?" he asked, after everyone else had left.
"I read your story and I think its good enough for the school art magazine. You know, The Dot?" Todd's eyes lit up.
"Really? That's great!"
"I thought you'd say that." They both smiled, Todd's English teacher waving to him as he finally left, whistling happily.
---
As it turned out, Todd was to share a page with someone's painting that, according to his teacher, "Set off his work perfectly." But he didn't mind, really. After all, he couldn't complain, this was the greatest opportunity he'd ever had to get his writing noticed.
---
A stroke here, a dab there, and a work of art was borne from the depths of his soul onto the canvas before him. There was an appreciative whistle behind him, but he didn't turn around, totally engrossed in his work.
"Your paintings never cease to amaze me. You know that right?"
Alastair sighed in exasperation.
"Yes Jimmy, you tell me this every day."
"Oh. I never realized… But hey, encouragement is always good!" Alastair couldn't see, but he assumed that Jimmy was giving him a thumbs-up.
'Not from you it isn't.' he thought to himself, tightening his grip on the paintbrush as he stopped mid-stroke. He had to breathe deeply for several long moments to regain his composure.
"Thank you… Jimmy." Alastair said his name with absolute loathing, but as usual Jimmy was too dense to notice a thing.
"Though there's something I don't get…"
'No surprise there…'
"If your talents are so great, why do you always paint variants of the same thing, over and over? It seems like such a waste-" The next second, Jimmy found himself pinned to the wall, one arm twisted behind his back painfully.
"Don't you ever question this again, you hear me?" Alastair shouted furiously, slamming Jimmy to the wall to emphasize his point. "Don't ever question this…"
Alastair trailed off and released Jimmy, to watch numbly as he rubbed some feeling back into his arm.
"Whoa, geez man, I just asked a question! No need to go apeshit on me! God!"
"Broken… I must be-" Jimmy's anger was short-lived and he turned to being cautiously concerned.
"What's wrong? Hey, you don't look so good; maybe you should see the nurse?"
Alastair mumbled something to the negative, stumbling off in the direction of the door, shrugging off his fan's hand, favoring the wall for support.
Jimmy was left standing with the drying paint, and he finally Understood.
Everything.
---
The abandoned painting was of a sleeping boy, cuddling his stuffed bear, but that wasn't the beauty of it. Standing, no, looming over his bed was a twin horned daemon that seemed to suck the light from its surroundings. Two glowing red eyes and a smiling mouthful of fangs, a rising shadow of pure dark… The paints were mediocre at best, but the picture they created, frightening to most, yet the meaning to be touching picture was sheer perfection.
Alastair painted over it the next day.
After all, he'd made hundreds of copies…
---
When Todd opened his copy of the latest issue of The Dot, he was speechless. There, right next to his poem, was… Was… Dreams. Everything he'd dreamed about for the past month, right there on the paper. No doubt it was even more stunning in person, but to him, it went beyond conventional beauty. Nay, it was the message, the message to him.
Only for him.
He got the disconcerting feeling that he was looking into a mirror of his 7-year-old self, back when his memory was so hazy. All he knew was the dreams. And now he knew it was all true, every last bit of it. He felt, rather than saw the tears start to drop onto his hand, and he knew what he had to do.
This senior, Alastair was his name, must have seen the poem. The poem by him, a lowly freshman. They had to meet, they just had to. With a purposeful stride, Todd walked towards the courtyard. He would talk to his English teacher to arrange a meeting after school. He would only be glad to, Todd was sure of it.
---
Jimmy wasn't at school the next day, nor the day after that, for which Alastair was supremely grateful. It was the end of the day, right before the last period of class, that he met his Destiny. Walking through the courtyard to get to his next class, the beauty of the moment lost on him until he saw-
"Squeegee?"
---
Flower petals floating through the air made the moment almost picturesque as Todd turned the corner to see-
"Squeegee?"
Todd's eyes widened. He knew that name, knew it from his dreams! And lo- there stood his horned daemon, thoughts rendered into flesh and bone.
"Nny…" With that he rushed forward to envelop the older teen in a fierce hug.
Almost instantly he was gently but forcefully pried away, Nny's eyes wild with something akin to fear.
The flash of a scene once long ago tore through his mind like lightning and he instantly loosened his grip.
"Oh, I'm so sorry I forgot, I-"
Todd felt himself pulled closer than before to Nny's body, and he looked up at his face in wonder.
"Shh… It's okay now, it's okay…"
"Nny, I-"
Nny smiled brightly down at him.
"You said my name again. This is the second time… I think I like it."
Todd didn't smile back.
"Squee? What is it?"
"Nny, I have to tell you… I died a month ago. How am I alive now? Even if I were to be reincarnated, doesn't that require a new body?"
"I thought so too- Wait, you died?" Nny pulled away slightly to grip Todd's shoulders tightly. "Oh tell me who it was! I swear I'll-"
"Suicide."
Nny blinked.
"You did what?" Nny's happy demeanor shifted immediately to enraged. "What if you hadn't come back like I did? What If you had… had… You don't deserve Hell! No, Hell doesn't deserve you! Fuck!" Nny looked off to the sky, stewing over this new bit of information.
"Hey…" Todd started to speak softly, "I made it. And I think I knew I'd make it. I can't live without you Nny…"
Nny calmed down somewhat.
"I know. I shouldn't have left you, but I was running from what I didn't know. I know that now. But I understand those feelings, and I can't live without you either…"
Todd leaned in closer and Nny had to fight back the violent twitching that started up inside him. All his previous instinct would have been to 'immortalize the moment' forever, and end it all: here, now. But his new, stronger instincts made him lean in closer as well, their lips barely brushing before-
"Get a room you fags!"
And he tore himself away from the younger boy and glared at the one who dared interrupt his first kiss.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, to criticize me?"
"Huh. Better than you. Fag."
Nny's hands were really twitching for his blades now. But before he could leap at the offending teen and tear his fucking lungs out, the bell for class rang and he shoved past him, sneering:
"We'll settle this later."
Todd's warning hand was the only thing that stopped the boy's death that day.
"No Nny, not now…not now that we've just found each other!"
Eventually, after what seemed to Todd like forever, Nny's harsh breathing slowed to normal and he pushed his hair back from his eyes, only to stare deeply into Todd's.
"This won't last forever you know. I can feel it, and I know you can too."
Todd looked downwards.
"I know."
"Come on, I don't think either of us is up for school today, want to head over to my place?"
"Sure."
---
"And remember those stupid stories I used to tell you?"
"Yeah, only they weren't stupid… they were freaking terrifying!"
"Ha ha, sorry about that, I just had no clue what else to tell a little kid."
Nny leaned back on the moth-eaten sofa that still resided in the old 'heaven house'.
"I can't believe this dump is still here!" Todd laughed, leaning his head on his 'guardian daemon's' shoulder. Nny had the good grace to look affronted.
"Hey, it may be a dump, but it's my dump."
"I'm just kidding."
"I know."
Todd leaned over and kissed the top of Nny's nose, which obviously tickled somewhat, as he wiggled his nose for a while.
Laughter.
---
He remembered now, that dream he had… He dreamt that he had an invisible summons to this grave, which he was made to dig up and remove all traces from. When he awoke, everything was as he'd left it, except the carpet in front of his fireplace was curled up slightly. How could he not have seen it? How could he not have known? It was his beloved's body he disinterred that night, his beloved's corpse that once rested under these very floors! Now, though, he realized where the body had gone. Nny was reincarnated into Alastair!
Oh, the things Mmy remembered! The first sighting, the endless nights of following and getting lost, all to find his home, all to find him. The exalted death at the hands of his immortal beloved! Ah, such beautiful perfection! And all he could do at the time was protest feebly. He really disappointed himself. Now he knew that the true way to earn Nny's love was through a little… friendly persuasion. Ohhh yes… All he had to do was wait for the opportune moment and plan…
Laughter.
---
Laying on the roof now, Todd's fingers softly caressing the skin underneath Nny's shirt. He paused, momentarily, feeling a difference between one spot and the next. Sensing the new purpose in his new boyfriend's questioning hand, Nny sighed.
"I suppose, if you looked, you would know what that was…"
"It's ok if I-" Todd pantomimed lifting his shirt a little, and Nny nodded. Upon seeing the small circular scar, he gasped, all the feelings he had felt when Nny died rushing back to him in a torrent of anguish.
"Hey, don't worry; I won't let it happen again."
Hands shaking, Todd tried to turn him over.
"I have to- I have to see it." Nny gave silent assent by helping out and rolling over to allow Todd access. While the previous scar had been small and inconspicuous, this one looked large and messy with its pale whiteness.
"Oh God…"
"No one ever said death was pretty Squee…"
"I never thought… I just, I'll be with you next time, to protect you. I never want to have to see you die again, you hear me? You can't die!"
Nny sat up and pulled Todd into a tender embrace.
"I know… I know."
---
Looking in the mirror closely, he saw them. Faint white scar lines, which he hadn't noticed before.
"My God it's beautiful… That's right, my God…"
Jimmy picked up the steak knife that he had procured exactly for this auspicious occasion, and began tracing their paths over his skin. It was a slow business, as the blade was fairly dull, but he was tenacious in his endeavor. The first cut was straight up his middle, as if he were on an autopsy table. Then came the holes from the unforgiving steel hooks that had rent his flesh all that time before. Taking a deep breath, he stabbed the knife into his right shoulder, recreating the first wound given to him by his immortal beloved Nny and somehow managing not to howl in pain at the sensation. And for the final touch, he traced over the slightly less noticeable lines on his face from when it was bashed in. By now his hands were shaking from the effort due to pain and blood loss, but upon completing his task he gave a sigh of contentment and pride.
It was done.
Now… Now for the next phase of his grand scheme.
----
When Nny awoke, he tried to hug Todd closer, as they had fallen asleep on the floor the night before. But then he found that he could hardly move. He passed it off at first as being still tired, but as he woke more fully, he realized something was terribly, terribly wrong. He was tied to a chair. His first thought as dumb as it was, was that he didn't have any chairs. So how could he be tied to one? Opening his eyes wider, he saw that there was a dim shape in front of him, pacing around and muttering, occasionally laughing to itself. Then total awareness hit.
"Jimmy."
The aforementioned teen instantly turned his attention to his bound captive.
"Ah, you're awake. Perfect."
Perfect? He was tied to a chair by his crazed stalker, who was now covered in the exact same wounds as that night, which gave him a slightly startling and ghoulish appearance, probably from blood loss. How could any of this be perfect, he wondered. Looking around, Nny saw no sign of Todd.
"What've you done with Todd?" he shouted, frantically.
Jimmy cocked his head to the side in confusion. Then it clicked.
"Oh, you mean that little freshman? He's tied up outside, he won't bother us…" He paused for a second, making Nny slightly anxious. "I wonder, do you remember yet? Do you remember that glorious night?" Jimmy sighed. "Such perfection and all I could do was whine. But now…" He got as close as he could to the object of his affections; Nny could feel his breath ghosting across his face as he spoke. "I remember now Nny! I remember! You killed me, but I know it's just because you wanted to 'immortalize the moment'! Ah! I love you Nny! You'll be mine always." His voice went deeper on the last word, giving it an air of finality that, frankly, disturbed Nny beyond all reason.
"The fuck I will!" Nny tried to hop his chair away from Jimmy, but it was futile. Jimmy just followed him anyway, cooing:
"Aww, there's no need to play hard to get my love…" Nny's eyes widened impossibly as Jimmy grew closer still, shuddering in revulsion as he felt Jimmy's tongue sliding across his face. Nny saw that any attempt at either resistance, or to talk Jimmy out of it was pointless. He was going to have to- despite everything his mind was screaming at him- play along.
---
Todd awoke with his face crushed into the dirt, hands tingling from lack of circulation. There was a large rock digging into his side as well, adding to the heightened level of discomfort.
'Well this sucks…' he thought.
Five minutes later he got an idea; why not put that rock in his side to good use? After several more minutes of scraping, the bonds on his arms finally broke, to his relief. He sat up and untied the ropes around his legs; obviously, whoever tied him up wasn't very good at it. But what had happened to Nny? He was probably inside the house, with whoever or whatever- never could trust those aliens- had tied him up. He had promised, promised that this wouldn't happen! Now what was he supposed to do? Barging in wasn't an option, what if they had a gun? Everything would be over, that's what. So he sat outside house number 777 and thought.
---
Meanwhile, back inside the 'heaven house', Nny was starting to turn on the charm.
"Oh, Mmy- Darkness- I remember now!" Nny said this with the utmost cutest voice he could muster, which for him, was saying a lot. Jimmy smiled ecstatically.
"Yes, yes! I knew you would! Everything? You remember everything?"
Nny nodded enthusiastically.
"I know you…because I am you." Nny quoted, bringing an even brighter light into Jimmy's eyes. Jimmy hugged himself and did an odd little spin across the room, just narrowly missing hitting a wall. He stayed lost in his ecstasy for quite some time, making odd little squealing sounds like he was a teenage girl at a concert or something.
"Oh Darkness, are you just going to forget about me?" Nny feigned looking emotionally crushed. Jimmy's eyes widened.
"No! I would never! In fact, I was just thinking about you! (I do that a lot you know…)"
Nny gave a winning smile.
"I believe you." He paused. "But it's kind of awkward to have me tied up while you're walking around free, you know? Not to mention slightly annoying…"
"Oh I wish I could let you go…"
"But…?"
"But I don't want you running away before I tell you everything I have to say. I hope you'll understand."
Nny just sighed, thinking:
'Damn, there went my best shot at getting out of here…' But then he spoke up again.
"I promise to listen to anything you want to say to me; but my friend there, is he okay?"
"Oh, him, sure. See for yourself!" Jimmy then proceeded to go over and open the door.
---
Upon hearing footsteps, Todd immediately stood up and readied himself for the inevitable fight. Fists clenched, he stood in anticipation, watching as the door opened to reveal-
A Nny look alike?
"How the fuck did you get loose?" Before he could do much else, Todd slammed his fist straight into the older (and much taller) teen's face. Their captor was overbalanced by the blow and fell over, holding his now bloody nose. Todd instantly ran inside to free Nny, who was still tied to the chair. However, Todd had never really hit anyone before, so his hand still smarted quite a bit, making it difficult to untie the knots, easy as they were before. He was only partially finished when Jimmy came storming back in, in an angry rage.
He forcefully yanked Todd away from 'his' Nny, pulling him back to the sofa, where there lay the very same knife he'd used to reopen his scars. Jimmy shoved Todd's back up to the wall, holding the knife up to his neck threateningly.
"Who the fuck do you think you are? He's mine!" Despite the blade lodged under his throat, Todd was able to reply:
"He doesn't belong to anybody, and if you would just understand that-"
The knife cut a thin red line into his skin.
"You lie." Jimmy hissed angrily at the now even more frightened Todd.
While this was happening Nny had freed himself from the rest of his bonds, and now crept up silently behind Jimmy, meaning to take him out quietly. Instead, Jimmy turned around quickly and reversed his and Todd's positions so that Todd was trapped by Jimmy's arm, the ever present knife still cutting into his neck.
"Why is he so special to you huh? Who is he?"
Nny glared at his stalker.
"I thought you knew everything about me? He was my neighbor. Now, however… he's my boyfriend."
Jimmy gave an inarticulate cry of fury.
"That was supposed to be me! I was supposed to be with you! We would be able to kill as one, every night and day! And now you tell me this insignificant nothing is your boyfriend? I won't allow it!" The knife started to sink deeper, and Todd's startled 'squee!' was enough to send Nny past the breaking point.
All at once a ray of pure darkness hit Nny from the depths of the house, and he screamed, but it wasn't in pain or shock. It was because of the raw power that began to course through his veins once again. Jimmy's eyes lit up and he released Todd, only to fall to his knees and look reverently on his now once again 'immortal beloved'. His God was reborn!
"Yes, yes!" he cried, as the process soon finished.
Nny was a waste-lock once again.
A few tense seconds passed, with Nny looking up at the ceiling with his eyes closed, silently. Then he turned his furious gaze upon his 'follower'.
"How dare you! I give you chances to leave, and you stay? Why? Everything you do only serves to speed up your impending doom!" Nny walked over to a certain floorboard and lifted it up to reveal a series of cold, unforgiving steel hooks.
Jimmy's soul died in his chest, as he finally Saw.
"Remember these?" Nny smiled as he saw the recognition dawn in Jimmy's eyes.
"No! Get away! It wasn't supposed to happen like this! It wasn't… I don't want to die again, there's so much left to do-"
Nny's smile turned sour.
"Spare me the details, will you? What, did you think your stalking would enamor me to you so that you could have you wicked way with me unimpeded? Heh. Don't make me laugh." Todd was witnessing one of Nny's murders to protect him again. Something told him this would be more horrible than the first time. "I see you've reopened those wounds I gave you. If you liked it so much, why not just ask? I'd be more than happy to oblige…" The first slash splashed a spray of blood all over Todd's shirt, but Nny was enjoying himself too much to notice. A few more seconds and all the hooks were in place. "Don't think I'm going to let you off easy this time… Oh, no…"
"P-p-please! I'll never bother you again! I just thought we were so alike!"
"And that's precisely why I hate you, you sniveling fool. Didn't you get that last time? Oh wait, I'm sorry, I forgot you were too dense!" Nny accentuated his point by ramming one of his blades right back into Jimmy's shoulder. Jimmy's agonized scream was like music to his ears. Nny took this opportunity to look down on his work and sigh, both in contentment and appreciation. "And now," Nny started, "for the grande finale!" He dragged Jimmy's still weakly protesting body down to the depths of his house. Down, to where there stood a large contraption, one he'd never used or seen before, that he suspected had just gotten there today. After tying Jimmy in, he went back upstairs to find Todd. "Come on," he said, "I want you to see this…" His voice was surprisingly soft and gentle for what he was saying. Todd, witness yet another horrid death? He was shocked to feel himself stand, and follow Nny.
'I need to see this.' He thought, knowing he wouldn't be able to rest easy lest he knew for sure. 'But this is so wrong… I can hardly stand it…' They finally arrived in the room where Jimmy was held, blubbering pointless nothings into the emptiness. A series of ropes were connected to Jimmy's torn frame, also attached to a large metal wheel. Todd could picture it, now. The machine would start to spin, drawing the ropes ever tighter, until there was nothing left but an entirely smashed corpse. Nny gestured for him to step closer, and he did, feeling as though he were a marionette being pulled on invisible strings. He knew what was coming next.
"I want you to pull the lever, Squeegee…You."
"A-alright." He had wished his voice wasn't stuttering…
Todd walked forward to a raised platform, wherein lied a large and seemingly innocuous lever. One hand gripping the handle, he turned to his lover's eager face. Nny made a shooing motion, saying:
"Go on!"
And then It happened.
Slowly at first, the wheel spun, and if Jimmy had any delusions of his survival, they were surely crushed now, crushed as his body was becoming. Faster and faster the ropes tightened, and Nny smiled his cruel dark smile.
"He'll have full awareness until the very end, you see."
Todd said nothing, feeling hollow inside.
The End was a long time coming.
There was a sudden surge of blood, as if someone had just wrung out a giant sponge, and Todd turned away.
"Yes…" Nny hissed, "Yes. I have finally be rid myself of him. Finally!" Nny proceeded to do a mad little dance across the room, gleefully splashing in the puddle of Jimmy's blood. He made his way towards Todd, held out his hand, and Todd was powerless to resist. They spun through the night, in endless circles of Divine Madness. It had set them free.