One Day at the Malfoy Manor…
Summary: Just a typical day at Voldemort's new hideout? I don't think so…Rated M for language and adult humor.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its related characters.
Chapter 1
Lucius Malfoy exited the kitchen, a large glass of something colorfully alcoholic held carefully in his hands, moving as carefully as possible so as to avoid spilling a single drop. He looked down at the Tacky Tequila he had mixed so meticulously for his master, eyeing the way the liquid swilled ominously in its glass, threatening to spill. He promptly slowed his pace a little.
Five minutes later, Lucius was halfway to the dining room when his painstakingly careful shuffle caused him to break out in sweat. He bit his lip, glancing from the glass to the hall ahead of him and back. He was just over halfway there. Just a bit farther, he thought desperately.
Suddenly a snide voice popped out of the sitting room, which he had just passed, nearly making him drop the rainbow-colored concoction.
"You really are a moron, Lucius," sneered the voice of Bellatrix Lestrange. Lucius turned around slowly, taking a full ten seconds to face her. She was leaning up against the door frame, looking from him to the drink in his hands.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Lucius barked.
"It means, dear Lucius, that you have apparently forgotten about a certain long, wooden stick in your pocket, which—"
"My dick is NOT made of wood, thank you very much!" snarled Lucius. His face had gone very red.
Bellatrix sighed. "I rest my case…I wasn't talking about your dick, you dumb blonde, I was talking about your WAND! You could LEVITATE the fucking drink and make your life a whole lot easier, no?"
Lucius blushed even more and mumbled something like "wood…how ridiculous…" as he pulled out is wand and muttered the Levitation Charm. He then strode normally to the dining room, where Lord Voldemort sat, looking over a map.
"Your drink, my Lord." Lucius said, bowing as the drink came to rest on the table in front of him.
Voldemort eyed the drink with silent scrutiny but then sipped some through the straw, a strange look crossing his deformed face. Before Lucius knew what was happening, Voldemort had picked the drink up and hurled it at him, shattering the glass on his face and covering him in tequila and who knows what other tacky ingredients. In an instant he was shouting.
"TACKY TEQUILA?!!TACKY TEQUILA!!! YOU DIPSHIT—I ASK FOR A KINKY KAHLUA, AND YOU BRING ME A FUCKING TACKY TEQUILA!"
Lucius was on the ground and backing away as fast as he could—until his back hit the wall.
"Shit! Trapped, doomed…Master…no…NO, PLEASE, MASTER, PLEASE! HAVE MERCY!"
Voldemort was nose to nose with Lucius, bending over his cowering body with his wand pointed threateningly at Lucius's face. They stood that way for a minute or so, Voldemort's furious red eyes staring down Lucius's cold gray ones.
Suddenly, Voldemort jabbed Lucius in the eye with his wand. As Lucius clapped his hands over his left eye, Voldemort smirked evilly. "Next time, Lucius, you will bring me the right drink, or I will kill you."
"Y-y-yes, master…" Lucius said, dripping blood on the floor as he crawled from the room.
Bellatrix and Narcissa watched in silent amusement as Lucius crawled by the sitting room and into the kitchen to make his master's Kinky Kahlua. Suddenly, Bellatrix was overwhelmed with a random curiosity.
"Is his dick made of wood?" Bellatrix whispered.
End Chapter 1
A/N: Review please!