Esmeralda, the Ear'Quessir.

Author's Note: SURPRISE! Another update! I'm sick, so my mom isn't letting me do anything, so I decided to go ahead and write another chapter for you lucky readers!! Woot! Anyway, here it is!

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Chapter 17: Man, you are OLD!

So I don't think Gandalf took to my greeting as well as I planned. He ended up smacking me back, and we started scuffling. Until Aragorn pulled me back and made me lose my balance. Otherwise, Gandalf wouldn't have won like he did. Now we're sitting around listening to Gandalf's story of how he came back to life, I bet he made a deal with the stupid Balrog, asking him not to kill him and he'd bring him some water or something. That's kinda funny. Snicker. Ooops, they're all looking at me again, I'll just wave.

"What are you laughing about over there you insufferable elf?" questioned Gandalf, I guess he was angry at me for messing up his dramatic suspense filled, boring story about life and death. My bad.

"Your face."

"Now really, what is so funny about it?" Aragorn's glaring, Legolas is sniggering into a leaf at his side, Gimli's watching us like a play.

"Well, now that you asked,-"

'Esme..." Aragorn whispered through gritted teeth.

"Yes?"

"Do shut up."

"Why?"

"BE CAUSE I/we/he SAID SO!!" shouted the whole group, it was loud enough to make my hair stand up.

"Fine! No need to get your leggings in a knot. Eru. Continue with your dramatic death please Gandalf." He did just that while I sat and sulked. After what seemed like forever he finally stood, guess that means the stupid story is finally over. Now the idiots feigning confusion over his name. 'Do you need us to sew it into your cloak so every time you forget it, you can just look at your label?" Smack. Aragorn just whacked the back of my head, I turned and he was glaring like nothing I've ever seen before. I think he's been practicing.

"Do you have any manners?" he asked, still glaring.

'Yes, but I mean honestly, you don't see me walking around forgetting my name do you?"

"Surprisingly, no."

"If you want to keep your hair the length it is Legolas, you might keep your big trap shut." I heard him shuffle away from me, Aragorn just rolled his eyes and followed after Gandalf.

"One stage of your journey is over, another begins. War has come to Rohan. We must run to Edoras with all speed." Gandalf stood looking over the fields before whistling like he was calling for a dog. In the distance I could hear something coming. Sounded like a horse. So now he trains horses to act like dogs. Convenient. Into view came a white horse, followed very closely by a black one, Domeroch, and then Hasufel and Arod came following.

"That is one of the Mearas, unless my eyes are cheated by some spell." Legolas was watching in awe as the horse came closer, pansy.

" Shadowfax. He is the lord of all horses... and has been my friend through many dangers. " replied Gandalf, smiling at the horse, Shadowfax I presume.

"Look, don't you like the fact that your horse is trying to bite Gandalf's horse Esme?" asked Legolas, laughter written in his voice. But it was true. My black horse was on the white horse's heels trying diligently to bite him in the rear. I suppose they don't get along, kinda like me and Gandalf. "If you asked me, it looked as though their personalities clash, like that of your and Gandalf's."

'Wow, Legolas you really are a genius you know, I wonder where I would be without you here to help me figure these things out." I walked to my horse that had finally come to a stop in front of me. "Did you get him girl?" A nod. "EXCELLENT!" I did a little dance, with everyone watching, before I mounted and prepared to ride. Shadowfax made sure to stand as far away as possible. Good.

"Let's ride." shouted Gandalf before kicking Shadowfax to a start.

We'd been riding for a couple leagues when a town finally came into view. I didn't quite catch Gandalf stopping, and ended up ramming right into Shadowfax's arse. That didn't sit well with him, he reared and tried to shoot off. Aragorn just glared at me, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was in love with Gandalf, he's always glaring at me for insulting the wizard. I smiled and backed Domeroch up, secretly congratulating her for her job well done.

" Edoras, and the Golden Hall of Meduseld." I guess Gandalf's gotten his horse back under control, good for him. " There dwells Theoden, King of Rohan, whose mind is overthrown. Saruman's hold over King Theoden is now very strong." I wonder if he knows, no one cares. "Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here."

"What?" I said, noticing everyone's eyes were set on me. 'Why do I get the feeling you said that just because of me?" I got no answer, they just started to ride off again. "Fine then, don't answer!"

We rode for a few more hours before we finally reached Edoras, or whatever it's called. This woman was standing on the porch of the main building, staring us down. Guess they don't like visitors. I said this to Legolas, who choked back a laugh ,but Aragorn, who unfortunately heard me, glared. I told him that his face would stick like that, he threw a pebble at me. I still don't know where he got the rock, he must have stashes in his pockets just for that type of thing. Legolas laughed so I whacked him in the stomach, he almost fell off his horse. Needless to say, people stared at us. Did I mention they all looked depressed, like they all wanted to commit a mass suicide? Creepy. They were all wearing black, must be a uniform, I wonder if we'll get kicked out, we kinda missed the memo.

"You'll find more cheer in a graveyard." Gimli was making it very noticeable that he was staring. Sheesh, the nerve of the dwarf. Most would try to be kinda inconspicuous considering we don't live here, but NOOOOOO, let's just write on our faces 'WE DON'T BELONG HERE! NOR DO WE KNOW WHERE THIS IS! WOOT' Legolas said that wouldn't fit, so I hit him again. We finally got off those damned horses, I swear, I'm gonna be walking bow legged for the rest of my life because of this trip. We walked to the top of the stairs only to be stopped by guards. Gandalf made a noise of acknowledgement. Old coot, thinks he knows everyone. I bet no one likes him, snicker.

" I cannot allow you before Theoden King so armed, Gandalf Greyhame. By order of... Grima Wormtongue." The guard stuck his hand out to retrieve our weapons. It took at least thirty minutes just to get all of Aragorn's weapons, then Legolas', and finally Gimli's. The man turned to me and stared.

'What? You think they would actually give me weapons? Hah, you're crazier than they are!" I just scoffed and shook my head, unfortunately my cloak slipped and showed part of my scabbard. The man raised his eyebrows and pointed to it. 'Oh fine. You win. Take it." I practically threw my stuff at him, it hit him in the chest knocking the breath out of him, again, Aragorn glared. Legolas just shook his head and pushed me behind him, whether for my safety or the guard's I know not. said guard was rubbing his chest and facing Gandalf. The old man just stood and blinked.

" Your staff." The man pointed to Gandalf's stick like it was the most obvious thing, although it truly was. I pointed this out to Gandalf, who in return whacked me in the back of the knee with it. I said that just proved the guards point, he whacked me again. I screamed assault, Legolas covered my mouth with his hand and sent the guard a big smile. Man, good thing the guard was a man, otherwise I think he might have fainted, I know I would've if I'd been in that position.

"Hm. Oh! You would not part an old man from his walking stick?" was all Gandalf asked, taking on one of those "I'm a cute old man! Take pity on me!' kinda looks, it worked. I shot a withering look at the guard. Way to stand your ground! I caught the wink Gandalf threw at Aragorn, before he so inconspicuously, leaned on Legolas' arm, really now. He wasn't riding with someone to make sure he didn't fall off, and he wasn't walking like that before we got to the top. Who in their right mind was gonna fall for that? I guess the guards were, they just let us right on in. The first thing I notice when we walk in is this old, when I say that I mean ANCIENT old man on a throne, and on his side was this thing. You couldn't really consider it a human I mean, I've seen some pale people, but, he was transparent. And nasty, like he hadn't ever heard of the word bath, or didn't even now water and sop existed.

"Hey you, thing on the ground? Do you know what water is?" I asked grimacing, closing my nose so as to stop the smell that is sure to accompany such a foul thing. Legolas smacked his forehead, Aragorn gave me a look, and Gandalf merely sighed. Gimli was too enraptured by the gold on the columns to notice the difference. "I mean really, I've been running and riding for the past like month and I'm still cleaner than you? Do you need someone to show the proper bathing technique?" The thing just glared at me. Before whispering in the old man's ear. 'HEY! SECRETS DON'T MAKE FRIENDS YOU KNOW!" I shouted pointing accusingly at the Walking Dirt Mound. He swore and glared some more. Gandalf finally sent me a look before walking forward from the group.

" My lord, Gandalf the Grey is coming. He's a herald of woe." said the stinking filthy thing wallowing in his own dirt. Yech. Nasty little blighter. He even talks funny, oh well, that'll keep me occupied. I just made one of the guards snort with laughter by mimicking him, the things glaring at me again. I made a dumb face, he turned back to Gandalf.

"The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Theoden King." Gandalf took another step forward, it wasn't until then that I saw the guards circling the room. I nudged Legolas who merely raised his eyebrow at me. Stupid all knowing elf.

"He is not welcome." The thing whispered into the king's ear.

"You're not welcome, betch." I said snapping my fingers, Legolas had to restrain himself from not laughing right then and there. The thing glared again. Gandalf had to close his eyes, and count to ten I suppose, Aragorn was too occupied following the moves of the people on the wall. Gimli, you know, I couldn't tell you watt he was doing.

"Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormcrow?" The man that was turning to dust right before our eye's spoke!

"ALAS! You're not dead!" I shouted raising my hands as if to praise the Valor. Legolas snorted once more, everyone else turned to look at me with a curious expression on their face. Except for Gandalf he just walked forward and rolled his eyes.

"A just question my liege. Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. Lathspell I name you. Ill-news is an ill guest." the Grimy thing said.

"Well I name you Nasty!" I said from behind my shelter, Legolas. I didn't want that thing to touch me, I might get cooties.

"Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm." shouted Gandalf glaring at me and Nasty. I don't know if he meant for me to shut up, or Nasty. We both obliged. I mock bowed giving him the floor once more. Nasty took that moment to eye up Gandalf's stick, err, staff I meant.

" His staff. I told you to take the wizard's staff!" he started inching towards the door, Legolas cut him off, leaving me in the open. The lackey's started to attack us. I was trying to get away and ended up slapping one, I really didn't mean to. Then I ended up tripping over one of the ones Aragorn knocked out. Errgh...they smell bad.

"You guys! This is really gross!" I picked my self up from the floor and ended up tripping one guy, making him knock his head on a column. Oops. Legolas is looking at me like I'm crazy. "What? Just because you don't have to try to stay clean doesn't mean other people don't!" I stuck my arms out to make my point, and closed line some guy. Man, I'm just not having a good day. Gandalf was walking towards the old guy on the throne with his staff pointed straight at his heart.

Theoden! Son of Thengel. Too long have you sat in the shadows."

"Gimli, Grima! he's getting away!" shouted Aragorn pointing at me. I pointed at myself too, questioning his sanity, then I felt the nasty but his hands on my arm. Talk about chills.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRIMYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" I jumped and landed on his foot, and then ended up kicking him in the family jewels, talk about nasty. I ran away leaving him convulsing on the floor, while I hugged myself in a corner. Legolas just sniggered at me, and Gimli stepped on Grima's chest. Man, I'd hate having that thing on me, he might break some ribs.

" Hearken to me. I release you... from this spell." Gandalf was still walking toward the old man, who in turn started laughing, a really creepy sounding laugh.

"You have no power here... Gandalf the Grey!" The old man starts coughing, while still laughing. Gandalf throws off his gray cloak, showing his bright new white robes. That almost blinded me again.

"GANDALF! what did I say about the lights? Exnay on the lightsnay!" I shouted covering my eyes with my arm. I don't know if he heeded my request or not, all I heard was Legolas laughing, and I could feel the prickle between my shoulder blades where Aragorn was glaring. Scary, I know.

" I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound." Theoden starts coughing and groaning, like he was finally kicking the bucket. I removed my arm in time to see that woman who we saw when we first rode in, trying to run towards him. Aragorn stuck his arm out and cut her off. She glared. Aragorn merely raised his eyebrow. I laughed. People stared.

"If I go, Theoden dies." shouted, Theoden.

"Well, see that would make sense, seeing as you are Theoden." I pointed out crossing my arms. Gandalf threw me a disgusted look, before continuing to try to gauge Theoden's heart out with his staff.

"You did not kill me. You will not kill him."

"Why is it I'm the only who is confused by this?" I asked looking between Gimli and Legolas, they merely shrugged and turned back to the action.

"Rohan is mine!" yelled Theoden from amidst his hacking cough.

"Well duh! I mean you are the king and everything!" How much more obvious do you have to be. Aragorn sent me one of those "Are you really this stupid? OR are you acting?" looks. I glared back.

" Be gone! HA!" with one last thrust of his staff Gandalf, I guess freed the king, from himself? I confused. Aragorn let the woman run towards Theoden who was about to fall out of his chair. The wrinkles started disappearing and Theoden started getting younger right then and there. I stared at him, unblinkingly, so as not to miss this. I've never seen this, I wonder if it's real? I started to walk forwards with my finger out stretched to poke it but Legolas grabbed me and kept me still. Damn.

" I know your face. Eowyn. Eowyn." Theoden sat stroking her face, while she cried. Pansy. "Gandalf?"

"Breathe the free air again, my friend." Gandalf said smiling at Theoden. In a weird kinda way. I stuck my tongue out in disgust.

"Dark have been my dreams of late." replied Theoden, standing, almost falling, until Eowyn came to help him get his balance.

"Your fingers would remember their old strength better, if they grasped your sword." Gandalf looked knowingly to the side of the room where the guard form earlier was walking in carrying a sheath. Theoden removed his sword, and quickly scanned the room, his eyes landing on Grima. He started to walk towards him. Excellent, ridding the world of one nasty beastie at a time! Theoden grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, and drug him out onto the stairs, and threw him down. Grima started to snivel and grope at the hem of Theoden's robes.

" I've only ever served you, my lord." Grima gave a pleading look up at Theoden before shrinking away.

" Your leech craft would have had me crawling on all fours like a beast!" I pointed out if he had fallen he would have had to crawl, Legolas smacked his hand over my face and smiled at Theoden, bidding him continue his tirade.

"Send me not from your side." Grime groveled some more. Disgusting. I would get out here and spit shine these stairs if I were them. Theoden lifted his sword to kill Grima, only to have Aragorn run forward, and stop him, being heroic, as usual. I think everyone's hearts just sank a little.

" No, my lord! No, my lord. Let him go. Enough blood has been spilt on his account." Aragorn bent down to lend a hand to help Grima up, he just spit on his hand and ran off. I tried to run after him to kick his arse, but Legolas kept his hold on my arm.

"Hail Theoden King!" shouted some bystander, and all bowed as one. Minus me, I forgot, until Gimli pulled my hair making me bend in pain.

"WHAT THE HELL DWARF! Just cause my hair is better than yours does not mean you have to tear it out!'

Author's Note" Hope you enjoyed! Let me know!