Esmeralda, the Ear'Quessir.
Author's Note: Hello there! I'm updating while I'm sick, again. I can't stand it. I didn't get to play in my game last night and then I woke up this morning I felt even worse. So that brings me to where I am now! Writing my favorite story ever! YAY! Anyway...here you go!
Reviews:
bubblymuggle4: Ew...no I didn't know that. That's, disgusting, if not slightly disturbing. Yech. Anyway, thanks, I did get better, for a day. But yeah, it's all good. Thanks for the review.
Norie: You're in luck, it's today! Ahah, thanks for the review!
Hikitsulover-818: Thanks again!
Estry: I am truly honored you think that, because I've gotten a review that said almost the exact opposite before. Thanks!
Chapter 18: Hoozah!
Right now we're in some stupid dining hall, where the Lady "I'm so in love scratch that in obsessive compulsive love of Aragorn even though he shows absolutely no interest in me because he is taken" is fawning over some poor kid that just wants to eat some soup, that looks suspiciously like chunks of fat. Word of the wise, watch out for Meduseld cooking, it's rank. But back to the kid, he's killing that soup, which makes me wonder what the food at his home was like, actually, I'm not gonna go there, rather not start gagging just yet.
"They had no warning. They were unarmed. Now the wild men are moving through the Westfold, burning as they go -- rick, cot and tree." madam "Enraptured with a Ranger" stated, walking away from the kid, who visibly deflated with the release of the breathe he was holding, I guess from trying to not tell her to leave him alone. I snickered causing everyone to look at me, even "Mistress of Obsession". I bet she evens has a shrine for Aragorn, that she made when she first saw us riding in. Wouldn't surprise me. I told this to Legolas who practically coughed up a lung trying to cover his laughter, more staring, more innocent smile from the race of elves.
"Where is Mama?" asked the other kid, whose name sounded suspiciously like Fried. If you said it fast enough, her mom must have been, uhuhm, under the 'weather' when she named her.
"Shhh." whispered the "Women who doesn't mind Affairs". I think she just gave the poor kid an unwanted shower of spit. Poor darling. I passed her a napkin as soon as Eowyn turned away. She nodded her thanks and proceeded to wipe all the residue off her face.
"This is but a taste of the terror that Saruman will unleash. All the more potent for he is driven mad by fear of Sauron. Ride out and meet him head on. Draw him away from your women and children. You must fight!" Gandalf said from the mini throne beside Theoden, I bet he wishes he could just knock Theoden out of the real one and take over. In fact I know that's what he wants to do, he's just waiting for the perfect moment. I hope I'm here to see the old men scuffle over a wooden seat, and then I will just walk over and sit down in it until he figure out I've taken it from their grimy grasps, mwuahahaha. Erm, guess I laughed out loud. Smile and back away that's what I'll do.
"You have two thousand good men riding north as we speak. Eomer is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their King." added Aragorn sending a wary look in my direction, I stick my tongue out at him, MIss "I love you sir Aragorn with a burning passion even though I just met you!" stood watching with horror at the fact that I just made a face at her precious idol.
" They will be three hundred leagues from here by now. Eomer cannot help us. I know what it is you want of me. But I will not bring further death to my people. I will not risk open war." Theoden replied, and I swear he was looking Gandalf up and down as if to size up his competition. Good lord, what is this world coming to , fighting over seats sheesh.
"Well, I don't think you'll have to make that decision for yourself." I stated from my current position, checking my fingernails while leaning against a column beside Gimli who was stuffing his face.
"WHAT HELL LEGOLAS!" I shouted standing and brushing my tunic off. Which reminds me, I wonder when I can get out of these dreaded clothes?
"Sssssshhhh, I'll tell you later!" whispered Legolas giving a smile to Theoden who was glaring daggers in our direction. Gandalf was just whistling to himself while Aragorn hand his face covered with his hand. Gimli continued to down as much food as he could get his grubby little paws on. I'm starting to think that's all he knows how to do. eat, smoke, kill, eat some more, snore.
'"Carry on." I replied mock bowing before returning to my place against the column.
"Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not." Aragorn finally spoke up staring at Theoden with fierce pride in his eyes. Go get 'em tiger!
"When last I looked, Theoden, not Aragorn, was King of Rohan." snarled Theoden glaring at Aragorn with so much hatred I'm surprised his stubble didn't melt.
"Hey now there mister!" I said standing and pointing an accusing finger at Theoden, Gandalf was giving me a shut up look, and for the first time, I ignored it. "There is no need to get snippy! It's not like Aragorn wants to rule you're grimy little town on a hill south of NOWHERE! If anyone one wants it it's Gandalf, so jump down his throat, not Aragorn's, rangwa?" (Understood?)
"I KNEW IT!" shouted Theoden before turning on Gandalf who had a WAY too innocent look on his face." I KNEW YOU WERE WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT TO TAKE MY THRONE FROM ME!"
"You're correct." Everyone's mouth dropped, including Theoden's, when Gandalf just up and admitted to trying to commit treason. "You're correct, it is a finely crafted chair I wouldn't mind reclining in it, in front of a fire." We all fell over sideways. Who knew Gandalf had a sense of humor. I ran to Gandalf and shook his hand for outstanding wit. He smirked and returned his attention back tot Theoden who was breathing hard and red in the face. "No, I do not wish to govern over you, what did Esme call it? Oh yes, Grimy little town, south of Nowhere." He continued to smirk while Theoden was blowing air in out like a fish. "Now back to business, what is the king's decision?"
When we excited the main hall we could see all of the villagers packing and preparing to leave, where too I'll never know.
" By order of the king, the city must empty. We make for the refuge of Helm's Deep. Do not burden yourself with treasures; take only what provisions you need." shouted the guard we first met, I believe his name is Pork, or Ham, something pig related. But I believe I just got my answer as to where they were going Helms Deep, whatever that is.
" Helm's Deep! They flee to the mountains when they should stand and fight. Who will defend them if not their king?" shouted Gimli from the back of the pack, including Legolas, Gandalf, Aragorn and myself.
" He is only doing what he thinks is best for his people. Helm's Deep has saved them in the past." replied Aragorn grimacing, guess he really doesn't' believe that.
"So, what exactly is this Helm's Deep, cause to me, it doesn't sound that great. I mean if you can replace one letter in a name and make it read 'Hell's Deep', it doesn't sound like safe bet to me." Legolas chuckled, but I suppose he was the only one who heard me, Gandalf was too busy explaining how they were all going to die because there was no way out of the Deep.
"...Theoden has a strong will, but I fear for him. I fear for the survival of Rohan. He will need you before the end, Aragorn. The people of Rohan will need you. The defenses have to hold." He stopped walking to turn and look at Aragorn, from where I was standing, it looked like he was leering, which is slightly disturbing, so I kicker the wall to break there little, "intimate moment" up. "Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east." with that he jumped up on Shadowfax ad rode off.
"What now chief?" I asked scaring the shit out of some horseman by poking him in the butt with a pitchfork. Aragorn jerked the thing from my hand and shook hi head before walking back out of the stables. We walked back up to the Golden hall, if that's what they call it. "Lady in line for some long ass waiting" was practicing with her sword. To me it looked like she was trying to perform a ballet of some sort to impress the one and only lust in her life, Aragorn. Legolas and myself had to step out side to release our pent up laughter at her idolatry or sorts. We stepped back in and hid behind on of the many thousands of tables in the hall, to see Aragorn conversing with her himself. She looked as though she was going to melt away right then and there.
"What do you fear my lady?" Aragorn asked stowing his dagger back away in one of those thousands of pockets he seems to have in that outfit he never gets out of. No wonder he smells bad.
"I bet its the thought of Aragorn never finding out how much she truly, deeply, frighteningly, obsessively loves him with all her body, mind, and soul." I said acting as though the mere thought was painful for me. Legolas ended up snorting in a very un prince like manner. Drawing attention to our hiding spot, we shot off just in time, or else we would have been caught by Aragorn himself.
"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them. And all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire" she replied staring around his shoulder, meaning she was practically climbing up his rather tall frame to see over it.
"I bet she's cherishing this touch in her mind for ever." Legolas whispered, causing me to stare at him in shock." What?"
"that is the first time I've ever heard you say something remotely dirty in all my time of knowing you." I replied shock still.
"Well, you learn something knew everyday don't you?" he replied before returning back to the show. It seemed Aragorn had realized what she was doing and turned back around forcing her to back off.
"You are a daughter of kings, a shieldmaiden of Rohan. I do not think that will be your fate." Aragorn replied before turning to walk away. I was silently screaming for him not to encourage her like that, Legolas merely shock his head at my antics before he too walked away. I allowed Legolas to walk out first, his hair all disheveled from hitting it on the table when he first tried to climb under, and then I followed not long after, my hair in the same condition. Needless to say we got some strange looks from some of the people running around to get ready for their departure. I don't think Legolas knew why the were laughing, and I have not the heart to tell him, just yet any way.
Who knew even dwarves liked to flirt. I surely didn't, until today that is. Right now, Gimli is flirting with the "Woman with eyes only for Aragorn"
" It's true, you don't see many dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they're often mistaken for dwarf men." Gimli said, still trying to keep his balance on the horse twice his size. Me and Legolas were sitting a few horse behind watching him having random fits of laughter.
"It's the beards" Aragorn made a gesture as if he had a beard making Lady Lustful smile. I took a leaf out of his book and threw a pebble at him, accidentally missed and hit Eowyn in the back of the head. I wasn't really that disappointed by it.
"And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no dwarf women. And that dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground." continued Gimli, not realizing what a fool he was making himself look like. I even almost fell off my horse from laughing, if Legolas hadn't been there to catch me of course. Just then Gimli's horse shot out from underneath him and the poor dwarf fell right on his rump. I had to stop my horse so I could laugh without the danger of falling off my horse, I could hear Legolas guffawing along side of me, we ended up leaning against each other to stay stable. "It's all right. It's all right. Nobody panic. It was deliberate. It was deliberate." He said standing and trying to reclaim his dignity. Which he would never get from me. I finally caught my breath and decided to star my torture now.
"Gimli! would you like me to fetch you a pony? A little short, pink one?"
I received a pebble in the face.
Author's Note: This is kinda short I know, but I wanted to have the wargs in the next chapter! So what do you think? Let me know!