Esmeralda, the Ear'Quessir
Author's Note: Well I was home sick today and decided to write you lucky devils another chapter! Woot. Anyway, I'm so excited because basketball is almost over and I'm so excited for soccer to start next week, it's going to be amazing! Not to mention I enjoy playing soccer better than basketball anyway... but shh, don't tell my coach.
Reviews:
Readerfreak10: Mwuhahahaha.
jennfire: Well, have no fear, Earl is here to stay, for a while anyways.
emerald lady: I'm guessing thats a compliment, if it's not, too bad. Thanks!
Hallows07: Thanks a lot, I really mean it.
Chapter 29: Pirates to the rescue.
"EDWARD! Can you stop humming that infernal song!" I whirled on the elf, I suppose I looked like some rabid freak but I couldn't help it. Three hours after we stopped singing it, there was only so much one person could take.
"But I like that song, I thought you did too?"
"Three hours ago." Legolas piped up, I turned to find him sitting in the corner massaging his temples with his knuckles. "Could you stop, if not for us, at least for Charlotte, she's been looking for something to murder you with for the past half hour." Edward gulped and nodded before running down to the galley to hide, too bad that's where Charlotte was last seen going, the last thing we heard from him was a screech, and a sharp chop. Goodbye dear Edward.
No I lied, we could hear him scream and then her yelling at him, but he's still alive. I believe.
"Finally, some quite. I thought Elves were supposed to be soft spoken and hard to hear." Gimli grumbled pulling a tankard out of his vest, I swear I saw Legolas look to see if there was another one.
'Well obviously, you shouldn't think." I crossed my arms and stuck my tongue out at the reddening elf before running off to hide behind Legolas, who merely shrugged his shoulders and continued to massage his temples. "Oh here let me help." I ran down to the galley, bypassed the couple, ahem, forgiving each other, grabbed a towel, threw something at the couple while leaving, laughed at them and ran back to Legolas. He looked between me and the towel warily, honestly like I was really gonna hurt him, when have I ever hurt him? Ok don't answer that. I ran to the rail and grabbed a pail that I had managed to miss when I was throwing things at people, which happens quite often, and lowered the towel in the pail over the side.
"Esme, you're not going to catch anything with that love." Jack said smiling and patting my shoulder, if my hands weren't full I would have hit him.
"Then it's a good thing I'm not fishing." I tried to pull it up, but it was caught on something, oh bugger. 'Hey Jack, I think I've caught something, want to help me pull it in?" He smirked before grabbing the rope and pulling with me, it took us a good five minutes before the pail, towel, and strange fish man finally arrived on board. Did I mention thing was very ugly, green, had seaweed all over the place,was wearing lipstick and was wearing the strangest outfit. A jacket and some pink net like thing that was really really short. All in all, he looked worse than Bart when he gets dressed.
"Hi there." Said fish thing smiling at Jack and Legolas who had now decided to join the who ha. We all just stared at him, then looked at each other, than back at the man, fish, fish man.
"Who are you?" I asked slinking behind Jack who was closest to me.
"I'm Old Gregg, pleased to meet you." He smiled that creepy smile of his and then looked at Legolas who w as shaking believe it or not, whether from laughter or fear I don't know.
"What do you want?" Jack was still trying to push me in front of him.
"Maybe I should ask you the same question." Old Gregg stuck his finger out and took a step forward, we all took a collective step back, I ran to hide behind Legolas, at least the view from behind was better here...didn't think that. "What'chu doin in my waters?" I was about to let him know these waters were not his, but Legolas smacked his hand over my mouth, if he keeps this up, he might lose a finger one day.
"Just taking the air you know, not fishing. Not at all." Jack tried his best innocent smile, too bad it didn't work on the man, fish. Oh bugger.
"Then how come that pail hit me in the head?" Old Gregg picked up my pail with the towel in it and waved it in Jack's face.
"Well now, you can't really fish with that can you? I mean honestly, what can we catch, other than you? Plus, how can you say that's ours?" I asked, looking at him like he was stupid, until he flared his nostrils at me and I eeped and flew back behind Legolas who was shaking with laughter I know, so I punched him in the back.
"IT"S ATTATCHED TO YOUR ROPE MOTHER LICKER!" We all jumped back while he fumed.
"Don't kill us! I've got so much to give!" Jack begged falling on all fours, Legolas kicked him in the back and motioned for him to stand up.
"Easy now fuzzy little man peach. Ever drunk um from a shoe?" Excuse me while I go cry with mirth won't you?
"Did someone mention rum?" Jack popped up and smiled. Sweatdrop.
"want to come to a ship were people wee on each other?" The thing took another step towards us.
"No." Legolas shook his head and stared at the thing like he thought it was going to pee on him right then.
"I'm gonna hurt you.' Jack stuck his chest out until the thing turned to look at him, then he ran behind me and Legolas.
"Scuse me?" I asked looking around Legolas' shoulder, he honestly didn't think he could hurt us.
"I like you." We all cringed and dry heaved, taking another step back, nasty nasty. 'What do you think of me?'
"Well personally, I think you'r-" Legolas had his hand over my mouth in a flash.
"We don't rightly know sir." Legolas smiled, the thing stepped forward.
"Make an assessment."
"I think you're a nice man, fish, fish man, thing." Jack said smiling from over my shoulder.
"Don't lie to me boy!"
"I"M NOT LYING!" Jack had his hands over his head as if t hat would help, me and Legolas stared at him like the idiot he was.
"I know what you're thinking, here comes ol'Gregg, he's a scaly man fish. You don't know me." He took another step forward, we all stepped back. "You don't know what I got!" He reached for his little, skirt thing, we all thought he was about to pull out a sword, so we naturally drew ours, he didn't waver. " You know what this is, It's ol'Gregg's mangina!" I don't know about them, but I'd had enough of this strange man, and his little downstairs mix up. I grabbed a piece of plywood, and whacked him over the head with it, then I whacked him again so that he was near the rail, I was raising the thing one last time to hit him over when he pulled his skirt up and I got blinded from some weird ass light, I flailed the wood around and heard it make contact with some one. I squinted my eyes open to see Edward knocked out in front of me.
"Oh now you show up." I looked over him to see The Man fish smirking at me, so I threw the board at him, and knocked him over the side.
"I'm Old Greggggggg!!!' He shrieked until he hit the water. I walked over to the rail to see him sinking back down to the bottom. Thank Eru.
"That, is the last time, I ever try to help you with you're migraines Legolas. That was all your fault." I leaned against the railing and tried to catch my breathe, I've been scarred for life.
"Mine? You're the one who had to go fishing in the ocean, with that THING down there." Legolas protested gesturing wildly to the sea. His angered, confused, and frustrated expression was enough to make me loose it. "What, may I ask is so funny?"
'You're face!"I continued to laugh, missing the affronted look that replaced the confused one.
"Excuse me?" I stopped laughing and looked at him, he looked absolutely pissed. I rolled my eyes and walked over to give him a hug.
'I wasn't insulting you, you crybaby." I shook my head and then left him to go find Jack. "Jack, do you know about how far it is now?"
"Perhaps around twenty leagues or less, it won't take us long, we should ready the troops." He smirked before throwing back down this strangely shaped piece of gold. Leave it to him to plunder on some orc ship, I shook my head before turning back around, right into Legolas.
"Some else is fishing.' Jack turned to look at me, before the three of us ran on board to find Gimli standing at the rail with a fishing rod.
"NO!!!!!!!!!"I jumped across the deck and knocked him over, then I turned and threw the rod into the ocean. We all let out a sigh of relief, except for Gimli who was till trying to stand.
"What was that about lass?" He grumbled glaring at me.
'Yes, do tell." I turned to find Aragon staring at me like I was a time bomb about to explode. I turned to look at Jack and Legolas for help but they'd already disappeared. Fat lot of help they are.
"Long story, and we don't have enough time to tell it, so you'll have to ask me about it later. We've got to get ready to make port, and fight." I smiled and tried to skip by Aragorn, hoping he wouldn't make me promise to tell him later, but that just wasn't my luck.
'We will have lots of time later, I expect to hear why you are scared of fishing." I nodded, maybe he'll forget. 'I won't forget." Oh darn. I stuck my tongue out before going to find Edward, who was hopefully not attached to Charlotte still. Found him, he still hadn't moved from where I'd hit him, so I kicked him to wake him up, it worked.
"What was that thing?" He asked scratching the bump that had formed on his head.
"That my friend, was what we call a freak. Now, get the others ready, well reach the wharf in an hours time, and I expect us to be ready, is that clear?"
"Aye aye captain!" he ran off shouting orders and yelling at the other ships for them to get ready as well. There's no turning back now.
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"Sut naa lle umien?"(How are you feeling?) Legolas wrapped his arms around my waist, as I stood looking out out over the approaching wharf, it looked a mess.
"Well, I feel a little strange after the ordeal with the weird fish man, I'm kinda nervous, and then again I really want some rum. You tell me." He chuckled and stuck his chin on top of my head. I rolled my eyes and continued to stare ahead, until I heard Aragorn clear his throat. He has a bad habit of doing that. "Yes?"
"I think it would be best if we didn't just stand for the corsair's to see us, considering we're not suppose to be on these ships, remember?" So he had a god reason to interrupt this time, we followed him into the middle of the deck and sat down, not much better if you ask me, but, oh well. "Wait until I've given the signal to move, alright?' we nodded, and he crawled over and laid down beside the rail, always the strange one that man. We sat in silence for about twenty minutes until I head some weird raspy voice yelling at us about being late.
"Late as usual! Pirate scum! There's knife work here that need doing! Come on, you sea-rats. Get off your ships!" I could practically hear the spit hitting the ground.
'Miss, what are we doing?" I almost had a heart attack. I turned to find Earl looking at me apologetically, I shook my head and motioned for him toe be quite, he nodded before sitting down beside me. I hate getting scared like that, I heard Legolas cover a laugh with a cough, so I hit him.
"Now" Aragorn jumped over the ship, Gimli followed after him, then we all joined him.
"There are plenty for all of us, may the best dwarf win." I started to protest until I was cut off by my mouth being covered by someone else's. People just can't give me a heads up.
"Amin mela lle." (I love you) Legolas kissed me on the cheek before running off.Flouncing elf.
'HEY! WAIT FOR ME!" I was about to run until I felt something ghostly float through my body, I started screaming obscenities at the dead army who continued to run fly through, not one of them listened. "Stupid dead people." I ran off after them and ended up running into Jack. "Well, how are you doing?" He was in the middle of fighting some really ugly orc, he gave it one finally stab before turning to me.
"Just peachy," He caught himself, and gave a disgruntled grunt. "Just great, and your self."
"Fantastic." I smiled before waltzing off and leaving him with Will, who was locked in battle trying to protect Elizabeth who was sitting and staring at the the orc in shock. "What's your problem dear? Don't tell me you've never seen an orc before?" She nodded and continued to stare. "My, you have been sheltered have you not?" She glared and whipped her sword out, I smirked and continued to walk through all the battling, until I ran into the one man I had hoped not to see for quite some time. "Oh, it's you."
"You and miss Swann made a fool of me hospitality, it won't be happening again." Barbossa grinned his nasty brown smile and grabbed my arm. I jerked as hard as a I could but nothing happened, he continued to smile, so smiled back, and kicked him where it hurts. I bowed and started to run off, still dodging oncoming orcs, I could hear Barbossa's men chasing after me, cutting down orcs that got in there way, I knew they would be good for something.
"ESME! Where are you going?" I turned and waved at Legolas and the orc he had been battling, they stopped when I ran right in between them being chased by pirates.
"Good day!" I continued to run and finally pulled my sword when I was a few yards in front of them. Thats when all the orcs started to attack me. "Oh bugger."
"You're not getting away this time poppet!" Great, he sent the bumbling fools after me. I turned and smiled at them both, they stared at me warily.
"What do you want?" I smiled, and stabbed an orc that had been coming from the side.
"Only you're blood." He smiled, I swear I just saw something crawling in between his teeth, the mere thought of it made me shiver.
'What for? You can have Elizabeth's, or even better, master Turners." They stopped.
"You know Bootstrap Bill's son?"
"Of course, don't you?" I smiled and then Jack ran by and smacked his hand on my face and continued to run.
"They don't know who he is yet, and we'd like to keep that way, savvy?" I nodded and he finally released my face. I bent over the breathe, and ended up stabbing some orc behind me, I really got to stop doing that. "Wonderful." He ran off screaming in the other direction, I turned to see what had scarred him ,and it was some monstrous beast, with a trunk. I really didn't need anymore weird creatures at the moment.
"Oh bother." I jerked some orc's sword out of his hand, he turned and glared at me, so I stabbed him. I stood still and watched the weird monster running towards me, all the Rohirrim and their little horse were running away, I rolled my eyes, and stuck my swords out with my arms outstretched and waited for them to make contact with the thing's thick legs, when it did it almost tore my arms out of socket. I heard the thing wailing and I walked out form under it as it fell. I felt all important for killing it, until I saw there were about twenty more.
"That only counts as one, says the dwarf." I whirled around with my sword pointing at the person's chest, they caught my with theres, it was only Legolas.
"How would you know, I say at least four or three and a half." I smiled before running and giving him a kiss, sure we were in the middle of a battle, but I had a favor to return. "Amin mela lle ner." ( I love you more) I laughed at him rolling his eyes before running off to join the fray, again.
"We've got you now poppet." I rolled my eyes and turned to find Ravioli and Pinto on my heels again.
'Honestly, you to need to find yourselves a girl, thats not taken. Savvy?"Hey blanched and looked at each other, well that would explain things. "Are you two gay?"
"Hell no!" shouted Ravioli scowling at me before running at me with his sword drawn, I eeped and turned and fled, running right by were some women was fighting something in a cloak, I stopped and Ravioli ended up blowing right into me knocking me over.
'GET OFF!" I heard the sound of the fighting beside us stop, so as soon as the fat one got off of me I smiled at the black cloaked thing, who in return swung his mace at me, I dodged it, but Ravioli didn't move fast enough. I started laughing, until I realized, he couldn't die. 'Damn." Then I noticed just who the girl was, Eowyn I smiled at her before turning to the cloak figure. "Carry on."I bowed before running away, I could hear Eowyn yelling at me to help her. I just acted like I didn't hear her.
"Esme, help Legolas!" I turned to see Aragorn pointing at another one of those huge trunked animals, and saw a little speck crawling up the side I suppose that was Legolas. He's always like that, on some ego trip. One I'm happy to break. I nodded and ran forward pulling a sword out of one of the dead soldiers hands and mine own and ran underneath the creature slicing it's legs. I heard the thing fall and turned to see Legolas sliding down it's trunk to land right in front of me and Gimli in some fancy little hero pose.
"Bravo, Super Dork." I said crossing my arms, he cocked his eyebrow at me.
"That still only counts as one." Gimli grumbled, keeping true to his word. I heard Aragorn walk up beside us hissing through his teeth I followed his line of sight and saw the dead army tearing down another one of those creatures. Ouch is right.
"Release us." Gah, even they do it. The Dead King stood in front of Aragorn, while we were surrounded by the army.
"I wonder, how can you kill something, if we can't even tough you?" I asked tapping my chin, Legolas smacked his hand over my mouth, yet again, and smiled. I glared.
"Bad idea. Very handy in a tight spot, these lads, despite the fact they're dead. "Gimli said smirking at Aragorn while leaning against his axe, I had half a mind of kicking it out form under him, but Legolas had me wrapped in a vice grip and couldn't move.
"You gave us your word " Never get on those ting's bad side, that my philosophy, that king for instance, looks like he wouldn't mind running us all through with his transparent sword.
"I hold your oath fulfilled. Go. Be at peace. " The King and his army just kinda, vanished, it was really creepy.
"Excellent decision."
"AHH!" I jumped and landed in Legolas' arms, so I wasn't suspecting Gandalf to pop out of the middle of some decrepit old battle field. I could hear Pippin giggling at me. I jumped down and straightened my tunic. 'Don't do that."
"My apologies." I snorted while Gandalf smiled at me. "To Minas Tirth if you please."
"Hope you weren't thinking of going anywhere with out us were you?" I whirled around too see Edward smirking, and all of my crew, Jack, Morgan, Will and Elizabeth included. I smiled and threw myself on Edward, and then continued to hug Jack and Will. I was actually planning on hugging everyone of my crew, until Gandalf pulled me away by the ear telling my not to be stupid.
"We're the Seven Drunken pirates.."
"EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!"
Author's Note: Well, what say you? Review or feel my wrath!
MWUAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Ahem, excuse me, it;s the deliriousness getting to me, you know what will make me feel mucho better.