Chapter Four: The Chocobo Race
Before they knew it, Cloud, Aeris, and Barret were leading Calvin and Hobbes to a trailer that was surrounded by guards.
"Okay, you two wait right out here," Cloud ordered. "The three of us will go in and talk with Mr. Coates about putting you in that race."
"Okay, but make it quick," Calvin asked. "I hate not having anything to do."
As soon as Aeris, Barret, and Cloud entered the building, Hobbes tried to talk Calvin out of doing this again.
"Listen, if I were you, I would just tell them that you don't know how to race a chocobo and let Cloud do it. The sand is starting to irritate my eyes."
"NO!" Calvin shouted. "I'm getting sick of doing nothing. I just want to do something so I can show these dimwits that I'm worth something in their group."
"Calvin, just admit it: you're not worth more than a pile of mud in life itself."
"WHAT? WHY YOU BRAINLESS…"
Calvin was about to swear, but Cloud had just emerged from the building and called to Calvin and Hobbes to enter the building.
"See. Hobbes. They think I can do it," Calvin said obnoxiously.
"That's because they think you have an advantage over the other chocobo jockeys. If they knew you had no racing skills whatsoever, they would have sent Cloud."
"Well, I'll have to show them that I can do it, then, won't I?"
When Calvin and Hobbes entered the building, they were confronted by a man that was wearing a plaid jacket and had white hair. The man's name was Mr. Coates and he was the boss of the prison.
"This is the kid?" Mr. Coates asked doubtfully. "He seems a little young to be a jockey, doesn't he?"
"Buddy, I'll have you know that I can handle my tiger here," Calvin boasted. "So what makes you think I can't handle a chocobo?"
"Well, if this is who you guys want to race, then I have no objection to it," Mr. Coates replied, snickering to himself.
"HEY! What's so funny?" Calvin demanded. "Did you look in a mirror and realize what you were wearing? If so, then I can understand why you're laughing!"
"Why, you little brat!" Mr. Coates shouted, reaching for Calvin.
Calvin immediately ran behind Barret for protection. Mr. Coates tried to reach for Calvin, but he was grabbed by the collar of his shirt and was lifted into the air by Barret.
"Touch our racer, and I'll beat you until you can't grow anymore," Barret threatened..
"O-O-Okay...," Mr. Coates replied, voice shaking.
"Yeah, you better remember not to mess with me!" Calvin threatened, still hiding behind Barret.
"Shut up, kid," Barret said.
"Now then," Mr. Coates continued, brushing himself off, "if this 'kid' wishes to participate in the race, he must have a manager."
"A manager? I didn't know anything about that!" Cloud replied. "Where are we going to get a manager down here?"
"I believe I can help you with that," a voice from outside said.
With those words, a girl dressed in pink entered the building. She looked very professional in her dress and the way her blonde, curly hair was done.
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear your situation. My name is Esther and I believe I can help you with your problem. You see, I work as a manager for jockeys on the chocobo racing tracks.
"Oh, great," groaned Calvin. "That's just what I need: another girl. Oh brother, why can't I ever get a cool guy like Barret?"
Hobbes, however, was looking at Esther with hearts coming out of his head again.
"Well, you were right for once, Calvin," Hobbes began. "We're going to be meeting a lot of babes on this journey. Where's my comb when I need it?" he asked while searching through his pockets.
"Knock it off, lump head!" Calvin demanded.
"Do you have experience?" Cloud asked Esther.
"Are you kidding?" Mr. Coates laughed. "Esther here is one of the best Chocobo managers to ever be born in this world."
"Yeah, well I'm sure there are guys out there that are better than her," Calvin grumbled.
"Calvin, you want to get out of here or not?" Cloud asked a little impatiently.
"No, I don't mind it down here. I've always wanted to be fried like an egg," Calvin replied sarcastically. "Of course I want to get out of here, spiky!"
"Then you're going to have to learn to get along with her, Calvin."
"Hey, I'll have no trouble getting along with her," Hobbes said, smiling from ear to ear.
"HOBBES, KNOCK IT OFF!" Calvin shouted. "Remember our G.R.O.S.S. pledge:
Girls are trouble
Yes it's true
Stay away from them
And you won't get the cootie flu."
"Well, I'm safe because I've had my cootie shots. Therefore, girls don't bother me a bit.
"Alright, you two. Either ya both knock it off or I'll knock ya both off! Understand?" Barret threatened.
"...Okay..." Hobbes replied in a meek voice.
"...Fine..." Calvin grumbled.
"Well then," Esther spoke, pretending as though she didn't hear anything that was just said, "Calvin, shall we get going? The race is going to start soon."
Soon, Esther, Calvin, and Hobbes were riding an elevator that took people back up to the Gold Saucer. (Calvin refused to go if Hobbes didn't go with him.)
"Now, are you sure you know how to handle a chocobo?" Esther asked Calvin.
"Of course I do," Calvin lied.
"Are you sure you don't need me to explain anything? We're going to be up there soon."
"Lady, I'm surprised that you don't have more faith in us men. What man can't handle a chocobo?"
"You," Hobbes mumbled to himself. Calvin gave him an elbow to the stomach to keep him quiet.
"Okay, if you're sure," Esther said uneasily. "Here we are. Let's go."
As they stepped out of the elevator, they found themselves in a room that was full of jockeys waiting to enter the next race. One of the jockeys walked up to them.
"Esther, good to see you again," the jockey said.
"You too, Joe," Esther replied.
"You look beautiful as usual."
"Tee hee. Thanks," Esther replied blushing a little.
"Wow, I could pick up some tips from that guy," thought Hobbes.
" cough cough looser cough ," was what came out of Calvin.
"And who do you have with you?" Joe asked, noticing Calvin and Hobbes "standing behind her.
"This boy is Calvin. This is Hobbes. He's a tiger, as if you couldn't tell."
Joe walked up to Hobbes. He was a tall, strong-looking man, though he did dress a little funny. He wore a red shirt and white pants and wore a sombrero with strings dangling from the sides.
"I'm very glad to meet you," he said to Hobbes, holding out his hand for a handshake.
"Glad to meet you too," Hobbes replied, answering the handshake.
"My, that's quite a hand grip you have there. You must be a lady charmer, I can tell."
"You think so?" Hobbes asked eagerly.
"I know so."
He then extended his hand to Calvin, who just folded his arms and gave Joe a dirty look.
"For your information, geek," Calvin began, "we exterminate girls. The only thing girls are good for is colonizing Pluto, I say. Any man who likes girls is and enemy to us.
"To him, he means," Hobbes added.
"Ah, so young," Joe chuckled. "I remember when I was like that. I used to think of ways to terrorize girls. Now, I think of ways to charm them."
"I guess the saying is true," Calvin said. "You forget useful things as you grow older."
"No, my friend. You forget the useless information and learn new, useful tactics for the real world."
"Can you teach me these new techniques?" Hobbes begged.
"HOBBES!" Calvin scolded.
"Maybe some other time. I have a race to attend to," Joe replied.
"Is it the next one?" Esther asked.
"Why, yes it is."
"You better watch out, Calvin," Esther warned. "Joe's one of the top jockey's of chocobo racing."
"He's also one of the dorkiest," Calvin thought to himself.
"You see, Joe," Esther explained, "Calvin is racing to get himself and his friends out of the prison down below."
"I see," Joe said. "Unfortunately, Calvin, I am one who tends to make these types of people earn their way out of that dreadful place. I cannot just let you win. It is against my nature. However, I do wish you the best of luck."
With those words, Joe bowed to all three of them and walked away.
"What a gentleman," Esther said in a dreamy voice.
"What a good sport," Hobbes said with respect.
"What a looser," Calvin said in a disgusted voice. "How did he make it to the top rankings?"
"Anyways, come on Calvin," Esther said. "The race is coming up."
"Good luck! I'll be watching," Hobbes called.
Esther took Calvin to a desk to fill out some paper work for registration. After that, she took Calvin to the race track, where Calvin's chocobo was waiting for him.
"I hope you and Chester here can get along," Esther said, petting Chester's beak. "I think you two can make a good connection with each other. He's one of my fastest chocobos."
"So it's a male? Finally, someone knows how to handle these situations." Calvin replied, sounding a little more pleased.
"He's sure to be good competition to Joe."
She looked over at the lane next to them to see Joe mounting his black chocobo. He looked over and saw Esther. He pulled a rose off of his hat and threw it at Esther. In return, she caught it, wiggled it between her fingers, and waved back at him.
"Oh, please, lady. Come off yourself and help me climb on the chocobo," Calvin said.
Esther helped Calvin mount the chocobo and helped him get all settled on it for the race. She then kissed her chocobo on the beak, wished Calvin luck, and walks out of the stall)
"Okay, Calvin. Relax. You can do this," Calvin told himself. "How hard can it be?"
"Hey Calvin," a voice came.
Calvin looked up to see that it was Joe.
"May the best jockey win," he said.
"Oh, don't worry. I will!" Calvin replied confidently.
"As soon as Calvin looked away from Joe, he returned to his nervous state of mind,
"Okay, I just kick my chocobo and let it run. All I need to do is steer it in the right direction. See? That's all there is to it."
"Welcome to today's race," an announcer stated over the loudspeaker. "Before our race begins, we would like to remind all of our fans that if you bought a ticket..."
"Oh, just start already," Calvin moaned.
Another ten minutes of announcements went by before the race was ready to begin.
"On your marks! Get set! GO!"
At that moment, all of the doors to the stalls opened and all of the chocobos started running. That is, except for Calvin's whose just stood there.
"HEY! MOVE, YOU STUPID BIRD!" Calvin scolded. "Oh, right forgot the kick," Calvin remembered, slapping his forehead.
He gave it a harsh kick at the sides. The chocobo jumped in the air and gave a loud squawk before running out of the stall frantically with Calvin flying through the air, hanging onto the rope for dear life.
"WOAH! SLOW DOWN! PASSENGER ON THE BACK! WAAAAAHHHHH!"
He started passing other jockeys, but instead of riding the chocobo, he was flying behind it, holding onto the ropes for the ride of his life. Soon, he's passed all but Joe and his black chocobo.
"Joe's out in front and has a good lead," the announcer announced. "Second place is slowly gaining, but the jockey isn't handling so well, right now. He's literally flying. I guess he forgot that you don't, under any circumstances, kick a chocobo!"
"Oh, sure. NOW he tells me!" Calvin groaned. "Slow down up there, will ya?
He had finally managed climb back onto the chocobo. When he sat back down, though, he noticed that he was running towards the other four jockeys that were behind him. He was going backwards.
" Hey! Turn! TURN!" Calvin pleaded. "NO, NO, NO! The track is back that way! Stupid bird!"
Frustrated and without thinking, he gave the chocobo another kick to the sides. The chocobo went ballistic again and started running faster than before. Fortunately for Calvin, he steered back on track and was running in the right direction. However, he was back in the air, hanging on for dear life again.
"I can see the headlines now: Six-year old Calvin killed by insane chocobo. If only we had given him a smarter chocobo."
"I don't think that kid knows what he's doing!" the announcer stated. "He's going to get killed!"
"I do too know what I'm doing!" Calvin shouted. "You don't think I'm doing this on purpose? TURN! I know what I'm doing! This is easy! TO THE RIGHT, YOU STUPID BIRD!"
It was clear, though, Calvin didn't know what he was doing.
"Great, what am I going to do?" Calvin asked, climbing back on the chocobo again.
As he sat down, though, he sat ion something that seemed a little soft, but solid. He looked to see that he was sitting on Gyshal greens, chocobo food. He then had an idea. He grabbed a piece of string and tied the plant to it and held it in front of the chocobo. The chocobo saw it and immediately began to run after it, following it wherever it went. Calvin used this as a source of steering and had finally gained control of the chocobo. Soon, Calvin was back where he was...in second place, neck to neck with Joe.
"I can't believe it! That kid has managed to control his chocobo and has caught up to Joe, folks. They are now neck and neck. It's going to be a photo finish!"
"I've gotta win this race! They're depending on me!" Calvin thought to himself. "But the chocobo won't run any faster…unless…"
He gave the chocobo a kick at the sides again. The chocobo went ballistic one more time, running faster that Joe's chocobo. Calvin hung in for dear life as he crossed the finish line first.
"Calvin wins the race, but at a cost, folks. "His chocobo is wound up and Calvin can't make it stop!"
Calvin began to pull himself onto the chocobo again. As soon as he sat back down, he pulled the greens up to himself and dropped them in front of the chocobo, which caused it to stop and start eating the greens.
"Whew! I'm glad that's over with," Calvin sighed, jumping off the chocobo's back.
Esther came running up to her chocobo and started to pet it, calming it down. She then turned to Calvin.
"Congratulations, Calvin! You've won your first ever chocobo race."
"Of course I did. What did you expect?"
"To be honest, I didn't think you stood a chance, without having any skills and all." Esther said. "That was pretty smart, though. Using those greens to steer your chocobo. I never would have thought of that. But, don't kick the chocobos next time. It annoys them greatly and they won't trust you as much in the future," She scolded.
"Yeah, I'll remember that," Calvin replied, rubbing his butt.
"Well, anyways, you've won and that means you and your friends are out of that prison. I explained to Dio the situation and he said that you and your friends were free to go."
"ALL RIGHT!" Calvin shouted excitedly. "Now maybe they'll trust me and let me in on the action."
"Now, let's get you back to your friends," Esther said, taking her chocobo and leading it and Calvin back to the entrance.