Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
This story is just random...don't really like it myself!
Chapter 3- Mutilation Patient
Unfortunately, Sirius' nightly escapades had taken its toll on his health so the next day he lay in bed thinking about Macy and feeling utterly sorry for himself. As he didn't turn up for classes of mealtimes or anywhere in the corridors or common areas, Macy thought he was avoiding her and he didn't ever want to see her again. This thought wasn't discouraged when she overheard a group of girls standing in a secluded corner of the courtyard discussing the rumour going round that Sirius had met two girls last night practically one after the other. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her into her Ravenclaw dormitory, dove her hand into the trunk, and pulled out the sharp, silver knife used for potions. Shaking back her left sleeve, she exposed her forearm. She stared at the spider's web of veins tangling up her arm. She paused, grabbed her diary from under the mattress, and wrote, not much just enough to get it off her chest, which might stop her doing something, really stupid. Macy appeared to calm down and loosened her grip on the knife, suddenly the pain and horror screamed back in to her face. She slammed the journal shut and hastily and clumsily pushed it back to its original hiding place. She screwed up her fist and screamed. She had loved him, she still does but he practically used her as a blow-up doll muggles buy from sex shops to simulate sex with. That is all I am something to get out from the back of the cupboard when lonely or bored. Her fist were now so contorted and pressed so tightly together small delicate nails broke trough the flesh and blood seeped out. An intense wave of relief washed through her now she new what to do. A flash of light and a gush of deep crimson blood spread all over her robes, she slashed her wrist again, repeatedly. A pool of blood on the bed and floor and it was splattered on her face. Stating to feel dizzy, she collapsed to her knees then lay face down in her own pool of self-inflicted blood. As she lay unconscious, her heart pumped out more and more.
Sirius had started to feel worse so James decided he ought to go to the hospital wing. By the time James had dragged him there he had a ferocious temperature and had a fit. Madame Pomfrey had tucked him into bed, shooed away a collection of anxious looking girls begging to see him when a shriek penetrated the still, calm air. Merely seconds later and burly seventh year boy crashed trough the heavy wooden door completely covered in blood as was the young girl in his arms. Professor Flitwick the head of Ravenclaw dashed quickly behind. Pomfrey ran forwards and showed the boy where to lay her down, on the bed on the direct right of Sirius. He looked round in alarm and as she flopped down, he saw a sight that sickened him. Her wrists were so deeply cut he could see the severed veins and skin tissue poking out unnaturally. All of a sudden, her limp head faced him. Macy lay silent as if asleep. Sirius jumped up and forced his way to her side,
"Macy, Macy, what happened, who did this to you?" tears stinging his eyes
"Nobody did it too her, she did, my sister found her half-dead with the knife still in her hand" the boy looked down in shock and sadness whilst Madame Pomfrey sobbed at this revelation. Sirius gently took off her robes just like the night before, but this time Macy was fighting for her life. As he did for the first time he noticed hundreds, no thousands of scars all over her arms, stomach and back everywhere he looked she had wounded her self. He mustn't have seen last night through a mixture of moonlight and the fact that they were focusing on other things,
"I don't understand I saw her completely naked last night and I didn't see anything like that," he mumbled mainly to himself
"Well if you saw her naked your eyes wouldn't have been focusing on her arms!" a little smirk crept across the saviours lips but quickly rectified it. The nurse on the other hand did not
"For god sake Sirius you can't stay away can you? I thought you would have learned your lesson with that nasty rash!"
"Miss, declare it too the whole school why don't you" Sirius snarled
"Sorry but it has too stop there's only so many girls I can give the pepper-up potion to after you dumped them"
"Fine okay you've had your say. For your information I think I love this one" a look of realisation dawned upon his handsome features
"It's my fault, my bloody fault," he muttered getting louder with each syllable, "IT'S ALL MY FAULT"
"Please calm down Mister Black, I'm sure it's not"
"IT IS, I WAS SO ILL I COULDN'T SEE HER SO SHE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT I WAS AVOIDING HER," he roared
"AND THOSE HARPIES I JUST USED FOR SEX AND A RELIEF OF BOREDOM AT THE WEEKEND MUST HAVE SPURRED HER THOUGHTS" he was so angry now he turned on the spot and bolted out of the door. People close to the ward had obviously heard his outburst and stared as he passed he didn't care all he cared about was getting revenge. As he ran, his hand closed around the wrist of a Ravenclaw girl he had screwed a few days ago
"What the hell are you doing Sirius?"
"What do you think?"
"Oh right yeah I get you, I suppose I can spare an hour!"
"No you whore, I need to get into your tower and your going to show me how and where" he muttered, nearing hysteria now and yanking her in a less than gentlemanly fashion.
"PLEASE Sirius your scaring me!" tears were spilling from her eyes and she genially looked scared
"Get it over and done with then" he slowed down "I know its around here somewhere, but I generally go for any girl who isn't in Ravenclaw, I prefer my girls stupid airheads" he sneered at her
"No, you said I was the most intelligent girls you know!" she pulled away her arm violently, leading the way to her common room. He grabbed he hips and pulled her sharply towards him. With faces centimetres apart
"You were, but remembering that isn't saying much" her hand went to slap him but he stopped it easily. For some reason she thought this was an opening for a kiss and leaned in. Sirius pushed her away with a look of disgust.
"Just show me where you lie awake thinking of me shagging you every night" he said she pointed him in the right direction and informed him that he had to answer a riddle. Today's was 'What comes first the Phoenix or the Fire' and the answer was that it was an infinite circle.
He walked briskly up the stone steps and knocked or hammered on the handle-less door, answered the stupid question, stormed in and asked a small first year girl where the Macy slept, she pointed a shaking finger in the right direction. Sirius charged up and slammed the door open. He couldn't help it but he started sobbing at the mess before him. Books and clothes were thrown everywhere. A small but deadly silver knife lay abandoned near a puddle of blood, on the floor a lake of it rippled. He sat down on a nearby bed weeping into his palms. It pitiful sight really. After several minutes of heart wrenching sadness Sirius managed to compose himself and set about find what he had come for. He looked in her trunk, under her bed and pillow, in her wardrobe until he found it a small powder blue diary embossed with the words 'property of Macy Arianna Gow' he smiled at her name as though it was her eyes and lips and nose. After opening it he slammed, it shut again,
'You can't read that' said the angel on his shoulder,
'Yes, he can…you need to know if it was your fault mate' replied the devil on the opposite arm,
'Yes but that's her personal thoughts', blurted out the angel again
'bloody hell, it's gonna torture him for life if he doesn't, then they'll both lose out' the angel, who subsequently had the voice of Remus, had no answer to this so Sirius opened the diary and skimmed to the day they first met,
'good on ya mate, I knew ya had it in ya!" cried the devil who sounded like James.
Dear Diary,
First day at Hogwarts today, I was absolutely shitting myself. The lessons weren't too bad. I bloody hated Divination it was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! The best thing about today though was that I met a boy. He's so unbelievably good-looking it's breath taking. I'd heard a lot about him already, he's quite the ladies man. Virtually half the girls in school have fucked him. I thought I had blown any chance of him liking me when I started having a go at him about it, practically calling him a man-whore, but then he turned it around, and he was in charge now! It's a long story but somehow I'd invited him to the Astronomy Tower literally to have sex with me! I've decided not to tell him I'm a virgin it'll only put him off.
I am worried he'll see my scars but it'll be very dark I suppose, with only moonlight flooding in. I hope that he'll never find out about my past…I'll certainly not tell him and nobody else knows, so my secrets safe!
Oh I forgot, his name is Sirius Black
Love
M xxx
Sirius stared at where she had written his name, it was slightly neater than the rest and she had drawn a tiny heart next to the 'K'.
He next turned his attention to where she said that he was 'unbelievably good-looking it's breathtaking' he felt his heart swell to bursting point she really liked him as much he likes her. Sirius wasn't stupid he knew that many girls thought him handsome and more than a few think, they love him but all he can see and think about is that Macy thought so to! He skipped to the night they slept together:
Dear Diary,
Oh Merlin's Pants, I've done it, I mean we've done it, me and Sirius we have actually had sex! I am no longer a virgin. It was amazing, so perfect. I felt so safe as I lay with his arms around me, kissing me. It was like no one in the world existed but me. I love him and I think that he might actually feel the same way, I know it sounds weird but you can't hold someone they way he held me and not be feeling something!
It hurt a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. I also bled a lot. I'd heard that you bleed a little but… anyway after it stopped hurting it felt brilliant, wonderful, marvellous, superb, excellent, magnificent, splendid, and great! So good, I had to bite his lip to stop me from screaming! Ohhhh and he did something I've never heard of before but I was the best feeling in the world, he… (It's quite embarrassing to say!) He licked and kissed me down…there, you know what I mean! It was like a great invisible hand had pressed a button to make me instantly weak at the knees. I'm just glad I was lying down because I would certainly have fell. In addition, he has a really nice (sorry I really can't say it but you catch my drift!!!) Then afterwards we just lay in silence for at least half an hour then he said I was the best he'd ever had! Then he told me he had already slept with…wait for it…57 girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is just unbelievable. He said that sometimes it could be up to three different girls a day. I don't really blame him as he has every girl in the school begging him and he is a teenage boy. Granted most people don't sleep with nearly 57 people in a lifetime never mind in 5 years! Maybe he'll want me to be his girlfriend and then we'll move in together after Hogwarts and then get married, have four children and then grow old together in blissful paradise!
I'm soooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love
M xxx
He turned page and read on:
Dear Fucking Stupid Worthless Piece of Shit,
I hate my self. Life is seriously not worth living I'm so unhappy, I want scream and never stop. The reason why: Sirius Black- the love of my life and serial adulterer. He avoided me all day and then I heard he fucking screwed some whore minutes after I left and wrote down how happy I am. How deluded and fucked-up am I! I could laugh I'm so pathetic. I swore to myself I'd never hurt myself again but times have changed. I'm sat here with the knife in my hand and I still love him more than life, the heavens and the earth. I love him so effing much I can't breathe. Maybe I shouldn't cut myself again, he might still want me!!! NO NO NO
NO. He can't choose, have a different girl every day. Well there you go there's nothing to live for so…
Goodbye
M xxx
The bottom corner of the front coveris splattered with her blood. He sat on the edge of some random, faceless girls bed. Crying loudly into his hands. Hurting on the inside and out, physically and mentally, real pain, real feelings. Aghh I'm was a disappointment, loser. Sirius thought, Maybe I really am a genuine pure-blood maniac, muggle killing Black. None of my family care about others. All of them are arrogant, cocky…pathetic. Sirius broke down completely and hurtled out of Ravenclaw tower and ran as fast as was physically possible back to Gryffindor. His stomach seemed to have stayed in his girlfriends room. Professor McGonagall tried to stop him to tell him off for running indoors but Sirius kept going and he never stopped until he was lay face down in his own bed. James and Remus came seconds after and rushed over to there inconsolable friend,
"What's wrong Sirius, hello Sirius answer me! What the hells the matter with you" James shook Sirius shoulders
"Please tell us, your scaring me padfoot mate; you never cry not even when you broke both your legs and your arm in Quidditch!" Remus added, his face pale in contrast to James who was red and sweating
"It's Macy" his two friends exchanged worried glances
"What about her mate, did she…dump you?"
"No…she thought I'd finished with her so she…" he couldn't say it. Suddenly he felt sick so he ran to the bathroom, kneeled in front of the toilet and threw up way more than he had ate that day. He clung to the side so he wouldn't fall over then lowered himself to the floor and curled up into the foetal position and rocked backwards and forwards on the bathroom floor. James and Remus were now so worried Remus ran to get a teacher, maybe Sirius was still ill and he should be in the hospital wing? James didn't ask him again, what was wrong, all he did was sit next to him, rub his back and tell him everything will be okay. Ten minutes later Remus came back with McGonagall, Sprout and Flitwick. He led them in to the bathroom where Sirius was still crying and rocking James still muttering in his ear,
"Goodness gracious, whatever is the matter boy" McGonagall said crouching down next to the small beautiful howling little boy on the floor. When he didn't answer she and Sprout pulled him into a chair where he just flopped over like a puppet whose strings was cut.
"Macy" was all he managed to say,
"Oh are you good friends with Miss Gow?"
"He slept with her last night!" James blurted out then quickly realised who he was talking to and slapped his hand over his mouth,
"Did you now Black"
"I love her…my fault…it's all my fault…I really love and I did this…it's my entire fucking fault and the bitches who told I fucked someone else minutes after she went…it's all my fault…"
"There's no need to say them disgusting words no matter how upset you are" Flitwick said disapprovingly
"I would never sleep someone straight after anyway, who do they think I am?" Sirius said loudly still looking at his knees
"Oh come on mate you have to admit it had happened before…you know shagging more then one person a day. Remember the day you were trying to break the record and had 5 in one day"
"Shut up James" Remus said, this time shaking his head at his tactless friend
"Yeah your right I'm a loser who doesn't care that most of them girls are in love with me. I just shag them and then toss them aside"
"Mister Black, you do know that it's against school rules to have sexual intercourse with people during term time"
Suddenly his head shot up, he grabbed the front of McGonagall's robes and said:
"I love her… I mean actual love. Like, my heart hurts, I can't breathe, I'd die for you, love" he released and stood up and left the room. Once he had gone in search of the hospital wing. James finally asked the question that he was dying to ask
"What the hell's wrong with Macy, 'cos I'm starting to think she didn't dump him!" Remus sighed and Flitwick told them everything.
It was now 9 o'clock and Sirius had fallen to sleep with his head on Macy's stomach breathing in her beautiful smell: honey and roses! Madame Pomfrey did not disturb him. She had watched as he tore through the door and told the unconscious girl that he loved her more than the air he breathes. An hour later Macy finally woke up, she was distraught because she had intended to die…'can't even do that right!' she thought bitterly. Then she felt something move slightly around her midriff, she looked down and saw Sirius asleep with his long, black, silky hair splayed all around his perfect face
"Sirius?" he did not respond still fast off
"Sirius?" she said louder this time as well as poked him on his forehead
"What is it? Is it Macy? Is she awake?" he had jerked his head up but had not spotter her deep brown eyes reflecting the moonlight
"Yeah she has and she's wondering what the bloody hell your doing here?" her eyes flashed black.
"Oh Macy, sweetheart, I came here to tell you that I love you and I swear I never cheated on you, I wouldn't you're the most amazing person in entire universe. Please don't ever do that to yourself again, you nearly died!"
"That's was the idea" she still didn't know whether or not to trust him.
"Why? I don't understand. You have your entire life ahead you; WE have an entire life ahead of us"
"You wouldn't understand would you…I have suffered from Manic Depression since the age of 2, when I first slit my wrists. The healers can't treat or control it very well; I have to live with it,"
"There must be someway of helping you, I noticed that you didn't have any cuts on you (apart from the ones you just did) only scars so you must be able to control it?" she shook her head sadly, her beautiful copper hair swinging from side to side, causing rainbows to dance on the walls and ceilings. She slowly slid away the covers and slipped of her trousers, she turned to face him. She showed him the soles of her feet it was heart breaking to see how the poor baby tortures herself. There they were, her feet and ankle's peppered with little pin-pricks and cuts, he kissed the worst ones trying to make them heal, she gasped and Sirius looked up at her it was in pleasure not pain, he kissed them again, every one of them. She was shouting louder now, Sirius put a silencing charm around her bed and closed the curtains. He kissed her mouth tracing the outline of her teeth and lips with his tongue. She grabbed the back of his head to make him deepen the kiss, they removed their clothes and Sirius lay on his back as Macy straddled him. His hard hands gripped her curvy hips, and she moved slowly but not like, he had done whilst in the pit of despair, but with eagerness and vigour. He looked up into and her face. She wasn't perfect what so ever, her complexion was slightly flawed, and she had bags under her beautiful eyes. But the bad bits to an average passers-by were the good bits for Sirius. They made her complete and human, so much unlike his previous girlfriends who took hours to put on their make up and do their hair. At the same time she bit and sucked his ears
"Oh Sirius"
"Macy" and she collapsed on top him breathing short and ragged. She lifted her head slightly and he kissed her nose lightly which made her giggle, a few minutes later she sighed
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"What"
"Making me fall for you even more?"
"That would be impossible for me 'cos I could never love you more than I do now"
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