Author's Note: Thanks for reviewing! It makes me really happy that people are enjoying this story!

Chapter Three

The Most Screwed Up Dream Sanji Ever Had

"Right, we need someone else to cook this time."

"What!? But I thought I was the replacement cook!"

"Not anymore! What you made yesterday was disgusting! Next time you'll probably make something that'll kill us!" It was morning the next day. Nami was discussing with the rest of the crew of who was going to cook today. This made Luffy outraged since he really thought that "Luffy's Breakfast Surprise" was really good. Everyone else thought otherwise. "Zoro, you'll be cooking for us today."

"What!? Why me? I already told you that I'm not good at cooking!"

"It doesn't matter! Whatever you'll make has to be better than what Luffy made!" Zoro shuddered at the memory of the muck that Luffy fed them.

"Fine," he said, finally giving up, "I'll cook something if that's what you want." He went into the kitchen and started rummaging through it. The kitchen was exactly the same as it was yesterday; shattered plates, food everywhere, and the green and yellow stuff were still splattered on the wall. Even upon close inspection Zoro could not tell what the green and yellow stuff were. He wanted to ask Luffy, but decided against it.

"Hey, Luffy! Where the hell did you the pot that you were using yesterday?"

"It's in one of the cupboards!"

"Why did you put it in a cupboard?" Silence. "Luffy?"

"You know, I don't have the slightest idea!"

"Idiot." Zoro searched through the cupboards until he found the pot. He then picked out the frying pan that had less grease on it than the other frying pans. It was time to get to work.

Everyone sat down at the table when it was time to eat. Nami went up to Zoro to see what he made.

"Zoro," said Nami as she peered down on the food, "this looks like exactly what Luffy made yesterday. Only brown."

"I told you I'm not a very good cook!" said Zoro angrily. "Besides, I bet it tastes better than Luffy's cooking." Nami sighed.

"Fine, but someone needs to taste it to make sure it's good."

"Ooh! Ooh! Me! Pick me! I'll do it!" said Luffy eagerly as he got out of his chair.

"NO!" shouted everyone else. Usopp got up and tackled Luffy.

"There's no way you'll taste that!" said Usopp as he tried to hold on to Luffy. "After what happened yesterday, I'll never trust your taste buds ever again!"

"But you didn't even try my cooking!" said Luffy as he tried to squirm out of Usopp's grasp.

"Fine, I'll taste it if it'll make you happy!" said Zoro. He got out the wooden spoon, dipped it into the food, and tasted it. Upon tasting the food, Zoro started coughing.

"I knew that wouldn't taste good," said Nami, crossing her arms.

"It's bitter, but –cough! - it's a lot better –hack! - than Luffy's cooking," said Zoro. He quickly grabbed the nearest drinking glass, filled it with water from the faucet, and drank it down.

"I don't really care what it tastes like," said Usopp, "as long as it's not something that Luffy made."

"I don't get why you guys don't like my cooking," pouted Luffy. Everyone ignored him and started eating Zoro's bitter (but better tasting) food.

Sanji had the weirdest dream that morning. He had weird dreams before, of course, but this was far the most screwed up dream he had ever had. He later blamed this on his illness. In his dream, Sanji was standing on some sort of field. The grass and the few trees that dotted the field were purple. Yes, purple. Why? He did not know. In the field were sheep doing the Moonwalk, cows singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb," and hippos doing the can-can. As Sanji watched the strange animals, the earth suddenly trembled. Popping out of the earth like weeds were a dozen red lollipops. The all started heading towards Sanji.

"Sanji!" said the lollipops in voices that sounded like Brooklyn gangsters with sore throats, "drop that cigarette and suck on us!" The way they said "suck on us" gave Sanji a very disturbing mental image. At first, Sanji didn't know what to do. After all, it wasn't everyday you saw talking lollipops coming towards you. Coming back to his senses, Sanji did the thing he did best; he kicked the lollipops and they snapped in half. Feeling satisfied with himself, Sanji began walking away. Suddenly, he heard something behind him. He turned around and saw that the lollipops had stood up. They each had new halves, so now instead of a dozen lollipops, there were now two dozen of them. Sanji backed away. He tried kicking them again, but that only caused them to multiply again. "SUCK ON US!" screamed the lollipops. Sanji turned and ran, seeing that that was the only option left for him. The lollipops chased after him. "SUCK ON US!"

"Hell no!" Sanji shouted back. "I'm not going to suck on you! Damn you lollipops! Damn you David Moo! Damn you Al Khan!" Sanji kept on running until a door appeared out of nowhere. Without thinking, Sanji opened the door, went inside, and slammed the door shut. Breathing heavily, Sanji wiped the sweat off his brow, thinking that it was all over.

"Hi, Sanji!" Sanji turned around and gasped. He was in some sort of room and in that room with him were his crewmates. Except they weren't exactly themselves. Luffy had four heads and was dancing around. Zoro was wearing a pink tutu and was doing ballet. Nami had melted into a puddle, screaming, "I melted! I melted!" Usopp was the head of a motorcycle gang and was zooming around on his motorcycle with a metal bar in his hand while wearing a leather jacket, torn up jeans, and dark sunglasses. Chopper had apparently turned into a mutant because he had six arms and three eyes. Robin was the only one who was normal…unless you counted her having the body of a dragon. As Sanji gawked at this freakish sight, he happened to look down and realize that he had no clothes on. Suddenly, a black hole appeared below him and he began falling down, down, down… Sanji woke up with a start. He was still on the couch in the boy's cabin, the blanket over him, lying on his side with his back towards the door. For a few seconds Sanji lay there, trying to recall what he had just dreamed about. When he finally remembered the screwed up dream, the first words that came out of his mouth were, "What the hell?"

"So you're finally awake." Sanji turned around and saw Zoro standing beside the couch, a plate of food in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" asked Sanji as he sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"I was going to leave your plate here when I saw you sleeping," said Zoro, "but then you started talking in your sleep. I think you were saying… 'I'm not going to suck on you?'" Sanji froze. Of all the people that could hear him talking in his sleep, why did it have to be Zoro!? Sanji groaned.

"You better not breathe a word about this to anyone, Marimo!" said Sanji menacingly.

"I wasn't planning to, Shitty-Cook," said Zoro annoyingly, "what were you dreaming about anyway?" Sanji was about to tell him about the purple field, the strange animals, and the lollipops, until he remembered that Zoro wore a pink tutu and did ballet in his dream. Sanji almost laughed out loud until he covered his mouth with his hand. "What?" asked Zoro, who was now confused. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," smirked Sanji, "it's best I didn't tell you." Zoro mumbled "Whatever," and handed the plate to Sanji. Sanji eyed the brown food. "This looks exactly like-"

"What Luffy made. I know," interrupted Zoro. He was getting tired of everyone telling him how his cooking resembled Luffy's cooking. "It tastes better than Luffy's cooking, however."

"How do I know you're not trying to poison me?" asked Sanji suspiciously.

"When you eat the food. If you don't die, then it wasn't poisoned. If you do die, then it was poisoned."

"Very funny," grumbled Sanji as he took the bite out of his food. He then immediately started coughing.

"How is it?"

"Bitter!"

"At least it's not Luffy's cooking." Zoro turned around to leave. "I hope you get better soon." Sanji nearly choked on his food. What the hell did Zoro just say to him? "I hope you get better soon?" Was he also sick? "You snore when you sleep with your mouth open." At this statement, Sanji grabbed his pillow and threw it at Zoro. It hit him right in the back of the head.

"You think I snore!?" yelled Sanji. "Try listening to yourself, then you can decide who snores!" Zoro picked up the pillow and threw it at Sanji. It hit him straight in the face. Soon, the room began spinning again and Sanji collapsed on his back. Looks like it was a bad idea for him to yell like that.

Author's Note: Yeah, I put some 4kids reference in Sanji's dream. It seemed like a good idea since it was supposed to be somewhat of a nightmare. Before any of you ask, this wasn't a yaoi moment between Zoro and Sanji. It was just you're everyday Sanji-and-Zoro-get-on-each-other's-nerves moment. Sorry, fangirls.