And The Winner Is...
by TheBucketWoman
Disclaimer: I clearly do not own anything to do with Life With Derek, it's characters or whatever else I'll think of later. I also don't own the rights to Little Shop of Horrors, though I have it own DVD. Ditto Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera. I made up the names of the stores in this too. Sorry if I accidentally mentioned some real ones. Didn't mean to.
Chapter Nine
Part One: Casey.
The next morning after breakfast, Derek beckoned her over to the car. Apparently they were going to the mall for sheet music. Lizzie and Edwin had finally, momentously been declared old enough not only to stay by themselves for a few hours but to watch Marti, so Derek and Casey grabbed the opportunity to make a break for it.
Principle photography starts after lunch, Derek wrote. This was going to be a long week.
What's the show again, Derek wrote, after he pulled into a parking spot at the mall.
"Little Shop of Horrors," Casey said. Derek looked impressed.
I saw the movie, he wrote. Didn't suck.
"One of my favorites," Casey said.
Thought you liked the one with the dude in the mask? Derek wrote. Or the French revolution one?
Translation: Phantom of the Opera and Les Mis, Casey thought as they got out of the car and headed toward the entrance.
"I do," she said. "But I think this was the first one I saw when I was a kid. Had a crush on Seymour."
Derek raised an eyebrow at her and made a show of backing away slowly. He whistled and twirled a finger in the air up near his head. Then he began to run.
"Der-ek!" Casey said, giving chase. She grabbed him around the waist from behind. He made no attempt to get away. As usual. Until she began to tickle. Then, he wheezed laughter and wiggled away, holding up one hand in a warding off of the evil eye gesture.
"You are so easy," Casey said. Derek reached into his back pocket for his writing pad, but it wasn't there. He checked his other pockets and came up with nothing. Then Casey caught on.
"Sorry," she said, handing it to him. She'd stuck it into her bag when they'd gotten out of the car. "Guess it's a good thing I'm not power mad or anything, huh?"
You? Power mad? The heck you say, Derek wrote.
"What do you mean by that?" Casey said. "Do you think I'm some kind of harpy? That I boss you around or something? Is that what you think of our relationship?"
Derek put his hand on her arm in a pathetic (in Casey's opinion) attempt to placate her. He was about to tell her he was kidding. A likely story. She started to walk off in a huff and heard him start to give chase.
He caught up to her easily, putting a hand on her shoulder to turn her around. He had a look of utmost contrition on his face.
Casey looked at him in disgust for a good ten seconds before she said "I repeat, you are so easy."
From the look on his face, he didn't know whether to laugh or drown her in the fountain.
See? he wrote. You never would've gotten me before. Guess I am whipped.
"You are," Casey said. "Now what were you about to say before?"
Derek looked puzzled, then wrote: I didn't know what store we need.
"We have a choice, actually," Casey said. "The BookShelf or Musicville. What do you think?"
Coffee, Derek wrote. Then, Musicville?
Part Two: Derek
Everybody he knew seemed to work at this mall. Casey was being good about explaining his situation to people, but it was just so damn awkward. He thought Casey must have felt like this all the time. He never made it easy for her either. He watched her handle people and graciously deflect the stupider ones. The fact that she was suddenly the collected one almost seemed like poetic justice.
At the coffee counter before, for example,Casey went ahead to order, leaving Derek on a bench, but Jenny, the counter girl (and former flavor of the week) spotted him. So there was no staying away. The girl had a voice that could crack steel and she directed it toward him to get him to come say hi. Casey had explained to Jenny about Derek's predicament, saving him the trouble of having to go through a game of charades, at least. Jenny first took a step back from Derek, as if he were contagious, then began to speak to him in a louder voice.
"Oh my gosh!" she borderline-yelled. "Sweetie, I think that it's official! You just have the worst luck ever! I mean to have to depend on someone else to order your coffee for you, I mean it must be so HUMILIATING—"
This moment would be a new high, thank you, he thought. He kept the thought to himself. He smiled and shrugged.
"This is why I thought maybe an iced soy latte would make him feel a little better,"Casey said, reminding Jenny that she did in fact have a job to do.
"Oh YEAH," Jenny said. She bounced over to make Derek's latte and Casey's iced green tea. Jenny gave Derek whipped cream.
"It's non-dairy, babes," Jenny explained. The "babes" really chapped Casey's ass, Derek could tell. He decided to be a good boyfriend and put an arm around her waist.
When it came time to pay, Casey had cash ready, but Derek reached over her and slipped Jenny a ten. It was a move he always made with girls. You had to pay for them; so it was written and so it shall be done. It was one reason why he was always bugging Edwin for money. He braced for the argument Casey was sure to give him. Why anyone would complain about someone else paying was beyond him, but this was Casey after all.
"Thanks, Derek," Casey said, stuffing her cash back into her jeans pocket.
They found another bench, this time in front of the pet store where they had a decent view of a fish tank on one side and some sleeping hamsters and a ferret on the other.
"That big one is totally watching us," Casey said. "What's a piranha look like? Can they sell piranhas in Canada?"
Just in case, Derek wrote. You walk by first.
"The way you talk to me," Casey began, "You must really want to be covered in this green tea,"
Ooh, Kinky, Derek wrote. You're sexy when you're violent.
"Casey!" a voice said behind them. Tinker Tomlin. He was wearing what looked like a gondolier's uniform with Gianni's Pizzeria written on the back. Casey winced. He tossed a nonchalant "Hey Derek," over his shoulder as he knelt in front of Casey, taking both of her hands in his. "Fancy meeting you here."
"Surprise, surprise," Casey said, pulling her hands back. She put one hand casually over Derek's. Derek for his part was doing his best to get Tinker to spontaneously combust. He pictured a smoking pair of work boots on the floor in front of them. The mind was supposed to be a powerful instrument, and maybe if he really concentrated, he could at least...cause a case of prickly heat?
Derek tuned back in to the conversation. Casey was saying something about babysitting and picking Marti up from day camp in the afternoons.
"In fact, we're running late, so if you'll excuse us." She took a quick pull on her iced tea, and moved to get up.
"Me too actually," Tinker said. "Hope to see you around."
"How bout we get the music before anyone else comes up to us?" Casey said when Tinker was out of earshot. "If this is popularity, you can have it."
They went into the music store, and as usual Derek had to be dragged away from the new release section.
"We need to stick to the task at hand first," Casey said. Derek rolled his eyes.
Musicville's sheet music section consisted of one rickety magazine rack next to the posters. Derek pointed to a poster of a kitten coming out of a boot. He pretended to dry heave. Casey laughed.
"There's not much to choose from here," she said. She held up a Broadway compilation book. "At least this has 'Somewhere That's Green,' in it, so it'll do."
You're gonna audition with that? Derek wrote.
"That was the idea, yeah," Casey said. "Why?"
Everyone is going to sing that, Derek wrote. What if you're last in a long line of that song?
"So I should go with some Les Mis maybe?" Casey said. " 'On My Own?' "
Derek shook his head. No Showtunes, he wrote.
"I'm trying out for a musical," Casey said. "There will be showtunes involved, Derek."
He left the posters he'd been sifting through and went to the rack. He rooted around and pulled out a book with a clearance sticker on it. He looked at the song listing on the back and handed it to her.
"This," Casey began. "Looks like fun, actually, so I'll get it anyway, but I'm getting the showtune book too." It was the best Derek could hope for.
Later, at the house, when Derek set up the camera and gestured for Casey to go ahead, she went for the Broadway book first and he resigned himself to hearing it. He got several minutes of vocal warmups, some of which made him think of cartoon sound effects. This, he figured, might just be what he was going to be in for in speech therapy. Yikes, he thought.
When she was done with that, she opened the book to "Somewhere That's Green." She peered at the sheet music as if it held the meaning of life. He zoomed in on her while she hit one key on the piano. Derek shook his head from behind the camera.
"Oops,"Casey said and hit another. "No that's not it either..."
Derek reached over and hit the right one.
"Since when do you read music?" Casey said. Derek shrugged.
"Did you take piano lessons, Derek?" Casey asked. "You did, didn't you?"
"He plays guitar better," Edwin said from the stairs. Derek panned over to him."Not that that's saying much. He plays piano like Dad types." Edwin mimed hunting and pecking with two fingers as he came downstairs.
Derek held the camera with one hand as he wrote awkwardly with the other. Why don't you play for us, then?
"If you want," Edwin said. "I suck at it too, but I'm not shy about it. And I use more than two fingers." Edwin winked at the camera, cracked his knuckles theatrically, and sat on the piano bench.
Edwin's tempo was off by a little and he had a habit of wincing and shaking his head whenever he screwed up, calling way more attention to the mistakes than was necessary, but he was on key and the mistakes he did make weren't really the type that threw Casey off. She sang that depressing song she picked pretty well. By the end of it, Lizzie and Marti had both trickled in. Derek waved them into the shot.
"What do you think?" she said to the camera. Derek gave her thumbs up and made sure it got in the shot. "Edwin?" she said.
"Well," Edwin said. "It's no Polly Wolly Doodle, but I guess it'll do." Marti laughed.
"You'll nail it," Lizzie said.
"Again?" Marti said.
"You guys," Casey said. "You're sweet, but you're totally lying. I need to do that again."
"Have fun," Edwin said, inching away.
"Nuh-uh; where do you think you're going?" Casey said. She flipped some pages back to the beginning of the song and gestured for him to start again.
Uh-oh, Derek thought. Neurotic Casey has come for a visit. This is going to be a long week.
Part Three: Edwin
Edwin wouldn't tell Lizzie what he'd been shooting with that camera. She knew he'd filmed stuff that day, but he refused to show her.
"You'll see," he kept saying.
"You have that camera hidden somewhere in the house."
"No," Edwin said. "I do not have the camera hidden. It's right here." He gestured to it, nestled as it was on his desk. She went to it and picked it up.
"Memory card's not in it," Edwin said. She put it back.
"Gawd, you're driving me nuts!" Lizzie said. "Why won't you just show me? You know I can keep a secret!"
"And you'll be the first to know," Edwin said. "Gimme another day or so."
"Aargh," Lizzie said, stomping off.
He was a little disappointed that she didn't try to beat it out of him. She was so cute when she was violent.