And The Winner Is...
By TheBucketWoman
Disclaimer: Let's see. I don't own any of the characters of LWD or Little Shop of Horrors, any of the songs therein or any other songs I mention. Or Zero 7. Or anything else I may have forgotten.
Chapter Twelve
Part One: Nora
As is her habit the night before an audition, class presentation, exam, or dance recital, Casey had to be dissuaded from staying up all night to prepare. Just in case it didn't work, Nora had extra coffee made and bribed Lizzie and Edwin so that they'd pretend to listen to Casey sing an extra couple of times. But it turned out not to be necessary because Derek somehow got her to go to bed at a reasonable hour.
It was genius. First he made Marti pretend to fall asleep on the couch. She curled up into a ball, Sir Monks-a-lot in the crook of one arm. Then Edwin, with subtlety no one knew he possessed, pretended to fight off sleep, his eyes rolling back in his head every once in a while. His head dropped and he shook it every so often to clear it. Lizzie leaned heavily against his arm and stared at Casey with heavy-lidded, disinterested eyes.
"Okay, guys," Casey said. "Go to bed, I can do this alone."
"Nah," Edwin said. "S'okay, we're watching." He yawned widely enough to fit the whole couch into his mouth. He made only the slightest pretense of covering it.
The yawn, of course, set off a chain reaction. Nora yawned. George yawned as he carried Marti (who may or may not have fallen asleep for real) upstairs. Lizzie's jaw popped a little as she yawned, which in turn made Derek bite his lip hard to stifle his own yawn. He looked almost simian when he did that, and Nora smiled at the thought.
What? Derek mouthed. Nora shook her head.
"Seriously," Casey said. "I can tell when you've had enough. Besides, If I keep singing this song, I'll sound like Derek by morning. No offense."
None taken, he wrote. Then he stuck his tongue out at her.
"I'll just listen to the song a couple more times," Casey said. "And study the sides of the script and then I'll go to bed too."
Lizzie and Edwin took that as their cue to go upstairs, both mumbling their good nights and climbing up the stairs with what looked like their last ounces of energy, which, in Nora's opinion, was laying it on a little thick. George passed them on the stairs and headed directly toward the basement.
Nora glanced at Derek, who got up from his spot on the piano bench (thankfully, Casey hadn't tried to get anyone to accompany her this time of night). He stretched and cracked his knuckles before going over to shut off the camera and take it off its tripod. He put it into its case while Nora gathered up the assorted stuff on the coffee table, the bag of chips, some plastic tumblers. Casey helped Nora clean up, but Nora lingered in the kitchen with an ear toward the living room. She killed a few minutes by washing the tumblers, setting up the coffee maker, and wiping the counters down. Then she went into the living room on the pretense that she forgot something, and, once she was there, pretended to straighten up the dining room.
She found Derek standing behind the couch where Casey was sitting, trying to read. He was kneading her shoulders for all he was worth.
"Quit it," Casey said. "It won't work."
Derek gave her a look of utmost innocence.
"I know you're trying to make me sleepy," she said. "I'm just too keyed up, especially after today. But you can go to bed if you want to."
He gave up on the massage and sat next to her. He wrote her the odd note, which Nora was too far away to see. Casey gave him monosyllabic answers.
Slowly, he started to nod off. He put his head on her shoulder; she scratched it absently the way you would a cat, and continued to read and take notes on sticky tabs to put onto the script. Somehow, after a minute or three, his head ended up on her lap. On top of the script. That was when she finally yawned. She rolled her eyes.
"Okay," Casey said, prodding him, gently. "Uncle."
"You win," she said, as he looked at her blearily. "I'm going to bed."
He threw in one more yawn. Nora hoped he was recovered enough that it no longer hurt to yawn. He got up from the couch and she followed.
"Night mom," Casey said as she started up the stairs.
"Night sweetie," Nora said. "Night Derek, hon."
He winked at her on his way upstairs.
Nora was so glad that he was using his powers of manipulation for good instead of evil. For a change.
Part Two: Casey
When they got to the top of the stairs, Derek confiscated her script.
"Hey," Casey said. She must've given up too easily. He shook his head at her like she was hopeless and he was very disappointed. He went into her room, pointed at the bed, and walked over to her CD rack. He pulled something out and popped it into the CD player. Zero 7. He turned around and seeing that she was still standing in the doorway, scribbled a note to her.
Do I have to undress you myself? It read.
"Ha!" Casey said. "Nice try."
I thought so, Derek wrote. I'd read you a story, but...
"Yeah, yeah," Casey said. "Love you."
Derek took the opportunity to demonstrate one of the precisely three signs he knew: the one-handed "I love you." He waggled it, so it turned into "Hang Loose," then tucked his thumb in to simulate Devil Horns.
"Dork," she said. She gave him a quick kiss and shooed him out of the room.
The next morning, of course, she felt woefully, painfully underprepared.
"So is it really bad," she began at breakfast, "if I can't remember any of the words of my song?"
Sing the other one, Derek wrote.
"Can't remember that one either," Casey said.
"Here we go," Lizzie said.
"Incoming," Edwin said.
Marti didn't look up from her cereal. Neither Casey's Mom nor George paid attention as they ran around in search of keys and briefcases or whatever it was they were after. Her mom was off on Fridays, but she still ran around getting Marti's stuff ready so she could take her to the bus stop for camp.
You can read it over the piano player's shoulder, Derek wrote. Drink your juice.
"So now you're being bossy again?" Casey said.
I am your director, and you will obey me, he wrote.
"I don't see your camera rolling," Casey said. "In fact, I do believe that it's still in the case over there, so I'm wondering where your directorial authority is coming from."
He sat there for a second looking puzzled and then suppressed a grin.
I stumped him, I stumped him, la la la la laaa la, Casey thought.
"We are witnessing a historical moment, Marti," Edwin said.
"Huh?" Marti said.
"Derek is speechless," Edwin said. "In every possible way. Never thought I'd see the day."
"Hey, that rhymed," Lizzie said.
"Well, I am E-Vent," Edwin said. Lizzie and Marti rolled their eyes at him.
While their folks ran out, taking Marti with them, Casey went over to the phone and picked it up. She was halfway through dialing Emily's number when she remembered that Em was mad at her. She stared at the phone forlornly for a few seconds before Derek read her and came over to put an arm around her.
His arms encircled her as he scribbled a note. She will cool off, he wrote. If she doesn't, then...he drew a face with a tongue sticking out.
"What's wrong, Casey?" Lizzie said.
"Nothing," Casey lied. "Just having my usual attack of OCD."
"Ooh," Edwin said. "Is that an acronym?"
"Yes it is," Casey said. They both quirked one eyebrow, giving each other identical cartoon villain stares.
"Okay," Lizzie said. "That's just weird. I'm getting outta here." Derek nodded in agreement. He let go of Casey, and he and Lizzie pretended to back out of the kitchen.
Part Three: Derek
It was Twilight Zone-level ironic. There he was, sitting in the middle of an auditorium, surrounded by a bunch of people with incredibly loud and powerful voices when he himself was, for all intents and purposes, voiceless.
Not that he didn't know that it was coming. In the car, after he turned off the ignition, he lingered for a second to pre-write a few notes along the lines of :
My girlfriend's trying out.
I have laryngitis; don't mind me.
No I'm not contagious, unless that'll make you go away.
Casey made him amend that last one. There was no need to be so hostile.
"Not yet anyway," she said. "And you might wanna add 'I'm not deaf' in case someone starts signing at you or something. You never know with a large group of people."
He hadn't even thought of that. This was going to be an experience.
They'd gotten permission to bring the camera in, and Derek's Dad had given them a stack of release forms, because, according to him, it didn't hurt to cover their asses.
Casey immediately went off to the side of the stage to stretch although as far as Derek remembered, there was no dancing in this show. But, she looked hot when she did that, so he zoomed in on her. She could bring her leg up parallel to her head. He couldn't get enough of stuff like that. Meanwhile, he noticed right away that while she was wearing yoga pants and a tank top, every other girl was wearing low-rise jeans, or miniskirts and low cut tops. And Casey was hotter than all of them.
Can I possibly be more whipped? He thought. Is anyone in the world more whipped than I am?
"Hey Derek," Sheldon said as he slumped into the seat next to him. "Watching Casey bring her leg up over her head? Emily just went off to put on some more makeup. I'm hoping she stops before she gets to the drag queen stage, but you never know."
Derek looked at him.
"Shut up, Sheldon," Sheldon said. "I know."
Derek couldn't help but grin at him. He put the camera down for a second.
So, are you freaking? He wrote.
"Not so much," Sheldon said. "Comes a point, where you just need to quit practicing and just go make a fool of yourself if that's what you gotta do, ya know?"
That's a surprisingly healthy way of looking at it, Derek wrote.
"I thought so," Sheldon said. "Emily, however, is flipping out. Won't let me near her. Wants to be alooone."
I figured, Derek wrote. Casey waved at them from her spot against the wall. Both waved back.
"You know, I cannot wait until you get your voice back, 'cause this note thing just sucks, doesn't it?" Sheldon said.
Derek nodded. That was the type of sweet thing that made Casey squeal and hug, but Derek was neither a squealer nor a hugger, so he just wrote, Thanks, Shel.
It was around this time that the director of the play popped onto the stage. He looked to be about mid-thirties, with stubble and blond highlights, designer eyeglasses. He made a speech that Derek filmed but didn't particularly listen to about how everyone was a star and how glad he was that the twenty odd people who showed could make it today. There was a little bit of applause and he called the first person up.
It was a girl, a redhead wearing head to toe black and vampire red lips. She sang "Somewhere That's Green." She had a high squeaky voice that the most caffeinated cheerleader would envy. Even Sheldon had to suppress a smile.
"Behold the dark goddess," Sheldon whispered.
"Thanks, Debbie," the director said when she was done. "Now, can I have Melissa Chang?"
Melissa sang Elvis Costello's "I Want You" in a smoky alto voice.
"Well, she can have whatever she wants," Sheldon said. Derek nodded.
"Emily Davis," said the director.
Up came Emily. She skidded a little on the stage, and had to take off her heels before she fell.
She wobbled her way through "Somewhere That's Green." It was too high for her, and she picked this moment to realize that, he could see it on her face. But she was competent, and would definitely get a part before the perky goth chick did.
Sheldon was doing his best to smile supportively, but hissed through his teeth.
"Waaay too much vibrato," he said.
Emily walked slowly off the stage and headed toward the back of the auditorium past Sheldon and Derek. Derek and Sheldon exchanged a look.
"Yep," Sheldon said. "She's gonna go cry, so that's my cue to chase her, huh?" Derek nodded.
The director called the first guy up to the stage. He was tall, blond haired and had millions of teeth. Derek hated him immediately. Plus, the guy sang "Hanging By a Moment," which Casey loved and Derek himself had liked up until that moment. The guy nailed it. Derek would be deleting it from his iPod when he got home.
Three girls sang "Little Shop of Horrors" in a row. One was supremely bad, one was okay, and one was absolutely brilliant. The really good one, a tall skinny black girl, did a Marti-esque happy dance when she was done, wiggling her butt and then skipping off in spiked heels. She high-fived the girl who'd been more or less okay. That one, he recognized belatedly as Debra Singh, who was in their class. The tall black girl, he didn't know. She might've been a college student.
Then Sheldon's name was called. Sheldon came barreling up the aisle from the back to the auditorium, skidding to a stop, narrowly avoiding smashing into the stage. He climbed up onto the stage, not tripping for once, and started to sing. He looked disheveled and sweaty, his hair sticking up in places. He sang "Hallelujah." He had two false starts, forgot the words once and at one point his voice shook as much as Emily's had. The director stopped him, made him take some deep breaths and start again. The second time, he nailed it. There was applause. On the way off stage, people hugged Sheldon, assembly-line style. Casey was one of them; Emily was not. He walked over to the side where Emily was standing and tried to engage her in conversation, but she would have none of it. Derek watched all this while trying to keep the camera focused on the stage. When he saw the footage from this part of the process later, he realized that he'd gotten nothing but the legs of the next person auditioning. Then Derek had had to switch batteries on the camera.
Finally, after what had seemed like years of his life that he'd never get back, Derek heard the director call Casey. She whispered "Oh God" from the stage before she started, her lips could be read quite clearly on the footage. Then she handed her music to the piano player. At the sound of the opening, Derek breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't "Somewhere That's Green." She went with Alanis Morissette's "Mary Jane," the song he'd picked for her. The director had let her sing almost the whole song, when he'd stopped most people after the first chorus.
There were three or four more people after Casey, including one who sounded so much like Eddie Vedder that Derek wanted to get the guy to do the outgoing message on his voicemail, and he filmed them all, but, as Casey finally sat down next to him and leaned on his shoulder, they just seemed so unimportant.
There was a break. Several people came over to him as he fiddled with the camera, checking some of what he had so far. They used up several release forms and he made good use of the prewritten notes. He and Casey were invited for burgers after the auditions.
The director came up and introduced himself formally.
"So," he said, "You're Derek? Sheldon told me a lot about you. I'm Jack Kiernan." He shook Derek's hand.
"So, Derek, I was wondering," Jack said after a while, "I know all about your situation today, but have you ever done any acting? I've been watching you, and you have the most expressive face I've ever seen."
Huh? Derek thought, but thanked him.
After that, the acting portion of the auditions went much faster. Emily was asked to read for several parts including Audrey (she overdid the accent, imitating the movie) Crystal, Ronnette and Chiffon and Orin Scrivello's receptionist. Casey also read for Audrey, Crystal, Ronnette, and Chiffon. Casey did a more subtle accent and Derek made a mental note to ask who she was imitating.
The tall blond guy, whose name was Chris, read for every male part there was, including Audrey II, as did Sheldon. They played off of each other pretty well. Derek noticed that after a while, Sheldon finally found his comfort zone playing Orin, the dentist. He smirked a little, a very familiar smirk. He gestured a lot, holding his hands mid chest, and shoulder-bumped Chris on the way off stage.
"Oh my gosh, he's doing you," Casey said. Derek was too busy zooming (and trying to hold the camera steady as he laughed) to respond.
Soon, it was time for Jack to give his closing speech, thanking them all for coming out and telling them the cast list would be posted on Monday.
"Don't call us, well call you," Casey whispered in Derek's ear.
Then Sheldon half-led, half-dragged Emily over to them and said. "Don't know about you, but I'm in the mood for food."