And The Winner Is...
by TheBucketWoman
Disclaimer: Just in case we don't all know by now, I don't own Life With Derek, Egg McMuffins, House, M.D. Tim Sandlin's excellent Skipped Parts, book or movie. Or anything else I might have forgotten.
Chapter Sixteen
Part One: Nora
As predicted, Derek didn't touch breakfast. He didn't even have any coffee. This could be chalked up to nerves, but it could also be explained by his extra strong gag reflex and the fact that he would have stuff put down his throat very soon. Nora was pretty sure that he'd be ravenous when she dropped him back at home later.
She had a pretty light schedule today, and could have taken off altogether, but wanted to get ahead of some paperwork. Besides, both Derek and Casey were sure to be prickly, and she'd had her fill of that. George had decided to avoid it altogether by leaving early for once.
Derek had come downstairs looking like he'd perhaps died in the night. He'd showered, thankfully, but his hair was wet and had not met Mr. Comb at all. And his face must be missing it's buddy Mr. Razor, too. There was a time, not so long ago, when he shaved once a month whether he needed it or not, but that time had passed. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he'd taken to leaning against the island and drumming his fingers on the counter.
Marti's eyes followed him around the room until he sat next to her and let her lean against him for a few minutes.
Casey came down looking a thousand times more groomed than Derek, but with identical eye bags. She poured coffee, milk and sugar into a large tumbler and gulped it down. She then grabbed a banana and downed that in four quick neat bites. This finally, raised a smile from Derek.
"What?" Casey said. Derek shook his head.
Edwin and Lizzie came down shortly. Nora had time to think of how Edwin really did look kinda cute with his hair longer. It curled almost into ringlets. He was going to chop it off, though, no two ways about it.
Lizzie was wearing shorts. Nora wondered when exactly it was when Lizzie'd started shaving her legs and how exactly she'd missed it till this moment.
"Nora!" Marti said, bringing her back to Earth. Marti pointed at the clock.
"Oh, wow," Nora said. "You guys ready?"
Derek nodded, getting up. Marti grabbed her backpack, kissed everyone and headed for the car. Casey leaned in and gave Derek a quick kiss.
"Ooh, prickly," she said, trying to wipe her glitter lip gloss off of his mouth. He rolled his eyes.
"I'll have lunch ready when you get back," Casey said. "But apparently I'm taking Edwin to get weedwhacked first."
"No touchee," Edwin said as Derek tried to ruffle his hair and pretended to get his hand caught. To Casey and Lizzie's amusement, he grabbed his wrist in his other hand and pretended to give a mighty yank, sailing across the room as he got free.
"Are you done?" Edwin said. Derek nodded and went to join Marti.
Marti popped Kelly Clarkson into the CD player and both she and Nora sang along as they waited for the yellow bus to pull up to the stop in front of her school. Marti often complained that she was perfectly capable of walking the seven blocks to the school, but it was really hot today and she was clearly glad of the air conditioning. Plus Derek was with them, and she liked showing him off.
The big yellow cheese bus (Did they still call it that? Nora wondered,) pulled up after a few minutes and Marti leaned over to kiss Nora and popped out of the back seat. Derek rolled the window down and she leaned in and gave him a bit wet smack, which always made him laugh. Then she was off.
"Sick of Kelly?" Nora asked. Derek shrugged like it made no difference to him, but she knew that he secretly liked Kelly Clarkson.
They got to Dr. Trent's office in the hospital annex early, but her waiting room was pleasant enough. Nora handed Derek a paperback copy of a book called Skipped Parts that Edwin left in the car. She'd never heard of the book, or it's writer, Tim Sandlin, but obviously it had been made into a movie because Drew Barrymore, Mischa Barton, and Jennifer Jason Leigh were on the cover.
She watched Derek smile several times while reading the first couple chapters, so Nora decided that she'd have to check it out next.
The receptionist called Derek's name and Nora saw a little bit of color leave his face. She gave his arm a squeeze as he got up.
"I'll be right here," Nora said, taking the book. The receptionist looked like a college kid. He had short blond hair and black eyebrows. He also had a small hole where an eyebrow ring probably went as soon as he was done for the day. His eyes followed Derek as he headed back. He opened the door for him and gave him a wink.
Part Two: Derek
Nora was wearing the exact outfit she'd had on in his dream. It was this red t-shirt and a flowery skirt. She wore the combo often enough, so it stood to reason she'd wear it today, but it still startled him. When Dr. Trent came in, her hair was in a bun, held together with a pencil poked through it, just as it was in his dream, but again, she'd done that three out of the four times she'd met with him, so there was no reason to worry. Plus, he was pretty sure that no one took out warranties on kids. Not yet anyway.
"What's that face about, Derek?" Dr. Trent said. He shook his head and tried to look innocent.
"Come on, is there something I should know about?" she asked, looking concerned, and moving to examine his neck briefly. "Any unusual pain?"
He shook his head.
"Have you ever seen, House, M.D., Derek?" she asked. He nodded, unsure of where she was going with this. Did he have some kind of weird disease that three people in the history of the world have had?
"I mention this because Dr. House has this motto: 'Everyone Lies,' he says," she looked him in the eye.
"And," she continued, "it seems that everything people lie about on that show directly affects their treatment. That's a little too neat and tidy for me, but I think you understand what I'm getting at here don't you? You can go ahead and talk, because I want to hear your voice real quick."
He opened his mouth, squeaked, cleared his throat gently per doctor's orders, and said "You think I'm full of it," in a normal voice and he could have sworn he heard the angels sing.
"Good," she replied. "And is there anything I should be concerned about?"
"Nope," he said, smiling for the first time. She looked at him and nodded.
"Okay," she said. "Butt in the chair; we shall look, hopefully, for the last time. Or I shall look, because you're too much of a wuss."
She sent him out with a quick hug (his idea) and a set of handwritten directions from the speech therapist he'd be meeting in this building the next day.
"Be good," she said.
"Not if I can help it," he said. Did she know who she was talking to?
He came through the door, winked back at the receptionist, signed out, and went over to Nora. He waved a hand in front of her face, which had been quite buried in the book.
"Oh!" Nora said. "Sorry. Um...how'd it go?"
"Okay," he said.
"What a relief," she said. "You'll be hearing this a lot, I think, but the house has been way too quiet over the last week."
"Awww," he said. "I'm touched."
"Don't let it go to your head," she said. "Meanwhile, I really like this book, so far."
"It practically sounds like Edwin wrote it," he said.
"It does," Nora said. "So, feel like an Egg McMuffin?"
"Or ten," Derek said.
Part Three: Casey
Casey was at the hair salon (Edwin wanted a plain old barber, but neither she nor Lizzie would have that) when her cell phone rang. She and Lizzie had been in the middle of giving explicit directions to the hair stylist, who to her credit, calmly accepted their suggestions. She seemed to be used to this sort of thing.
"Excuse me a sec, Dani," Casey said, kicking a path through all the hair and making her way outside. Lizzie took up the slack.
"Hello," Casey said.
"What are you wearing?" Derek said. This was followed by an "Ow!" Then she heard a muffled "You eavesdrop more than Edwin and Lizzie you know that?"
"No making obscene phone calls to my daughter!" her Mom said. But she sounded pretty amused.
"Pink studded assless leather sailor suit," Casey said when he got back on the phone. For the first time in days, she heard him laugh.
"You better not be talking dirty," she heard her Mom say.
"Oh my God," Derek said. "Get your mind out of the gutter!"
"Your mom has a dirty mind; did you know that?" Derek said.
"I really missed your laugh," Casey said. " Did you know that?"
Silence on the other line.
"Venturi, you better not pick this moment to clam up!" Casey said. "What did the doctor say?"
"All's cool," he said. "Gave me stuff from the therapist for tomorrow, said no screaming at rock concerts, or baseball games, but I'm cool."
"I don't get the whole screaming at concerts and games and stuff," Casey said.
"Me neither," he said. "But people do it."
"So that's it?" Casey said. "Clean bill of health?"
"She said not to overdo it, no working in places where I have to yell over loud music, but basically, yeah." There was a rustle as her Mom took the phone from Derek. There was a slight echo which meant she put it on speaker phone.
"Hey, Casey," she said. "We're gonna head to the drive thru. Do you want anything?"
"Hash browns?" Casey said.
"And how's poor Edwin doing?"
"We flirted with giving him a mullet, but in the end we just couldn't do it." Casey said.
"Wuss," Derek said.
"Hush," Mom said.
Casey walked up to the window in time to see Edwin paying for the haircut.
"Ooh, she used too much product," Casey said. "But he looks pretty good." She said this last bit quietly and through her teeth so that Edwin didn't hear. Lizzie seemed happy as she trailed him out the door. Both were shaking bits of hair off of themselves. This was Lizzie's first experience with secondhand fur, never having been that close to someone else's haircut before. Casey wondered if Dani hadn't blown some of the hair on Lizzie deliberately. It used to happen to Casey all the time when she helped her Dad get his hair cut.
"So," Mom said. "Do you find out whether you have a part in the show yet, or what? Don't keep me in suspense!"
"Oh, Dunno yet," Casey said. She found that she no longer gave a damn. Right about now all she wanted was to meet up with Derek so that she could pounce on him.
"Well," Mom said. "Don't you think you should find out?"
"Yeah," Casey said. "We're gonna go now."
"Talk to you soon, baby, and I'm sure that goes for Derek, too, but if I let him have the phone, well, you know, he'll start breathing heavily again."
Casey laughed. "Ew, Mom. Love you."
"Love you too." And she hung up.
She went up to Lizzie and Edwin.
"Not bad," she said, reaching for Edwin's hair. He ducked her.
"Will people stop petting me!" Edwin said. "Get a kitten!"
"You shed slightly less and you're mostly house trained," Casey said.
"And you have all your shots," Lizzie said.
Edwin threw up his hands. "Women," he said.
"The sooner you accept that we run the show, the better," Casey said.
Edwin rolled his eyes.
"Okay," Casey said. "We have one more stop to make, then we can be home in time for Rachael Ray."
"Cool," Lizzie said, dragging Edwin to the car.
The Community Center parking lot was mostly empty, so she had no trouble getting a space near the door. She left the car running so that Edwin and Lizzie could still have the radio and the AC, and she ran in.
The cast list was posted in the middle of the bulletin board. It was laminated and loaded with clip art, so that Casey couldn't have missed it if she tried. It was also printed in a larger than usual font.
And there she was...it said, right there in Times New Roman 14 point font:
Audrey...Casey MacDonald.
She took out her phone, hit the camera button and pointed it at the page. She then sent the picture to Derek's phone. She giggled for a few seconds then turned to go back to the car.
He was standing behind her. She walked right into him.
"De-rek!" she said.
Part Four: Lizzie
She stretched out in the backseat of the car and put her legs over Edwin's. Edwin folded over the front passenger seat and put one foot up on it.
"I can't wait to take a shower," Edwin said. "Get all this goo out and get the little hairs off my neck."
"I know what you mean," she said. "Then you going clubbing?" she teased.
"Yeah, soon as they let fourteen year olds in," he said.
"I dunno," she said. "You can pass for about sixteen I think."
"Whatever," he said. He didn't believe a word of it, as well he shouldn't because it wasn't true, but he was pleased anyway.
"Your Dad can have his hat back anyway, right?"
"Yep," he agreed. He fiddled with his hair. "Sure it looks okay?"
This was when she put her legs down and leaned in and kissed him.
When she pulled away, she said: "Okay, you dork? Now are you satisfied that we didn't steer you wrong?"
"Uh-huh," he said. "Or...no, not yet," and he reached for her again.
Then there was a knock at the window, and Edwin jumped so high that his head hit the ceiling. Lizzie suddenly knew what a heart attack felt like.
"Derek!" she yelled. He gestured for her to open the door. She gave him an are-you-out-of-your-mind look, and he shrugged and took his keychain out of his pocket and let himself in.
"You two," he said. "Look like you're up to something."
"Hey," Edwin said. "You got your voice back."
"No changing the subject," Derek said. "You are so lucky Nora left before you two started sucking face, not that she didn't know that it was bound to happen sooner or later."
"She does?" Lizzie said.
"Duh," Derek said. "Everyone knows. So is Casey in there?" He pointed to the building.
They nodded.
"Okay," he said. "Don't make me have to separate you two. And hands off my breakfast." He grinned at them as he headed inside.
Part Five: Derek
Later on, Derek was sure that he'd have a cell phone shaped bruise on his chest, where she knocked into him, but he really couldn't care less. Casey threw her arms around him and did her best to make him forget his name and all the troubles he'd had in life so far.
"So you got the part?" he said, a little breathless.
"Huh?" she said. "Oh yeah, come look." He went over the list. After he saw Casey's name, he continued on for other names he knew. Sheldon got the part of the dentist. Emily got the part of Crystal. Chris, the tall blond guy, got Seymour. They would have to celebrate for real, later.
"Hey," Casey said, pulling a flyer from a rack nearby. She handed it to him.
"Student Short Film Contest," the flyer read. "Ages 13-18."
"Might be something to look into?" Casey said.
"Dunno," Derek said. "Doubt I'm ready for contests."
"Who are you and what have you done with Derek?" she asked. "Of course you are."
She put it in her pocket.
"Ready to go?" she asked.
"We should actually give Lizzie and Edwin a minute," he said.
"Why?" she asked. He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Ohhhhh," she said. "Really?"
"Yep," he said. "They're gaining on us. You really want to let that happen?" He put his arms around her, and went for her neck. Sometimes he wondered if he were a vampire in a previous life; he was so crazy about her neck. The two of them inched their way outside, neither one looking at where they were going. They knocked over another pamphlet rack, and Casey sat down hard on a table by the door.
It took everything that Derek had in him to follow the speed limit home. They left Lizzie and Edwin in front of the television and casually walked, then ran upstairs.
They went to Casey's room. It had a better lock on it than Derek's.
Derek's shirt was off before he knew what was happening. He looked up to see Casey unbuttoning hers.
There wasn't much time between kisses to get full sentences out, but one of them was:
"Are you sure?"
And another was:
"Absolutely."
Casey, in between kisses, reached into the bottom drawer of her nightstand for the condoms that her mother made sure she had. She'd had the same conversation with Casey that George had had with Derek.
Derek went over to check the lock again.