The light began to filter through the thick drapery of the hotel room windows. Bella slowly stir awake in my embrace, cracking one eye open and giving me a bashful smile.
"Good morning Mrs. Cullen" I said with a wide grin, happier that I could ever remember being in my bleak century of existence.
"Good morning hubby." She smiled back
"I ordered you some breakfast from room service"
"Oh yum, what did you get?"
"Let's see, pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast, fruit, coffee, juice and…"
"Oh my god Edward, why did you get me so much?" She asked as if offended
"Well my dear, it is your last human meal, I thought you should get to try as many foods as you could, one last time," I replied casually, she looked back, obviously happy that I wasn't going to attempt to talk her out of it again.
She started to sit up and was awkwardly trying to cover herself with the sheet as she did.
"Bella love, I believe we are past the point of being modest after last night" I said softly to her, reaching up to run my finger along her spine, sending chills through her skin. I didn't want her to hide her glorious figure any longer. She looked back at me blushing a deep rose color. God how I loved that! To see her reaction to something I say without her saying a word. She sat there for a moment on the edge of the bed seeming to make up her mind on how she felt about so obviously exposing herself. For so long, out of necessity, we were guarded about our level of physical intimacy. But after last night, it felt like all walls were down.
Seeming to have decided, she slowly rose from the side of the bed and let the sheet slip off of her bosom and down to the floor. She sauntered across the room, I gaped at her perfect rear, she paused in the entrance to the bathroom to look back over her shoulder giving me a shy and devilish grin before she closed the door. How easily she can drive me crazy!
I heard Bella turn on the water to the shower. I had a momentarily thought to go in and join her, but decided it best to let her relish her "human moments" since they would soon be no longer as necessary. I took this time to get myself cleaned up and dressed as well.
I heard the hotel employee heading down the hall to our room, and then there was a light rap at the door. I reminded the young man that we would did not want to have maid service come during our stay. He responded with a slight smirk in understanding, I heard in his mind that he knew we were honeymooners and assumed that we would be partaking of more traditional post-wedding activities, as opposed to one of us suffering through the process of changing in to an immortal.
Bella came out of the bathroom wrapped in a large, fluffy hotel bathrobe that nearly came to the floor. She looked refreshed and happy. I was propped up in bed flicking through the television channels. She sat back and easily snuggled back into my arms, right where I wanted her for eternity. I just wasn't sure if I was ready for everything to change.
Seeming to know my thoughts, she murmured into my chest. "So what's the plan?"
I took in a deep ragged breath, even though technically I no longer needed the oxygen intake, it still helped to clear my thoughts. "Well, considering I have never done this, I spoke with Carlisle about the best way" I continued, "He said when he changed me, since it was his first time, he didn't know that there was a better way to do it, so he simply replicated the bites that he had received so many years ago in the streets of London. After the fact, Carlisle realized that several shallow bites did not put a sufficient amount of venom in my system and prolonged the changing process." I gave a slight shuttering recalling the agony I endured.
"But with Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, he said he took a much more direct approach and placed one large bite directly on their jugular in order to get the most amount of venom directly into their system. He said by doing that, the pain comes on quicker, but it is also over quicker." I continued, feeling that I should be as completely honest. "The one thing that Carlisle was not certain of is how your system will react considering you will have strong blood; you won't be hurt or sick at the time of the change, it could possibly take longer since your blood will fight more with the venom." I looked deep in to her chestnut eyes trying to radiate all my love for her, hoping she would finally understand the enormity of the process she so willing undertook.
"Edward, I never once thought that the change would be without pain, and I am certainly not looking forward to it, but with the morphine from Carlisle and you by my side, I'm sure I will get through it." Her stubbornness and determination never ceased to amaze me.
"So, as I asked before, what's your plan?" she said with a parental look to her eyes, letting me know that this was no longer up for discussion. I found it hard to not find her tenacity endearing.
I sighed, knowing I had lost this battle a long time ago and replied with a defeated face, "Well…once you finish your breakfast we'll get started."
"Good" she said back with a satisfied grin, turning to the TV, munching on her breakfast.
I realized throughout all of our discussions, I hadn't even begun to think about how hard this process was going to be for me. Bella's blood sang to me, I craved it in the very pit of my being, and although I had deprived myself of my natural needs for so long, there was a small part of me that thought I might not be able to stop once I had a taste of what my body desired the most. I had the pleasure, or rather the horror, of drinking her blood once before and still to this day don't know how I stopped myself from draining her completely. Knowing I could never kill my Bella, the other half of my cold heart, I pushed the thoughts far back in my mind.
Bella finished her breakfast and I placed the tray outside in the hall to be collected. I turned around after closing the door to see her lying lazily across the king-sized bed still wrapped in the plush robe. She looked like an angel with her warm brown hair strewed all around her head on the pillow. She was watching the TV, seeming to be completely relaxed given the circumstances. I took the moment to breathe in her heady sent and ready myself for the task at hand.
She looked up at my from the TV again seeming to understand my thoughts, "Edward," she said softly. Every time she spoke my name it sent shots of electricity through my dead body, "it will be okay. I wouldn't ask you to do this if I didn't truly believe that." Love flowed out of her as she gazed up at me.
"I know my love…I know," was all I could respond and gave her a light kiss on her sumptous, full lips, knowing it wouldn't change anything to continue expressing my disapproval.
"I'm ready whenever you are" she said with a whisper, eyes locked on mine.
She straightened herself out in the bed and propped the pillow up more behind her head. I climbed onto the bed and positioned myself parallel to her, taking her in my arms and drawing her to my chest. I held her there close for a few moments. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through this, how could I do this to my Bella? Then, as if time stopped, I saw an image in my mind of the two of us in the not-so-distant future. We were holding hands, I looked up into her eyes and they were a golden topaz surrounded by porcelain skin. She gazed back at me with a glorious smile and said, "Where do you think we should hunt this weekend hubby?" I smiled, relishing the thought of finally sharing that piece of me, even though it was exactly what made me such a monster. But we looked truly happy and at peace.
Snapping back to the moment, I knew right then that I could no longer prolong this. I felt a new sense of determination wash over me. I bent my head down to Bella's neck and as I passed her ear I whispered, "I love you". She quietly answered back "I know." Then I sank my razor sharp teeth into the side of her pale, delicate neck easily breaking through her frail skin, she let out a small whimper.
A gush of Bella's warm blood hit the back of my throat instantly causing pure, unrivaled, ecstasy. The feeling trumped the sexual climax of the evening before, an event I thought not possible. Holding her tense body firmly to mine, I felt the beat of her heart pushing her life essence into my parched body, which welcomed it like the Sahara welcomes its yearly rain. My body felt like it had been electrocuted with rapture. I sensed my mind leaving the moment, her body going limp in my stone arms as I was inching ever closer to ending her life. Then I heard her mummer my name, "Edward…," I snapped back to the present and was shocked at how much blood I had stolen from her so quickly. Stop, stop or you will lose her forever! Remember the imagine in the woods! I screamed in my head.
I once believed that she was better off dead than being cursed with my immortal, soul-less life. But now that we were at the precipice of her death, I would do anything to keep Bella with me. I forced myself; with every ounce of strength I had accumulated in me over my long existence, to separate my mouth from her neck. As I gasped for air feeling the last drop of her blood absorb into my system, I let out a loud growl of agony.
Bella lay limp in my arms, a small amount of blood at the point of entry on her neck, my body burning for more. What have I done? Have I drained her too much for her to survive? My mind was manic with the idea.
"Bella, Bella, my love!" I gently shook her to get a response.
She lay flaccid and still for a long moment. "What have I done?" I whimpered into her hair, breathing her scent in deeply, letting it fill me to my core.
"Edward," she murmured weakly her brow furrowed and eyes still closed, she was trying to reach up to my face
"Yes, love. I'm right here. How do you feel?" I waited with baited breath to hear her response, to see that she was okay. Maybe she didn't get enough of my venom.
"I…I…," was all she said. Then her eyes flung open in panic, "I'm on fire! Stop the fire Edward, put it out!" She screamed.
Just then I remembered the morphine that Carlisle had packed for us. He said it wouldn't stop the pain completely, but it would certainly take the edge off.
I gently rolled her out of my arms and started to get off of the bed to get the drugs. She immediately reached around and grabbed my arm with amazing strength; I could feel her heart racing under her grasp. The pure fear in her eyes as she looked up caused me utter agony.
"Don't leave me Edward, you have to make this stop," she whimpered, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm not leaving you love, I need to get something out of my bag to make the pain better. I will only be a moment." All that kept racing through my mind was – what have I done to my sweet Bella?
I quickly returned back to her with the first dose of relief. She was now writhing in anguish on the bed, her back arched up, her legs twisting, arms grasping at the covers as if she were being tortured by an internal demon. I gave her the shot and within a minute she calmed down, her muscles still very tight but she seemed to slip into a slight comatose state as her eyes rolling back in her head. I took her hand and knelt on the side of the bed trying to will the process to happen faster for her. Hoping my love for her would give her strength. I began humming her lullaby to hopefully calm her and myself.
I knelt there for what seemed like an eternity, her hands pressed to my lips, feeling completely wretched for the vile thing I had done. She moaned every now and then, her eyes still closed, her head would violently flail back and forth and her grip would tighten, and then it seemed to pass and she would relax back into a catatonic state. I made sure to administer the doses of morphine at exactly every eight hours so that it kept up its effectiveness.
I saw through the slit in the curtains that we were through nightfall and were passing into a new day. I took in a deep breath to try and lessen my tension when I realized that something smelled different. I paused for a moment and took another breath and then I placed the smell or rather lack there of. Bella's scent no longer burned in my senses, it was fading. Her wonderful, glorious scent that brought me immense join and agony at the same time was vanishing away along with her humanity. I reached up and placed my hand on her chest, the temperature of her body a few degrees lower than it had been for eighteen years. I kept it there for several seconds before I felt the weak beating of her heart. I knew from what Carlisle told me that the worst was behind her, her body was succumbing to the venom, her cells were dying, and her heart would stop beating soon. Although I yearned for her to get through this, I also felt I could weeping at the idea of Bella's heart ceasing to continue. I hung my head down and closed my eyes, trying to remember that wonderful vision of us in the woods holding hands, happy.
Another twenty-four hour cycle had passed with her in the same state. At one point she started to claw at her skin, seeming to try to rip it off. I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to her side until it conceded. I had not moved from the side of the bed, other than to give her more pain medication.
At the end of the second day, she took in a sudden gasp of air, chest arched up…and she dropped back to the bed and stopped breathing. She was dead.
I tenatively reached up to gently stroke her now unnaturally cool cheek and brush the hair from her eyes, when she seemed to slightly come to life.
"Edward," she whispered weakly.
"Yes my love, I am right here," I urgently replied. "How do you feel?"
There was no answer for a long moment and then she murmured through barely parting lips, "I don't know." Bella's eyes gradually opened and she turned her head to look at me. I know I shouldn't have been in the least bit surprised, but I startled just the same when I saw the blood red irises of her eyes. I pulled myself up on the side of the bed, still grasping her hand. Looking down on her face, I could see that her skin was paler and she was starting to get dark bruise-like marks under her eyes. Her facial features had a more defined edge to them, more womanly. How was it possible that she was more beautiful?
"How's the pain my love?"
She forced a hard, dry, swallow and said, "It's ok…very weak and my throat feels funny… burned." She closed her eyes again.
I can't be certain because it was so long ago, but I don't recall how soon after my transformation I needed to take my first feeding. I had planned for us to stay in our suite in Seattle for the rest of the week to let her rest, but I may have to alter our plans if she was already feeling the hollowness, the overwhelming thirst associated with immortality. I wanted to keep her away from Forks as long as possible, but I knew and felt the safest in the woods surrounding our family home. I took a moment as Bella closed her eyes to call Carlisle and Alice to let them know that everything was going as well as could be expected.
"Hello," Carlisle said in to the cell phone before it even rang.
"Hi Dad." I tended to only call him that in times of stress. My voice sounded weary.
"How's she doing son?" Carlisle asked with concern.
"She's okay; she's just starting to come to now. It seemed to have happened a little quicker, I think we are only going on forty-eight hours. The morphine definitely helped. I don't know if I could have endured watching her agony if I couldn't have help her in that small way." I whispered in to the phone, feeling very small. My hands were over my eyes trying to block out Bella writhing in pain.
"She'll pull through this, the worst is over now. So you were okay, I mean you had the control?" He asked concerned.
I let out a sigh before responding, "I almost didn't. At one point I thought that it would be impossible to stop. But, then the thought of Bella dying and forever leaving me overtook the taste of her blood." I felt very ashamed to admit it, but knew that Carlisle would understand.
"I know how you feel son; I have been there before."He answered reassuringly. "Alice just came in and would like to speak with you." Carlisle handed Alice the phone.
"Hi Edward, how are you and Bella doing?" She said in her soft, sweet voice, obviously concerned for her brother and new sister.
"We're okay, the worst is past us." I paused and continued in a whisper, "Alice, I know I should have been prepared, but when she looked up at me through her blood red eyes, I thought it was going to nearly kill me with guilt. She doesn't seem like my Bella." If I could have cried at that point I would have.
"It's going to be alright Edward. I've been having visions for the last few days, and I know it's going to be okay. She is going to adjust amazing well, you just wait and see. I know that you wouldn't have chosen this path for her, but I am thrilled that she is by your side for eternity. You deserve more than any of us to be happy." The sincerity of Alice's words cut through me knowing how her life changed once she met her soul mate. I wanted to believe her, but it still felt so off.
"Let Carlisle know that we may be coming home a few days early. I think that Bella is going to need to hunt sooner rather than later, she's fairly weak." The mere thought of the words Bella and hunt in the same sentence almost made me laugh out loud, but then I was quickly returned to the severity of the situation. Bella is now one of us, the un-dead, and she will need to hunt to survive.
"Okay Edward, I'll let everyone know. See you two soon." I could hear the worry for me in Alice's voice as she hung up the phone. Alice had been Bella and my biggest supporter from day one.
I turned back to the bed and Bella was sitting up with her legs dangling over the edge, looking down at her hands. I could tell she was quietly examining her new, cold, pale skin. Not realizing I was observing her, she slowly reached up to touch her face, running her fingers along her skin. She then took her one hand and placed it on the pulse point of her other wrist. She sat there for a moment and then gave a little jump. I am sure realizing that there was no pulse to feel, for her heart was no longer beating.
Seeing the slight panic come over her face, I went over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders. She looked up into my eyes with a look of disbelief.
"What is it my love?" I asked her gently, not entirely sure what kind of state she was in.
She wrinkled up her nose and furrowed her brow, trying to decide what she was going to say.
"I guess I thought I would feel a lot different. I mean I feel different, but not how I thought I would feel. I kind of don't feel anything." She said with a confused tone.
"How did you think you would feel?" I asked with genuine wonder
"I guess I thought I would feel cold and that I would be some kind of possessed newborn the second it was over." She said almost in embarrassment. I tried not to let out a little chuckle. I has assumed it was going to me a much more profound statement than that.
"Sweetheart, you only felt the cold, hard of my skin because it was in comparison with your warm, soft skin." I said trying to comfort her. She seemed to accept that for the moment. "As far as being a possessed newborn, well I think we just have to wait to see how hunting goes."
I brought her head to my stomach and she wrapped her arms around my hips, I breathed in the scent of her hair, which still smelled like her favorite strawberry shampoo. We stayed like that for several minutes. Bella was a vampire and there was no going back. I was trying very hard to not dwell on my guilt. What's done is done and now we have eternity to spend together.
Now, I just need to prepare myself for the next step.