We hunted briefly the next morning. I guided her in a direction away from the caves, not wanting her to catch his scent, or he hers. We had planned to stay another day, but I couldn't bear to be so close to disaster. Alice surmising that, we're always so connected said, "Jasper, can we go home today, I really need to spend some time relaxing. I haven't gotten caught up after all of the wedding mayhem." She batted her round, golden eyes at him. Jasper would have been more than happy to live his life in the woods, away from the pressures of our strict diet, if Alice would be there by his side. But Alice preferred the fine things in life and camping definitely didn't fall into that category.
Jasper, catching on to Alice's motives, responded lovingly. "Sure honey, I can go back out tomorrow with Emmett and Carlisle."
"Okay then, lets get going." I said enthusiastically, ready to bolt.
"Why are we in such a hurry, it's so peaceful out here, even the birds are quiet," Bella said while staring up at the clouds quickly passing overhead. It was an unseasonably warm day, but with a feeling of change in the air, with just enough cloud cover to keep our skin from glittering like diamonds. But, if a random hiker were to come upon us, we still wouldn't look quite right.
Alice piped up, " I saw that it is suppose to get pretty stormy this afternoon. I think we are better off heading home before it hits."
Bella looked a little confused, "Since when do you care about rain, you guys were the ones that dragged me out in the middle of that lightning storm to play baseball?" looking around at the three of us.
"I know love, but we really do have a lot more to do before we leave for Alaska." In my most convincing tone, I looked at her with smoldering eyes that she can't ever resist. She couldn't really argue my point, we had been so busy either chasing each other all over the house or out hunting, we hadn't gotten much packed.
"Okay, I guess you're right, we can head back." Bella replied slightly defeated.
With in a few minutes Jasper and I had the geared loaded in the Jeep. Since Alice's visions yesterday did not include unfavorable weather, we left the top for the Jeep at home. As we looked up into the sky, seeing coal black clouds quickly moving in, we knew we were in for a wet ride.
Even though the drenching rain did not technically cause our skin to chill, I still held Bella close to me. By the time we were home, we were soaked through, or clothes clinging to us as if they had been masterfully painted on. I lifted Bella out of the vehicle and carried her up to our bathroom. I turned the water on very hot in the shower and let the steam fill the room like a sauna. Pulling her waterlogged sweatshirt over her head, letting my hands run through her hair, down her back, giving her goose bumps. We stood in the scorching water, letting it warm us as if we were still human, as if still warm blooded. I held Bella close to me, her arms curled into her chest like a child. When the water started to run cooler, she motioned to get out.
"Just stay with me a little longer…" I whispered. She sensed my uncharacteristic neediness and returned to my arms. I was still so torn on what to do about Jacob.
Later that evening, we curled up in bed, Bella pulled out her copy of Pride and Prejudice to read for the hundredth time. I gently pulled the book out of her hands, she gave me a scowl.
"Can we just talk? I feel like we have been so busy with everything else, I haven't had time to talk with you like we use to.
"How are you feeling about everything, I mean now that you are somewhat settled in your new self?" I asked cautiously, she hadn't shown any regrets yet, but I was anticipating them.
"I'm good. I'm with you, that's what matters. So far no complaints. Though, the no sleep thing is sometimes weird, but I'm sure I'll get use to it." She smiled.
"Bella, I glad that you have not felt the pain of your choice, the burden of regret yet."
"And why should I? This is what I wanted." She asked slightly defensive
"Because you haven't had to say goodbye to anyone. I know you said goodbye to Charlie and Renee at the wedding, but you didn't have a chance to say anything to your other friend, Angela, Ben, Mike. You may not even be ready to come home at Christmas. It could be a very long time until you see anyone."
In our world, saying goodbye was not just a form of send-off, it was severing ties. Keeping those that are important to use at a distance, to protect them from what we are. I didn't have the chance to say good-bye to my parents, as we all lay on our deathbeds. I the only one saved from the peacefulness of death.
"And what about Jacob?" I asked softly while winding my fingers in hers, pulling her closer to me as I approached the sensitive topic.
"What about Jacob? I have made my choice to be with you, to be one of you. He wasn't able to accept that. I can't expect any more from him, and it's better if he moves on sooner rather than later," her voice cracking a little with emotion.
I knew it was going to hurt telling her this, but she needed to know, "Bella, he doesn't know that you have changed." She looked back at me in utter incomprehension.
"What do you mean? He ran away."
"I heard him, in the forest. Yes, he is distraught beyond belief -"
She cut me off, not even responding to my betrayal, "He ran away just because of the wedding?" Her eyes grew wide, pain flicking through them.
"Yes, it appears so." I answered softly, studying her eyes as they stared off in the distance.
She paused, "Well, he's better off. He needs to move on." The hardening of her voice not fooling me to the magnitude of the pain that was hitting her, reaffirming the depth of the damage she had caused to her former best friend.
The rest of the evening Bella was quite. I knew that she needed to deal with her emotions in her own way, and I let the subject lie.
The moving van was coming on Thursday to load up our belongings. The entrance at the base of the stairs had become a maze of boxes. As we prepared to start our new life, separate from our family, Esme was having the hardest time seeing us leave. She pulled me aside as the movers were putting the last boxes in the truck.
"Edward," She said taking my hands, "Carlisle and I are so very happy that you found Bella and that everything worked out." I smiled back at her and her motherly love. "We understand why you need to take some space, for Bella to get adjusted, for you two to build the ground work for your marriage. We want you to know, that you can come home anytime you want. If you are ready before the year is over, we will welcome you with open arms and support you in any way we can. This family just isn't whole without you two." She gave me a soft smile.
"Thank you Esme. I truly appreciate your loving words. We feel the same way, and I know that Bella and I will be back to join you just as soon as we can. We will miss everyone very much." I gave her a hug and turned to meet Bella in the car.
Bella was quiet. She wouldn't voice it, but it was hard for her to leave Forks where so many fond memories had been made. She worried about Charlie being alone again. I'm sure she worried about Jacob. I knew she would never admit any of it to me for fear I would be hurt, as if her sadness to leave her human life reflected on her love for me.
On the drive, Bella experienced her first encounters with humans since her change, and not to near the magnitude she would have to endure some day, she could barely even smell them as they passed by in their cars. Bella's jaw would clench and her grip would tighten on the door handle, a low rumble emanated from her throat. I feared that I had sheltered her too much from her ever-present lust for human blood in her first weeks of life. Selfishly, I just wanted her to adjust as best she could to this life, before she had to face her greatest hurdle. I knew we had our work cut out for us.
We arrived at our little cabin in the woods just after dark, the shadowing from the surrounding ancient pines making the dark more sever. Light snowflakes were starting to dance down to the ground. As we approached the front door, I scooped Bella up in my arms, and carried her across the threshold, "Welcome home." I said, placing a light kiss on my wife's lips.
The cabin had a large, open living area with the kitchen off to the right. The furniture I had bought had already arrived, two large overstuffed couches, centered around an expansive fireplace, naturally shaped stones framed the opening and reached up to the ceiling. To the left were my piano and the entrance to the bedroom and master bath. On either side of the fireplace were built in bookcases, filled with our volumes. Bella walked over and fingered the spines, she pulled a copy of Wuthering Heights, the new spine cracking as she opened it.
"I thought you needed a new copy," I whispered in her ear as I came behind her, wrapping my arms around her. She smiled softly.
"What do you think?"
"Edward," turning around in my arms, "It's perfect, just like you," reaching up and pressing her cool lips to mine.
The next day I decided we needed to start getting Bella better adjusted to the human race. I knew our goal was to return to our old way of life, be as mainstreamed as possible. But with her newborn blood raging through her, she was going to have to work very hard to over come what she was.
I took Bella to a nearby park. It was a cold day, there weren't many other people out, just a few walking their dogs. We sat down on a park bench, and I wrapped my arms tight around her. The closest human was a hundred yards away.
"Ok Bella, you can breath now." She looked back at me apprehensively. She took a deep breath through her nose, letting all the scents soak through her. In an instant, her body stiffened under my hold. Her eyes glazed over with the red haze of hunger and a low snarl sounded from her throat. I had to keep a tight hold on her, if she really wanted to, she could over power me. Her newborn strength would put even Emmett to the test.
"Bella, listen to me. You need to push the hunger down. Focus on why we are here. Focus on Charlie and Renee. Push it down, control your hunger." She was snapping her sharp teeth, her hands clenched into white-knuckled fists, writhing in agony at her unattainable desire.
Bella, more than any of us at this stage, understood the need for this. She knew what it meant to be one of us, but still hold on to humanity as much as possible. Especially since she wasn't ready to completely severing ties with her parents yet, it was a necessary evil.
We sat on the park bench for several hours, her tension never letting up, her glare distant. I finally asked her to stop breathing so that the thirst could subside. Once it did, the hunger gone from her eyes, she looked up at me in total abhorrence.
"Oh god Edward! I truly wanted to kill those people. It was all I could think about." She said turning into my shoulder to cover her eyes in pain.
"I know Bella. This is what we are. I knew you wouldn't fully understand it until you experienced it. I am so sorry you ever had to. But it is the only way that you can build up your tolerance." I felt such pain for what I had done to her, for what she had to experience now. For all we had gained, had she lost too much, too much innocence, too much humanity?
We repeated the exercise every day for several weeks. The people never getting any closer than twenty-five yards from us. But each day, it got a little easier for her.
We settled into a pattern, the days blurring together, the weather getting ever colder. We had found several parks in the area that offered plentiful hunting. I was taking one night class in advanced musical composition. I was uncertain, but Bella insisted that I get out of the house. She could see the cabin fever setting in.
One evening in late October, Bella and I were in our favorite positions on the couch. I was propped up, she was between my legs, her head resting on my chest, a book in her hand, and the fire roaring. I was deep in thought, my eyes shifting between the fire and her. The only time my mind was truly silenced was when it was just Bella and me. Ah, how I loved it. Alone with just my thoughts.
I was so occupied in my own head, that I didn't notice someone approach the house. There was a light rap at the door. Bella looked up at my in surprise, the house was buried fairly deep in an evergreen forest, far off of the road.
Within a split second, I knew whose voice it was. I turned to Bella, "I'm sorry," confusion set in her eyes.
I was at the door, and with the most polite voice I could muster, "Hello Tanya."
I knew why she was here, and I wasn't happy. The one time that Tanya came up in conversation with Bella, I abstained from fully disclosing the details, not seeing it necessary. When Carlisle and I lived with Tanya's coven, she had actively pursued me, relentless really. I made it very clear, in my most gentlemanly way, that I was not interested in her romantically. It's not that she wasn't beautiful, no, she rivaled Rosalie. She was statuesque with strawberry blonde hair falling to the middle of her back. She had full, wide lips and high cheekbones. She had been a vampire for a very long time, longer than Carlisle and she knew how to use our advantages to get her way. No, it wasn't her looks. I desired someone that was an intellectual match as well and I speculate I just never saw the challenge. But I was a different man then, until Bella I never even desired a companion.
When I had returned to Alaska for the three brief days, after Bella arrived in Forks. When I thought my own personal devil had arrived to destroy me, Tanya reinitiated her quest. I was not in a state to put her straight, all I could think about was the little frail human girl and how she was causing me to hurt my family.
Bella twisted around, looking over the back of the couch at our uninvited guest.
"Hello Edward." Tanya said with a brilliant smile, a devilish gleam in her eye.
Bella was at my side, taking my hand. "Please won't you come in out of the cold?" I gestured to her. She took a swift step inside the house, her eyes locked on Bella.
"Tanya, this is my wife, Bella."
"Nice to meet you Bella, I have heard so much about you." Tanya responded in her most ladylike tone, all the while her internal voice screaming.
This is what I lost this divine man to! Even as a vampire she is plain. What could she possibly offer him that I couldn't? I could do things for him that she never dreamed of.
Tanya was fully aware of my gift and obviously didn't feel the need to censor her thoughts. I shot her a warning look, a deep, protective rumbling coming from my throat. She quieted her mind more thoroughly.
"What brings you to Juneau, were you in the area?" I asked politely, controlling my irritation, her home was two hours away, even at our speed.
"Yes, I was in the area. I spoke with Carlisle recently. He and I have been keeping in touch, every since the incident with Volturi and Victoria. We have been keeping each other up to date on news we hear. Plus, I like to know that is going on with that large pack of werewolves. There were threats of a war," She shot an accusing look at Bella, "We always like to be prepared. Not all of us have an Alice in their family." She finished with a sly smile, batting her eyelashes at me.
"Plus, I wouldn't miss the chance to congratulate the newlyweds," having a hard time hiding the distaste in her voice.
Bella was standing quietly by my side, holding my hand tightly, taking in Tanya. I wasn't entirely sure why it was there, seeing that she couldn't hear Tanya's thoughts, but I could feel the discomfort radiating from her.
The three of us came around to sit on the couches. Bella, sitting stiffly next to me. Tanya, exuding confidence and attitude, lounged back leisurely.
"How is everyone else doing?" I asked, attempting to seem interested. We had stayed with Tanya's group for some time, many years ago and I had become friendly with many of the members.
"They're good. Same old, same old. A few have fallen of the wagon. But, what can you expect, this life isn't for everyone." Referring to our choice for a vegetarian diet.
"Edward, remember how much fun we had hunting? I introduced you to your love of mountain lions," giving me her sexiest grin. I sat there stone faced, not sure what to make of the whole situation. I could hear the inappropriate thoughts streaming from her again.
"Irina and I have missed you and Carlisle so, you were so nice to have around. We did have some good times." I could feel Bella's arm tighten, and a very low growl start from her. Tanya smiled wickedly, her eyes condescending. We continued in this superficial banter for several minutes.
I was at a loss for what to do. I wanted to get Tanya out of the house. The intention of her visit certainly wasn't congratulatory. I could hear her nasty thoughts, her plotting. But I didn't know how to politely get her to leave. Her sisters had always been hospitable to my family and me.
There was an uncomfortable pause in conversation, Bella was stood up, "Thank you for stopping by to visit Tanya, It was so nice to meet you. We hope you have a safe journey home." She said in a forced polite tone as she walked towards the door and held it open. Tanya looked up at me in utter disbelief, at the boldness of my wife. I gave her an impish smile in return. Thrilled to the core that Bella wasn't going to let this woman shake her.
Tanya slowly rose and moved towards the door. Bella reached out her hand in a gesture of friendship, "Thanks again for coming. Take care."
"Goodbye Edward," Tanya said, turning to Bella and giving her a small nod.
Bella closed the door and turned around in what I expected to be a sign of victory, instead, there was pure fury coming from her, directed at me!
She marched to the bedroom and slammed the door shut. I stood there stunned. What had just happened?