p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"And the Winner Is.../p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"by TheBucketWoman/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Disclaimer: I have no claim on emLife with Derek/em or its characters. No infringement of any sort is intended here./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Chapter Twenty-Four/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part One: Casey./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"This was juicy, so incredibly juicy, but she had to keep her mouth shut. She could keep a secret when it was really important; after all, she never told anyone about the flavor of the week girl that had hit on emher/em while Derek was in the bathroom. Nor had she spilled the beans on the fact that she had had to remind not one but emboth /emparents about their anniversary last year. So she could do this./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She'd be okay as long as she didn't tell Emily, because if she did, she may as well take out an ad in the emLondon Chronicle/em./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Promise," Edwin had demanded. Okay, well, not so much demanded as implored with those big sad eyes he had. Lizzie must have been giving him lessons in Casey-manipulation because he was so good at it suddenly./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Okay! Okay, I promise!" Casey said, shielding her eyes from his. "No more puppy face!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""But, why am I keeping this a secret exactly?" she asked. "This seems like the kind of thing you'd want to show off a little?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"A few minutes before, Casey had wandered into Edwin's room to ask him if he had Derek's new emRolling Stone/em because she hadn't read it yet, and she had stumbled on Edwin and Lizzie staring intently at his computer, in almost the same posture she'd just left Derek in. She'd thought, emOh my gosh they're searching for porn! /emBut then she heard familiar voices issuing from the speakers and she realized that they were just editing video, just like Derek was doing./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Edwin minimized the window he'd had open real quick so that she couldn't see more./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Whatcha workin on?" Casey sing-songed, grinning and trying to get to the mouse./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nothing," Edwin said, blocking the monitor./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""That didn't look like nothing," Casey said. "Lemme see."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Casey," Lizzie said. "emNoooo/em!" Lizzie was bringing out the big guns already. Unleashing the almighty power of her emnoooo/em so soon meant that it had to be important./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""What's the big deal?" Casey asked. "You're making a video. That's a good thing, isn't it? Unless you managed to get something incriminating. You didn't, did you?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No," Edwin said. He got the emRolling Stone/em out from his desk drawer and handed it to Casey. "Now, if you don't mind..."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nuh-uh," Casey said. "Now you gotta show me."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Says who?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Says me," Casey said. "How do you expect me to keep a secret when I don't know what kind of secret I'm keeping?" That made very little sense, but she waited to see if they bought it anyway./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You already know too much," Edwin said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""In for a penny, in for a pound, right?" Casey said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Isn't Derek going to wonder where you are?" Lizzie asked./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nah," Casey said. "He's got his own nose pressed up against his own screen. Don't think he's noticed I left yet."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""We can't risk that," Lizzie said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Come on," Casey said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""The less you know, the less likely you are to let something slip," Edwin said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And the more likely I am to imagine the worst," Casey said. "You of all people should know that. Now what's your movie about?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part Two: Emily/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Emily's timing was getting better. Tonight, she managed to show up at the copy place a couple minutes before Sheldon's shift ended. Sheldon's Uncle David winked at her before bellowing to Sheldon that he had company./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And she comes bearing coffee!" David said to the store at large. "How my nephew managed to land you, I'll never figure out."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Well, go punch out already, boy," he continued. "I don't pay you to stare at your girl. I don't make that kinda money." Sheldon grinned and disappeared into the back./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Don't pick on the boy," said Sheldon's Aunt Ruthie. "He's a good-looking kid." She winked at Emily. Stuff like this was fast becoming part of their routine./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Yeah," David said. "That's his mother's side of the family. He got my brains though."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""In a jar?" Ruthie said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""The Schlepper genes are strong," David said. "Like when my sister, Shel's Aunt Sandra, got her ears done, got her hair straightened and dyed blond, I warned her that she wasn't fooling anyone, but she did it anyway, and what do you think?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Emily shrugged./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""All three of her kids are frizzy and brunette" He said. "And the Schlepper ears almost always turn up. Sheldon got lucky there, but be careful. emYour/em kids could end up with these." He pushed his own ears out and pretended to waggle them./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Emily laughed. It occurred to her, not for the first time, that Sheldon's flair for the inappropriate was a family trait as well./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You're being premature, babe," Ruthie said. "They're not having kids for a long, long time. Right Em?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""As if I could trick her into marrying emmy/em silly ass," Sheldon piped up as he emerged from the back./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Not at sixteen," Emily said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Guess I'll just have to practice for the next few years," Sheldon said, leaning over the counter to give her a kiss. He raised the counter top and slid out. He took the iced cappuccino Emily held out and took a couple of grateful swigs. Emily got sympathy brainfreeze, but Sheldon seemed completely unaffected./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Have fun," Ruthie said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Sheldon answered./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""See ya tomorrow," Emily said, dragging Sheldon away./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Sorry," Sheldon said, pointing vaguely toward the store. "They're being more embarrassing than usual." Emily stifled a grin./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So I have an idea for the "Dentist" song" Emily said. "Wanna run it by Jack tonight. Lemme know what you think." She chattered away as they walked to where Sheldon had parked his brother's car that morning./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Sheldon pulled a flyer out from under the windshield wiper. "Discount on coffee," he said. "Who knew?" He opened her door. "So you want me to do emwhat/em tonight?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Seriously," Emily said after Sheldon climbed into the driver's seat. "It'll be so cool. Do you trust me?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I trust emyou/em," Sheldon said. "Just dunno how emI'd/em pull that off."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Repeat after me: I am a sexy, sexy beast," Emily said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Sexy beast," Sheldon said, pulling out of his space. "That's me."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part Three: Derek./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Casey and Emily in their infinite wisdom, decided that it would be a good idea to carpool to rehearsals. This meant that Sheldon would be driving tonight and Emily would have the windows open all the way. Casey braided her hair in preparation. Derek went looking for his Dad's Blue Jays hat. He couldn't find it./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Sheldon was formal. Where Derek would have honked the horn, Sheldon came up and rang their bell, and when Lizzie let him and Emily in, Derek almost expected to see a corsage./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Nora loved Sheldon. She kept trying to feed him, and he kept politely trying to sidestep her, but never seemed to get away without some cake or something wrapped up in plastic. Nora did this for everybody, but Sheldon seemed to bring out her maternal instincts more than most./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And here's Emily's," Nora said. Casey handed Emily a paper bag to put both servings into for later. The cake turned out pretty good this time./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Thanks," Sheldon said. "But you really don't have to."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"If Sheldon kept up with these emmanners/em, he'd raise Nora's expectations and she would start to expect emeveryone/em to have them./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No worries," Derek said. "emCasey/em made it this time."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Nora tried to nail Derek in the face with the frosting on the spatula she used to serve the cake, but he was too fast for her./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Where on Earth is this violence coming from, Nora?" Derek said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""What can I say?" Nora began. "You inspire me."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I get that a lot," Derek said. Casey cupped the side of his face, then gave it a push./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Stop inciting your stepmother to violence, Derek," his Dad said on his way through the kitchen. He carried a platter from the table./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Either of you kids want some chicken?" he said. "Don't worry, emI /emdidn't make it this time."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No giving away my leftovers," Edwin said, right behind Dad./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""emYour/em leftovers?" Derek said. "Keep dreaming."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So much for the power of positive thinking," Edwin said. "How ya doin?" he said to Sheldon and Emily on his way to the sink./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You guys are spoiling my boyfriend," Emily said as they headed back to the car. "He never gets cake at emmy/em house."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Her dad does like to practice his golf swing around me, though," Sheldon said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Target practice?" Derek asked./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You know it," Sheldon said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"emMust be getting serious/em, Derek thought./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Marti was in the driveway with a jumprope. She was trying to do tricks and, so far, getting more tangled in the rope than anything. She saw Derek coming and pretended to tangle herself up worse./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Meow," she said, batting at the plastic piece at one end of the rope. Derek scratched her head./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Hey SchleppieandEmily," Marti said as they passed./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Sheldon saluted her on the way to the car. She saluted back./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"That was the final sign of friend adoption. If one of Derek's or Casey's friends (or Edwin's or Lizzie's friends for that matter) had a thing that they did with Marti, said friend was officially in for life. Max never bonded with Marti, that had been the sign that his days were numbered. She didn't hate him, but she didn't like him either. Kendra hadn't bonded with her either, now that Derek thought about it. Sam ruffled her hair, or she ruffled his (sometimes she had to remove a hat to do so). Ralph flashed her the rock and roll sign. Emily had a secret handshake. And now Sheldon and Marti saluted. Weird, but cool, Derek decided./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"What was emnot/em cool was Mr. Taller and Blonder than Thou greeting everyone in the parking lot of the community center. Derek, deciding to try the high road for a change, made himself shake Chris's hand. He was pulled into a tight hug for his trouble. Now he got to spend the rest of the night marked with another man's cologne. Damn stupid high road. emAnd now there he goes squishing Casey again, and I don't do jealousy but nobody squishes Casey but me/em, Derek thought. emHigh road, high road, high road./em In spite of himself, he got between Chris and Casey and put an arm around her, something that he could never stand to look at when other people did it./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So I hear that a couple of the Audrey Two puppets are in," Chris said, after they got inside. "I can't wait to see em. Betcha can't wait to get them on film, huh, Derek?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Derek looked up from setting up the camera and grunted, since some sort of answer was called for./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Dibs on the first picture with it," Casey said. "I emmust/em have a shot with just my legs sticking out of its mouth."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I'd have to get a copy of that," Chris said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"emI just bet you would/em, Derek thought. emHigh road/em, he thought. emOutward hostility would piss-off Casey, and if I must do that, I'd rather it be the fun way. /emHe just hoped no one saw him shooting daggers at the kid./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I think I just wanna do the basic Supremes shot with Bree, Melissa and me in the sequined dresses," Emily said. "When we get them. And I want one of Shel in his li'l dentist whites and a power drill."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Derek laughed. "Not a chainsaw?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No," Sheldon deadpanned. "We talked it over and decided that that would be over the top."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""We wouldn't want that," Chris said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No," Sheldon agreed. "I like to keep things low-key."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Subtle," Emily added./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Like a jackhammer," Derek said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""A jackhammer!" Sheldon said, smacking his forehead. "Why didn't we think of that, Em?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Hard to get one on short notice," Emily said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Are you getting all of this?" Casey said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Duh," Derek said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part Four: Edwin./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Once again, Edwin situated himself inside the big armoire with the false back. When he heard voices from behind him, he turned with some difficulty and swiveled his camera toward the approaching kids. He got a quick shot of Lizzie, sitting on the floor, partially hidden by the curtain./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nah, Davey, I really mean it," Chris said as he approached the stage and passed the spot where Lizzie was hiding. Edwin could practically feel her shaking. Sometimes she really did worry too much./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""That kid is a tiger," Chris continued. "He looks all buttoned up, but you mark my words."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Kid's a nerd," David said. "A sweet, whipped on his chick, nerd."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Edwin stifled a laugh. He loved stuff like this./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You say that like it's a bad thing," Chris teased./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Not at all," David said. "I emlove/em nerds. Horn rimmed glasses. Weezer makes me hot. Nothing wrong with nerdhood. But let's be honest: Sheldon Schlepper has no tiger in him."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""His girlfriend, however..." David continued./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Raowrr," Chris said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Casey's got some of that in her, too," David said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Yeah," Chris said. "Get her away from that boyfriend and she'd be so great to hang out with."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I take it you're not a Derek fan?" David said. Edwin perked up and moved into a more comfortable position./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Kid seem a little homophobic to you?" Chris said. "All week I've had the feeling that he's got a baseball bat with my name on it."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"emHey/em, Edwin thought, indignantly. His older brother had an asshole streak a mile wide, but one could not grow up in their house, raised by their liberal father, and show racism or homophobia of any kind. The worst Derek could work up was a mild chauvinism, and that was only to piss off the women in the house./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Homophobic?" David said. "I didn't get that vibe. He had no problem with emme/em anyway."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So what's his problem then?" Chris wondered. "He's lucky I don't do bitchy."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No, not you," David said, grinning./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Edwin and Lizzie spent a good hour bursting with that information until the director called break and Casey passed them on her way to the ladies room in the back. Edwin grabbed her arm and pulled her into the big wardrobe./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"by TheBucketWoman/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Disclaimer: I have no claim on emLife with Derek/em or its characters. No infringement of any sort is intended here./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Chapter Twenty-Four/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part One: Casey./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"This was juicy, so incredibly juicy, but she had to keep her mouth shut. She could keep a secret when it was really important; after all, she never told anyone about the flavor of the week girl that had hit on emher/em while Derek was in the bathroom. Nor had she spilled the beans on the fact that she had had to remind not one but emboth /emparents about their anniversary last year. So she could do this./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She'd be okay as long as she didn't tell Emily, because if she did, she may as well take out an ad in the emLondon Chronicle/em./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Promise," Edwin had demanded. Okay, well, not so much demanded as implored with those big sad eyes he had. Lizzie must have been giving him lessons in Casey-manipulation because he was so good at it suddenly./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Okay! Okay, I promise!" Casey said, shielding her eyes from his. "No more puppy face!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""But, why am I keeping this a secret exactly?" she asked. "This seems like the kind of thing you'd want to show off a little?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"A few minutes before, Casey had wandered into Edwin's room to ask him if he had Derek's new emRolling Stone/em because she hadn't read it yet, and she had stumbled on Edwin and Lizzie staring intently at his computer, in almost the same posture she'd just left Derek in. She'd thought, emOh my gosh they're searching for porn! /emBut then she heard familiar voices issuing from the speakers and she realized that they were just editing video, just like Derek was doing./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Edwin minimized the window he'd had open real quick so that she couldn't see more./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Whatcha workin on?" Casey sing-songed, grinning and trying to get to the mouse./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nothing," Edwin said, blocking the monitor./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""That didn't look like nothing," Casey said. "Lemme see."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Casey," Lizzie said. "emNoooo/em!" Lizzie was bringing out the big guns already. Unleashing the almighty power of her emnoooo/em so soon meant that it had to be important./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""What's the big deal?" Casey asked. "You're making a video. That's a good thing, isn't it? Unless you managed to get something incriminating. You didn't, did you?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No," Edwin said. He got the emRolling Stone/em out from his desk drawer and handed it to Casey. "Now, if you don't mind..."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nuh-uh," Casey said. "Now you gotta show me."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Says who?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Says me," Casey said. "How do you expect me to keep a secret when I don't know what kind of secret I'm keeping?" That made very little sense, but she waited to see if they bought it anyway./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You already know too much," Edwin said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""In for a penny, in for a pound, right?" Casey said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Isn't Derek going to wonder where you are?" Lizzie asked./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nah," Casey said. "He's got his own nose pressed up against his own screen. Don't think he's noticed I left yet."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""We can't risk that," Lizzie said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Come on," Casey said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""The less you know, the less likely you are to let something slip," Edwin said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And the more likely I am to imagine the worst," Casey said. "You of all people should know that. Now what's your movie about?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part Two: Emily/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Emily's timing was getting better. Tonight, she managed to show up at the copy place a couple minutes before Sheldon's shift ended. Sheldon's Uncle David winked at her before bellowing to Sheldon that he had company./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And she comes bearing coffee!" David said to the store at large. "How my nephew managed to land you, I'll never figure out."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Well, go punch out already, boy," he continued. "I don't pay you to stare at your girl. I don't make that kinda money." Sheldon grinned and disappeared into the back./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Don't pick on the boy," said Sheldon's Aunt Ruthie. "He's a good-looking kid." She winked at Emily. Stuff like this was fast becoming part of their routine./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Yeah," David said. "That's his mother's side of the family. He got my brains though."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""In a jar?" Ruthie said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""The Schlepper genes are strong," David said. "Like when my sister, Shel's Aunt Sandra, got her ears done, got her hair straightened and dyed blond, I warned her that she wasn't fooling anyone, but she did it anyway, and what do you think?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Emily shrugged./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""All three of her kids are frizzy and brunette" He said. "And the Schlepper ears almost always turn up. Sheldon got lucky there, but be careful. emYour/em kids could end up with these." He pushed his own ears out and pretended to waggle them./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Emily laughed. It occurred to her, not for the first time, that Sheldon's flair for the inappropriate was a family trait as well./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You're being premature, babe," Ruthie said. "They're not having kids for a long, long time. Right Em?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""As if I could trick her into marrying emmy/em silly ass," Sheldon piped up as he emerged from the back./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Not at sixteen," Emily said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Guess I'll just have to practice for the next few years," Sheldon said, leaning over the counter to give her a kiss. He raised the counter top and slid out. He took the iced cappuccino Emily held out and took a couple of grateful swigs. Emily got sympathy brainfreeze, but Sheldon seemed completely unaffected./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Have fun," Ruthie said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Sheldon answered./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""See ya tomorrow," Emily said, dragging Sheldon away./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Sorry," Sheldon said, pointing vaguely toward the store. "They're being more embarrassing than usual." Emily stifled a grin./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So I have an idea for the "Dentist" song" Emily said. "Wanna run it by Jack tonight. Lemme know what you think." She chattered away as they walked to where Sheldon had parked his brother's car that morning./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Sheldon pulled a flyer out from under the windshield wiper. "Discount on coffee," he said. "Who knew?" He opened her door. "So you want me to do emwhat/em tonight?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Seriously," Emily said after Sheldon climbed into the driver's seat. "It'll be so cool. Do you trust me?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I trust emyou/em," Sheldon said. "Just dunno how emI'd/em pull that off."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Repeat after me: I am a sexy, sexy beast," Emily said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Sexy beast," Sheldon said, pulling out of his space. "That's me."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part Three: Derek./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Casey and Emily in their infinite wisdom, decided that it would be a good idea to carpool to rehearsals. This meant that Sheldon would be driving tonight and Emily would have the windows open all the way. Casey braided her hair in preparation. Derek went looking for his Dad's Blue Jays hat. He couldn't find it./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Sheldon was formal. Where Derek would have honked the horn, Sheldon came up and rang their bell, and when Lizzie let him and Emily in, Derek almost expected to see a corsage./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Nora loved Sheldon. She kept trying to feed him, and he kept politely trying to sidestep her, but never seemed to get away without some cake or something wrapped up in plastic. Nora did this for everybody, but Sheldon seemed to bring out her maternal instincts more than most./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And here's Emily's," Nora said. Casey handed Emily a paper bag to put both servings into for later. The cake turned out pretty good this time./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Thanks," Sheldon said. "But you really don't have to."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"If Sheldon kept up with these emmanners/em, he'd raise Nora's expectations and she would start to expect emeveryone/em to have them./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No worries," Derek said. "emCasey/em made it this time."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Nora tried to nail Derek in the face with the frosting on the spatula she used to serve the cake, but he was too fast for her./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Where on Earth is this violence coming from, Nora?" Derek said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""What can I say?" Nora began. "You inspire me."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I get that a lot," Derek said. Casey cupped the side of his face, then gave it a push./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Stop inciting your stepmother to violence, Derek," his Dad said on his way through the kitchen. He carried a platter from the table./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Either of you kids want some chicken?" he said. "Don't worry, emI /emdidn't make it this time."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No giving away my leftovers," Edwin said, right behind Dad./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""emYour/em leftovers?" Derek said. "Keep dreaming."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So much for the power of positive thinking," Edwin said. "How ya doin?" he said to Sheldon and Emily on his way to the sink./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You guys are spoiling my boyfriend," Emily said as they headed back to the car. "He never gets cake at emmy/em house."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Her dad does like to practice his golf swing around me, though," Sheldon said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Target practice?" Derek asked./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You know it," Sheldon said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"emMust be getting serious/em, Derek thought./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Marti was in the driveway with a jumprope. She was trying to do tricks and, so far, getting more tangled in the rope than anything. She saw Derek coming and pretended to tangle herself up worse./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Meow," she said, batting at the plastic piece at one end of the rope. Derek scratched her head./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Hey SchleppieandEmily," Marti said as they passed./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Sheldon saluted her on the way to the car. She saluted back./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"That was the final sign of friend adoption. If one of Derek's or Casey's friends (or Edwin's or Lizzie's friends for that matter) had a thing that they did with Marti, said friend was officially in for life. Max never bonded with Marti, that had been the sign that his days were numbered. She didn't hate him, but she didn't like him either. Kendra hadn't bonded with her either, now that Derek thought about it. Sam ruffled her hair, or she ruffled his (sometimes she had to remove a hat to do so). Ralph flashed her the rock and roll sign. Emily had a secret handshake. And now Sheldon and Marti saluted. Weird, but cool, Derek decided./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"What was emnot/em cool was Mr. Taller and Blonder than Thou greeting everyone in the parking lot of the community center. Derek, deciding to try the high road for a change, made himself shake Chris's hand. He was pulled into a tight hug for his trouble. Now he got to spend the rest of the night marked with another man's cologne. Damn stupid high road. emAnd now there he goes squishing Casey again, and I don't do jealousy but nobody squishes Casey but me/em, Derek thought. emHigh road, high road, high road./em In spite of himself, he got between Chris and Casey and put an arm around her, something that he could never stand to look at when other people did it./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So I hear that a couple of the Audrey Two puppets are in," Chris said, after they got inside. "I can't wait to see em. Betcha can't wait to get them on film, huh, Derek?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Derek looked up from setting up the camera and grunted, since some sort of answer was called for./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Dibs on the first picture with it," Casey said. "I emmust/em have a shot with just my legs sticking out of its mouth."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I'd have to get a copy of that," Chris said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"emI just bet you would/em, Derek thought. emHigh road/em, he thought. emOutward hostility would piss-off Casey, and if I must do that, I'd rather it be the fun way. /emHe just hoped no one saw him shooting daggers at the kid./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I think I just wanna do the basic Supremes shot with Bree, Melissa and me in the sequined dresses," Emily said. "When we get them. And I want one of Shel in his li'l dentist whites and a power drill."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Derek laughed. "Not a chainsaw?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No," Sheldon deadpanned. "We talked it over and decided that that would be over the top."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""We wouldn't want that," Chris said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No," Sheldon agreed. "I like to keep things low-key."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Subtle," Emily added./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Like a jackhammer," Derek said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""A jackhammer!" Sheldon said, smacking his forehead. "Why didn't we think of that, Em?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Hard to get one on short notice," Emily said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Are you getting all of this?" Casey said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Duh," Derek said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Part Four: Edwin./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Once again, Edwin situated himself inside the big armoire with the false back. When he heard voices from behind him, he turned with some difficulty and swiveled his camera toward the approaching kids. He got a quick shot of Lizzie, sitting on the floor, partially hidden by the curtain./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Nah, Davey, I really mean it," Chris said as he approached the stage and passed the spot where Lizzie was hiding. Edwin could practically feel her shaking. Sometimes she really did worry too much./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""That kid is a tiger," Chris continued. "He looks all buttoned up, but you mark my words."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Kid's a nerd," David said. "A sweet, whipped on his chick, nerd."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Edwin stifled a laugh. He loved stuff like this./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You say that like it's a bad thing," Chris teased./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Not at all," David said. "I emlove/em nerds. Horn rimmed glasses. Weezer makes me hot. Nothing wrong with nerdhood. But let's be honest: Sheldon Schlepper has no tiger in him."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""His girlfriend, however..." David continued./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Raowrr," Chris said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Casey's got some of that in her, too," David said./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Yeah," Chris said. "Get her away from that boyfriend and she'd be so great to hang out with."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I take it you're not a Derek fan?" David said. Edwin perked up and moved into a more comfortable position./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Kid seem a little homophobic to you?" Chris said. "All week I've had the feeling that he's got a baseball bat with my name on it."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"emHey/em, Edwin thought, indignantly. His older brother had an asshole streak a mile wide, but one could not grow up in their house, raised by their liberal father, and show racism or homophobia of any kind. The worst Derek could work up was a mild chauvinism, and that was only to piss off the women in the house./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Homophobic?" David said. "I didn't get that vibe. He had no problem with emme/em anyway."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""So what's his problem then?" Chris wondered. "He's lucky I don't do bitchy."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""No, not you," David said, grinning./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Edwin and Lizzie spent a good hour bursting with that information until the director called break and Casey passed them on her way to the ladies room in the back. Edwin grabbed her arm and pulled her into the big wardrobe./p