"Bella, I know you want to be there for Charlie," and Jacob I thought but didn't voice, "I really do. But you cannot go to the funeral. You are not ready." I tried to keep the fright out of my voice, and keep it one of only my undying love for my wife. I don't believe she needed a reminder of the recent events.
She just looked up at me with the same look she would give me when she human and about to breakdown in tears, only no tears followed. She buried her head in my chest. This would be her first real feeling of consequences from her decision, our decision. All along I surmised she would be able to work through her new desires, her new instincts, but severing ties from her loved ones was completely different. I worried she wouldn't be able to make it through whole.
We stood there for a long time, I was calculating if there was any way to make this work. I just didn't see how. It wasn't worth the risk.
"Edward" She looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes, "Can we at least go back to Forks to see our family? I would be able to check on Charlie without seeing him, just to know he is okay. I couldn't stand just staying here and not doing anything." When she looked up at me like that, pleadingly, how could I possibly deny her? She was my soul, the reason for my survival, the only reason this existence meant anything at all. I couldn't tell her no.
The questions and uncertainties ran through my head at warp speed. Could I take her back to Forks to see our family to help her through this momentous hurdle, having her so close without making contact with Charlie or Jacob? Was it worth the risk for Bella's well being? At least at home everyone could help distract and reassure her. I could talk more with Carlisle about her progress. Maybe we would both be better off closer to family.
I let out a deep sigh before responding, "Bella, if we go back to Forks, you have to understand that you cannot make contact with anyone. I'm serious about this. I agree that it would be good for you, for us, to be close to family, but I have to make sure you understand the severity of the situation." I knew that my voice was stern, but I also hoped that she saw the love and concern in my eyes. This was a bigger risk than I was comfortable with, but I wanted, no I needed Bella to be happy and contended with her new life. If that meant bringing her out of our self-induced solitary confinement, then so be it.
"Edward, I understand what you are saying, and I knew that this point was coming all along, completely separating myself from Charlie and eventually Renee, I just wish it were under better circumstances. It is going to hurt him very much that I am not attending the funeral, but I can deal with that, as long as I can check on him and make sure he is okay."
"Okay love. I am going to call Carlisle and let him know of our plans. Go pack some clothes and we will leave shortly." I gave her a quick kiss as I pulled out my cell phone. She headed back to our bedroom to pack.
"Hi Edward." Carlisle answered his phone before the first ring. He must have known I would be calling. "You and Bella are coming home for a visit." He continued confirming my suspicions.
"Yes, did Alice have a vision?"
"Yes and I heard that Billy Black passed away. I am sure I don't need to state the obvious that Bella cannot attend the funeral," Carlisle replied with a caring, but fatherly voice.
"No, we realize that. Charlie all ready called and asked her to come home, actually not asked, demanded. She hasn't called him back yet to tell him she can't, she is going to make up something about school. He's going to be very upset with her and I am sure she is not looking forward to the conversation, disappointing him, you know how Bella is."
"Yes I do, always more concerned about others. But unfortunately, we all knew this was coming since it was out of the question, in Bella's opinion, to fake her death. We are all here to support her and you during this difficult goodbye."
"Thanks Carlisle. We are leaving shortly and will be there first thing in the morning. One more question, do you know what is going to happen to Jacob, I mean now that his dad is gone, he is still a minor, who's going to look after him?" I hushed my voice as I asked the last question.
"I believe that Sam and Emily are going to look after him, though I don't know if he is going to live with them or stay in his father's house. Drive safely and we will see you soon." Carlisle hung up the phone, I am sure he was going to immediately inform the rest of the family of the situation. As much as we didn't want to be Bella's jailors, we would need to keep an even closer eye on her while we are in Forks.
The drive once again was quiet, Bella held my right hand in her left, looking out the window at the vast darkness of the night passing us by at one-hundred and ten miles per hour. She was absorbed in her thoughts, her sadness and concern for Jacob and Charlie, her worry over how Charlie would take her turning her back on him, disappointing him so severely. She told me she wasn't ready to call him yet and break his heart, she would as soon as we arrived at the house.
When we pulled up the long driveway, to the big white house, the large, ancient trees casting a protective umbrella over it, a wave of happiness washed over me. I hadn't realized how much I missed this house, the first place I truly considered home. It is not that I was in any way unhappy with our life in Alaska; on the contrary, I felt a peace that I thought not possible for my eternal existence. We almost didn't know what to do with the lack of conflict in our new life. But, I did miss my family very much, and I know Bella did as well. The sun was just coming up and the rays were breaking through the trees at a low angel, casting variegated bright and shadowed stripes onto the heavily frosted front yard.
Alice was the first one out the door to greet us. "Edward, Bella, I'm so happy you're here, though I'm sorry for the circumstances." She gave me a quick hug and then raced around to Bella's side of the truck to do the same. She missed her best friend dearly.
Jasper was approaching us with a smile, "Hey Edward" giving me a firm hand shake, then pulling me in for a one-armed hug, "good to see you guys." He then went over and hugged Bella. "I'm glad I can finally do that and not want to kill you." He smirked back at her. Bella let out a chuckle.
We approached the porch, Carlisle and Esme were there, waiting to welcome us, Emmett and Rosalie were behind them. Hello son, so glad to have you home, Esme thought as she pulled me in for an embrace. I had Bella in tow. Emmett grabbed her, disconnecting our hands, up in a big bear hug.
"Hi Emmett" She chuckled, "Good to see you too."
"Bella, it is so darn dull around here without you!" Emmett laughed, setting her back down.
"Well, I will see what I can do to liven things up while I'm here." She smiled. I'm sure I was the only one that could see the hint of sadness in her intended happy expression. I also tried to ignore her joking remark about causing trouble, something Bella and I had seen far too much of.
Once we were in the house and had quickly caught up with everyone, I pulled Bella up to our old room. It was still the same, with the big king-sized, wrought iron bed in the middle of the room. Esme insisted that I leave it here and buy a new one for our house in Alaska, just in case we came home to visit, mothers always know best and for that request I'm glad I didn't argue.
I pulled Bella to the edge of the bed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close to my side, "Bella, I know you don't want to do this, but you need to call Charlie."
She hung her head down, putting her hands up to her face. I wished I could make the call for her. In some ways, I wished I had the opportunity that she has, to properly say goodbye, to let my parents know that although I was no longer with them, I was okay, even if this is not the preferred form of existence. Such was not the case for me, or for any of us. My parent's left this world before me, and everyone else's, presumed his or her child dead. Even knowing that, I in no way envied Bella having to make this call to Charlie. He loved his daughter so much, even though he had so little time with her when she was growing up; now it was as if they were never apart all those years. Even in his overreactions, it was only in concern and love for Bella. He had come a long way accepting me in Bella' life, he even happily walked her down the aisle and offered her to me in marriage. But this, this would devastate him, her turning her back on him when he needed her most, when he demanded her presence, her support and love.
I retrieved my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans and handed it to her. She unhurriedly took it from me. The look in her eyes was pure agony.
"Hi Dad, it's me." She didn't pause, not wanting Charlie to break her train of thought, "Look Dad I'm really sorry, but there is no way that I can make it home for the funeral. I talked with my professors and if I were to miss classes right now, I may not pass my courses, and then I will have to repeat everything. I really wish I could make it home, but I don't want to mess up so early in my college career." Bella tried to keep her voice strong and firm.
She knew that Charlie and Renee had only given their approval to us getting married so quickly because we said we would still be attending college. Charlie didn't have a college education and it was very important that his daughter did. He wouldn't be as upset if leaving effected her college education, even if it was a total fabrication. I could hear Charlie's thoughts racing, he wasn't sure how he wanted to react. He was acknowledging that she was an adult, but his heart pleaded for her support and love right now. And he was concerned about Jacob, he knew Bella had chosen me, but did that mean she no longer cared at all for Jacob? Charlie hit on the exact question I had asked myself so many times.
"Bella, I am not happy about this, but… I understand. You're an adult now. The last thing I want you to do is mess up your college education. I just…would have really loved to see you kid." Charlie sounded so weary, so much older than a few months ago.
"Could you do me a favor? Could you please at least call Jacob and let him know you are thinking about him, as I am sure are." That last comment made Bella's eyes turn away from me.
"Sure Dad, I can do that. I'll talk to you soon. Love you." Bella closed the phone shut. Even though Charlie appeared to take it well, we both knew this was the first stage in officially cutting ties for good.
Bella turned her face into my shoulder, letting the phone fall out of her hands to the floor. I pulled her close to me and laid us back on the bed, "Shh my love," running my one hand up and down her back, holding her face with my other hand, running my hands through her chestnut hair. She was silent for a long time, her little body shaking every now and then, as she took deep, ragged breathes, in hopes of controlling her emotions.
I could hear the concern of everyone's thoughts, my mind growing accustom again to having visitors. At the same time, they all had the thought I had had, none of us had the option to say goodbye, would it have been easier or harder given that opportunity? Knowing what existence was ahead of us? Knowing we would outlive everyone that had been important to us.
Bella pushed herself up from my chest. I looked at her sorrowful eyes; I wanted to abolish her pain away with my loving gaze. "It isn't fair for me to sit up here, stealing you away, and mope all day. Let's go visit with everyone while we can." She tried to smile as she said it, her face fought against her letting her lips curve up only slightly at the corners. Nowhere near the glorious grin I knew she was capable of.
"I'm not worried about anyone else, only you. And you can steal me away any time you like." I smiled, brushing a piece of her hair behind her hair. She leaned her face into my cool hand, letting her eyes close.
"You are too good to me, I don't deserve you." She gave a small sigh.
"Isabella Marie Cullen, when are you going to realize that I am on this earth solely to love you, and if you weren't here, I would cease to exist?" She opened her eyes from the change in my voice, ferocity in my eyes, feeling them smolder with passion, sensing them darkening.
I put my hands on her face, pulled her on to me, kissing her deeply, letting my tongue explore her mouth. She let in a gasp as I let my hand run down her back to her rear, pushing her in to me. Her hands were in my hair making my breath grow ragged with desire. Running my hand up her back, under her shirt, feeling her cool, marble skin. I was just about to unclasp her bra, the blue lace one that was my favorite. I have to remember to thank Alice again for that shopping trip, when I heard.
Edward Cullen! You have had four months alone your wife to do that. Get down here and visit with your family! Alice yelled at me in her mind. I would have been very happy to ignore her intrusion, but I knew she wouldn't stay silent for long. With much regret, I pulled myself away from Bella's glorious lips. She looked back at me in bewilderment. Her eyes had darkened with lust as well.
"Alice is calling for us. I don't think she will let us keep her waiting." I sighed. Bella understood. We took a moment to right our clothing and headed downstairs to the living room where everyone was gathered.
Alice and Jasper moved over on the couch to make room for us. The sun was fully up and it flowed into the living room through the large wall-sized windows, reflecting off all the light surfaces, bringing its warmth, making it feel like a summer's day. I realized that was exactly how I felt when I was with my family, warm, bright, lighter. I hadn't recognized that Bella and I had been living in a perpetual slight overcast, not cloudy, but never enough to feel the warmth. There was so much joy and love in our life, how could that be? Suddenly guilt washed over me for feeling that way, that my wife alone couldn't provide all of the sun that I craved. I wondered, as I so often did since I couldn't hear Bella' thoughts, did she feel the same way, or was our little life in Alaska enough for her? I would make a point to speak with her about it.
Bella was on my lap and Alice was at my side, my arm around the back of the couch, resting on Alice's shoulder. I felt her go slightly stiff under my hand, something was flashing through her mind.
Alice's eyes went wide with excitement and she quickly turned to face me, Oh Edward that would be so wonderful! We would move anywhere you want. You know this family loves you and Bella so much; we haven't been the same without you.
Alice obviously saw my internal decision to speak with Bella about moving back in with the family, and now I knew her answer. There were times that I wished that there were some surprises in my life, such as when Bella decided to accept my hand in marriage, but with Alice's visions and my ability to hear everyone's thoughts, it was nearly impossible. In this instance, I was perfectly happy knowing the outcome of my forthcoming decision. I gave Alice a quieting glance, now was not the time to discuss it.
"Edward, I hope since Bella hasn't gotten out much that you have gone shopping for her," Alice said with concern.
"Alice, with the amount of clothes you bought me before I left, I won't need to shop for a year!" Bella replied, lightly laughing.
Well that's just crazy talk, Alice thought with a scowl
"So Bella, how's it going so far? Killed anyone yet?" Emmett said lightheartedly.
Bella's expression changed immediately, her eyes grew wide, guilt flickered through them. I spoke up before she could let it consumer her any further.
"Bella has been doing great, amazing in fact. We have been going in to town fairly frequently. She has built her tolerance up unbelievably fast." I pulled Bella closer to me, looking at her with pride. Her eyes turned up to me in cynicism. She didn't think she was doing very well after the incident in town with the child.
"Has she kicked your ass yet Edward?" Emmett chimed up again, obviously not seeing the change in Bella's posture from his last question. She perked up at his last inquiry.
Bella let out a light chuckle. "Well, he is still faster than me" she grinned at me, "and most of the time he has better moves. As Edward would be happy to point out, he wins almost every time. But I would be happy to arm wrestle you Emmett if you want to put me to the test."
Emmett stammered for a second, I'm sure not wanting to take the opportunity to lose to Bella and all her newborn strength. It completely shocked me at times how strong she was when she let herself yield to her new body.
Before Emmett could respond, there was a thud at the big window. We all turned to look at what caused the sudden sound.
"A robin flew into the window." Carlisle said calmly, turning back to us.
After a pause, Bella hopped up from my lap and walked over to the window. She looked out onto the deck to see the bird.
She turned to me, "It's not dead, but it looks like its wing is very broken." Bella…the only vampire that would be concerned about a hurt bird. I stayed on the couch watching her for a moment, in awe of the amount of love, even for a bird, that her heart was able to possess. She motioned to go outside. I rose from the couch and followed her; everyone else stayed seated, continued talking, but could clearly see outside.
She walked out to the deck. I was a foot behind her. The bird was lying on the cold, wet deck, breathing heavy in obvious distress and shock. It was trying to get up and right itself, spinning around in circles with its good wing extended, it couldn't retract its hurt wing, it was bent back at an unnatural, ninety-degree angle, the tips of its feathers broken and dangling.
Bella slowly bent down to scoop up the bird in her delicate little hands, taking extra care since one false move by her incredibly strong fingers would swiftly snap the bird's neck. As she stood up I placed a hand on her waist, looking over her shoulder.
She picked up the bird in her right hand, apprehensively running the fingers of her left hand over the shape of the broken wing, hovering above, but not touching it, until the very tip of the wing. As she made contact with the feathers, I felt a small wave of energy pass under my hand where it rested on her waist. Bella pulled her left hand back from the bird's wing, and it was right again, the wing was back to its natural shape. The bird quickly retracted it to its side.
Bella took in a small gasp of air. She swiftly turned to look at me, her eyes bulging out, seeing absolute shock in mine.
"Edward, what just happened?" She said confounded.
"I think…you just healed the bird with your touch, love." Certain my voice had as much uncertainty as hers. If I hadn't just seen it with my own amber eyes, I don't think I would have believed it.
My family's thoughts bombarded me from inside the house; did she just heal that bird with her touch? Only Emmett's was different, he was looking at Rosalie with lustful thoughts, as usual.
Carlisle quickly come outside, everyone got up to follow. His were the only thoughts that were calm, calculating. He came up to Bella's side. She still held the bird in the palm of her hand, now covering completely encasing it to keep it from flying away. Carlisle placed his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. She looked up at him, eyes still wide, not sure what to make of the situation.
"May I Bella," Carlisle said in his professional, soothing voice, holding out his cupped hands.
Bella nodded and gently handed the bird over to him. He cradled it in his hands, pulling the once broken wing out to examine it. No one said a word.
Carlisle broke the silence, "Well, I was beginning to wonder when your gift would appear. I knew someone as special as Bella would have even more to offer once she joined us." He smiled at her, like the proud parent he was.
"So…I can heal things?" She asked, still unconvinced.
"Yes, it appears to Bella. Did you not realize you were doing it?" Carlisle replied.
"No, I didn't. I just felt so bad for the little thing, I didn't want it to be in pain."
I raised my eyes from the bird in Carlisle's hands to his face, "When she touched it, when the wing repaired itself, I felt a small electric charge come from her. Bella, did you feel that?"
She turned to look at me rather sheepishly, in a whisper she said, "Yes, but I feel that all of the time when you are touching me." I felt a sweet grin come across my face. God I loved my wife.
Jasper was standing the farthest away, he cleared his throat to say, "If she is able to do that, why doesn't she heal the animals after she has fed from them?"
"That's a good question Jasper. I would guess it has to do with her desire to heal the animal. Like Bella said, she felt bad for the bird and didn't want it to suffer. As a human, she was incredibly caring and compassionate, always putting other's well being before her own. Now it seems, after her change that wonderful quality results in an actual physical ability to heal, to take away their pain. It is quite amazing." Carlisle was still beaming at her. Everyone was quiet, trying to comprehend this new gift.
After a few minutes, Emmett piped up, "Well that's nice and all, but how is that gift going to help us if we don't get hurt?" In a quieter voice he said to Jasper, "I hoped maybe she would be able to do something really cool like make people levitate or something." Jasper chuckled.
"As with all of our family members' gifts, we don't realize how precious they are until we are really in need of them. I am sure Bella's abilities will be a great advantage at some point." Carlisle remarked back, half to himself, his mind was still racing, comprehending this newly found knowledge.
We spent the rest of the day hanging out around the house. Emmett and Jasper challenged me to Xbox games, thinking they would dominate me since I hadn't played in so long, and they were sorely disappointed. It ended in a rather destructive wrestling match in the living room.
"Boys, how many times to I have to tell you to save that until we are in the woods!" Esme called out from the kitchen, always the mother.
Alice and Bella were up in Alice's room catching up on girl talk, I was trying to block Alice's thoughts, but it was incredibly difficult when they kept saying my name. Once they were through talking about clothes, I perked up when I heard this conversation begin…
So, Bella, spill it, how it is? Alice demanded. I could tell Bella was trying to be coy and replied how's what Alice?
You know what, the sex!!
Ah, yes, the sex. I am sure if Bella could have blushed at that point, she certainly would have.
The sex is…well let's just say, there are days that we barely make it out of bed. I saw Bella smiling in Alice's thoughts.
I knew it, I knew Edward would be a good lover, he didn't believe me. He was worried about how inexperienced he was, but he can be so caring and sweet. I'm sure he's attentive… I cringed at that last comment by Alice, I had completely forgotten about my conversation with her before the wedding.
So, it's better as a vampire, right? Alice pushed.
Oh yes Alice, it's definitely better as a vampire. I mean don't get me wrong, I am really glad we did before I changed, as a point of reference, but it doesn't even compare to how it is now. I felt an involuntary goofy grin come across my face. I realized I was in the middle of a match with Emmett and snapped back to reality.
"What are you grinning about?" Jasper asked, sensing my mood change from competition to lust.
"Oh, nothing. There is just a very enlightening conversation going on between our wives." I smirked. Jasper caught on very quickly as he felt the mood change upstairs and gave me a knowing look in return. Yes, I truly missed my family.