Explosions happen here. Well, no not really. Well, maybe. I don't know, really. I'm making it up as I go along. I'm not kidding, I really am.That's why it takes so long to write.– ZeroSoul

All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter six: "speaking to the inner teenager"

"Don't worry, mister. I know all about what you were doing. I see mom and dad do it all the time," Billy said.

"Shut up! " Mozenrath answered.

Even though it was late at night and hours after what had happened at the castle with that sorceress, he was still flustered. Not even being back in his own domain made him feel at any ease, like it normally did. 'I should try and sleep it off,' Mozenrath thought, 'if I just a little bit of rest, everything will be alright in the morning,'

So he went promptly to sleep, and dreamt about himself standing in the middle of a gray fog inside his own mind.

'Where the hell am I?' Mozenrath said in his own dream, 'This isn't my usual taking over the Seven Deserts dream,'

A boy suddenly appeared in front of Mozenrath. He was a few years younger than Mozenrath himself, but looked exactly like him. His face was filled with acne.

'You look familiar. Do I know you?' Mozenrath asked the boy.

'I'm your inner teenager,' answered the boy. His voice was squeaking.

'My inner what?' Mozenrath asked.

'Your inner teenager,' answered the boy.

'Don't you mean my inner child?'

'No, I'm your inner teenager. I'm a lot like an inner child, I think about sex every three minuets,'

'What the hell are you doing here?'

'I'm here to tell you that we need to get some action,'

'We? Where'd this 'we' part come from?'

'I'm you, remember? I'm your inner teenager. You know that little voice in that back of your head that's always says 'I'm horny'? That's me. Now listen Mozenrath, we're at least a hundred years old and we haven't had a girlfriend yet. In fact, we've never been on a date,'

'I despise people, I despise being touched, and I despise you, most of all!' Mozenrath then growled. 'And if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to conquer the Seven Deserts! Why would I be worried about women?'

'Because we had a chance to get laid and you ruined it!'

'What? When?'

'Just a couple of hours ago!'

'What? That girl?'

'Yeah, the topless one,'

'She bit me!'

'So? It was a love nip. Some chicks are into that,'

'I'm not into that!'

Mozenrath's inner teenager shrugged, 'Experimenting never hurt anyone. Anyway, Mozenrath, we can't go on like this – a virgin I mean. We have a prime example of a good, attractive girl who's nice and lonely and if we work towards it, we can finally get a little piece of action!'

Mozenrath huffed, 'I don't see why you're even here. I hate being touched,'

'Listen, Mozenrath, I'm a part of you – a part of your body! I make up most of your genitalia! I'm your own body trying to tell you that your biological clock is conveniently ticking right about now! So you better get over that phobia of touching people and get naked with somebody right away!'

'NO. I have far more important things to do. If I need it so badly, I can wait a bit longer,'

'Wait a bit longer? It's been a hundred and twenty four years, Mozenrath! A hundred and twenty four years! I can't wait any longer!'

'The answer is still no. I hate being touched,'

The teenaged Mozenrath grit his teeth, 'Okay, Mozenrath, you want to play it the hard way – fine! If you don't do the deed by the end of this year, I'm going to take those images of Mirage you suppressed in the back of your mind and make you see them all in their full colored glory!'

Mozenrath made a face, 'You wouldn't dare,'

'Oh, I'll dare! I'll dare! A hundred and twenty four years of virginity will do that to you!'

'…I hate you so much right now,'

'Well, you hate yourself. You'll be waking up now,'

'Wha-?'

And at this point, Mozenrath woke up – frustrated at the world, knowing what he had to do.

Caution had to applied to when dabbling in the unknown and erratic forces in life, because as the saying went 'magic could be murder' and indeed it could be. One mispronounced word, one left out letter, or any mishap of the like and your spell could easily backfire. Using the Pendant of Viper Calling was no exception, considering the dangerous spirit contained inside of it.

"But what to do with it?" Sadira mused, staring at the strange little trinket. She felt a feeling of pride after winning it off the sorcerer from yesterday but she wasn't sure what to do with it. The Working of Decay spell would be nice to have attack her enemy but the fact of the matter was...she truly lacked one. She wasn't exactly the most powerful (or well known) sorceress (not yet, anyway).

'The spell kills living things, mainly people and animals,' Sadira thought as she held up and stared at the Pendant of Viper Calling, 'the only place that has a collection of so many things would be...'

Agrabah of course, but there were several problems with that. (1) Agrabah was a lowly city that hadn't done anything to her (except for perhaps years and years of abuse at the hands of anti-streetrat people), (2) Jasmine and Aladdin lived in Agrabah and she had nothing against them (or at least, not anymore), and (3) Sadira hadn't set foot in Agrabah ever since Aladdin's wedding to Jasmine, which would mark two years andfour months today.

Sadira mulled over her options and made a final decision: 'It's time I pay a visit,'

She rushed down to her luxurious bath and grabbed a soaking carpet from the pool. It was dripping wet and smelled of mold, but it would serve its purpose.

"By The Awe-inspiring Ruins Of Kroi-dyma, and the wings of Xeleus, give me flight!" Sadira chanted as she stood on the carpet. The carpet immediatly stiffened out and hovered into the air. Sadira held on tight to the carpet with a smile, "Okay, carpet! Take me to Agrabah!"

The carpet snapped as it rushed through the palace window with a screaming Sadia clinging tightly onto it.

"I hope my insurance covers that..." Sadira murmured, watching yet another window go to pieces.

Little did Sadira know, that her insurance didn't cover window damage due to magical carpets not knowing where the door was.

Meanwhile, Mozenrath was already visiting the city of Agrabah under the guise of an old merchant. He had to go and purchase ram's blood and the only place that sold it at a cheap enough price was in Agrabah. He had left Billy in the castle (since he was a nuisane) and taken Xerxes with him, who had shapeshifted to the form of a cat. The sun was bright out - obnoxiously bright and irritating to Mozenrath's eyes, so he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Hello there, my favorite customer. What brings you here?" cackled the old woman that ran the shop. He had a pegleg, an eyepatch, and leaned on a wooden stick. Even Mozenrath thought she was creepy and insane but he chose not to mention it, lest the old woman turn out to be a sorceress and turn him into a cat (and he wasn't going to go through that again).

"I need ram's blood," Mozenrath requested.

"Would you like your fortune told?" asked the old woman.

"No thank you," Mozenrath said.

"Of course, I love kiwis!" said the old woman.

"I didn't say anything about kiwi," Mozenrath said.

"What? Do you think I'm blind? I'll let you know that my left eye sees perfectly!" the old woman said.

Mozenrath blinked, "...can I have some ram's blood?"

"Why, of course you can!" the old woman said, "Would you like your fortune told, Mozenrath?"

"How do you know my name?"

"I know eveything that I need to know!" the old woman replied. She snapped her fingers and a bottle of ram's blood appeared in her palm. The woman purred,"Ram's blood. The conction used for every simple spell I know, wouldn't you agree, Mozenrath? Lord of the Black Sands?"

Mozenrath was about to take the ram's blood when he realized something was amiss. He narrowed his eyes at the old woman and made a face, "Nice to see you're meddling in my life again...Mirage,"

The old woman pursued her lips and suddenly transformed. Her back straightened, her hair darkened, and her skin grew fur and there was Mirage standing in her feline skin, staring at Mozenrath with curved eyes.

"What gave me away?" purred Mirage.

"Yourself," Mozenrath answered.

"I suppose I couldn't fit the bill of playing the old lady part," answered Mirage. She flexed her female figure, "I'm too beautiful,"

"I'll permit you to continue to think such," was Mozenrath's answer, "But I really wonder what you're doing here? After you multitime defeat at the hands of Aladdin and company, you weren't allowed to tread the mortal realms,"

"That maybe true, but there's loopholes and gaps in knowledge," Mirage said, with a big Cheshire smile, "and I'm here to see Agrabah be destroyed. It's a great moment in history, you know. As a goddess and a powerful entity, I'm allowed some glimpses into the future and this is the fateful day. I was just trying to speed it up a little bit but this is it!"

"Don't toy with me, Mirage," Mozenrath huffed and walked away, "I already pushed you out of my life once and I'll do it again,"

Mirage hissed and jumped in front of Mozenrath, blocking his exit, "You may crawl out, but you'll never get away from me. My blood-" She tapped Mozenrath on the forehead. "-is your blood. We are eternally bound until one of us perishes,"

"...and Fashir's blood," Mozenrath answered, with a knowing smirk.

Mirage's smile of joy turned wicked, grim, and bitter. She reached out to scratch Mozenrath but he put up a barrier before she could even touch him.

"And I've learned a thing or two over the years," Mozenrath said, "without your loving help, Mirage,"

Mirage laughed and turned into mist. She dropped onto the floor a bottle of ram's blood with a note attached.

To my little kitten:

You have once againforgetten my mother's day gift,

but I am more than willing to forgive you

and your male stupidity.

with all the love from my heart, Mirage

Mozenrath hurled the bottle at the stone wall with a steam of curses.

For those of you who don't remember (because I forgot too) Fashir was the blind sorcerer in the tv series that always fought against Mirage's evil magic. He kinda looks like Gandalf. - Zerosoul