It was approaching twilight, still my favorite time of the day. It occurred to me that although we had been wrapped up visiting with family, Bella may need to hunt. After spending the day with my brothers, and she with Alice and Esme, Rosalie was working in the garage, I really needed some quality alone time with her. I had undeniably gotten spoiled with having her all to myself.
I started up the stairs to release her from Alice's confinement as their conversation came into focus once again.
Bella, I'm so sorry that you can't go to Billy's funeral. I know he meant a lot to you and Charlie.
Reflected in Alice's mind, Bella's head was hung low, looking down at her hands. Would it help if I stopped over tomorrow after the funeral and checked on him? Alice asked with concern, she had grown to love Charlie, as he did her.
Oh Alice, that would be wonderful, just to make sure he is okay. I know he would love to see you! I heard Bella's voice brighten a bit as she continued, Although I knew this was coming all along, it's so hard, to pull away, when Charlie only wants what's best for me. I know that Edward wants to protect me from this pain, and he just can't. I am fully aware of the consequences of my decision. Thankfully, this is one of the few negative prices I have to pay to spend eternity with him, my angel. I saw her give a sweet smile to Alice.
I was paused on the stairs, "Edward!" Alice yelled. Knowing full well that she could have just called to me in her mind, but wanting to pull me out of my reverie.
The next instant I came around the corner into Alice's room, seeing my angel, delicately curled up in the arm chair, her knees pulled tight to her chest, arms around them. As if she was attempting to hold her chest together like she had to so many times during those long months apart. Flashes of Jacob and Charlie's memories seared through my mind, reminding me once again how I nearly destroyed Bella by leaving her, with the delusion of protecting her. I constantly wonder if I, and she, would ever get over the pain I caused her. When she took me back, I swore I would spend every minute of my existence from that day onward trying.
"Yes?" I didn't look at Alice, but walked past her on the bed over to Bella. I put my hands out, she slowly unwrapped herself and seized them, and I swiftly pulled her to my chest, burying my lips in her hair behind her ear. Taking in a deep breath of her luscious scent. I felt the dull ache throughout my body subside.
I pulled her away from my chest a little so I could look her in her beautiful amber eyes, "You okay love?" She gave a weak nod in return. "Would you be willing to bestow your lowly husband your company for a little while?"
Alice had gotten up to go retrieve Jasper from downstairs, also feeling the necessity to see her other half.
"Edward…don't be silly…I will always want your company. And you will never be lowly." She scowled at me. "What did you have in mind?"
"I thought you might like to go hunting. It is a nice, clear evening." I looked back at her angelic face, still not entirely at ease with seeing her feed, at her most animalistic. I'm not certain if she felt the same, or since she had only known me in my vampire form, maybe it wasn't disconcerting to her.
"That sounds good. Do you want to ask anyone else to join us?"
"Um, no, I want you all to myself." I smirked and gave her a light kiss on her delicious lips.
"Well…okay." She smiled back, a glint in her eye.
We headed down the stairs and through the kitchen to the back door, hand in hand into the woods. We immediately took off at a leisurely run. I took in the night air, letting it cleanse my thoughts, everyone's internal babbling fading away. I looked over at Bella, her hair flowing behind her in chestnut waves. She looked like a goddess when she ran, my goddess. That thought made me bounce back to the day's earlier events, Bella's newly uncovered gift.
I hadn't had a chance to speak with her since the moments on the deck. I didn't know how she felt about it all.
I slowed my pace to a walk, still grasping her hand. "Love?"
"Umm," she replied in a soft, melodic tone.
"What are your thoughts about your gift?" My eyes searching her face with curiosity.
She paused as if she had already forgotten about her incredible ability. "I don't really know. It's not that I was expecting to have a gift, I wasn't. But, when it didn't surface in the first few weeks after my change, I assumed there wasn't going to be anything special about me as a vampire." She didn't add like when she was a human, but I knew she was thinking that. I have told her all along she didn't see herself very clearly.
My brow furrowed at her thought process. I grabbed her other hand and swung her around so that she had to look me in the eyes, "First of all, don't ever think that. Even if you didn't have a special gift, you could never be ordinary, as a human or a vampire. Secondly, what you can do is not the same as Alice or me. It needs certain circumstances and since we were so isolated, it never had a reason to present itself."
When will she ever get it in her head that she is the most amazing being to walk this earth, even if I am a little bias, it's still true? Bella has a bigger heart than anyone I met in my century long of existence.
I continued, "Bella, with how big your heart is, I am not at all surprised that your gift is to heal."
"Edward I didn't even know I was doing anything. How am I suppose to control it and use it when I need it?" she said incredulously.
"Let's think about this. I believe Carlisle was on to something when he said you needed to want to heal whatever it is. You said you were thinking about how you didn't want the bird to be in pain, right?"
"Yes," confusion on her face as to where I was going with this.
"Maybe it is a physical embodiment of your mental desires. A material result of your love and compassion." I wasn't certain, but the more I voiced the theory, the more it made sense. None of us understood why we could do what we could do, we had just learned to use and control it.
"Okay, say that's true. How do I learn to use it?" She said, not entirely convinced.
"I'm not sure love." I paused for a minute to think, letting my vision focus over her head at the distant forest.
"I could try what Jasper suggested." She offhandedly offered.
"Yes," I nodded, "you could try to heal an animal after you feed from it. But, you will need sufficient control to not drain the animal completely. Its heart can't stop." I highly doubted she had enough control for that, but I had no intention of discouraging her either. Nothing about Bella's transformation had been ordinary thus far. She seemed to take to this existence easier than the rest of us. Carlisle believed it was because she made the choice as opposed to it being thrusted upon her.
"Okay, let's get hunting." She smiled and started pulling me with her deeper into the woods.
Within a few minutes of running we came up on a large herd of deer, about twenty, bedded down for the night at the base of a hill. Bella broke free from my grasp and took off. She was indescribably beautiful when she ran, as graceful as a gazelle, but as deadly as a cheetah. She easily captured a doe in her lethal hold, bringing her to the earth in one swift movement. Within seconds it was over, and the deer was deceased, drained completely.
She stood up and looked down at the lifeless body, then turned to me a few feet away. "Sorry, I couldn't stop." She grimaced.
"That's okay, I'm sure you were thirsty, it has been quite a few days since that elk." I smiled. "Let's try again." I encouraged.
We ran another mile and came across the same group, though now they were not lying down, more on guard after the last Bella ambush. I took off after a large buck, he put up a fair fight, a better match, but he did succumb. His glorious blood filled my every pore, satiating my hunger, momentarily warming my perpetually chilled body.
I caught Bella out of the corner of my eye taking off after another doe, this one putting up a minor chase, before she brought her down hard, both of them flipping once on to the ground.
"Bella, stop before her heart does." I called out. She wasn't stopping. "Bella!"
I walked over to her. Her delicate frame protectively hunched over the animal. As I got closer she let out a deep, threatening growl, causing me to stop in my tracks from the shock.
After a few moments, her eyes at last drew up to meet mine, shame and frustration in them. "I'm so sorry Edward…I didn't even know I was growling until it was already out."
She stood up and shook her head angrily, clenching her fists and banging them on her sides while she started to pace around the carcass. "I couldn't do it. I really don't have a grip on this. I don't think I can stop!"
I closed the distance between us and put my hands on her upper arms, then lifting her chin with my finger forcing her to look me in the eyes. I saw frustration in hers. "It's okay, it takes incredible strength to stop before the heart does. We'll find another way to explore your abilities."
"No Edward!" She nearly shouted. "I should have been strong enough. I can't stand not being in control of my own actions, my own body!" Her voice rose in aggravation "I want to be as strong as you."
I let out a sigh, "I, unfortunately, have had eighty more years to work on my control. Besides, I am not as strong you think." Hanging my head down, visions hitting me of the torturous pain that I had to war with to stop from draining her completely. A sudden ache in my long-stilled heart at just the notion of how easily I could have lost her.
"Bella, now do you see why it is so hard to change someone, why Alice didn't want to do it when you asked? It's even harder with human blood. I would have actually been completely shocked if you could have refrained from stopping the heart. You are so new to this life and you already have incredible strength and control over your instincts."
I gave her a loving and understanding smile. I knew first hand how hard it was to stop once your body got a taste of what it so dearly desired. I pulled her to my chest, thankful every moment of my existence that I had somehow found the strength in me to stop.
I grinned down at her, "How about we try this. I will catch the animal, you do the healing," with a quick wink
She nodded her head in agreement, "lead the way." She motioned forward with her hand, still perturbed.
We took off through the woods once again, hand in hand. We were about three miles from the house and there was utter silence. It was divine. We came over a knoll to another smaller herd, this time only about six. I apprehended the closest one, not feeling the need to prolong the chase, letting my razor sharp teeth sink into her jugular. I let myself draw two deep swallows of her heavenly blood and pulled away. The deer was immobilized by my venom, as if dead, but her heart was racing feverishly in her chest.
"Okay Bella. See what happens." I motioned her over. She came up to the deer timidly; I could see her fighting her hunger. She laid her hands on the deer and closed her eyes in concentration for several minutes. She was struggling with her desire to comprehend her gift, and her craving to drain the animal completely. It's rapid heartbeat making it all that much harder for her. The deer continued in the same state, as if lifeless. Bella pulled her hands away forming them into fists of frustration. She looked up at me in a mix of disappointment and embarrassment.
"Nothing happened Edward. Maybe it was some kind of fluke." She hung her head down as she said it.
"Bella, do you want to heal the deer?" I asked softly with my most tender, loving voice as to try to calm her.
"Yes. I was trying to think about how I didn't want it to die…but, it doesn't really seem in pain. Plus, my throat is on fire the whole time making it very difficult to concentrate."
I nodded, internally acknowledging this wasn't the best route. I quickly bent down and finished the deer off, seeing no reason to prolong it or Bella's silent suffering.
"It's alright love. We don't need to figure this all out tonight." She stood up and wrapped her slender arm my waist. I pulled her close to me and gently kissed her then we started our journey back to the house.
After a few minutes of walking in peaceful silence, a notion occurred to me. Bella hit on it with something she said, the deer didn't appear in pain, therefore not causing an emotional reaction in her. Was that the key ingredient?
Without saying a word, I let Bella's hand go and took off into the woods. Within seconds I spotted a squirrel and scooped it up in my hand. Bella came up behind me.
"What are you doing?" she asked in confusion
I was holding the squirrel in my one hand, firmly around its torso so that it couldn't free itself, though it was trying desperately, head flailing around trying to get a piece of my flesh in its teeth. Little did it know, its teeth were no match for my stone-like skin
"Bella, you trust me, right?"
"With my heart and soul, why?" she said with bewilderment
I took the squirrel's rear leg in my fingers and snapped it back at an unnatural ninety-degree angle, just like the bird's wing. The animal let out an ear-piercing shriek of pain, writhing around in my hand.
"Edward, why would you do that?" Bella yelled, the animal's cries upsetting her
I said calmly, "Bella, do you want to stop this animal's pain?"
"Yes! Of course I do." She determinedly said back, getting flustered from the agony of the animal's screeching, waving her hands all around
"Bella, take the squirrel." I held the animal up to her.
She looked up at me with big, wide eyes, but hesitantly took the animal in her delicate fingers. I watched her with silent apprehension. She started to stroke the top of its head to calm it, moving down the animal's body to the severely broken leg. As she ran her hand down the leg's length and made contact, her index finger on the outside and thumb on the inside, it straightened itself out. The animal instantly relaxed in her grasp.
Bella looked up at me with a mixture of shock and delight and I beamed back with pride. She gingerly brought the squirrel down to the ground, letting it free. It took off in a series of graceful leaps.
"I knew it wasn't a fluke Bella! Even though you have a physical effect, it is rooted in your emotions." I pulled her to my chest, extraordinarily proud of her.
"I wasn't even thinking about healing it. I just wanted to stop its suffering." She shrugged, but smiled. Her eyes starting to brighten at the realization of her gift.
"Come on, let's go tell Carlisle, I'm sure he will want to hear." I relaxed my hold on her, but kept her hand in mine. We took off towards the house with a new vigor, excited to share the news.
When we arrived back home, everyone was home, milling about doing their usual to occupy themselves through the encroachment of nightfall. Carlisle was in his office going through some financials. I pulled Bella up the stairs and made to knock on the door to his office. "Come in"
He replied before I got my hand all the way up.
"Carlisle," I could sense the excitement in my voice, "Bella just used her powers again, deliberately. We think we understand what causes it…"
We told him of our trial and error approach, the entire time he sat pensively on the edge of his large mahogany desk. I did most of the talking, Bella was still a little beleaguered by the prospect that she had the ability to physically heal something. Before her transformation, and especially from our encounter with Aro, there was no doubt in my mind that Bella would have a gift. Now, looking back, at no time had it occurred to me what the gift would be, but I assumed it would be completely driven with her mind. Her fascinating ability to close off her mind to Aro, Jane and myself gave me no doubts about it. But in reality, it is her heart and her compassion that is her strength more than any other quality.
I knew that from the first time I spoke with her, that she had the ability to love like no other human I had ever met, or connected with through their thoughts. Most humans were capable of love, love of friends, love of spouse, but there tended to be an edge of selfishness to their thoughts on how that person that they bestowed their love upon could enhanced them as a person. I rarely had seen the ability to love, just for the sake of it, without gain. That is how Bella differed, even from myself and my family, no matter what the situation, she was completely selfless in her actions, many times at her own peril. Recollecting how many times Bella put herself in danger for someone she loved, and nearly paid the price in her life each time, made me grateful for her transformation; at the same time guilty for wanting her with me for eternity and the price she had to pay to grant me that gift.
We finished out conversation with Carlisle and returned to our room to clean up after hunting. The sun was just starting to rise over the mountains and it shone through our large window like a pink fire, warming all surfaces of the room. In that light, Bella's cheeks almost looked flushed. I reached my hand up and gently brushed her face, pushing her hair behind her ear, reveling in her beauty.
Her face lifted to meet mine, "Edward?" she whispered
"Yes love?" My eyes closed filled with the memories of her as a human and the way her blood-filled cheeks felt under my cool hand.
"Today is Billy's funeral" she paused, I looked down at her wide, innocent eyes, "I know I can't go, but I would really like to look in on Charlie, so you can hear how he is doing. Do you think that would be okay?" The pleading was evident in her voice. If we kept our distance from the house, I didn't see the harm in checking to make sure he was okay and I would check with Alice to be sure. Alice was going to stop over later, but Bella would need to see first hand how he was faring.
"I think that would be fine, but we have to keep our distance, okay?"
She nodded as her eyes lit up. She reached up on her toes and kissed my chin.
"Thank you." She said, burying her face in my chest, taking in a deep breath. I had learned that my scent to her was every bit as soothing as hers was to me. It was like aromatherapy for the soul, calming and comforting, the very essence of love.
We headed for the bathroom to get cleaned up and prepared for what was certain to be an emotionally draining day.