And The Winner Is...
by TheBucketWoman
Disclaimer: The writers of Life with Derek are not this long-winded. Sometimes I wish they would be, but no...so I'm not one of them, 'cause they'd never take me. And as usual, I make tons of references that I don't own.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Part One: Emily
There was squealing and hugging, as there always was. Emily learned early on that Casey hugged people the same way whether she hadn't seen them in an hour or a year. So she was ready for it, but poor, poor Sam never did get used to it. He was pushed backward a step, and he let out a small "oof."
Not that he was complaining. Even when Casey pulled back from the hug and recoiled at the smear of green paint she left on his right shoulder. The sight of it made Emily look down at herself and notice that she got painted a little as well, but as her old t-shirt already had a little paint on it from when she redid her room, it didn't matter.
"Oh, my gosh, oh my gosh, ohmigosh," Casey said, trying to rub the paint off the shoulder of his wifebeater and the bare skin on either side of it.
Wait till she sees what she did to his back, Emily thought, wondering if she should take out her phone and get a picture of the partial handprint Casey left. To Derek's amusement and Casey's horror. Edwin beat her to it.
"Not my best side, Ed," Sam said when he saw the flash go off.
"Do you have a good side?" Edwin asked.
This was when Sam put his finger into the nearest paint can and booped Edwin's nose with it.
Edwin looked at him in shock for a second. Then: "You know Sam," he said. "I just missed you so much!" Then he hugged Sam, getting more paint on him.
Lizzie caught Emily's eye and both took a step back out of the line of fire, afraid that one of them would reach for the nearest paint can but luckily Jack piped up, saying something about the price of the paint. Sam and Edwin, being Sam and Edwin, backed off.
"Aw man," Derek said. "Would've been nice to see a paint fight I didn't start."
"It'd be like a Bigfoot sighting," Sam said.
"This is what I'm saying," Derek said.
"Look at you guys," Casey said. "I got you both all green!"
"It's not easy being green," Chris said. He introduced himself and shook Sam's hand. He looked Sam over, taking in the deep tan that Casey would probably yell at him for having, and his shaggy hair, which had turned a little blonder in the sun. Chris's eyes flicked quickly down and back up again, lingering at Sam's eyes, which turned into little upside down U's when he smiled.
Now Emily, for some reason never thought of Sam as, well, a guy, and she still thought of him as more of a brother type, but she had to admit that he was looking kinda pretty, and she could see that she wasn't the only one who'd noticed his shoulders in that wifebeater. She couldn't wait to tell Sheldon about this.
Part Two: Derek.
Sam was being hit on and he didn't even know it. Derek cursed himself for not bringing the camera. A shot of the NC-17 look Chris was giving Sam would win Derek every award in the book. Not to mention it's inherent value as blackmail. He couldn't even signal to Edwin to get a shot of it because suddenly--
"Did you just quote Kermit the Frog?" Brianna teased, giving Chris a friendly shoulder bump and breaking the flirt-beam. "That is surprisingly hot."
"Derek sorta sounds like Kermit the Frog when he gets mad," Sam said.
"Hey!" Derek said, high pitched. He cleared his throat. "I do not!" But in truth, he totally did, even before the injury. He didn't notice it until that wedding video he shot for Fiona and Harry. Casey had been helpful enough to point it out, which in turn helped Edwin with his Derek impression.
"I rest my case," Sam said, gesturing at Derek, palms up.
Sam got a proper look at Brianna, and Derek thought: Thunderbolt.
"I'm Brianna," she said. Her voice, suddenly a good octave lower than normal, and now she was flashing her own flirt-beam at Sam.
"I'm..." Sam said. "Um."
"You are Sam," Brianna said. She began to count on her fingers. "Let's see if I got this straight: You're on the hockey team with Derek, and the king of...was it Final Fantasy?"
"Babe Raider," Casey supplied. "'King of Babes' they call him."
"Yeah that was it," Brianna said. She cocked her head at Derek, Casey, and Emily. "They talk about you a little." Brianna had these humongous liquid black eyes and even though she was a tall girl, she looked up at Sam and unleashed those eyes on him. She took his hand in both of hers to shake it, then moved one hand up to a bicep.
"And he's a bass player," Casey added. Casey was beaming at both of them. Derek could see her planning Sam and Brianna's wedding already.
"Really?" Brianna said.
"Yeah," Sam said, looking a little apologetic. "Kinda boring."
"Uh-uh," Brianna said. "Bass players are hot. Look at Tony Kanal. Pete Wentz. Flea. Paul freakin' McCartney!"
Way right answer, Derek thought, looking at the puddle of Sam in front of them. From the corner of his eye, he saw Chris roll his eyes. He almost felt bad for the guy; he really couldn't catch a break. If Sam had been even a little gay, Casey would've hooked them up, though.
Sam cocked his head to one side as he watched Chris slink away in defeat. Dumbass still hasn't caught on, Derek thought, but then he saw Edwin, who was usually pretty observant, look from Chris to Sam and back in confusion. Then Edwin got it—his eyes widened briefly and one corner of his mouth went up as he tried not to laugh. Lizzie rolled her eyes at his expression.
Sam looked at Derek and shrugged. It would be fun to explain it to him later.
Part Three: Lizzie
Edwin, ever mindful of getting paint on his digital camera, was gingerly checking on the shots he'd just gotten before he had to go back to that lamppost.
"Look at this," Edwin said, showing Lizzie a shot of Sam with a completely lobotomized look on his face. It occurs to Lizzie that she's seen this look before. Usually on Derek. Once or twice on George. She hoped one day she could make that face appear on Edwin.
In the meantime, she decided that she was going to work on the lamppost with him. Edwin finally put down the camera and followed her. In an attempt at chivalry, he offered to climb the ladder to paint the top part of the set piece.
"It's not that high, Edwin," she said.
"High enough," he said.
"No offense," she said. "But you don't get along with ladders. Or high stuff in general." Lizzie couldn't help but think of the time that Edwin climbed the tree in the yard because there was a tattered plastic bag stuck to a branch and it wouldn't blow away for weeks. He hadn't thought twice about climbing up there—fear of heights was not among Edwin's neuroses—but he had missed his footing on the way down and landed with a thud, dislocating his shoulder. Then there was the time he'd tried to change the light bulb in the ceiling fan in his room and sprained an ankle after slipping on their old ladder. She reminded him of these things.
"Oh come on," Edwin said. "Even Dad said the old ladder was falling to pieces. You cannot blame that one on me." He didn't argue about the tree.
"My point is," Lizzie said. "Your track record's almost as bad as Casey's"
"Heard that!" Casey said.
"Deny it," Lizzie said.
"How bout you just hold the ladder steady for me?" Lizzie said, batting her eyes. Edwin rolled his and let her climb the ladder.
It took her five whole minutes to get a sneaker tangled in a rung. She let out a little shriek in anticipation of hitting the stage, but Edwin caught her. Or, more accurately broke her fall.
Everybody ran over and there was a flutter of "Oh my Gods," Jack came running over, cell phone in one hand and first aid kit in the other, and Derek actually looked a little green.
"If you laugh, I swear," Lizzie said to Edwin, once she calmed down a little.
"Laugh?" Edwin said in a strained voice. "Me?"
That was when she realized that she was still on top of him. Derek lifted her off and carried her to a chair so fast that she didn't have time to be annoyed. Derek and Sam hovered over her.
"You okay?" Derek asked.
"Yeah," Lizzie said.
"Nothing's broken?" Sam said. "You sure?" He knelt down and felt her ankle. "That hurt?"
"Nope," she said. "I'm okay. Unless I sprained my Edwin." She looked over to where Casey was mommy-ing Edwin.
"Casey," she heard Edwin say. "Stop it! I did not hit my head and I do not need an ice pack" He got up. "I might need a cushion later."
"A little Blunt Posterior Trauma?" Derek called.
"Kick ass," Sam said. Edwin laughed. Derek groaned. Then Sam realized what he'd just said and joined in both the groaning and the laughing.
"Okay," Derek said. "No more ladder."
"You're overreacting Derek," Lizzie said.
"Our parents will never trust me again if I break you guys," Derek said. "If you hadn't noticed, that is so much worse than breaking the lamp, or throwing a party."
"Or denting a fender," Sam said.
"Don't help, Sam," Derek said.
"Know what," Jack said. "I will finish the lamppost. I was working on sign lettering over by the table, and quite frankly, I'd rather get a root canal, so why don't you guys take over that?"
"You make it sound like so much fun," Edwin said. "How could we resist?"
Part Four: Casey.
Casey was ostensibly painting her end of the facade, but she kept staring at Derek, so she kept running out of paint on her brush and not noticing it.
"What are you smiling at?" Derek said.
"You," she said. "You're just so cute when you're protective."
"I'll have you know," he began, gesturing with his paintbrush, splattering his old jeans, "that I am always cute. I'm Derek."
"And you're modest," Casey said, walking over to the paint thinner and cleaning her drying brush with it. She gave him a quick kiss.
"You forgot sexy," he said in her ear.
"No," Casey said. "I didn't." She grinned at him and tried to get away, but he pulled her back.
"The abuse I put up with," Derek said.
"Someone's gotta stop you from getting an even bigger head," Casey said.
"Why postpone the inevitable?" Derek said, his nose touching hers. "You may as well accept what you can't change."
"Have you ever known me to give up that easily?" she said. She went for his earlobe and gave it a light nip. He looked around him, making sure that everyone else was on the other side of the facade they were working on. He was so predictable, sometimes.
"No one can see us, Derek," she said.
"Doesn't hurt to check," he said. "I was a wolf cub, you know, for a minute or two, and I know how to 'be prepared'."
He got a tighter grip on her. "Now admit it," he said.
"What?" she said.
"That I, Derek Venturi, am the sexiest guy in the room," he said. "No—the province—no wait—the continent!"
"Did Adam Brody move to England?" Casey said. Derek grabbed his chest and fell to his knees. "Was Jake Epstein on the plane with him...and Casey Affleck?" Derek face planted onto the dropcloth.
"Don't forget Rob Thomas," Chris piped up as he walked over to them. "I always had a thing for him, ever since I saw the video for '3 am'."
"Yeah, there's him, too," Casey said.
"Did I interrupt something?" Chris said.
"Maybe just a little," Derek said looking up from the floor.
"Ooh," Chris said. "Sorry about that, Daddy. I was just looking for a bigger brush, but then again, aren't we all?"
"Daddy?" Derek said starting to get up.
"Yep," Chris said. "I saw you over there being a Daddy with your little bro and step-sis, murdering their perfect flirt moment, I might add, so from this moment on, you shall be Daddy." He touched Derek's shoulders with the brush he'd been looking for. "Sorry it's not a sword, but I'm not a king either, so it works out."
Derek looked at Chris, dumbfounded.
"What," Chris said. "Not gonna call me a queen?"
"Too easy," Derek said. He gestured at Casey. "She's a princess."
"You're a jester," Casey said. Then she poked out her lower lip and put both hands up next to her face to simulate paws, reminding him of his mother's pet name for him. He glared at her.
"And I live to serve my puh-rincess," Derek said, bowing.
"Otherwise he ends up in the moat," Casey said.
"You crack that whip, baby," Chris said. "I will go off to the outskirts of the kingdom and continue working on Mushnik's counter."
"Jester?" Derek said, when Chris left. "You're so gonna pay for that." He put his hands under her shirt and went right for her ribs. As she laughed helplessly and tried to fight him off, he got to his knees again and kissed the spot right above her navel. She had to put a hand over her mouth to stop the squeal. A noise like that would've brought everyone and their brother running over to them.
"De-rek" she said.
"Ca-sey," he said, directly into her stomach. Her knees felt a little shaky.
"Quit it," she said.
"You don't want me to quit it," his lips were still in the same spot, so his speech was the tiniest bit muffled.
"Anyone can wander back here," Casey said. "Want Edwin to take a picture?"
He pulled his head back a little and grinned up at her. "Like Edwin doesn't know how completely crazy I am about you. As if he doesn't make the whip crack noise whenever you tell me to do something and I actually do it."
"That happens so rarely," Casey said.
"But in the rare instances it does happen," Derek said. "There he is--'Whaaaa-peeesh!'"
"And you let him live," Casey said.
"For now," Derek said. "Especially since I can do it to him now. Anyway, he's right. Nobody in the world has ever had me this whipped."
"Me too," Casey said.
Part Five: Edwin.
Jack suggested that it might be time to order lunch—on him. Edwin and Lizzie were walking over to the stage to get Casey and Derek and ask what they wanted when Edwin heard:
"De-rek"
Then: "Ca-sey," a little indistinctly.
He and Lizzie looked at each other and both headed back toward where they came from. Halfway there, they came to a stop and from a safe distance, Edwin called:
"Hey, Casey, Derek, what's for lunch?"
If they wanted to delude themselves into thinking that no one knew what they were up to, who was he to stop them?
A/N: Sorry to those who are disappointed that I didn't hook up Chris and Sam, but I love Chris and can assure you that he will find a guy...who you ask? All shall be revealed soon. 0:-)