"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Some poems rhyme,
This one…doesn't."
– a love poem
All's fair in love and sorcery; chapter fourteen: "what you want"
The castle seemed average enough on the outside. No signs of invasion or the All-Seeing Eye cult barging in to destroy and Mozenrath couldn't sense any danger.
"It's not as big as my castle," said Mozenrath.
"Well, not all of us can go to other sorcerer's houses and take over their throne and their power, now can we?" Sadira replied.
"Touché'," said Mozenrath, with a slight smile.
Sadira smiled at him; "You smiled!"
The smile instantly disappeared, "No, I didn't,"
Sadira playfully punched him in the arm, "You're so full of yourself sometimes, you know that?"
They walked through the courtyard together. Sadira started to talk about something but Mozenrath had other thoughts in mind.
'I'm at her castle. If I can locate a map, I can teleport back to my castle. Hopefully, Billy hasn't destroyed it. I wonder how he's faring all locked up in there…he's probably dead,' Mozenrath thought. He realized something, 'What then? I already kissed her…I wonder what she thinks about me now. It'd be pretty bad if I just left. The Inner Teenager wanted me to have sex – and I'm already one step close to that with her, so why start from the ground-up?'
They walked into the main hallway.
"Well, welcome to my home," Sadira said.
Mozenrath looked around. Everything was especially big – the hallways mostly. He turned to Sadira; "This place looks like it was built for a hundred people to live here,"
"Well, dragons used to live here," Sadira said, "and they had to get around the place, so that's why everything is super-sized. Unfortunately, the big lizards weren't very good with numbers and they went bankrupt and that's how I got this place. I purchased the deed at a sorcerer's market," She looked at him. "But then again – you probably knew that. You were here before, remember?"
An image of Sadira's nakedness came to mind and Mozenrath made a face. "Oh…oh yes," Mozenrath said, in a very small voice.
"So what are you doing now?" Sadira asked.
"…what?" Mozenrath asked.
"I mean, you're here at my castle. You'll probably go back to your own place, right?" Sadira asked.
'She's digging for answers from me,' Mozenrath thought. He chose to give a diplomatic answer, "The All-Seeing Eye Cult is after the both of us. We should probably stay together a little longer. If we separate, they may corner the both of us,"
Sadira made a face, "…did you just make that up?"
"No. I'm actually being very serious. If you haven't noticed, they're probably still after us,"
Sadira looked at him. She was sensing part of this explanation was made up but she didn't say anything. She smiled, "So you want to stay with me?"
"...uh…I…I didn't…" Mozenrath muttered. Sadira looked more and more displeased and he tried his best to speak carefully. This was becoming a tangled situation, "I don't mean that I don't want to stay with you, it's just that…I don't…"
Sadira marched up to him and looked him in the eye, "Last night you kissed me and now you don't want anything to do with me?"
"Well, I wasn't the one that wanted to kiss you in the first place!" Mozenrath said, "You forced me into it!"
"I didn't force anything! I didn't grab you and kiss you, now did I? I went to sleep!"
Mozenrath didn't say anything. His back was against the wall in this conversation. He was hoping he could weasel his way out of this awkward conversation, probably by not responding and Sadira would give up on it.
This plan didn't work out though, because Sadira smacked him across the face at this point.
"You're a weakling!" Sadira yelled, "You can't even think for yourself!" She squinted and he could see tears glistening in her eyes. "…you…you don't know what you want…"
His cheek was stinging, but he didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say.
"Go home," Sadira said, turning away and not even bothering to look at him, "just…just go away,"
Then she walked away from him and into the dark areas of the gigantic hallway. Mozenrath decided that at least he could obey her wishes. He concentrated and decided to take his chances teleporting out of the palace and Xerxes with him.
The Land of Black Sand was the same as usual – dark, depressing, gloomy, and wasn't going to change any time soon. Mozenrath trudged through the sand and could see the shifting shadows of Mamluks on patrol and some Mamluks that lingered within the homes – what used to once be their homes when they had been human beings and not the walking dead.
'Mister!' yelled a voice as soon as he opened the door.
"Out of my way, Billy," Mozenrath growled.
The small serpent looked at him, 'Mister, where did you go? I was here all alone! I had to eat spiders to survive!'
"Yes, yes, that's fascinating," Mozenrath said, not truly paying attention to the child serpent spirit. He started to walk up the stairs to go take a bath but Billy wouldn't leave him alone. His footsteps echoed in the empty castle.
'So why did you leave me here all alone, mister?' asked Billy.
"Because you annoy me," Mozenrath answered.
'You remind me of my mom. She says that a lot. Especially when she's done swallowing her bottle-candy,' Billy said. He had been locked in the castle for some time and he was desperate for conversation.
Mozenrath was just answered the questions so that Billy would get out of his hair. As he did everything he needed to (take a nice long shower, brush knotted hair, think angry thoughts) Billy was by his side.
'So where did you go, mister? Did you go on a magical quest?' Billy asked.
"Nothing of the sort," Mozenrath answered, "I was lost in the desert for a good chunk of my time,"
'Did you travel with anyone?' Billy asked.
The words stung him in the worse way. He bit his lip so hard that he inadvertently drew blood without even noticing it.
"…yes…" he said in a small voice, despite wanting to strangle the serpent, "…I…I traveled with…someone…"
'Who?' asked Billy.
"…a woman…" answered Mozenrath.
'Was she pretty?'
"Yes," he admitted. The words came pouring out, "She was beautiful and all passion, all fire, all joys, all sorrows…aggressive, a powerful sorceress, and…and…" He sighed. "…gone…"
'Gee, mister, that's really sad. It reminds me of how my dad could have married that really pretty dragon queen and he didn't and he's always sad about it and goes to drink his water out of his special glass bottle that I can never have,' Billy said, 'Don't look, mister. At least you have this whole big castle and this entire country all by yourself with no one by your side and it's always going to be that way for the rest of time, mister,'
Now Billy chose to wander off on his own and left Mozenrath alone. Mozenrath sat alone in silence.
"Stupid little bastard for pointing out my faults…" Mozenrath muttered.
"Little bastard," Xerxes chirped.
The sun was going down. Fashir appeared nearby the window. Mozenrath looked at him.
"Go away," Mozenrath growled.
"It is pleasant to see you too, Mozenrath," Fashir said, "and I am here to congratulate you on your decision. That girl would have brought ruin to you and your noble name,"
"What would a jerk like you…know about…nobility?" Mozenrath hissed. He was already getting tense from the fact that Fashir was in his presence again.
"I'm sensing you are upset again," Fashir said, "so I will make this visit quick,"
"Go away then," Mozenrath said.
"Any woman would have been lucky to take your hand as your bride – you are The Lord of the Black Sand," Fashir said.
He pulled out a deck of cards from his sleeve and placed them in the air as if there were an invisible sideways table present. The cards danced in the air and Mozenrath looked at them. On each of the face of the cards were various women – all looking tempting, seductive, and powerful.
"Arachne the Bloody," Fashir said, "Belladonna Sangria. Emeraude the Temptress. Fadilah the Viper. Ghadah the Enchantress. Hadiyyah la Loveless. Ophelia Harloch. All powerful sorceress and all beautiful. They know of you. They desire you. They look for you. They write poems and love letters for you. They'll submit and be yours. Give up on the girl. She is a street rat, a peasant, and unclean and unkempt girl of the street. These are noble ladies and worthy of you – desperate desert flowers waiting to be nourished by your liquid love,"
Mozenrath stood up and studied one of the cards. He glared at Fashir and with a smile – quickly lit it on fire. The card burnt and crumpled in his hand.
"Fuck you, Fashir," Mozenrath said, "I don't know what your angle is, but I'm not falling for it," He looked at the blinded god, "I will give you the benefit of the doubt - Sadira is not like these women. Sheis not polite...or kind. Or polished. Or lady-like. Or gentle. Or nice. Or adorable. Or sugary sweet. Or…I digress.
"Sadira is an abandoned girl. She's lived on the streets. She curses, she yells, she screams, she bites, she kicks, she scratches, she hits, and she's childish. She infuriates me. She irritates me. She calls me names; she teases me, and frustrates me all the same. I can't stand to be around her. We fight all the time.
"But she's never know a father or a mother's love. Neither have I. She practices the forbidden dark arts. So do I. We both hate the hero of Agrabah and all of the Seven Deserts. So do I.
"…we are…we are misfits. We are evil in our own ways. I'm too afraid to admit I love herand I push her away. She's too aggressive and pushes me away,"
Mozenrath – for the first time in what seemed in a hundred years – began to actually laugh, "We're a match made in Hell, Fashir, and I'm afraid you're too late to steer me away because…because I love that annoying midget,"
Fashir could say nothing. He had no eyes to see it but he could sense Mozenrath had been his happiest than he ever was.
"I'm afraid that I must tear you two apart," Fashir said.
Mozenrath smiled, "Who ever said…love was easy? I have to go and apologize. She's going to kill me,"
Fashir had the ugliest demonic looking snarl ever on his face and it actually sent a chill down Mozenrath's spine. It was something he expected more from a devil than from the god of light. The god angrily teleported out of the room.
"What now?" Xerxes asked.
"Xerxes, go get Billy and come back here," Mozenrath said. Gears were rolling around in his head; "I have something I need you to do…"
The castle was in complete disarray when he got there. Parts of it were set on fire and the brick had been tossed aside like it was nothing. There had obviously been some sort of fight. Mozenrath looked in the sands to see numerous footprints.
'The cult,' Mozenrath thought, 'Fashir…you bastard,'
He teleported inside of the castle. Part of the columns had been knocked away and scratched. Tapestries that hung on the wall were in tatters.
"Sadira!" Mozenrath yelled, "Sadira! Sadira!"
There was no reply. He teleported again to the hallway that led to that room where he fell through the floor.
"Sadira!" Mozenrath called.
As soon as he opened his mouth, several members of the cult walked through the walls and into the hallway, brandishing swords. Mozenrath chanted a quick fireball spell and knocked them back but more were coming. The hardest problem of fighting the cult was that the more he seemed to toss away, the more they came back and even faster. Eventually, he found himself desperately running through the castle, calling her name.
A yell and a stream of curses that would make a drunkard blush came from a higher tower.
"Sadira!" Mozenrath gasped. The cult was approaching fast. His only exit was a window. He ran towards it chanting, "I Invoke The Myriads of Lictemu, by the mysteries of Laputa – Aero!"
He jumped out of the window and instantly began to hover in the air. He flew down and latched onto the stone walls of the tower.
"I call upon the Goddess Arachne to bless me!" Mozenrath chanted. Instantly, his hands began to stick to the walls like a spider and he crawled up the tower side. He kept reminding himself to not look down as he scaled the wall. Finally, he reached a window. He peered through the glass.
Inside were two people dressed as members of the cult inside of a summoning room (complete with candleholders, potions, and powder). One was a large burly man with a broken nose and another was a masculine-looking woman with a patch over her eye. She was tying up Sadira and putting a gag over her mouth.
"Stupid bitch bit me!" the woman cursed, rubbing her swore hand as she finished tying Sadira. Sadira tossed and turned and muttered several insults about her kidnapper's mothers, grandmothers, and ancestors through the gag.
"Twist all you like sweetheart," chuckled the man, "those are magical bonds,"
Mozenrath took a deep breath and crashed through the window. The man and the woman ducked and looked at him.
"Who the hell are you?" said the woman.
Mozenrath chose to answer her by flooding the room with fireballs in their general direction. The woman was knocked back, her skin extra crispy from the magical onslaught.
"I hope that answers your question," said Mozenrath.
The man attacked Mozenrath with his oversized sword. Mozenrath ducked away and the fight began. With each jab the man made, Mozenrath moved away and back from him. He sent several magical attacks at the huge man, but his mass of muscle seemed to absorb it. Finally, the man sent a lightning quick jab and struck Mozenrath's old wound from before. The wound opened up and started to bleed again. Mozenrath moaned a curse.
"Time to die," said the man with a nasty smile.
"I would say the same for you,"
Sadira instantly knocked the man over the head with an iron candleholder. The man bit on his tongue and fell on the ground unconscious.
"How'd you get lose?" Mozenrath gasped.
Sadira held the ropes; "Magical ropes. All you have to do is untie them the regular way. It's not brain surgery, Mozenrath,"
Mozenrath stood up; "We have to get out of here. All hell is going to break loose if we stay,"
"What? I think you're forgetting this is my castle! I paid for it!" Sadira said.
Mozenrath made a face, "Sadira, I think you need to look outside,"
Sadira looked towards the window to see the cult members lounging in the courtyard. Then, over the horizon, came a huge army of El Kasib and Mamluks, led by none other than Billy and Xerxes.
"I hope you didn't think I would come alone," Mozenrath asked.
"Well…castles are overrated," Sadira sighed. 'After this battle is over, it'll probably be ruined anyway and I doubt my insurance covers climatic zombies and lizards versus brainwashed warrior battles,' she thought.
The room rocked with force from below. Mozenrath looked down the side to see the cult members were trying to ram their way in at the bottom of the tower.
"We have to leave…now!" Mozenrath said.
"If we have to make a dramatic exit…" Sadira said, as she walked over to her cabinet of potions. She picked up a blue powder mix, "…why not leave in style?"
The cult members rushed up the stairs and busted open the door. There were two huddled lumps on the bed. One of them snickered.
"Hey, you two!" he said, yanking the cover away, "This isn't a time for–"
He realized that the cover revealed lumps of powder in the shape of two bodies' that was supposed to be Sadira and Mozenrath. On one of them was clearly written in Sadira's handwriting.
"You…guys…are…idiots…" sounded out the leader cult member.
Sadira and Mozenrath were flying away on a bedsheet with Xerxes and Billy nearby.
"When do you think that powder will explode?" Sadira asked.
There was a loud boom in the distance and a mushroom shaped cloud rose up from the remains of Sadira's castle. The two of them landed on a sand-dune, sat back, and watched like two teens on a Fourth of July picnic, whose eyes were glazed over from staring at the blaring fireworks.
"You're castle's gone though," Mozenrath said.
Sadira shrugged, "It wasn't a big loss. I didn't pay that much since the dragons went bankrupt and it was too big anyway,"
Mozenrath looked at her, "But what about your spells and your magic and your scrolls?"
Sadira pointed to her head; "It's all in here. But I'm worried about the other powders in the room…"
Several more explosions and screams of pain followed this.
"Oh," Sadira said. She stretched and stood up, "well…see you,"
Mozenrath stood up and looked at her, "'See you'?"
Sadira looked at him, "Yeah, 'bye. I'm heading out on my own,"
Mozenrath grabbed her by the sleeve, "Sadira – do you honestly think that I came all the way out here just for myself?" Sadira shrugged. Mozenrath made a face, "I came out here for you, idiot! I came here because I knew you would be I trouble!"
Sadira put her hands on her hips, "So? Just because you come to rescue me, doesn't mean anything. Get with the times,"
"'Get with the times'? I saved your miserable little life! If it wasn't for me, you'd probably be dead!" Mozenrath yelled.
"I was handling it!" Sadira answered.
"No, you weren't!" Mozenrath said.
"Of course I was," Sadira said, "You interrupted my plan,"
"Why, you arrogant little–" Mozenrath began to yell. He suddenly stopped himself. He smiled at Sadira and finally kissed her. He sighed, "You are driving me insane, Sadira, but I love you anyway,"
Sadira was speechless.
"Come live with me," Mozenrath said.
"Okay," Sadira gasped. How could she refuse him?
Another spectacular explosion filled the air and they kissed again in an overly dramatic effect only seen in what modern day people would call "in 80s teen flicks". Nearby, Xerxes and Billy squirmed uncomfortably.
'So…' Billy said to Xerxes, looking away at Mozenrath and Sadira, '…how about those El Kasib?'
"Roses are gray,
violets are gray,
I'm dead and colorblind,"
– another love poem