"Bella, are you sure?" I asked incredulously, my brows furrowed in concern. Bella, as always, had taken me completely by surprise with her train of thought. I should think that after five years, all of which I couldn't hear the inner-workings of her mind, I would be used to it by now, but I wasn't.
We were still lovingly entwined from the evening before, having not moved, as if we were in a deep slumber. One I would have thoroughly enjoyed after the emotional aftermath of yesterday.
"Don't you want to finish your degree first? All of your hard work will be lost." I added.
"Yes, I'm sure. It has been far too long really. I have been thinking about it for a while and now is as good time as any I suppose." She took in a deep breath and continued. "It is getting more and more difficult to appease my mom and I don't want to vanish from her life forever with her upset with me." I nodded in understanding, as I ran my hand up and down her smooth arm as she spoke. Of course it was important that Bella leave her parents on a fond note, not that faking her death would be at all fond for them, but after the shock I'm certain they would be left with only loving memories.
"Plus, I have eternity to go to college. I'm fine with not finishing this degree. It gives me a reason to try something new." She said casually. She certainly had a point. I had started and stopped college multiple times over the years.
We both fell silent again. I was twirling now my index finger around her chestnut curls, still in place from the previous day. It seemed like years, not hours, ago that we had been reunited in the driveway, feeling so carefree and happy. The sorrow that had agonizingly consumed me had certainly subsided - Bella's love filling the gaping hole that had unceremoniously appeared. I had accepted the loss and now it would just take time to heal, I knew that now, though I acknowledged it would never be completely gone. Just like the pain we had both endured during my forced separation, never totally vanishing, ever so slightly lingering to remind us of my past mistakes.
Being brought back to the present by her melodic whisper, "How do you think it should happen?"
I thought on that for a moment. It had to be an act that bodily remains would be unlikely, but at the same time still simple and believable. "How about we go camping and have an accident and never come home. But we would have to plant enough evidence that proves we died, so they didn't search for us." I said slowly, working it out as I talked, but with a slight excitement at the plotting that was involved. We would have to get Alice on board to make sure everything was accepted without question.
"Wait, Edward, you don't have to fake your death too. That would mean both of us would have to start over with new identities. That's just not necessary." She said tilting her head up to look me in the eye while shaking her head slightly.
"Bella, of course we both have to die!" I said. My voice finally rising to its normal volume as I pulled away enough to let our amber eyes fully connect. "First of all, I want to go through this with you. To have to even pretend that you were dead…well I just couldn't bear it. It would bring back too many painful memories." I felt despair starting to wash over me and I quickly pushed it way, lightening my voice as I continued.
"Secondly, we are always together, I go where you go love. It would make more sense with the story. No one would believe you went camping alone. And third, I don't really care about starting over. I have done it countless times in the past and for much less important reasons," as I kissed her forehead.
She let out a small sigh, "Okay, I guess you're right, as usual. I just don't want it to be a bigger burden than it needs to me." As always she was more concerned about others than herself.
"No worries love, sadly, we are old hat at this." I hesitated, trying to decide if I should voice my next thought or wait until later. I wasn't sure, so I thought now was as good a time as any.
"Plus, we have to be together because I am going to whisk you away to someplace secluded, just the two of us. I haven't had you all to myself, in well, two and a half years and it is long over due." I said with a smile, pulling her back close to me and burying my lips in her hair. I felt her cheeks pull up in a smile against my chest.
"No, we were alone on our trip to New York City for our second anniversary." She said correcting me.
"You are right, but that was only a three day weekend. Not nearly long enough and it was over a year ago."
"Well, I can't argue with that. I'll let you whisk me away any day – even if it weren't for such a morbid reason." Her voice trailing off as it appeared to be sinking in what we were so casually planning.
"Edward," she said in the most honey-toned voice. She looked up and her full, innocent eyes bore through me. "Do you think I can see my parents one last time, to say goodbye?"
I paused, not able to answer her immediately, internally weighing the options and their consequences. Her eyes were searching mine for understanding and acceptance of her request. How could I possibly deny her?
"I think it would be okay, but, we should ask Carlisle first before you get your hopes up." The intensity faded from her gaze and a small smile danced across her lips.
"I can accept that. Carlisle does know best about all of this…faking death stuff." She let out a dry chuckle at the absurdity of the conversation.
"Never a dull moment, huh?" I replied lightly.
"Nope." She said with a grin, shaking her head, and then stretching her neck to kiss my cheek.
We stayed in our rooms another few minutes. Then finally relinquished our hold on one another. We changed our clothes and headed downstairs to inform every one of our plans while we congregated in the living room around the fireplace. I told Carlisle of my idea of staging a camping accident. He agreed that could work.
"Alice, can you see anything?" He said turning to her. The entire family was incredibly supportive of Bella's decision. They had all seen the toll the convoluted lies and false pretenses had taken on Bella. She had always despised lying, especially to her parents, and now she had been at it, in one form or another, for over three years. Every time she corresponded with them it took a little bit of her away. Now, she was ready and had accepted that she had to hurt them one more time, to let them go, and truly give her self to this life, our life.
Alice closed her eyes for a moment, searching for a clear vision. When she opened them she had only a slight smile on her face, this was upsetting her as well, having to hurt Charlie.
"Yes, it will work. Charlie and Renee will accept the circumstances. I didn't see that he would investigate it further." Jasper sent a wave of calm and happiness through the room. I turned to him with a silence glance of thanks. He nodded in understanding, as Jasper always does.
"Bella, when would you like to do it?" Carlisle asked, placing a hand on her shoulder in reassurance.
"I think as soon as possible, but there is one thing I wanted to ask you first," she paused turning to look at me behind her, searching for support. I simply nodded for her to continue. "Do you think it would be alright if I went to see my parents one last time, just briefly, before we did this, before they think I've died?" Just like with me, her eyes were searching his for understanding.
Carlisle did not answer her immediately. I could hear him working through the scenarios in his mind. It seemed as though, as long as we were careful and they were brief visits, he would be supportive. He knew what it would mean to Bella.
He nodded in affirmation. "I think that would be okay. But, it must be a very short visit, less than twenty-four hours," he finished in his paternal tone.
"Thank you!" She exclaimed and threw her arms around her father figure, who let a big grin surface at the fact that he had made her so happy. Everyone else relaxed and smiled at Bella's reaction.
I see why you always try to keep her happy Edward. Her happiness is contagious. I smirked at his internal comment. He had no idea how wonderful a happy Bella was. It was like the sun that my world revolved around and drew its light and warmth from.
Alice grabbed Rosalie's hand and then turned to Bella. "If you want to see your parents, we have some work to do. We need to get you some colored contacts for starters. I'm certain Renee would notice your golden eyes." Bella nodded in acceptance.
"Alright, but I do not need any new outfits. This is not another reason to go shopping." She said while following her sisters up the stairs.
Once they were in Alice's room, Emmett and Jasper headed downstairs, Esme and Carlisle turned to me. "How are you doing Edward?" concern in his voice. Esme granted me her most loving, motherly smile.
"I'm okay, or I will be, in time. Bella and I talked through everything. She said she had come to terms with the awful truth before I even changed her." I paused, gathering my thoughts, knowing my parents would understand. "It's a hard pill to swallow, especially considering I had never in my hundred years really dealt with it, I didn't think I would ever have the chance to. But, Bella is so strong and loving. I don't know what I would do without her." I didn't add that I hoped for everyone sake that I didn't ever have to find out.
Esme spoke her thoughts, "I know it is hard to believe, but time does heal most things, and this pain too will subside and be but a memory," while holding my hand in hers. I gave her a small signal of understanding. Esme had endured so much pain as a human that it truly was a wonder she was as caring and loving as she was. I am certain Carlisle's eternal love for her helped her to heal, just as Bella's did me.
"Do you think that Bella is truly ready to go through with this now?" Carlisle asked.
"I do. I have not pushed her. In fact I questioned her when she brought it up. But, she's certain that it's time. No doubt it will be hard, to know she is inflicting such hurt on her parents, but it will provide some closure, unlike now where the more time goes on, the hard it becomes for all of them. Plus, I am planning a surprise vacation, to take her away from it all, when everyone is here for the funeral. If we stayed, it would just be too difficult."
"That's a very good idea Edward. You and Bella haven't gotten away by yourselves in a long time." Carlisle replied in support.
"I know. We have been so caught up in college life. I don't think I have ever enjoyed being a student so much before." I smiled.
"Well, having the love of your life with you certainly does make a difference." Esme said while smiling up at her husband.
"I am going to go see what form of torture my sisters are inflicting on her at this point." I said.
"We're glad you are doing better son." Carlisle said while placing a hand on my shoulder, and then turned to head towards his study.
Before I went to check on Bella, I thought I would see what my brothers were doing. I head down to the man-den.
"No! Get out of there. Grab the grenade!" Emmett's voice boomed. I heard Jasper chuckling in delight at his frustration.
"Ah crap! I died!" Emmett yelled as I came to the base of the stairs. Throwing the game controller to the ground.
"Troubles bro?" I asked casually, knowing full well he had been trying to get past this board for days.
"Yes. I can't seem to get that darn grenade so I can get past the steel wall and get the next box of ammo." He replied, shaking his bear-like hands at the screen. I sat down next to Jasper on the couch, letting out a big sigh. Emmett was in one of the armchairs closer to the screen.
After a few minutes of watching Emmett struggle with his game, "We heard about the letter," Jasper said in a soothing voice. I didn't look at him, just nodded, not certain I was ready to talk about it, fearing the hole would fester open again. If this was the same hole that Bella had endured while I was away, I can't believe she had survived. She was so much stronger than me.
"Alice and I had to come to terms with that, well Alice more than me. And certainly not as directly as you did." He said in his always understanding and calming voice.
Emmett sat silent, but I heard his mind racing with the perpetual battle that Rose has been through countless times with not being able to bare children, with not being human. Emmett wasn't bothered either way, but his undying love for his wife meant he had endured her torment many times over the issue.
"Your perspective really changes once you have found your other half. Being with Alice has ignited things in me that I thought died a hundred and fifty years ago on the battlefield. I was inhuman for so long." Jasper said with wistfulness.
I let out another big sigh, attempting to release the building pressure in my long-stilled heart. "I was just so unprepared." I murmured, more to myself. "Every time I think I have this cursed existence figured out, I am taken completely off guard."
"Well, just be reassured that we all understand, to one extent or another. There are so many aspects of this life that are hard to understand and accept, but be certain that at least one of us has been through it." Jasper said while sending out a wave of calm.
"Thanks Jasper. I really appreciate the commiseration." I paused, taking a moment to lighten my mood. "I am going to go find Bella. I am taking her away while everything is going on and I need to start dropping the hints so that she is thoroughly frustrated by the time we leave." I said with a smirk. I have had a place in mind for six months now and I wanted it to be a surprise until the moment we arrived.
With one foot on the stairs, I turned to Emmett, "Don't worry Em, Rose is doing okay with this. I know you fear a setback. Her thoughts are sad, but not nearly as bad as in the past."
"Thanks Edward." He replied, perking up at the divulged insider information.
I hastily made my way up to Alice's room. I heard the girls in there talking about nothing in particular. I walked past the door and headed up to our bedroom, to the closet, where I dug out a shopping bag I had buried there months ago. This would be my first hint to Bella. I made my way back down a flight to Alice's room and knocked.
"Come in Edward." Alice replied. As I entered I heard, I see what you have there and I think it is an excellent idea. Her eyes were bright with anticipation. I nodded my head ever so slightly and turned towards Bella on the bed next to Rosalie.
"Bella I have something for you. It is the first hint for where I am whisking you away to." I said with her favorite crooked grin. I held the bag out to her having not taken the time to wrap it properly. I thought I would have more time to plan this all out.
I deposited myself next to Alice on the couch opposite of Bella. I was eager to see her response. Part of me knew she might not like the gift, but once she found out where we were going, she would be ecstatic.
You do realize Edward that she may not be entirely happy with this gift. She still doesn't realize what a killer body she has. Alice silently voiced to me while still watching Bella. I again replied with a very slight nod, one that only she would notice. Alice then let me see a vision of Bella in my present and I nearly jumped from the couch and dragged my wife upstairs. It took all my strength to subdue a big, silly smile, which would surely give my eagerness away.
"What are you two talking about?" Bella said suspiciously, her eyes narrowing as she looked from me to Alice then back to me.
"We didn't say anything Bella." Alice replied with an innocent expression.
"Yeah sure you didn't. I didn't join this family yesterday. I know when you are "mind" talking to one another. Quit it out. It's rude!" She said half seriously but fighting a grin. Our family members definitely got annoyed at times with Alice and my unorthodox communication methods.
"Just open the bag Bella." Rosalie said exasperated.
"Okay, okay." She said while reaching into the bag and pulling out a small wad of sapphire blue fabric. There were blue strings dangling down as she moved her hands around trying to get a better understand of what she was holding.
She looked up at me incredulously. I attempted to keep the smirk from my face and block out the recent vision that Alice had granted me.
With her delicate fingers, she held up the fabric, showing the two small triangles of the top. Slight confusion and disbelief was written on her face.
"Is this supposedto be a bathing suit?" She said with skepticism. "Where the heck are we going that it would be okay if I wore this in public."
"First of all, who said anything about being in public. Secondly, the answers will come in due time love." I replied with a knowing smile.