This came to me while I was watching 'a tangled webb part 2' yesterday and is completely AU from after the end of that episode.

Those of you waiting for my other stories, I'm sorry I'm suffering from a bit of writers block, I'll get there eventually I promise! In the meantime I hope you enjoy this one.

I've been trying to post this for a week now, but my doc manager was throwing a fit, whoever answered someone's question on a way around this on yahoo answers is a genius!!!

"Colonel?" Tiner knocked hesitantly on Mac's open office door. Things in the office had been a bit off since the Colonel had returned from Paraguay and Tiner was a little nervous to disturb her, even when under orders from their CO.

"Yes Tiner, what can I do for you?" Mac replied, without looking up.

"The Admiral would like to see you in his office Ma'am." Mac paused, and looked up at him.

"Of course." She nodded and stood up to follow Tiner to the Admiral's office.

"Colonel Mackenzie reporting as ordered Sir." Tiner announced as Mac entered the Admiral's office.

"Thank you Tiner, that will be all." Tiner withdrew, closing the door behind him and went back to his desk, a little curious as to the conversation that was going to occur behind the closed door. It was strange without the Commander being there, Tiner reflected, and the Colonel seems to be taking it the hardest. Tiner wasn't the only one who had noticed. Jen Coates had also mentioned it to him; the Colonel had looked tired ever since she had returned from her TAD assignment, and had even started snapping at people. Jen had even pointed out to him how she refused to enter the Commander's old office, which had been since taken over by Commander Turner, even when she was working a case with the Commander.

Mac walked into her CO's office and came to attention in front of the desk.

"At ease Colonel" Chegwidden said, looking at her sternly over the top of his glasses. Mac relaxed slightly,

"Thank you sir. You wished to see me?"

"Yes, have a seat Mac." Mac sat down quickly, confused and just a little concerned as to what this was about. She hadn't seen her CO look this serious since he had had to tell her about Harm's last dip in the ocean. AJ took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He looked almost as exhausted as she did.

"Are you ok Mac?" he asked, looking worriedly at the woman who he had come to consider as his daughter. "You've seemed a bit out of sorts since your return from South America." Mac sighed softly, and looked down at her hands.

"I'm fine sir," she replied quietly, offering him a small smile that didn't quite meet her eyes. "I just haven't been sleeping very well."

"Well if you are sure that there's nothing else?" He looked hard at her. He wasn't looking forward to this part of the conversation; it was obvious to him that she wasn't telling him something. It was also clear to him that it had to do with Harm; with her it nearly always did. He couldn't help himself; he shook his head slightly, wondering if it would be possible to arrange for them to bang their heads together to make them see sense. He took a deep breath, mustered up his sternest look and started talking.

"I wanted to talk to you about Commander Rabb." Mac's head snapped up quickly, a pained expressions flashing across her face before being replaced with one of supreme indifference.

"Sir?" she enquired hesitantly.

"You must be wondering why I processed his resignation this time." AJ replied, watching her closely for a reaction.

"No sir," she replied automatically, her voice devoid of almost any emotion, "the Commander resigned sir, it was to be expected that it would be processed."

"It never has been before." AJ pointed out calmly, "you must have an opinion on it. He was your partner, your best friend." He noticed a flicker of something flash across her face at his words.

"I make it a point not to question my CO's decisions sir." Mac replied, looking directly at him for the first time since she had sat down. He smiled slightly at her; ever the good Marine, he thought wryly, even when it is holding her back from true happiness.

"Well, I personally think you deserve an explanation." AJ said calmly. Mac looked back down at her hands,

"Yes sir?" she questioned softly, still not quite understanding what the Admiral was getting at.

"I had two reasons for my actions Mac. The first is very simple. The Commander was getting too attached to playing the hero. He needs to understand that his actions have consequences. He can't just abandon his post when he feels like it," here he hesitated slightly, "even it is to save the most important person in his life." Mac looked up at his words, and he was amazed to see a hint of tears in her eyes. Her eyes quickly dropped back down to her hands. So he carried on, unsure of how to word this next bit.

"The second reason, is because I've come to think of you both as surrogate children. You've certainly given me enough headaches between the two of you over the years. And for this reason, I want you to be happy. You both deserve a shot at the happiness that you have worked so hard for."

"Sir..?" Mac started, touched by his words, but not wanting to discuss Harm with her CO.

"Let me finish," He cut her off gently, "Mac…Sarah, the two of you have a connection; there's no denying it, it's there for everyone to see. And you deserve to be happy. The chain-of-command issue has gone, there's nothing stopping you now." He stopped when he heard a sniffle coming from the woman sat in front of him. "Are you ok?" he asked, now slightly regretting opening up this can of worms. There was a pause. Mac was struggling to get a hold on her emotions; she had regretted her words from the moment she uttered them, and had relied on the fact that she would be able to apologise to him in the office to keep her sane. All week she had been so angry; at herself, Harm, Webb, even the Admiral for his decision. When she had gone to the hospital to visit Clay and overheard him and Harm talking, that anger had increased twofold. She couldn't believe Harm had gone to work for the CIA. What on earth was he thinking?! A wave of uncontrollable anger washed over her. Before she knew what she was doing, she jumped to her feet, eyes flashing.

"With all due respect sir, you have no right to be meddling with our lives. We can make our own decisions. And we have to live with them! And just for the record, there is NOTHING between Harm and I." she hesitated briefly, "And there never will be! He left. He always just leaves." Tears started to pour from her eyes, and she collapsed back down into her seat, feeling completely drained, "Why won't he ever stay and fight?" she said softly, burying her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed silently, much to the chagrin and discomfort of her CO, who had no idea how to deal with the usually tough Marine. Mac felt completely exhausted, she had been carrying those issues around with her for years, ever since Harm left to return to flight status, since Sydney, and since Paraguay. Really, she mused, trying to get a hold of herself, we really are as bad as each other. I can't let go nay easier than he can. Maybe the Admiral would be doing us a favour right now, if it weren't for Paraguay. She looked up in alarm when she remembered her CO, colour rushing to her face when she realised where she was. "I…uh…sir I apologise for my outburst, it was out of line. I meant no disrespect to you sir." She apologised profusely, forcing herself to look Admiral Chegwidden in the eye, worried that she might end up being court-martialled for all but screaming at her CO and telling him to butt out of her life.

AJ looked at her sadly, she looked so lost. Now he knew for sure that something had happened between them in Paraguay; he had never seen her look so defeated before.

"Mac, what happened over there?" he asked hesitantly; she was right, it was none of his business, but he really did consider his JAG officers to be like a second family. They were all fine officers, and great people, and he was ever so proud to be their Commanding Officer. However, great lawyers as they were, none of them were particularly apt when it came to their emotions; especially Harm and Mac. Mac sighed and looked at him,

"He was being so ridiculously territorial and jealous of Clay; I was exhausted and sick of their macho rubbish." Mac wiped furiously at the tears that were once again leaking out of her eyes, "I told him things would never work out between us. And now he's working for CIA and I've lost him forever."

"Mac," AJ said softly, it was breaking his heart to see her like this, "I'm sure you haven't lost him. Go and talk to him. Make him listen." Mac shook her head,

"I can't; he's probably already moved on to someone else. If he's not already got himself killed working for the damned CIA. He might already be a star on their wall."

"Colonel, do you want me to make it an order?" AJ said, more than ready to pull rank if it would help get the two most pigheaded people he had ever met together. That raised a small smile out of her,

"No sir." She said, "May I be excused sir? I'm due in court soon." She continued, standing up. AJ nodded,

"Dismissed" he said, realising he wasn't going to get any further with her that afternoon. Mac drew to attention, saluting him, before turning to leave. She paused at the door,

"Sir," she said, looking back at him nervously, "I really am sorry for what I said before. And thank you for explaining to me about Commander Rabb, I really appreciate it sir." She turned to leave the office when AJ said quickly,

"Did you ever wonder why he went down there? Why he gave up his entire life to make sure you were ok?" she opened her mouth to respond but he carried on quickly, "Just think about it ok?" Mac nodded and left the office, nodding briefly at Tiner, hoping he wouldn't notice the tears that were still present in her eyes.

I can't believe I just yelled at the Admiral, and then spilled my guts to him. What the hell is wrong with me? God I miss Harm, I wish I could take back what I said. I'd give anything to turn back time. Mac was sat at her desk, completely lost in thought; her mind hadn't stopped spinning since she had left the Admiral's office. She didn't know what to do. She appreciated the Admiral's opinion, but couldn't deny that she was angry with him for not allowing Harm to come back to work. We could have worked it out if he had come back here, she thought, we always do. Now I don't even know if he's ok. I've got to find out if he's ok. Clay would know. But will he tell me? Truth be told, she hadn't been to visit Clay since she had overheard him talking to Harm; she was so mad at him for encouraging him to join the CIA. Mac sighed for what felt like the millionth time that morning, I'll call him when I get out of court. I need to know that he's ok. And then I need to find a way to turn back time…her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Mac?" Sturgis said, poking his head round the door, "Are you ready for court?" Mac jumped slightly,

"Yes, I uh of course." She replied, getting to her feet feeling flustered. She felt Sturgis' dark eyes following her movements as she gathered her things together.

"Are you ok?" he asked, concerned. She looked at him, forcing a smile onto her face,

"I'm fine Sturgis." She replied calmly. "Just a little tired that's all." Sturgis watched her for a couple more seconds.

"You miss him as much as I do don't you?" he questioned. Mac sighed, and brushed past him in the doorway.

"Come on Commander, we don't want to be late for court" she said, leading the way out of the bullpen. Sturgis rolled his eyes and quickly followed her. They stood in the lift in silence, but Sturgis could have sworn he heard her mutter "More, much more"

Well shall I continue??? Let me know what you think. I started it as a one-shot because I was intrigued as to why AJ actually processed Harm's resignation and the sap inside me led me to this conclusion! I have ideas for a few more chapters, so what do you say? Will you read anymore if I did???

Thank you for reading:o)

xxx