Mummy Boosh.
Summery- By popular demand. While watching The Mummy on Naboo's new shaman DVD player, Vince and Howard get sucked into the film and must stay alive until the end to get out again.
Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh is owned by Noel and Julian. The Mummy is owned by Steven Sommers.
Author's notes: Because of how sucessful the part in the last chapter was, i'm not making this story a slash fic, mainly fluff though thank you all who inspired it. Also a bit of Vince angst and a strong word in it, sorry
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Chapter Six- Discoveries and Escapes.
Inside the chamber under Anubis the next morning, Evy, O'Connell and Jonathan looked extremely hungover as they tried to slide the stone covering off the sarcophagus.
Vince and Howard stood by and watched them. Vince woke up in some pain, but was still quite bright eyed and bushy tailed to start the day. Howard tried to make him rest some more, but his lover was determined to see what all the fuss was about. With his arm in a sling and some food in him, the goth shot off towards the chamber from yesterday.
"I can't belive you let me get drunk" Evy shouted, but not too loudly.
"Don't blame me, I can't remember being there" Jon protested back.
"Neither do I, now you metion it" She answered back. O'Connell looked hurt.
"You don't?" He asked. She gave him a nervous look.
"Why? Should I?" He gives her a cheesey grin
"Hell yeah, you said it was the best time you ever had" Evy looked so embrassed, so she turned around and kept sliding the cover over. It soon fell off onto the stone floor, when a loud crash. Evy, O'Connell and Jonathan held their sore heads, while the boosh boys couldn't help but laugh.
--
With the Americans, four diggers reach into the secret compartment. They slowly pull out a stone chest and set the chest down on the sandy floor. The Egyptologist begins to translates the hieratics.
"There is a curse upon this chest" He told them.
"Curse my ass" Daniels swore "Yeah, who cares?" Henderson asked.
The Egyptologist gives them the evil-eye
"In these hallowed grounds, that which was set forth in ancient times, is as strong today, as it was then"
Henderson rolls his eyes, not beliving it "Okay, what's it say?"
The Egyptologist slowly and carefully reads the inscription"Death will come on swift wings to whomever opens this chest".
A gust of wind blows into the chamber making the torches flicker. All the Diggers suddenly run out of the chamber in fear. The Americans suddenly became very nervous.
The Egyptologistcontinues "It says, there is one, the undead, who if brought back to life, is bound by sacred law to consummate this curse"
"Yeah, well, let's just make sure we don't bring anybody back from the dead then, huh?" He joked in nervous humour.
"He will kill all who open this chest,... and assimilate their organs and fluids.And in so doing he will regenerate. And no longer be the undead, but a plague upon this earth" Beni swore somethingin Hungerian and ran out off the chamber in fear as well.
The Americans just opened the chest anyway, dust covering them.
--
Inside with Evy's party, the wooden part of the sarcophagus they found was showing.
"I've dreamed about this ever since I was a little girl" Evy clapped her hands, excitedly.
"You dream about dead guys?" O'Connell asked, getting a look off Evy. She then starts dusting the cover and stops.
"Look, all the sacred spells have been chiseled off. This man must not be condemned in this life, but in the next" Vince and Howard stood next to her, also intriged. Jonathan and O'Connell were too excited to care.
"Tough break" O'Connell said "Yeah, I'm all tears. Let's see who's inside shall we?" Jonathan said, placing the key/box into the lock of the wooden sarcophagus.
He turns it until the lock clicks, then he and O'Connell start slowly pushes the lid. It eventually falls down and the most hideous corpse pops out. Evy, O'Connell and Jonathan screamed, but Howard covered Vince's eyes again. He didn't want these dark images in the goth's colourful world. The corpse was twisted and deformed and looked at them hideously though his empty eye sockets.
"Is he supposed to look like that?" O'Connell asked
"No, mummies are usually still wrapped in bandages and more old looking" Evy answered "This guy still looks...looks..."
"...Juicy?" Jonathan finished her sentence.
"Yes, he's more than four thousand years old and still decomposing" Evy answered.
"Look at this" O'Connell pointed to the lid on the floor. There are fingernail scratches and dried blood over it.
"Oh my god. this man was buried alive" Evy points out, shocked "And he left a message "Death is only the beginning""
Jonathan looked around nervously, Vince and Howard didn't show their fear but deep down they felt it. O'Connell looked around the room "Where's my gun?"
Jonathan shouted "What are you going to do? Shoot it?"
"If it comes to life, hell yeah" O'Connell answered back.
--
Back with the Americans, they lift the lid off the chest. Inside, there was a sack which they unfurled to reveal a black obsidian book.
"I have heard told of this book, but I never truly believed it existed. This, good gentlemen, is a most priceless treasure. The Black Book of the Dead" The Eygptologist told them.
Henderson kicked the sandy floor in anger "No, I wouldn't trade it for a brass spitton" He then kicked the chest to reveal a lower compartment, filled with five jewel encrusted canopic jars. One is shattered and without jewels.
"Now we're on to something" Henderson smiled.
--
At night, the two camps came together for dinner. Howard sat with O'Connell and Beni as they roasted some meat over a fire. Jonathan and Vince walked over to them and sat next to them, winkling their noses at the smell of the food.
"What is this stuff? It smells like our late friend, the Warden" Jonathan looked horrified at the grins on the three faces looking at him.
"Rat gizzards. Smell bad, but taste worst. The best the desert have to offer according to O'Connell" Howard said, smiling at his lover who had a look of a mix of amusment and disgust on his face, before sitting next to him.
"Say O'Connell, whadaya think thesell fetch back home?" Henderson asked, waving his about.
"We hear you gentlemen found yerselves a nice gooey mummy. Congratulations" Burns said, scarcastically.
"Ya know if ya dry him out, you can sell him for firewood" The Americans laughed..
Evy came over and sits next to O'Connell, in between him and Jonathan, and places a load of bug skeletons on the floor.
"Scarabs, flesh eaters, I found them inside our friend's coffin. They can stay alive for years living off the flesh of a corpse" She told them.
"Are you saying somebody threw these things in with our guy, and they slowly ate him alive? O'Connell asked, horrified looking at the skeletons.
"Very slowly" Evy answered, holding one of them in her hands. Vince holds one in his hand and thinks how well they'd make nice jewellery if they were made of precious stones.
"He certainly was not a popular fellow when they planted him" Jonathan said plainly.
"Must of got a little too frisky with the Pharaoh's daughter" O'Connell joked.
"According to my readings, our friend suffered the Hom-Dai, the worst of all ancient Egyptian curses, one reserved for only the most evil blasphemers. In all of my research, I've never read of this curse actually having been performed" Evy told them again.
"That bad eh?" O'Connell asked.
"Yes, they never used it because they feared it so. It's written, that if a victim of the Hom-Dai should ever arise, he would bring with him the ten plagues of Egypt" Evy was turning into a storyteller, everyone around her listening closely.
"Let's see..There was frogs, flies, locusts..." Jonathan started the lsit of the ten plagues.
"...Hail and fire..." Evy continued.
"...The sun turning black..." Henderson spoke next.
"...Water turning into blood..." Daniels continued.
"...And finally, my favourite, boils and sores" Jonathan ended.
All the men shared nervous looks, while Evy just laughed and pulls out a meat stick from the fire "Rat gizzard, anyone?"
--
Evy takes a walk round the camp, and sees the Eygptoloist asleep, the Book of the Dead and a jar under his arms. As quietly as she could, Evy tip-toes over to him and steals the book quickly from under his arms and takes it back towards their camp.
She finds O'Connell and Jonathan asleep. Vince was still awake, still playing around with the bug skeleton from before. The pain in his shoulder was making it difficult to sleep, but he sat close to his lover. He looked up at Evy and smiled. O'Connell then woke up and saw the book in Evy's arms.
"That's called stealing you know" He mentioned.
"According to you and my brother, it's called borrowing" She knelt down in the sand, with the book resting on a rock.
O'Connell and Vince moved closer "Are you sure you should be playing with that thing?"
"It's only a book. No harm came from reading a book" She opened the book and the fire flickers. O'Connell and Vince shared a nervous look, then turned back to Evy, who was reading from the book easily.
--
Inside the mummy's chamber, Evy's voice echoed in the vast chamber. The anicient Eygptian words filled the room, the corpse's eyes opened and it screamed an unearthly scream.
--
The Eygptologist woke up suddenly from his bed "NO. You must not read from the book!" He yelled.
A strange, piercing sound is heard coming from out of the desert. O'Connell, Vince and Evy found it best to wake up Jonathan and Howard. The Americans run out of their tents. The sound starts to get louder and closer. And then from out of the darkness a huge wall of locusts swirls into the camp and envelops everyone.
O'Connell grabs Evelyn and with Jonathan, Vince and Howard at their side they race for the crevice trying to fend off the horrid vermin as they go. Beni and the Americans run for the temple.
The Egyptologist is covered in locusts. He stares at The Book Of The Dead, looking haunted "What have we done?"
--
Evy, O'Connell and Jonathan ran down the narrow corridor, picking locusts of themselves. Vince was trying to shake them from his hair, with Howard helping.
"Did you see that!? Locusts! Billions of locusts!" Jon screeched with fright.
"That's one of the plagues, right? The locust plague?" O'Connell asked.
"This is not a plague. It's generational. Every so many years the locusts of Egypt have a population explosion and they all take flight" Evy told them, until she trod on something squishy.
O'Connell shined a light down to her feet " Okay,... and what about frogs?"
--
The Americans and Beni ran down another corridor, until Burns tripped and fell. His glasses skidded across the sand and got smashed in the rush. He staggers to his feet and squints, making his way down the corridor by keeping his hands on the wall.
About ten feet in front of him, there was a figure of a man "Daniels, is that you?" He called out. He staggers a little more towards the figure "Henderson?" He asked.
Burns trips and falls into the rotton chest of the figure. He takes his hand out and screams, before a skeletal hand covers his mouth.
--
Evy's party walked slowly up a narrow corridor, then the sand shifted and live flesh eating scarabs crawled out of a hole. The gang ran from them and down a pathway surround by pits. Jonathan, Howard and O'Connell jumped onto a couple of pedestals, while Evy and Vince hides inside a grotto. The wall behind her opened and they fell into the opening.
When the scarabs had past them, Jonathan and O'Connell looked around to fine someone was missing "Evy?" Jon shouted out "Vince?" Howard shouts out as well.
--
Evy sat up in the sand, gathering her bearings. She stood up and saw Vince getting up, then they both looked around, hearing a moaning noise. They turned around and saw one of the Americans standing in the middle of the floor.
"Mister Burns, we're glad you're here. We don't know where-" She stopped when he turned around and showed his eyes were missing. He started trying to talk, but his tounge was missing too, making his speech difficult.
Evy and Vince backs away from him, only to bump into something worse. The mummy they had found, was watching her though fresh eyeballs, and and made them walk backwards to the back of the cavern wall.
The mummy squinted though his new eyes at Evy, then at Vince. A memory came to him as he watched the goth "Anck-Su-Namun?" He asked in anicient Eygptian.
--
Jonathan, Howard and O'Connell were trying to find the opening of the back of the grotto.
"Damn-it! Must be a trap door around here or somethin'" O'Connell said. They turned around when they heard men screaming. Coming down the pathway was the Americans and one of the diggers.
"Run, you sons of bitches, run" Henderson yelled to them. The three men joined them running and the digger tripped. O'Connell went to go back to help him, but the flesh eating scarabs go to the digger first, stripping his flesh from his skeleton. Jonathan, Howard and the Americans react with horror, and O'Connell runs past them.
--
The mummy kept getting closer to Vince, until O'Connell came flying into the room.
"There you are. Would you two quit playin, around! Let's get outta here already!" He turned around and saw the mummy, then jumps back in fright. Jonathan, Howard and the other two Americans came though the doorway and jumped back in fright at the sight of the mummy. the jazz mavarick wanted to go to his lover, but fear made him stand still.
The rotting corpse then opened his mouth and let out an almighty scream. O'Connell then screams back at him and shoots him with his rifle, blowing the mummy off his feet. He then grabbed Evy and ran out of the chamber, Jonathan and the Americans following, Howard grabbing Vince on the way out.
--
Outside, they were surprised to see ten Med-jai, their weapons aimed at them. The Eygptologist was on his knees with his hands above his head, as the leader stepped fowards.
"My name is Ardeth Bay, leader of the Med-jai. I told you to leave or die, you refused, and now you may have killed us all. For you have unleashed the creature that we have feared for more than four thousand years"
"Relax, I got him" O'Connell answered back.
"No mortal weapons can kill this creature. He is not of this world" Ardeth stepped back so two warriors dragged Burns into plain view, the bandage been removed from his eyes so everyone could see the vacent sockets.
"You bastards, what did you do to him?" Henderson yelled, gathering his friend into his arms.
"We saved him! Saved him before the creature could finish his work. Now leave, all of you, quickly, before he finishes you all" Ardeth answered.
Ardeth continued "We must now hunt him down, and try and find a way to kill him, before he consumes the earth"
"I told you, I got him" O'connell said. Adreth turned around to face him.
"Know this, the creature will be coming for you. He must consummate the curse. And until he does, he will never eat, he will never sleep, and he will never stop" He said.
"What is the creature's name?" Howard asked, curiously.
"You may call him Imhotep, but we shall keep on calling him the creature" As the Med-jai entered the cave, Vince broke down in tears of fear. What happened to Burns could have happened to him, or Howard, and that wouldn't do. His lover comforted him as they moved away to packed their stuff.
--
Beni slowly backs up around Anubis, eyes wide, gun up. He turns around and Imhotep is standing right there. Beni drops his gun and grabs at the chains around his neck, religious symbols and icons dangle from each chain. Beni holds the first one up: a Christian cross. He quickly makes the sign of-the cross and blesses himself in English.
"May the good Lord protect and watch over me as a shepherd watches over his flock. And may Satan in all his forms be vanquished forever" It has no effect on Imhotep, who continues forward.
Beni quickly grabs at the other symbols and icons, holding them out towards Imhotep, one after the other, trying to slow his progress: an Islamic Sword and Crescent Moon necklace; a Hindu Brahma medallion; a small Buddhist Bodhisattva statue. All while blessing himself in Arabic, Hindi, Chinese and Latin.
Nothing works. Imhotep's skeletal hand reaches for Beni's throat And then he holds up the Star of David and blesses himself in Hebrew. Imhotep stops in his tracks. His hand lowers. His grotesque new eyeballs stare at Beni.
"The language of the slaves" Imhotep said, in hebrew. He takes a step back.
"I may have use for you. And the rewards will be great" Imhotep said in hebrew still. He reaches into his tattered robe and then holds out in his hand, a tiny pile of little jewels. Beni's eyes widen. Imhotep raises his other hand, it holds the broken canopic jar.
"Where are the other sacred jars?" Imhotep yells in hebrew.
--
Everyone above ground got all their stuff ready and got onto the nearest camel, racing of into the distance. A skeletal hand bursts out of the sand, sheriking horribly.
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I'm sorry this took so long to update, but i'm working on both the labyrinth and anastasia crossover lol from chugirl2526.