Mummy Boosh.
Summery- By popular demand. While watching The Mummy on Naboo's new shaman DVD player, Vince and Howard get sucked into the film and must stay alive until the end to get out again.
Disclaimer- Mighty Boosh is owned by Noel and Julian. The Mummy is owned by Steven Sommers. I also kinda used one of my old fics and the script for this lol.
Author's notes: thank you all who inspired this story. Last chapter cries my story is all grown up now lol. warning: much angst in this chapter as well lol
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Chapter Nine- The End of the Film.
O'Connell, Jonathan, Howard and Ardeth come down a ravine in the volcano and look out over the ruins of Hamunaptra.
"What does this Horus character look like?" Howard asked.
"He's a big guy with pointed ears and a falcon's face" Jonathan answered.
O'Connell nods as they make their way into the bowels of Hamunaptra using a long stairway, carring torches as they went.
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Evy and Vince follows Imhotep into the underground cemetery. They stop at the sight of all the big hairy rats scurrying through the gravestones. Beni shoves his rifle into Vince's back and pushes him forward, Evy caught him just in time before he fell.
"Keep moving" The weasely man ordered.
"You know, nasty little fellows such as yourself, always get their comeuppance" Evy sneered.
"Really?" Beni asked, worried.
"Oh, yes. Always" Evy answered, walking away with Vince. Beni looks even more worried and he nervously starts chewing on his lip. All four of them walk over the bridge crossing the disgusting detritus moat. Evy and Vince look down at it, horrified.
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O'Connell and Ardeth are busy digging out a collapsed doorway. Jonathan notices an amethyst scarab on the far wall.
"I say, look at that" He metions.
He walks over and tries to jiggle it free and soon it comes loose in his hand. He looks at the scarab in his palm, then hands it to Howard. It starts to glow and then something inside it starts to wiggle.
"Hey, look at this thing in Howard's hand" Jonathan called again. The wiggling continues and then the scarab breaks out of it's cocoon and instantly burrows into Howard's palm. He starts to freak out and screa, making O'Connell runs up and rips the arm off Howard's shirt, with the scarab is now burrowing up his arm. O'Connell whips out his butterfly-knife, snaps it open and grabs Howards arm.
His eyes widen in terror as the knife passes in front of his face and screams louder, obviously being cut open. O'Connell's hand flicks something away. The scarab hits the floor and immediately starts scurrying back towards Howard, wanting to finish the job. O'Connell pulls out his gun and blows it away.
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The gunshot echoes into the cemetery as Imhotep, Evelyn, Vince and Beni step-up to the strange altar. Imhotep scowls at the sound and angrily reaches into a canopic jar, pulling out the crusted remains of Anck-su-namun's heart, crushes it to dust in his hand and starts reading from The Book Of The Dead. Then he blows the dust against a mausoleum wall, making it come alive. Evelyn, Vince and Beni stare at the wall, all wide-eyed. Two forms emerge from the mausoleum's wall, two of Imhotep's long dead Priests. He sends them off to destory the intruders, but Vince knew Howard was hust somehow and his heart sank.
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O'Connell helps Ardeth mend Howards wound.
"From now on, don't touch anything. Not a damn thing and them give it to someone else. Keep your hands off the furniture, got it?" He indicated to Jonathan.
Jonathan swallows hard and nods vigorously.
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Imhotep prepares the altar while speaking in Hebrew. Beni holds his gun on Evy and Vince, translating.
"Prince Imhotep wants your heart" He indicates to Vince. The goth blushes, feeling complimented.
"Tell him, I'm flattered... but that it's already taken, mate" Imhotep continues speaking while laying the four jewel encrusted canopic jars next to a shattered one.
"He also wants your heart and your brain, your liver, your kidneys..." Evelyn's eyes widen, while Vince's face was drained of what colour was in it "...and how do you say? Those slimy things, in your stomach?"
"Intestines?" Evy asnwered.
"Yeah! Them" Beni answers back. Vince looks in fear and turns to the mummy.
Imhotep looks at him and grins, then backhands him, knocking him down for the count. Evy goes to help, but Beni stops her by pointing his gun at her. Imhotep just smiles and walks out the room, leaving them alone.
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O'Connell squeezes through a small crevice in a wall and drops to the floor of a dark chamber. He picks up his gunnysack and scans the darkness. Something glitters in the distance, as Howard, Jonathan and Ardeth crawl in behind him. O'Connell notices a shaft of light high above him, shooting through a small hole in the ceiling and stopping against a wall next to one of those mirror disks. O'Connell aims his gun and fires, the bullet strikes the disk's pedestal, spinning the mirror into the shaft of light. The whole chamber is lit up, showingan enormous treasure chamber, filled to overflowing. O'Connell, Jonathan, Howard and Ardeth are speechless, then two mummified Priest-mummies walk in.
"Who the hell are these guys?" O'Connell asked.
"Priests. Imhotep's priests" Ardeth answered. O'Connell pulls the elephant gun out of his gunny-sack and a smaller pistol for Howard.
"I've never killed a priest before" Rick said.
"They are evil, cursed, they matter not" The Med-jai chief answered.
O'Connell shurgs, then fires the elephant gun and blasts one of the mummies, blowing it's upper torso clean off. He then does the same to the other mummy, but the two sets of legs keep walking forward, unaffected by the loss of their upper torsos. O'Connell can't believe it and justs keeps firing.
A dusty breeze then blows into the chamber as O'Connell, Jonathan, Howard and Ardeth back away from the mummy pieces. The floor where they were just standing suddenly starts to move and two more mummies slowly dig their way up out of the floor. More mummies start coming out of the walls and crawling out of the piles of gold. O'Connell lifts the elephant gun, but Ardeth stops him and opens up with the Lewis gun, blasting the shit out of the mummies.
They keep on coming, but even more now then ever. O'Connell opens fire with the elephant gun, pumping and firing as all four of the men back away and shoots all the mummies. The mummies and mummy pieces follow them into the passageway, then Beni creeps into the chamber. He stares in wonder at all the treasure and falls backwards into a pile of jewels and rolls about.
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Vince wakes up, lying chained to the top of the altar. He blinks and smiles as he tries to remember to tell Howard about doing this at home (hehe), then turns his head and looks right into the rotted face of Anck-su-namun's corpse. Vince screams, disturbing Evy, who's ankle was tied to the floor.
"Vince, calm down. The boys will be here soon to save us, don't worry" Her words did soon calm him down, and so did the thoughts of his lover coming for him.
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O'Connell, Jonathan, Howard and Ardeth race down a passageway, a dozen mummies striding after them, O'Connell and Ardeth firing as they go. Ardeth's gun goes empty and he throws the machine-gun down and they all race into a small chamber. The lower half of the giant statue of Horus stands in the middle of the chamber.
"There he is!" Jonathan yells, as they run up to the base of the statue. O'Connell looks back at the mummies coming down the passageway and he reaches into his gunny-sack and pulls out a stick of dynamite. Ardeth taps him on the shoulder, O'Connell hands him the dynamite and a match, then turns to look at the statue. Ardeth reaches forward and strikes the match off O'Connell's stubbly face, lights the dynamite and throws it down the passageway. They all hit the deck as the dynamite explodes, ripping apart the creatures and causes a cave-in, sealing the passageway with rock and dirt.
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Chained tight to the top of the altar, Vince hopelessly struggles to free himself. He stops as Priest mummies start surrounding the altar and Evy is horrified as the hideous mummies kneel down by her and begin to chant. Imhotep steps up carrying the black Book Of The Dead. His hand reaches out and lovingly caresses Anck-su-namun's decayed cheek. Imhotep begins to read from The Book Of The Dead and a large swirling hole starts to open in the detritus bog. Evy and Vince's eyes widen in amazement and horror.
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O'Connell, Howard and Jonathan redouble their efforts, pulling harder on the seam. The compartment starts to loosen, about to give, then a skeletal hand bursts up out of the ground and grabs O'Connell's ankle. Several more moldy hands burst up out of the ground and grabs the three men. One mummy grabs at the secret compartment and pulls hard, making an intense burst of acid aprays out of the seam and hits allthree of the mummies, which melt horribly.
Ardeth, meanwhile is blasting away at the oncoming mummies with O'Connell's elephant gun. over at the base of the statue, O'Connell and Jonathan pull an ornate chest out of the secret compartment and Howard rips off the lid, reaches inside and pulls out a heavy burlap bag. He and Jonathan exchange nervous, excited looks, then he reaches into the bag and slowly pulls out the solid gold Book Of The Living. Hope filled Howard's heart as he knew the key to saving his love laid within this book.
The elephant gun goes empty, so Ardeth takes it by the barrel and wades into the remaining mummies swinging. The mummies quickly overwhelm and start to tear him apart. O'Connell lights the last stick of dynamite and throws it against the far wall and he, Howard and Jonathan hit the deck. The wall then blows open and they race out through the hole just as the remaining mummies enter the chamber.
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Outside, Beni staggers across the sand with a saddlebag filled with treasure. He throws it over the rear of a camel, starts to climb up and hesitates. Looking back at the temple door, he licks his lips and lets his greed gets the better of him. He quickly climbs down and scurries back towards the door.
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Imhotep is reading from the Book as the rotten Priest-mummies rock back and forth, chanting. Vince struggles with his chains, then suddenly the strange mist wafts up out of the swirling hole and over to the sacred jars, it passes through them and into him. He jerks as though he's been electrified. The mist passes through him and into Anck-su-namun's body, her crusty eyelids suddenly pop open. Vince stares at her in disbelief, as the rotted head turns and looks at him with empty sockets. He freaks out and struggles wildly, then notices Imhotep holding the ancient sacrificial knife.
Imhotep speaks in eygptian and raises it up over Vinces chest, about to plunge it down. The goth's eyes widen in horror and tears leaked down his face. Then Howard and Jonathan burst in, making Imhotep spins around and faces them. Jonathan beams as he holds up the golden Book Of The Living.
"We found it, Evy! We found it" He cheered, Howard looked in horror as he saw Vince going to be stabbed, the goth chained to the altar crying.
"Shut-up and get us out of here!" She cries out. O'Connell grabs an ancient sword out of a statue's hand, jumps up onto a gravestone and leaps out over the Priests. The Priest-mummies stop chanting and the mist vanishes. O'Connell strikes the sacrificial knife out of his hand and Imhotep bellows a command. The Priests stand up, swords and knives in hand and they attack O'Connell, who releases Evy.
"Open the book, Jonathan. It's the only way to kill him" Evy called out. Imhotep heard her and stalked over to her brother, who ran off reading the book. Howard, however had ran over to the altar while everyone was busy, where Vince was lying still, his blue eyes screwed shut and black paths left where tears ran down his cheeks.
"Vince, come on. I'm here now, open your eyes" The goth opened one eye, then opened them both in relief when he saw his lover in front of him. A bright grin spread on his face, as Howard picked up the knife Imhotep just had and sliced though the chains holding Vince down. As soon as he was free, the goth grabbed his boyfriend tightly and cried his fear out. Howard just rubbed his back, then remembered where they were "We have to get out of here, Vince"
Vince wouldn't move "We can't go without them, the film won't end then and we can't get out" Then he saw something moving behind Howard and tried to warn him, but Imhotep grabbed his lover and threw him away from the altar. The mummy grabbed the knife that fell out of Howard's hand and pushed Vince back, then bought the knife down upon Vince's torso, making him scream out loud.
Howard heard this and felt more angry then he ever has in his life. He ran over and knocked the mummy down, then saw that the wound was not too deep, but bleeding quite a bit. He cried as he saw tears of pain rolled down Vince's pointed cheeks, but could hear in the background as Jonathan commanded some mummy soliders to re-kill the body of Anck-su-namun.
He turned to see Imhotep angerily walk towards jonathan and strangle him, then turned back as he saw Vince try and speak "Help the others, i'll be fine" He said, giving a weak smile. Howard kissed him on the forehead and helped Evy and Jonathan get the book open. They scrolled through the pages until they came to the right one.
"Kadeesh mal! Kadeesh mal! Pared oos! Pared oos!" Evy cried out, making a blue chariot fly out of the bog and run through Imhotep, taking his immortal soul back into the bog. O'Connell then stood in front of them and stabbed the mummy, making him stumble backwardsinto the bog and killing him.
Howard then ran back over to Vince, who was covered in blood and more pale then before. He gathered his thin lover up in his arms and tried to keep him warm, holding him to his chest. He heard Evy gasp and she rushed over to help, tearing off some of her outfit to press down on the wound to help stop it bleeding, making Vince moan in pain.
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Beni staggers across a chamber, straining under the weight of another saddlebag filled with treasure. He spots a large, ornate staff sticking out of a wall. He throws the saddlebag over the staff and collapses against the wall, exhausted. Then the weight of the treasure pulls the staff down, which starts a massive chain-reaction. Beni-backs away from the wall, wide-eyed and filled with fear. All the walls start to sink into the ground. Driven by tons of pouring sand, Beni turns and runs out of the chamber.
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The gangs gasps in horror as they saw the walls slipping down into the ground. Making Vince comfortable, they ran out of the chamber, Jonathan tripped over and dropped the golden book ino the bog, where it sinks. They ran through the treasure room and crouched under a low door to get out. Beni came running through the room, but was too late. Beni yanks his hand back just as the top of the door crashes to the floor, sealing him in. Beni quickly crawls back down the stairs as the ceiling slams down behind him. He stands up and looks around with his diminishing torch. All the doorways finish closing and then he hears something, and turns around. Over in the corner, a scarab-beetle stares at him, chittering. Beni waves his flickering torch at the scarab and backs away. He stands in the middle of the treasure chamber as dozens upon dozens of scarabs boil up out of the floor around him. Beni is absolutely terrified. The scarabs start to move in and that's when Beni's torch goes out. Beni start screaming in horror and pain and the scarabs chittering hungrily could be heard.
The temple collapses as O'Connell, Evelyn, Jonathan, Vince, being carried by Howard and a pack of stray camels race through the ruins. A sinking crevice drops out right behind them, chasing them out through the front gates. They make it down the ramp as more ruins crash down behind them. A massive cloud of sand and dust billows out over the wall and into the air.
The guys watch as the the dust settles and all that's left are some walls and rocks. Then a hand reached down and scared Jonathan, who umped and scared everyone else, nearly making Howard drop Vince, who was awake and aware of where he was. The turned to see Ardeth istting on a camel, ready to leave. He thanked them for saving the world and rode off. A bright light nearly blinded them as a portal leading back to Vince and Howard's world appeared.
"Well, it's been kinda fun" Howard said, helping Vince stand up straight so Evy could hug him and Jonathan shook their hands. They waved and said goodbye as they went into the bright light.
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The light faded and they found themselves back in their front room of the flat. Naboo and Bollo watched them in shock, until Howard yelled at them "Don't just sit there, help him".
The shaman and his familar jumped to atenttion as Howard took his lover into Vince's bedroom, lying him down on the bed and removing Vince's clothes. The wound on his stomach had stopped bleeding, but still looked quite nasty. Naboo came into the room with a first aid kit and Bollo shooed Howard out of the room until they were done.
Ten minutes later, they came out the bedroom, letting Howard back in. His heart broke when he saw the condition the goth was in. Bandages covered his shoulder and torso, his hair limp, his skin far too pale, his beautiful blue eyes closed as he slept. Howard took his shoes off and lay next to his boyfriend, gathering him gently in his arms and fell into a fitful sleep.
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Howard woke in the middle of the night, to the sound of screams. He sat up quickly to see Vince sat up straight, tears running down his face and gripping his stomach wound. He wasted no time in gathering his lover in his arms and tried calming him down.
"It's alright, I'm here. Nothing's gonna hurt you now. We've got out" Howard whispered, making the smaller man's breathing to even out and his sobs quieten.
"Do you want to know what I dreamed about?" Vince asked, quietly.
"Only if you want to" His lover answered.
"We were back at those ruins and I was still chained to the altar. I saw you in front of me, but that mummy guy, he killed you in front of me. Then I felt I had nothing to live for then, so I let him kill me next" Howard kept a tight hold on Vince as he replayed his dream, running his hand through the silken strands of the goth's hair.
"Listen to me Vince, in the morning we will make sure nothing like that happens again. I promise I'll never let anything happen to you anymore. If you ever died, I couldn't live with myself then. If you go, I'd have to go too"
"No" Vince said, surprising him "I want you to promise me that if I ever die, you must move on, find someone else and live your life"
"You know I can't promise you that" Howard sighed.
"If you truely love me, you'll promise me that" The pain in Vince's voice made Howard wince "Okay, I promise. Could you do the same if I went?"
"Yes" Vince said without a second thought "I love you so much, I'll do anything for you" Howard smiled and planted a kiss in the goth's hair, making him smile. Then he saw the make shift bandage on Howard arm "When did you get hurt?" He asked, guilt making his way into his voice.
"Oh, some kind of bug ate it's way into my arm. O'Connell got it out though" Howard replied, shuddering as he remembered.
"Come on, I'll have a look at it" Vince said, wincing as his body protested againest him moving of the bed. But he didn't care, Howard was hurt and it was his fault. He lead his older lover into the bathroom and filled the sink with warm water and found a bag of cotton wool on the side. Vince gasped as he saw the bug wound when he took the bandage off, Howard notising tears of guilt were welling in his eyes.
"Hey, listen to me little man. None of this was really your fault. I wasn't hurt too badly, you got the worst of it" He placed his good arm around Vince's shoulders and held him close when he'd finished cleaning his wound.
"Are we gonna be alright, Howard?" Vince asked, timidly.
"Course we will, we always are in the end" Howard smiled, making his lover smile back "That's better. Now back to bed with you before Naboo and Bollo kill me for keeping you up and awake instead of resting" Vince laughed as they made their way back to his bed. Howard layed down first and Vince layed down next to him, resting his head on his lover's chest and drifted back off, into a more easy sleep with the feel of a hand moving in his hair.
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In the morning, the binmen were surprised to find large bits of what looked to be a DVD player and broken bits of The Mummy DVD film.
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There finally finished lol this chapter probably sucked the most because I kinda rushed it, i wanted to get it over and done with really sighs please remember to read and review though from chugirl2526.