Chapter Three

Teyla closed her eyes, waiting for the analgesic to kick in. The cumulative burden of her injuries, along with the emotional roller-coaster ride she'd been on for the last month, had finally caught up with her, leaving her exhausted. As it had happened in recent days, Charin came to visit her in her dreams, causing her to remember another troubled time in her life, back when she was nineteen.

"You must release your grief, Teyla, so that the healing can begin. It is time, child," Charin whispered into her ear as she held her tightly. "Release it before it becomes a raging river coursing through your heart."

Teyla felt her shoulders shudder as she sobbed, the crushing sense of loss weighed down upon her once more. Her father, Tagan Emmagan was gone, culled by the Wraith along with several of her people. It didn't seem possible that his towering strength, a man so full of life, had been taken from her. One loss seemed tied to another thought long ago resolved as images of her mother swept before her mind's eye. She'd lost the two most important people in her life, almost before she'd even started to see her own young life unfold.

She didn't even try to talk, knowing nothing but breathless sounds would come out. She'd remained strong after the culling – partly due to shock or denial – but now in this private moment with Charin, it all came crashing down on her. She wasn't sure how long she cried, but the sun had gone down somewhere along the way and there was a chill in the air.

Charin pulled away and reached into a pocket to retrieve a small hand cloth. She wiped Teyla's face and gave her a sad, encouraging smile, then she moved to the hearth, and came back to hand her a cup of hot tea. "Drink this," she said simply.

Teyla took the cup with shaky hands and held it to her lips. She sipped the steaming brew, well aware of its calming properties. Charin reached out to wipe a stray tear from Teyla's cheek. Teyla's voice cracked as she met Charin's gaze and asked, "Will it always feel like this when I think of him?"

Charin's smile grew wistful. "Time eases the ache, but it always remains. The trick is to remember his love for you when the pain is strongest. Think of the times you loved him the most. Think of all you learned from him. He was a gift from the Ancestors and you must always remember that. He, above all others, would not want his passing to cause you pain."

Trying to be strong like her father had always been, she nodded, wiping at her tears. Part of life was accepting life's circumstances as they were. Her father had taught her that. Now, he was gone and no amount of tears would ever bring him back. Her people had suffered a great loss: many of them had been taken, and there were many more families were grieving just as she was.

The strange thing was her people now looked to her as their leader. Like it or not, she was the one who would help guide them toward healing. Suddenly, she felt decades older. Charin seemed to read her thoughts and put a hand on Teyla's shoulder.

"One can be strong, even as they weep."

She handed Teyla a carved necklace made from petrified wymakus wood. Its design used intricate sections of carved stone to give the impression of intercrossing lengths of wood, representing man's balance with nature. She recognized the necklace and there was something soothing in hearing Charin tell its history again.

"This was my grandmother's and her grandmother's before her. It is a symbol of life's cycles. When it first started, the wood was but a willow blowing in the breeze, then it grew tall and strong in its prime, but it was not done yet. Eons ago, long before there were Wraith, long before the Ancestors graced our worlds, this piece of wood became stone. This necklace reminds me of the tenacity of life, because from great adversity comes great strength. You will emerge from this loss stronger, just as the wood that became stone in this necklace did. It is rumored this ancient wood stone can strengthen the soul, soften anger, instill wisdom, and ease grief. I do not know that all of that is true, but it is my gift to you. Wear it and let it bring you the same degree of comfort it has always given me."

Teyla held out the necklace before her, preparing to hand it back to her. "Are you sure, Charin? I know this means a great deal to you."

Charin shook her head and placed her hands over Teyla's. "I know you will take care of it. Please wear it for me."

Teyla slipped the necklace around her neck and looked up at Charin with renewed tears.

"Thank you," she whispered and wrapped her arms around the older woman. "I do not know what I would do without you."

"You would survive. It is what our people do. Now, the future is upon us, and we must move ahead, even when it feels like we are not ready, for we have no choice to do otherwise. Just remember you are not alone. You are never alone as long as you surround your heart with those who love you."

She nodded, closing her eyes, feeling Charin's arms around her again. She tried to absorb the woman's wisdom and strength to make it her own, but finally she gave up and just let the older woman hold her.

oOoOoOoOo

Charin's firm embrace faded away, but instead of opening her eyes to see Charin, there was another woman beside Teyla, one just as aged as Charin had been when she died, but not nearly as beautiful. Oxalda – that was the name the others had called her – had missing teeth, her hair tied back in a severe bun, and her clothes were in tatters, but there was a light in the woman's gaze that captured Teyla's attention. It reminded her of Charin.

Teyla felt an ache of absence for Charin that made her breath catch. It had been almost two years since her death, nearly time for Charin's memorial tea ceremony. She had already decided she would do the ceremony alone, not wanting to burden any of her fellow Athosians with her strange resurgence of grief. Perhaps if she found peace within herself, she could once again linger with the wonderful memories she had of Charin and Carson, instead of being buried a heavy sense of loss.

She heard a noise that drew her back to look at the old woman in front of her. Oxalda was in a bad way, her breath coming in rapid gasps. Teyla did what she could, but she had no medical supplies beyond simple bandages, nor the luxury of time to look for any. The mortar fire that had ambushed the team shortly after their arrival to the village on M2X-309 or Andonda as it was called by the natives was still flying, sometimes coming frighteningly close to their position.

The mission had started so simply. They were on a return visit to this village to barter for more of the milled grain the bakers on Atlantis used to make an excellent bread. Right after their arrival, the attack began. It took Teyla's team a few minutes to figure out who was behind it and why.

During that time of confusion, Teyla had been separated from her teammates. She was trying to evacuate Oxalda, along with a few others, from the battlefront when a mortar shell strayed too close. Out of the five of them, only she and the old woman still lived, but the old woman's lifeblood was rapidly seeping away despite the pressure Teyla was applying to her chest wound.

"You – you remind me of my granddaughter," the old woman rasped.

"Try to be still, Oxalda," Teyla said breathlessly, her own injuries making it difficult for her to maintain the even pressure on the old woman's wound. "You are badly hurt."

"No, I must – " Oxalda said as she tried to struggle. "Time is short...so many things I need to tell my granddaughter."

Teyla put her free hand on Oxalda's shoulder. "If she loves you, she will already know the important things, but do not give up hope. You will survive."

The old woman pushed away her hand and pulled on a necklace she wore. The soft cord it was tied with gave way easily enough, then Oxalda pushed it into Teyla's hand. "Give her this amulet and tell her it will protect her in times of trouble –" Oxalda's voice broke off as she grimaced in pain.

"Shush, Oxalda, you will be able to tell her in person when you are reunited."

Oxalda shook her head. "No, I am dying. We both know it. Just give Mistyl, my granddaughter, the amulet and tell her I love her..." she stopped speaking, gasping in a long drawn out wheeze, then her head dipped down.

When Teyla raised it to look into the eyes that reminded her so much of Charin, she saw only the unseeing gaze of death staring back at her. She glanced at the finely worked copper-like metal in her hand, and she could not help but think of the necklace Charin had given her. Grief swept over her, not for Oxalda, but for Charin.

She felt someone shaking her shoulder and she realized she was now lying on the ground. She must have collapsed. Looking up, she saw Ronon was beside her. "Teyla?" he asked, his expression scrunched up in worry.

"How is she?" Sheppard asked as he came running with McKay right behind him.

Ronon shook his head. "I don't know. There's a lot of blood, but some of it could be from the old woman."

Teyla blinked her eyes, trying to catch up. "I must find Mystyl – "

Sheppard shook his head. "You aren't going anywhere but the infirmary. What the hell is taking Lorne and his men so damned long?"

He paused, touching his radio. "Lorne, it's about time. Do you have us on your screen?"

Teyla winced and pressed her hand against her side as she lifted her head to look around. There were so many people rushing around them, calling for missing loved ones. Rodney was helping some of them, then Teyla heard one name shouted in anguish, "Grandmother!"

Ronon put a hand to Teyla's shoulder when she started to rise. "Stay put."

Her hand went to her side and she struggled to breathe in. Ronon glanced over at Sheppard. "Teyla's bleeding from her surgical incision."

Sheppard cursed and said, "I need a jumper with Keller here ASAP. We've got injured. Alert the doc that Teyla is one of them."

Teyla shook her head, but stopped when she saw a young woman drop to her knees beside Oxalda, weeping. Teyla started to rise, but her injury and Ronon kept her from moving very far. "Please," Teyla whispered to Ronon.

She looked to the young woman and raised her voice, "Mistyl?"

The young blonde looked up through her tears. Teyla reached forward. "She said she loved you and to give you this – "

She moved to hand Mistyl the amulet, but flinched as a stabbing pain came with the motion. She kept her hand extended. "She wanted you to have this and remember she loved you..."

Mistyl took the necklace and began to weep again, this time without restraint. Mistyl's sobs connected with Teyla on so many levels, tears began to trail down her own cheeks. Teyla let her head drop back to the ground, her energy waning with the rising pain in her side.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, then everything went out of focus and she was left with only a pronounced sense of loss to usher her into unconsciousness.

oOoOoOoOo

Teyla heard her name called as she fought to awaken. Someone held her arms in place, and she struggled against their hold.

"Teyla, you're okay. Just wake up." There was a pause, then he said, "Maybe she hit her head harder than I thought – "

"Wait, let go of her, Sheppard. It looks like she's finally coming around."

Teyla opened her eyes to see Sheppard in front of her. She blinked for a moment, then saw Ronon beside him sitting in the pilot's seat. She straightened, her hand automatically protecting her side as she started to sit up, then McKay's head popped into sight behind Ronon.

"Move slow," Sheppard warned as he backed away a bit to give her some distance.

She blinked again, and noticed Ronon had a splint on his broken arm and it was wrapped in a sling that went around his neck. Just how long had she been asleep? She brought her hand to her neck to rub away the stiffness caused by the odd angle in which she'd been sleeping.

Sheppard leaned closer again, trying to catch her eye. "How are you feeling?"

Teyla shook her head. "I am sorry, I must have been dreaming."

John pursed his lips together, then he began to speak in that slow drawl he used in negotiations. "I didn't ask what you were doing. I asked how you were feeling. And you weren't dreaming, it looked like you were having a nightmare. You mentioned that old woman's name, Oxalda, more than once. That's why we woke you up. We were afraid you'd aggravate your injury if you didn't stop."

Rodney cleared his throat. When she raised her head, she could see McKay had one of the access panels behind the pilot's seat open before he glanced over at her. "We've already had more than enough harrowing experiences for the day. My blood pressure can't take much more, so please stop scaring Sheppard and Ronon."

She noticed how pale and taut Rodney looked. The dirt smears on his skin just made his pallor stand out more. There were some things even the most ardent hypochondriac couldn't conjure up. Like Rodney had said, they'd all been through a lot.

She took a deep breath. "We need to focus on more important things such as escaping from this sinkhole."

She felt Sheppard's silent assessment of her condition. Finally, he looked over at Ronon, then said, "We were just talking about that very thing. Too damned much rubble to deal with at the moment. You just keep resting."

Teyla rubbed her forehead, then looked up at him. "I take it you were not able to contact Atlantis?"

Sheppard shook his head. Teyla let out a long breath and said, "It will take all of our resources working together to get us out of this place. Give me a moment and I will see what I can do to help."

Sheppard put up a hand. "Hold on. The best way you can help all of us is to take it easy. The gate should have been up and running an hour ago and we still haven't made contact which means the communications array was damaged in the fall or it's buried too deep. The end result is the same. No signal is going out until it's fixed or cleared. McKay's looking into it. Even if we can't get it working, it's only a matter of time until Atlantis sends help. We just have to hold out until then. I don't need you or anyone else pushing themselves too hard when there's no real reason to."

Teyla couldn't argue with his logic. After a long moment, she nodded in reluctant agreement. Sheppard flashed her a smile. "See, that wasn't so hard. I'm going to go back up top. It's slow, but I think I'm making some progress clearing the communications array."

He glanced at McKay. "Radio me when you're ready to activate the system again."

Rodney nodded as Sheppard left, his attention focused on the communications subsystems. Ronon looked at Teyla. "Looks like we're not needed at the moment."

She sighed, then turned her attention on him. "How is your arm?"

Ronon glanced down at it. "It'll heal – but this is a bad time to be left one handed. I need to help Sheppard."

Teyla shook her head. "John is right. It is only a matter of time before help arrives. Until then, we have food, water, and sufficient shelter. We will be fine."

"Well, my foot is killing me in case anyone cares..." Rodney said, sounding as pitiful as he could.

Teyla smiled and looked over at him. "I am sure it is, Rodney. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"No, Sheppard said you need to rest and you do. Besides, there's not enough room here for more than one person to work on this access panel – even if you did know the incredibly complex process I'm using to jury-rig power to the – "

Ronon grunted, then took on a sarcastic tone as he growled, "Right, McKay, we get it – "

Teyla raised a hand to silence Ronon as she said, "We appreciate the pain you are enduring in order to get us home sooner."

Ronon let out a breath, then nodded his head. "Yeah, she's right. We do."

McKay made some noises that sounded appreciative, at least as far as Rodney made noises like that. Ronon sat back and closed his eyes, finally taking a moment of rest for himself. She sat there for a long while, just watching Ronon catnap and Rodney work. Of course, Rodney grumbled about his foot, the control panel that wasn't cooperating and life in general while he worked and she found there was comfort in having some degree of normalcy in the midst of disaster. Now, if they could only escape.

oOoOoOoOo

An hour had passed with Sheppard and McKay at work on the communications problem without success. Rodney growled, "Blasted things aren't working when everything says they're should! And, yes, in case you were wondering, my foot still hurts like hell."

Teyla shifted in her seat, her own pain becoming harder to ignore. She had stiffened up from sitting so long in one place. She needed to move, so she stood, saying, "I think I will go out to see how John is doing."

Ronon nodded in agreement, then stood as he said, "I'll go with you. McKay's driving me crazy."

Teyla swivelled in his direction, an evil smile twisting the corners of her mouth upward. "Ronon, you say that as if it is a new discovery."

Ronon chuckled. "It isn't."

McKay's head popped up. "Hey! I heard that!"

"You were supposed to, Rodney," she said.

McKay held out a tool he was working on. "You know, Teyla, I remember when you were a sweet polite person. I think Ronon and Sheppard have turned you to the dark side."

Her evil grin broadened in reply as she walked out of the jumper.

"How are you doing, John?" she asked once she moved far enough away from the side of the jumper to see Sheppard. "Would you like some water?"

Sheppard shook his head. "Got some."

He swivelled the shovel in his hand, then reached down to pull his canteen from his discarded tac vest. He had worked up quite a sweat. He rubbed his face with the bottom of his t-shirt, spreading mud rather than removing it, and seemed very irritated. "The damned thing should be working."

"Rodney is saying the same thing, too. Do you require additional assistance?"

He frowned, then shook his head as Ronon joined them. "Not if it's coming from either one of you, so don't even think about offering it."

Teyla brushed back a stray lock of hair and stepped forward. "Perhaps, there is something I can do to help while you are busy, such as seeing if there is another way out of here other than flying out with the jumper?"

John's frown deepened as his gaze skimmed the edges of the sinkhole sixty feet above them. "I don't like that idea much..." he started.

He stuck the shovel into some of the rubble, leaving it upright as he knelt at the edge of the jumper, looking down at her. "Listen, this sinkhole hasn't stopped growing. Look over there, whole trees are still crashing down its edges, along with all kinds of plants and tons of dirt. It might get to a point where the edges really let go and the sinkhole collapses in on itself. When that happens, things won't be very fun at all."

Teyla maintained their eye contact. "Then I shall get my best assessment of our situation while you work here."

Sheppard's expression darkened and Ronon stepped to her side. "I'll go with her."

Sheppard seemed to bristle at the thought, making Teyla move closer to the side of the jumper. "I will not do any climbing, John, only a quick survey of our overall situation."

"You know it would be valuable intel, Sheppard," Ronon said, using almost the same tone he took with McKay when he was being obstinate.

Obviously not happy with her request, Sheppard rolled his tongue inside his cheek. She was sure he was going to deny her request when he said, "Go ahead, but take it easy. And check in regularly on the radio."

Teyla nodded, then looked at Ronon before she headed off.

oOoOoOoOo

Chapter 3