Oswald the Ottoman
Chapter Five: A Little Bump in the Night?
Harry had to buy a new trunk after he'd realized that Crookshanks had taken to sleeping in it and used the side of it as a scratching post. He'd only noticed because Oswald had knocked on his bed in order to wake him and pointed fervently at the hole Crookshanks had just finished scratching through.
Harry had stared, tiredly, at the smug cat before patting Oswald's upholstery and saying, "Good job."
Harry then went back to bed.
Silence reigned for a moment.
Then Harry jumped out of bed and ran over to his trunk, pulling Crookshanks who was yowling something furious at being removed from his bed. After the cat scratched him for the eighth time Harry began cursing and tossed Crookshanks out into the stairwell.
Crookshanks darted back in before Harry could fully shut the door, and Oswald pounced. He landed across Crookshanks back, grabbed on with two legs and began kicking at the cat with the other two, Crookshanks began yowling louder and ran, panicked, around the room.
Crookshanks darted for the door, Harry threw it open and Crookshanks was gone, his yowls echoing around the tower.
Oswald was walking triumphantly around in a circle.
"What. The. Hell?" Ron demanded in disbelief, his head sticking out of his curtains.
Harry had no words, so he didn't respond.
The next day, as a reward, Harry took Oswald with him to go trunk-shopping.
Oswald was terribly excited to be surrounded by various leather-covered objects.
Harry decided that being an Ottoman had gone to Voldemort's head.
Harry paid him little attention, which resulted in him being tripped by an over-excited Oswald at least four times, and continued looking for a good trunk. Suddenly Oswald stopped in front of him, and Harry just barely managed to save his shins.
Oswald stood in front of a very handsome leather trunk, legs splayed out beneath him like an over-excited terrier called to attention.
"You like this one, huh?" Harry asked, walking up to examine the trunk, Oswald bounced around and pointed excitedly to the trunk. Harry pulled the trunk from its place and began examining, when he threw the lid of it off, Oswald's legs collapsed and he rolled over onto his upholstery. Harry blinked and muttered, "You're so weird."
After that there was little more Harry could say to Oswald as he was accosted by a salesman who very excitedly told him that Voldemort had been sighted in that trunk.
Harry ended up buying it.
And, it wasn't because of Voldemort! It had multiple magical compartments…Oswald fell limp on the floor when Harry carried it to the register.
Harry had it shipped to the dorm and he emptied out his old trunk and chased Oswald around as he stole Harry's clothes and hid them under furniture that Harry was too large to reach under. And whenever Harry would lean over, hard points would prod into his back as Oswald pounced onto his back and paraded around until Harry tossed him off again.
Finally it got so annoying that Harry had to seize Oswald and place him on top of a wardrobe that was too tall for him to jump off of.
Harry soon learned, by way of direct aerial attack, that this was where Seamus stashed his porn.
When Oswald's arsenal did not show any sign of dwindling after thirty minutes, Harry jumped up onto a nearby desk and pulled a kicking Oswald from his fortress by one leg and threw him into his old trunk. Harry slammed the lid shut and pushed the holey side up against the wall.
Harry decided this would make a nice gift for Hermione.
Neville was trimming his new flutterby bush when he heard a soft shuffling noise; he quickly looked around, thinking Oswald was planning an ambush. The noise repeated and Neville garnered his courage and tried to locate the origin of the sound.
His ears led him over to Harry's old trunk, which he claimed was a gift for Hermione; Neville knew it was ruined so he couldn't understand why Harry would be do that.
Neville slowly opened the lid of the trunk and found himself staring face to upholstery with Oswald. Oswald shuffled about and Neville felt for the poor thing, it had probably been locked in there since last night.
"Come here, little guy, I'll get you out," Neville said, nicely to Oswald and carefully picked him up and set him on the floor. "I was just pruning some of my new plants…say, Oswald, would you mind helping me?"
Oswald looked skeptical.
It was amazing how an inani—animate object could pull of such a complex expression.
"Well, if you would like, you could hold some of my tools for me," Neville went on, "I'd be really careful to make sure they wouldn't puncture your upholstery, and no soil would get on you, of course."
Oswald trotted off under the desk to bide his time.
"Okay," Neville said, with slight disappointment, "but if you get bored or change your mind, you know where I am."
Boredom soon got to Oswald and within fifteen minutes he'd trotted back over and stood next to Neville, holding himself so he looked rather sturdy and stool-like. Neville smiled friendlily and retrieved several tools from their case and carefully laid them out across Oswald's upholstery.
The pruning went on for about an hour, and Neville quite enjoyed having a good semi-flat surface to rest his tools on. He normally had to retrieve each tool from his toolbox which led to his back aching. This was much better.
Oswald trotted along behind Neville, listening to the boy explain the properties of each plant and slowly an idea formed in his stuffing.
Neville hummed as his finished tending his final plant.
Yes, Oswald decided, that plan would work nicely.
Something strange began happening in the dorm, every night they would go to bed and everything would be in its proper place. But when they woke up all of Neville's plants had somehow been moved across the room to surround Harry's new trunk.
Neville even went so far as to putt he plants on top of the wardrobe, which resulted in small sprigs of the plants appearing around Harry's trunk.
"Maybe," Neville suggested, "it's not leather-leather, but maybe it's the skin of some sort of magical plant loving creature."
Harry looked extremely skeptical of this, and Oswald frolicked around the trunk, before jumping on top of it and walking in circles.
Yes, being an ottoman had definitely gone to Oswald's head. This is exactly how Harry imagined a leather ottoman would act around a leather trunk.
"Well, what do you think Harry—about what I said?"
"I don't know, Neville…noticed any of skin missing?" Harry inquired. Oswald jumped down off the trunk, circled Harry's and then Neville's legs and then began rubbing his upholstery against the trunk's casing.
"Maybe Voldemort's inside the trunk," Seamus suggested. His tone half-joking and half-serious.
Oswald left the trunk to poke at Harry's leg and point feverishly at Seamus.
"Yes, Oswald, he's an idiot, I'd noticed," Harry told the ottoman, sweetly, and then he turned to Seamus and responded, "Don't you try to start up that bullshit with me, this trunk was expensive."
"And appears to have a plant fetish," Ron added.
"Be that as it may," Harry replied, "it's not doing anyone any harm…yet, and I'm hungry. Come on Oswald, let's get some breakfast."
Oswald trotted obediently after Harry.
The boys in the dorm could tell when the hit the common room from all of the adolescent girls' squealing.