Thanks so much for hanging in there with my evil cliffhangers! It's a very bad habit of mine and one that I don't think will ever change, at least I hope it won't. (GG) And for the kind words. It's above and beyond what I ever hoped for, being that this story is done entirely from Teyla's POV and not Sheppard's or McKay's.
BTW, I hope everybody got their whump quota filled in this tale – if you didn't, you should probably seek professional help! LOL! Now, to conclude the action and begin to wrap things up. Hope you continue to enjoy it!
Chapter Twelve
Teyla leapt forward, trying to correct their sudden plummet, using John's hands on the controls to make the adjustments, but there was only so much she could do from her angle. John's head leaned against her back like dead weight. She was frightened for him, but her primary concern at the moment was to keep the jumper from crashing.
"Ronon," she called.
"What happened?" Ronon asked as he got to his knees after the jumper's unexpected nose dive had knocked him down.
She spared a glance and saw that Rodney was unconscious, too. Cursing under her breath as she struggled to fly in a straight line, she said, "I need some help. John has passed out."
"Great, the only two people on board with the Ancient gene and they're both unconscious," Ronon muttered as he got to his feet.
"I do not know how John has managed to fly as well as he did. This is almost impossible." She took a deep breath to steady her rapid breathing. Her hands were shaking, probably from being soaked to the bone and the adrenaline rush. If they were to survive, she had to remain calm. "Put your hand over John's left hand on the acceleration control. Take over when I move my hand away and hold it steady. I cannot continue to reach across him like this – "
"Why don't I just move him out of the way?"
"Because we still require his ATA gene to pilot the jumper."
"Oh yeah, right. Okay, move your hand, I'm ready to go," he said simply, then muttered a Satedan curse under his breath as the jumper's propulsion shuddered unexpectedly. He looked over at her in surprise. "Sheppard makes this look so easy."
Teyla nodded and looked at the HUD again, trying to gauge the distance to the clearing. They were moving much too fast. "Reduce speed, Ronon. I am going to take us down," she said as she began to move the control in her hand.
Ronon pulled back on his control and brought them to a near halt as Teyla began the jumper's descent. Some alarms and flashing lights started going off, and the HUD in front of them changed and began displaying a mass of new information. Teyla glanced at it, assessing it quickly, though she didn't like what she saw.
"What's going on?" Ronon asked.
From what she could understand, the powers levels were almost flat-lined – which meant they needed to land right away. The clearing was only a few seconds away. They were almost there.
"We are out of power. Pray it lasts long enough for us to land," she said quietly as she continued their descent, but then she glanced at the HUD again and saw the jumper's automatic failsafes were diverting all remaining power to the inertial dampeners in an effort to minimize impact.
She barely had time to say, "Brace yourself," before the HUD vanished and the view of the dark forest below rushed up at them. The jumper went through low level trees, its surface besieged by trees of all shapes and sizes. It wasn't going to be a pretty landing, but she didn't care as long as they survived.
The next thing Teyla knew, she was sprawled across the DHD on the forward console between the pilot's and copilot's seats. The position made her side flash with pain just as brightly as any lightning bolt they'd seen outside. She pushed herself away from the console, staggering to her feet. Her horizon tilted and she just managed to plop into the copilot's seat before her knees gave out.
Pressing her hand to her side, she squeezed her eyes shut and rode out the pain as best she could, then she realized there were alarms still sounding. They were on emergency lighting, which gave the cockpit a darker cast. Smoke was heavy in the air, though she couldn't see any fire. Her head pounded and it fogged her thinking, but then she caught sight of the others and everything clarified.
Sheppard was crumpled in the footwell under the pilot's seat. Ronon was in a heap on the floor beside him. Rodney had slid forward with the impact and was lying at Ronon's feet. None of them were moving. She started to stand to move toward them, but the acrid smoke filling the jumper made her cough. This time, she thought she'd pass out from the pain that followed, but didn't.
After a few moments, the alarms died down, and then went silent. She wondered if the power levels were so low the alarms couldn't sound any longer, but they had emergency lighting, so something was still working.
She suppressed the urge to cough, but it was getting harder to breathe. She needed to get some fresh air into the jumper and the fastest way she knew to do that was to open the rear hatch. She staggered to her feet, stepping around the unconscious bodies of her teammates. She had to put her hand to the wall as she went and made her way to the controls for the rear hatch. With the power gone, she had to blow the rear hatch to open it. She pulled down on the hatch release. Even though she prepared herself for it, she was still startled when the door flew off into the night with a mighty blast.
The storm wasted no time, coming in through the open hatchway with a strong gust of cold rain, a nasty reminder of what they'd endured all day, but Teyla welcomed its presence because it helped to revive her. She turned back toward the cockpit and the others, intending to see how they were, but a wave of dizziness hit her hard.
She put out a hand to the bulkhead to steady herself as she took a few more steps into the forward compartment, then had to hang on when the dizziness worsened. She slid down the wall, struggling to stay awake, but finally gave up the battle and passed out.
oOoOoOoOo
Teyla opened her eyes to see Ronon's furrowed brow looming over her. She stared at him, wondering why he looked so bad. His clothes were wet and muddy, and he was bleeding from a cut on his face.
"What is it?" she asked as she started to sit up, and the sleeping bag covering her body started to slide down from her shoulders. Pain from her side pounded in time with the pain in her head. She put a hand on Ronon's arm and squeezed it as she tried to ride out the discomfort. Her head dropped back to the deck and she took in shallow rapid breaths.
He leaned closer. "Breathe slow and deep," he said softly as he patted her on the shoulder.
For a moment, her thoughts were of Charin, because Charin had said those very words to her following her skree attack, then everything came back to Teyla. She closed her eyes as the memories cascaded across her thoughts, then released her hold on Ronon's arm and looked around.
The jumper was sitting with a pronounced tilt to the port side. John was lying on the deck beside her in the forward compartment. He was on her left and Rodney was on her right with Ronon kneeling in the limited space between her and Rodney. Both Rodney and John were covered with unzipped sleeping bags just as she was.
The greenish glow from the emergency lights inside the jumper gave everything a surrealistic cast. She raised her head a little, but Ronon put a hand to her shoulder. "Careful. You're bleeding again. Not quite as bad as it was on Andonda, but it's not good. You must have hit your side again when we crashed."
He pulled back the sleeping bag a little to show her the field dressing wrapped around her mid-section. The bandage was stained red with blood.
"We suck at being pilots, but don't tell McKay that. He's never going to let us live this down," he said with a tired smirk.
"Well, it did not help that we were without the ATA gene or power," she said as she shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position, then she noticed her jacket and boots were off.
She sniffed the air and caught the distinct scent of senta plant. Ronon gestured with his head to the remnants of the used senta plant stalks piled up in one corner. "Yeah, I used the last of the senta plant on you and Sheppard. Your fever was really high."
The air felt very cold and damp, or maybe it was just her fever at work. It didn't help that they were so exposed to the bad weather, because of the opened hatch. Then again, they could be out in the worst of it, instead of inside the jumper, so Teyla was grateful for what little protection they did have.
Ronon rocked back on his heels and looked at the rear of the jumper. "You must have managed to blow the rear hatch before you passed out."
She followed his gaze and listened the storm still going on outside. "Yes, there was a lot of smoke in the cabin, probably from that same damaged access panel. Without sufficient power, I was afraid we might succumb to smoke inhalation."
"You left a trail of where you went," he said quietly.
She looked at him, puzzled, then saw the blood smeared on the wall in the shape of her hand print and what was dripped across the floor like paint spatterings on one of those modern art paintings she'd seen from Earth. At least the blood loss explained why she felt so tired. Glancing down, she saw her hands were stained with dried blood. How could she not have noticed it? Her side ached and she pressed a hand against it, shuddering when she moved the wrong way. Ronon went to pat her hand and found it shaking. He sighed and tucked the sleeping bag tighter around her, pausing as he watched her with greater concern.
"Don't go into shock on me," he said softly.
"I will not. I am merely chilled," she assured him.
Despite her assurances, he frowned and gathered the three backpacks lying about and stacked them one on top of the other, then lifted her feet and drew the backpacks under her legs, so they were elevated, then tucked the sleeping bag in more tightly around her.
He glanced back at her. "Just to be safe."
He scratched at the back of his neck. "I wish I could build a fire or something to get you guys warmer. I figured the sleeping bags would be better than just a blanket. It's not much, but it's the best I could do."
She nodded. "It was a very good idea."
She drew the sleeping bag closer around her, searching for some semblance of warmth, then stopped, looking at John and Rodney. "How are they?"
Ronon went to a squatting position and let out a long breath. "McKay makes noises every once in a while like he's starting to come around, but hasn't so far."
"And John?" Teyla asked.
Ronon shook his head. She sighed softly as she reached out from under her sleeping bag to touch Sheppard's forehead with the back of her hand. She swallowed and looked up at Ronon. "He needs medical attention."
Ronon nodded. "We all do. That's why I'm going to make a run for the gate."
Teyla frowned. "But you are weary, injured, and in pain, too. We should try to dial Atlantis first."
"Already did. Several times," he said with a sigh. "No answer."
Teyla's eyes widened with the information, mostly because she hadn't been aware of any of it. She licked her lips. "How long was I unconscious?"
"For at least a few more hours after I woke up...and I don't know how long I was out. I figure it's got to be about two or three in the morning."
The information disturbed her as it further emphasized her declining health. She pushed her disquiet aside and asked, "Then the communications array was damaged?"
"Or there wasn't enough power for the signal to go out. There's no way to know for sure since I didn't get a response. I better get moving."
She glanced out the rear hatch, listening to the rain pounding outside in the darkness. "Are you sure about this, Ronon? The weather is quite bad and it is still night. Traveling under those conditions would be hazardous for one who was rested and well, but someone in your shape is – "
"No choice. Like you said, Sheppard needs medical attention." He stood with effort and reached into an overhead compartment, pulling out a large flashlight. "I was just waiting until one of you were awake or daylight, whichever came first. You're up, so it's time to go."
She looked up at him and sighed. "I do not like the idea of us splitting up."
He squatted down beside her. "It won't be for very long."
She put her hand on his thigh. "Do you know which direction to take to the gate?"
He nodded. "I got a good look at the heading we were taking when we went down. I figure it will take me at least a few hours, maybe longer in the dark."
She rubbed her fingers over one temple, trying to decide if they were considering the best course of action. Finally, she looked at him with reluctant resignation. "You will have to cross some hilly terrain to get to the gate from where we are. That will not be easy."
He smiled back at her with a confidence that reminded her of Sheppard. "I'll be fine. Just take it easy. Watch over them. I'll go as fast as I can."
"I know you will," she said softly, reaching up to take his hand, squeezing gently. "But be careful. If something happens to you, none of us will be able to help you."
He squeezed back and said, "Not gonna happen. See you soon."
He stood and turned on the flashlight, heading out into the darkness. He glanced back once and gave her a quick grin before he disappeared from sight.
oOoOoOoOo
Though Teyla tried to stay awake, she drifted in and out of unconsciousness for a while, unable to gauge time in the predawn hours, but each time she checked on Rodney and John, neither stirred in the slightest. She finally decided it was for the best, because if they were awake, they would be trying to move and that wouldn't be good for any of them.
She swallowed, then straightened her shoulders, determined to stay awake, but her eyelids drifted shut despite her good intentions. She heard some familiar humming and glanced in front of her. She gasped when she found Charin sitting there, her back against the bulkhead with her legs folded in front of her, just watching her. She looked so real, so very Charin.
With Teyla's reaction, Charin raised her head, staring at Teyla and said, "Teyla, what have you done to yourself now?"
"Charin?" Teyla asked cautiously, knowing she had to be dreaming or hallucinating, but deep down she didn't care. It felt so very good to see her dear friend full of life again.
The old woman frowned and pointed a finger at her. "I thought I taught you to take better care of yourself. Even with the senta plant, your fever rages. I fear infection has set in."
Tears welled in Teyla's eyes and she ignored Charin's chiding. "Charin, I have missed you," she whispered, her voice breaking with emotion.
"I know," Charin said quietly, "but do not upset yourself further. Your tall warrior friend will be back soon with help. Just hold out until he returns."
"No, I have to tell you something," Teyla said in a rush, "before you leave me and my feverish state. I know – I know you are not real, but my heart needs to say how much I love you, how deeply you affected my life, and how grateful I am for having known you."
Charin just smiled at her. "I have always known those things, child. They were never in question. Just as you know I loved you in the same way."
Teyla took a deep breath, and something unsettled deep in her spirit began to relax with Charin's words. She shook her head as she tried to keep from breaking down, but failed as tears started trailing down her cheeks. "I have missed you a great deal lately."
Teyla wanted to reach out and touch Charin, wanted to feel her warming embrace around her shoulders one more time, but she knew deep down if she did, the illusion would end and that was something Teyla wasn't ready for just yet.
Charin straightened her skirt, smoothing out unseen wrinkles with her fingers like she was deep in thought. When she looked up at Teyla, her gaze was penetrating, as if she were looking deep into Teyla's soul. "Life is for living, for appreciating the good things we have with us. While we can grieve the dead, they are gone, and we must accept that, but never let the past rob the present of the future. That is what you have been doing...letting the past steal from your present."
Teyla's lower lip trembled. "I have seen so much death lately, Charin. Not that I haven't weathered death before. Our lives on Athos were not easy ones."
"Part of life is dealing with death..."
"Yes, and I have dealt with it many times before – losing my mother, then my father and so many of our people. Even after we came to Atlantis, we saw death, especially during the Wraith's siege on Atlantis. We lost many that day. But never before have I felt such a profound sense of grief."
"Why do you think that is?"
Teyla frowned, searching for the answer to Charin's question, knowing if she could explain it, then she could know what had been plaguing her for the past month. Finally, she looked up at her and shook her head. "I do not know. I have missed you...the time is approaching for your memorial tea ceremony, perhaps that is why you have been on my mind."
"Why me? Why not your father? Why not another?"
Teyla's gaze caught Charin's. "I miss – I miss your quiet, steadfast guidance. I could always turn to you for insight."
"And what made that guidance so needed recently?"
Teyla sighed, closing her eyes. "I lost some friends in a series of accidents on Atlantis. My friend, Dr. Sherri Hewston along with some other unfortunates, but...but the hardest loss was Carson Beckett – "
Her voice broke and she had to swallow hard to compose herself. There was a silence that Charin filled. "I remember Dr. Beckett. He was a kind and caring soul. I also remember you looked to him for guidance, too, didn't you?"
Teyla nodded. "He was there for me so much after you passed on. Always checking on me to see if I needed to talk or just needed someone to be with. It was so strange to awaken the night after my surgery to find out he was dead. It didn't seem real. I remembered vividly how he cared for me after I was injured. He was there before the surgery and I have vague remembrances of him afterward seeing how I was. All of Atlantis grieved for him."
"But your grief continued?"
Teyla looked away, then nodded. "Atlantis needed to return some sense of normalcy, so many of us resumed our daily activities. I had even returned to off world missions..."
"But you were not ready?"
"I thought I was."
"Something happened?"
"Yes. More death. More injury."
"And your need for guidance only grew."
Teyla nodded. Her tears fell anew.
"And Dr. Beckett was not there this time."
Teyla's shoulders shuddered with Charin's acknowledgment, but no new tears fell. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to steady her breathing so she wouldn't start sobbing. When the silence grew longer, she gained some control. She opened her eyes to see Charin watching her with a knowing gaze. "Are you ready to hear some of my guidance now, child?"
Teyla nodded. "Yes."
"Do not let the past use up too much of today. Go, live, and do not dwell on the dead. It is not what I would want from you, nor do I think Dr. Beckett would wish it, either. Am I right?"
Teyla looked away and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes.
"Live the life you were destined to live, my dear Teyla. That is all I ask of you."
Charin continued, "Draw strength from those around you, just as you did with me and Dr. Beckett. The members of your team are special people, each filled with a strength you can rely upon. Use them as your mentors now."
Teyla took a deep breath and spied her necklace spilling from the pocket of her nearby jacket. She pulled it out, drawing a finger along its carved surface and nodded. "It is said we draw strength from those we have loved long after they are gone, Charin. From those I have known, especially you, I will never be without strength."
She looked up at Charin and smiled sadly. "Maybe there is power in this necklace after all."
Charin leaned the back of her head against the bulkhead, looking at Teyla closely. "Perhaps. Or you found the needed strength from being back on Athos again?"
As Teyla considered Charin's comment, the old woman took a deep breath and pinned her in place with a glance. "Or this strength was inside of you all along and only needed help to coax it to the surface."
Charin smiled in that way only Charin could, her eyes sparkling with life. Charin's resilience, combined with the truth in her words, caused Teyla's tears to begin anew, but the tears felt healing in nature this time as they cut clean swaths through the smudges of dirt on her face.
Charin motioned gently with her fingers and said, "Life is like a river, flowing around us, carrying us along with its ever shifting current. Sometimes, it's treacherous, sometimes peaceful. We are not alone in this river. There are others here, too. Those who have gone before us teach us how to traverse the river more easily. Those who come after us will learn from our knowledge. That is how we move through life's waters. Be grateful for it, for without the river's momentum, we would become stagnant and never experience all there is to know."
She paused, giving Teyla that penetrating gaze again and said, "If you focus on what is behind you, you will miss all that is to come...and knowing you, there is much yet to come."
Teyla smiled at Charin's words, though she felt herself weakening. Her dream/hallucination was drawing to an end, even as she railed to remain within its embrace. "I love you, Charin."
Charin's smile was so poignant this time, it almost hurt Teyla to gaze upon it, but the pain seemed unimportant as the old woman whispered, "Time changes many things, child, but never our love."
With that heartwarming thought, Teyla's fingers clutched her necklace more tightly, a yearning for an impossible conversation now sated as she drifted away to unconsciousness.
oOoOoOoOo
A low moan escaping from her lips brought Teyla awake. She had a hand pressed to her side even before her eyes were open.
"Teyla, you okay?" she heard in a weak tone.
When she glanced to her left, she saw Sheppard watching her with concern. She straightened and smiled. "John, it is good to see you awake."
"It's good to be awake," he said, his voice hoarse and tired. He swallowed, looking at her hand still held to her side. "Are you in pain? You were crying in your sleep."
She inhaled slowly. "No, it wasn't that. I was dreaming of Charin."
She realized John was right, though, because her cheeks were wet with tears. Putting a hand to her face, she wiped them away, then closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the dream and was strangely warmed by the dear memory. When she opened her eyes, she saw her necklace peeking out of her nearby jacket pocket, just as it had been in her dream. With a sigh, she picked it up and brushed its cold surface against her cheek.
"You okay?" John repeated.
She nodded, her thoughts still on Charin.
"How about some more Tylenol? You look like you're hurting," John said as he reached for the medical kit.
He hissed when he moved the wrong way, and put his right hand over the left side of his chest, as if to protect it from further movement. "Damn," he whispered.
The medical kit was closer to her, so she extended her hand and picked it up. As she opened it, she asked, "How are you feeling?"
"Like I crashed and burned," he said with a grunt, closing his eyes for a moment, revealing the extent of his discomfort, before he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
She reached out and touched his hand. "The burning feeling is because your fever rising again. How is your shoulder?"
He winced as his hand drifted higher to the bite itself, then he pulled his hand away, as if it couldn't tolerate the physical contact. "It's still there."
She held the medication and water out to him.
He shook his head and gestured with his fingers. "You first."
Teyla sighed softly and took the medication to avoid a debate that neither of them had the energy for, and then removed a second dose for him, along with the canteen Ronon had left beside her. He swallowed the tablets, then his gaze darted around the area, and he shifted the attention away from himself. "Where's Ronon?"
She glanced out the rear hatch. "He went to the stargate to summon help."
John nodded. "Thought so."
He looked around and frowned. "I take it we crashed."
She nodded. "Yes, but it was not your fault. We ran out of power."
John's forehead scrunched up, as if disturbed with the information or maybe his lack of memory regarding the incident. He glanced out the rear hatch. Teyla followed his gaze. The rain had stopped and the clouds cleared, now the sun was beginning to peek over the mountains and down through the trees. The sight made her sigh with relief.
"At least the weather's better," he said, echoing her thoughts.
He shifted and asked, "When did Ronon leave?"
Teyla frowned, trying to remember exactly when Ronon had left, but she had no time reference to go by. "Sometime during the night."
John looked a little concerned and he raised his head, as if trying to get a better look out the hatch doorway. "He should be back by now, don't you think?"
Teyla swallowed and rubbed a knuckle above her eye, trying to ease her pounding headache. "We are still a good distance from the gate. He will be here soon."
They both fell silent for a moment, but it was a comfortable silence, then he glanced over at her. "I'm sorry you didn't get the trip you had planned."
Teyla took a deep breath as she thought, then smiled at him. "Maybe it was for the best. I do not think I would feel the same sort of resolution if I have now."
He raised an eyebrow at her, so she explained, "I had thought that I would feel closer to Charin by visiting the places where she had lived, but I neglected to keep in mind that she is no longer there in those places. She has moved on and lives only in my heart. The same goes for Carson. Lingering in the infirmary will never bring him walking through its doors."
John's gaze saddened with her mention of Carson, but then he nodded. Again, there was a silence, but not as comfortable this time. Teyla leaned closer to John. "I told you I came looking for something I had lost...some type of healing to deal with the grief I was feeling. While I still miss Charin, and my grief for Carson is still strong, my perspective has changed – mostly because even after all that we have been through, we are still alive. We are still around to live for another day, and we have another day to appreciate what might have been lost. In that realization, I guess you could say I have found what I had been looking for."
He quirked his head to one side. "And what was that?"
"It was hope. It was not letting yesterday take up too much of today. It is appreciating the love of the people I still have around me."
"I swear, Teyla, if you get any sappier, I think I'll puke," Rodney said with a groan, a hand going to his forehead.
"Rodney," Teyla said with a smile.
"Yeah, it's me. Just why the hell are we lying here instead of in the infirmary at Atlantis?"
John said, "Relax, Ronon's on his way to get some help."
"If they aren't here now, then it's not nearly fast enough," Rodney said, looking around. "What happened to the jumper?"
"We crashed," John replied with a sarcastic smile. "Geez, for someone with the IQ you have, that's a pretty stupid question."
"Forgive me for being impaired by a head injury. Besides, some pilot you are to crash the jumper like this," McKay muttered. "You know, you don't have the best track record when it comes to crashing jumpers – "
Teyla straightened her shoulders. "He was not piloting it at the time. I was."
Rodney's mouth dropped open and Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "How the hell did you do that?" John asked. "You don't have the gene."
Teyla smiled at their surprise. "I remembered the story you told about the last surviving Wraith on that crashed Wraith supply ship, and how he threatened to use the hands of your dead body to fly off that planet, so we kept your hands on the controls and did the best we could. We were almost to a point where we could land when we ran out of power."
McKay rubbed a hand over his face. "You get a point for ingenuity, but two points off for crashing anyway."
There was a noise outside, and then Teyla saw Ronon leading Lorne, Keller and other medical personnel to the entrance to the jumper. Teyla sighed with relief, then let her head drop back. Sheppard and McKay made several comments to the arriving personnel, but Teyla didn't pay attention to them.
She carefully tucked her necklace into the pants pocket of her BDUs and closed her eyes as the people filled the jumper. For the first time since the sinkhole collapse, she felt like she could really relax. When she did, she could barely keep her eyes open, so she gave into the gentle nudge of slumber and dropped off into a deep sleep.
oOoOoOoOo